Between Family & Self On Death....
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Say you just started to settle down overseas.
And you received a phone call from home. A distant relative just passed away.
Not so distant la. maybe some great aunt from dad side. Would you come back or would you just continue with your life since you are not close.
But your parents keeps pestering to come back or else. Since fillial piety to elders is paramount for them....
Would you travel half a globe just for a funeral in mark of respect??
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Depends
If you ask me, I got one grandaunt and one granduncle who are very close to us and took care of my family when i was young. Of course I would go back. -
well, she never took care of me before. we met like once a year during family gathering.Originally posted by laurence82:Depends
If you ask me, I got one grandaunt and one granduncle who are very close to us and took care of my family when i was young. Of course I would go back.
The last conversation i had with her was last year. She asked me if im still in NS and I replied yes. Thats it.
But she is like an elder in the family. sianzz.. -
Dont know manOriginally posted by mhcampboy:well, she never took care of me before. we met like once a year during family gathering.
The last conversation i had with her was last year. She asked me if im still in NS and I replied yes. Thats it.
But she is like an elder in the family. sianzz..
But a word of advice, dont wait till its too late to know your relatives or family roots and history
Until my grandma's death, I didnt know I had many more wonderful relatives, who are very close to the family actually. -
What for?
U go funeral liao also can't do anything ma. -
Yar. Sometimes when i go for family gathering... out of nowhere some aunts or uncles will come up to me and exclaimed so happily how grown up i am and so big all... and i dun even know them...Originally posted by laurence82:Dont know man
But a word of advice, dont wait till its too late to know your relatives or family roots and history
Until my grandma's death, I didnt know I had many more wonderful relatives, who are very close to the family actually.
oh dear... so hard.. -
yar... cannot do anything... but at least must show respect right??Originally posted by missqi:What for?
U go funeral liao also can't do anything ma.
my mum say im not giving my dad and mum "face" if i never come... wadever tat means.. -
hmmm. i'd tell my mom to pay for my ticket back man, if really have to come back.Originally posted by mhcampboy:yar... cannot do anything... but at least must show respect right??
my mum say im not giving my dad and mum "face" if i never come... wadever tat means..
i wouldnt, if i were you... -
I'll see it this way:
If you're in the middle of something really important that will affect you for the rest of your life (eg exams, etc) then you may not want to go back for a funeral of someone whom you're not particularly close to.
Personally, I regret not going for my Army friend's funeral - but at the same time I know that he also wouldn't want me to miss an important test I was having on that day. And while I grieved at first over having lost him to suicide, I also felt that he wouldn't want me to use him as an excuse for not doing well in my studies.
Otherwise, if you don't really have anything important going on, then I'd say it's a good idea to respect your parents' wishes and attend the funeral. Even if you didn't get to know your relative very well in life, you may end up learning for more in her death.
After my grandfather died, my grandmother took out some of his old memorabilia to show me - and I learnt plenty of things such as how he looked like when he was young, what he used to work as, where he used to live, and so on. -
Well, i do no have anything important. Its basically all about me.Originally posted by fudgester:I'll see it this way:
If you're in the middle of something really important that will affect you for the rest of your life (eg exams, etc) then you may not want to go back for a funeral of someone whom you're not particularly close to.
Personally, I regret not going for my Army friend's funeral - but at the same time I know that he also wouldn't want me to miss an important test I was having on that day. And while I grieved at first over having lost him to suicide, I also felt that he wouldn't want me to use him as an excuse for not doing well in my studies.
Otherwise, if you don't really have anything important going on, then I'd say it's a good idea to respect your parents' wishes and attend the funeral. Even if you didn't get to know your relative very well in life, you may end up learning for more in her death.
After my grandfather died, my grandmother took out some of his old memorabilia to show me - and I learnt plenty of things such as how he looked like when he was young, what he used to work as, where he used to live, and so on.
But lets say if i never attend.... what would you think the outcome would be?
Would my relatives look at me differently? -
Ask yourself whether you can afford both the time and the money to go.Originally posted by mhcampboy:Well, i do no have anything important. Its basically all about me.
But lets say if i never attend.... what would you think the outcome would be?
Would my relatives look at me differently?
If you feel that you can, then I'd say it's best to go. It's not just about showing respect to your relatives - but also about remembering those who have gone, as well as your own mortality.
If you don't attend, I personally can't say for sure what the outcome would be for your relatives' perception of you. They may end up gossiping behind your back, or they may end up being understanding of the fact that you weren't close to the deceased in the first place.
However, you need to ask yourself what the outcome would be on yourself if you don't go. Would you feel nothing at all and carry on with your life? Or conversely, would you feel regret at not wanting to know more about your deceased relative? Would you learn to appreciate life better and live it to the fullest, knowing that you're as much a mortal as she is?
There's no exact 'yes' or 'no' answer to all this. In the end, you're going to have to decide for yourself whether it's best to go. -
yar u r right.Originally posted by fudgester:Ask yourself whether you can afford both the time and the money to go.
If you feel that you can, then I'd say it's best to go. It's not just about showing respect to your relatives - but also about remembering those who have gone, as well as your own mortality.
If you don't attend, I personally can't say for sure what the outcome would be for your relatives' perception of you. They may end up gossiping behind your back, or they may end up being understanding of the fact that you weren't close to the deceased in the first place.
However, you need to ask yourself what the outcome would be on yourself if you don't go. Would you feel nothing at all and carry on with your life? Or conversely, would you feel regret at not wanting to know more about your deceased relative? Would you learn to appreciate life better and live it to the fullest, knowing that you're as much a mortal as she is?
There's no exact 'yes' or 'no' answer to all this. In the end, you're going to have to decide for yourself whether it's best to go.
i need to make a decision soon... and fast.. -
ur relatives may not be important to you...
but for the sake of your parent's wishes, you prob shld make a trip home... they may be grieving and would take comfort in seeing their child back with them to go through this difficult period... -
x2Originally posted by zodi:ur relatives may not be important to you...
but for the sake of your parent's wishes, you prob shld make a trip home... they may be grieving and would take comfort in seeing their child back with them to go through this difficult period...
For your parent's sake. -
Ok. Ive made my decision already... thank u bery much..
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so u coming back?
then get some forummers organize gathering for you lor...
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gathering for wad???Originally posted by zodi:so u coming back?
then get some forummers organize gathering for you lor... 
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if u really got someting impt
and it really a hassle to come back
i am sure the deceased & family will understand
but if u not coming back and will later become a enenmy to all yr relatives
i think u better come back
do remember to pay the deceased a respeect after u come back -
back or no??Originally posted by mhcampboy:Ok. Ive made my decision already... thank u bery much.. -
If you're planning on coming back... Maybe you'll like to do some planning for some people you would like to meet up..? Or a family / relative gathering thing...?Originally posted by mhcampboy:Ok. Ive made my decision already... thank u bery much..
As for me... I realised that funