i am in agony now
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how will u feel or do if
k i am so frustrated. i got a nice plan, to share with husband. ok not even i have not finish the story, he just cut me off like that and say No cannot, no way and critize me so much that my ideas are nonsense and crazy and mad. the thing tht make me so very angry is that i have not even finish talking, i am just 1/4 of talking not even half of it, he hv not even heard half of it and just cut it off and don't want to hear anymore and reply is no and my ideas are crazy. and he thought he know what i want to say but his thought is all wrong. that is not my plan at all. i feel so frusted that as a wife i am not given a fair say in the marriage , so angry frust and sad. i thought in marriage both must listen and respect each other. i am still sad tht he did not hear all of what i want to say, seem i can't hv my plan at all, so disapponted, sad tht why man like that, is it true? so how to say that make man want to listen. actually i don't expect him to agree to my plan, i jsust wnt him to listen and understand and even if he don't agree say his reason instead of saying i am crazy, fool stupid to think of that. how to show him i hv my pride. now he crushed my pride, so sad. -
Divorce lor...
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no no no no... tok to him and tell him directly that u r hurt.. divorce is not the best option and shd never have crossed ur mind.. liew dakkon wan to break couples up ahOriginally posted by dakkon_blackblade:Divorce lor... -
Both of you have to learn how to communicate in the proper way...
Maybe your tones or body gestures are "sending the wrong signals" to him and thus he "refuse" to communicate or hear you out... Man need to felt loved before they learn to take in ideas, change in characters or communicate... thus you have to tell him that you love him and there are certain issues that you wish to "discuss" with him... tell him that you would appreciate if he could just be a "listening ear" than to provide solutions to you...
Remember: A spark is required for the starting of relationship and Devotion is needed for a lifetime of Commitment...
Hope that both of you are well and fine after the change in communication manner...
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how long have u been married ?
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tell him how you feel.
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is he always like that ?
Or is he occupied / watching a match whilst you are telling him your plans ?
Or maybe he was damm stressed up that day ? Try telling him at another time, where he is relaxed and more in the "mood" to listen ?
If it still fail, tell him "I think we should stop having sex", i bet you, he'll immediately sit up asking "why?", then tell him he neber listen to you and even cut you off without letting you finish your case.
Hopefully this is will wake him up a bit. -
heres what my wife does to stop me from cutting her in between her "story".
comes up to me with big smile.
Sweet tone of voice.
Hug me sometimes.
Then shoots of what she wants to say still using that sweet tone. (usually its regarding bill payments =.= )
u can try this sometimes but u have to try to keep ur cool if it fails the 1st time. -
been married for 1994-2006 and before marriage known for 5yrs. so total 5 + 12=17yrs. these few 5yrs is always like thatr, like i got no say, or he is so scared if i suggest or plan something. so sad.i am in agony as a wife, i feel i 've no right to talk as a wife, it is so down and no pride. he look at me like a cartoon or smaller than 1yrold child. so sad
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just tell him to listen to u b4 u even say any of the things u want him to listen? n get a response from him b4 going further.
guess, women have more tolerance towards vocabulary (un)limitations than men. in short, women have more voca. munitions.
take it easy. -
Try doing a few simple and harmless plannings without consenting him...?Originally posted by alba:been married for 1994-2006 and before marriage known for 5yrs. so total 5 + 12=17yrs. these few 5yrs is always like thatr, like i got no say, or he is so scared if i suggest or plan something. so sad.i am in agony as a wife, i feel i 've no right to talk as a wife, it is so down and no pride. he look at me like a cartoon or smaller than 1yrold child. so sad -
dakkon, people are here, asking for help.. you are not helping by being flippant..
alba, try this: dear, we need to talk.. and please listen because this is very important...
make sure the time is good and that you will have his undivided attention..
and then tell him of your frustrations...
i wish you well -
Guys hor.. When u tell them something.. They tend to see it as a problem not a discussion... They'll try to offer u solutions as they think tis will help u..
My suggestion?? Read tis bk.. Men r from mars.. Women are from venus.. It's reali a great bk!
Some tips i learnt:
Tell ur hubby tat u got something to discuss with him... U're asking for his opinion on ur plans, and not wanting him to offer u any solutions. He jus have to sit and listen patiently to wat u have to say...
The bk quote tat.. MOst guys would be happy enough to take a backseat.. N jus listen.. They will be glad not to think of any solutions to solve the "Problem".. Something like tat.. Mi not a gd quoter... Hehe..
Another impt factor is the timing.. Wait till he's free & ready 2 listen to ur plans.. -
the only way is walk up to him and tell him seriously tat u feel sad over it or else he wun even realise it.... in marriage or in relationship, the partner might get reckless with each other feelings so u hv to understand and educate him and let him know directly on how u feel... one thing u shouldnt do is cold war cos cold war dun solve anything, it makes him frustrated and might make him negative to see u... so jz be direct and get things done...Originally posted by alba:how will u feel or do ifk i am so frustrated. i got a nice plan, to share with husband. ok not even i have not finish the story, he just cut me off like that and say No cannot, no way and critize me so much that my ideas are nonsense and crazy and mad. the thing tht make me so very angry is that i have not even finish talking, i am just 1/4 of talking not even half of it, he hv not even heard half of it and just cut it off and don't want to hear anymore and reply is no and my ideas are crazy. and he thought he know what i want to say but his thought is all wrong. that is not my plan at all. i feel so frusted that as a wife i am not given a fair say in the marriage , so angry frust and sad. i thought in marriage both must listen and respect each other. i am still sad tht he did not hear all of what i want to say, seem i can't hv my plan at all, so disapponted, sad tht why man like that, is it true? so how to say that make man want to listen. actually i don't expect him to agree to my plan, i jsust wnt him to listen and understand and even if he don't agree say his reason instead of saying i am crazy, fool stupid to think of that. how to show him i hv my pride. now he crushed my pride, so sad. -
all that i wana said have been said by the above
but i say if this contiunes,ur marriage might go downhill
lack of communication cause gap bridge -
no lor.. sekali he says 'fine, i'll go find other woman."Originally posted by red_amoeba:is he always like that ?
Or is he occupied / watching a match whilst you are telling him your plans ?
Or maybe he was damm stressed up that day ? Try telling him at another time, where he is relaxed and more in the "mood" to listen ?
If it still fail, tell him "I think we should stop having sex", i bet you, he'll immediately sit up asking "why?", then tell him he neber listen to you and even cut you off without letting you finish your case.
Hopefully this is will wake him up a bit. -
Get new friends and communicate with them, do stuff with them!!! Your universe is not just restricted to 1 spouse!!! -
fix this problem, or it will pose a threat in your future.. trust me, my parents have the same problem from long ago, and it has made things worst since...Originally posted by alba:how will u feel or do ifk i am so frustrated. i got a nice plan, to share with husband. ok not even i have not finish the story, he just cut me off like that and say No cannot, no way and critize me so much that my ideas are nonsense and crazy and mad. the thing tht make me so very angry is that i have not even finish talking, i am just 1/4 of talking not even half of it, he hv not even heard half of it and just cut it off and don't want to hear anymore and reply is no and my ideas are crazy. and he thought he know what i want to say but his thought is all wrong. that is not my plan at all. i feel so frusted that as a wife i am not given a fair say in the marriage , so angry frust and sad. i thought in marriage both must listen and respect each other. i am still sad tht he did not hear all of what i want to say, seem i can't hv my plan at all, so disapponted, sad tht why man like that, is it true? so how to say that make man want to listen. actually i don't expect him to agree to my plan, i jsust wnt him to listen and understand and even if he don't agree say his reason instead of saying i am crazy, fool stupid to think of that. how to show him i hv my pride. now he crushed my pride, so sad. -
Not sure whether u are a lady that alway come up with crazy plans that scared your hubby.
Or you may have caught your hubby when he is at "Leave me alone cos I am thinking" mode.
Examine your mode of communication and feedback to your hubby if you think that there is a communication problem loh. -
htnaks my husband is the man tht never care abt future or plan for future, it is always me got to think and get my ideas thrown in rubbish, not been listen or saying i am always a trouble maker, i am the one that love to plan or do it or try it, fail nevermind, life still goes on until i go bankcrupt. he is the one that so scared of failure, to me ok to fail fall wake up just wallk over it, nothing to worry, so we always go tcommunication problem for thatr, maybe once i plan something tht never works but to me it is ok, but to him it is so big big matter, since then anything i say is no or never, always he say i always make wrong decisin or plan but i told him life is not always perfectright, we 've to try new things, and not just stick to old methods, he rather not try antyning again after that, i guess he got no trust in me anymore, so it is a torture everything i plan or wish to have or i am ready for challenge all he say is never dream i will listen to u again, so anything he plans now he plan it with his parents first or his families member first, lastly or no choicehtne he tell me of his plans, once it hurts e deeply after planning everythign then he told me he is set to go and go for it, when i disagree, he said no point telling u earlier, he say i willsurely aganist it, so after he consult his families n make arrangement he go for it, so that is his planning. i am so sad, disapponint but still swallow it even it is pain. now all my plans will be crushed by him in anger and hated. so sad. i really don't know what is my future in this marriage. even i wish to have lots of children he say no and no means never can have until now i am too old to have more kids. am i to be blame for all this. or am i too stupid. worse i can't make decision esp in front of his families, i get shouted at n verbally abuse.
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would appreciate if u type in paragraphs.
having a headache now.
the chunk of words is really a turn off. -
Think yours' quite a 'deep' issue...?Originally posted by alba:htnaks my husband is the man tht never care abt future or plan for future, it is always me got to think and get my ideas thrown in rubbish, not been listen or saying i am always a trouble maker, i am the one that love to plan or do it or try it, fail nevermind, life still goes on until i go bankcrupt. he is the one that so scared of failure, to me ok to fail fall wake up just wallk over it, nothing to worry, so we always go tcommunication problem for thatr, maybe once i plan something tht never works but to me it is ok, but to him it is so big big matter, since then anything i say is no or never, always he say i always make wrong decisin or plan but i told him life is not always perfectright, we 've to try new things, and not just stick to old methods, he rather not try antyning again after that, i guess he got no trust in me anymore, so it is a torture everything i plan or wish to have or i am ready for challenge all he say is never dream i will listen to u again, so anything he plans now he plan it with his parents first or his families member first, lastly or no choicehtne he tell me of his plans, once it hurts e deeply after planning everythign then he told me he is set to go and go for it, when i disagree, he said no point telling u earlier, he say i willsurely aganist it, so after he consult his families n make arrangement he go for it, so that is his planning. i am so sad, disapponint but still swallow it even it is pain. now all my plans will be crushed by him in anger and hated. so sad. i really don't know what is my future in this marriage. even i wish to have lots of children he say no and no means never can have until now i am too old to have more kids. am i to be blame for all this. or am i too stupid. worse i can't make decision esp in front of his families, i get shouted at n verbally abuse.
Problems with his family...?
Problems with business...?
And... Do you think you tends to think and worry too much at times...? -
i dunno a 40 yr old woman will surf sgforum?
thought here full of kids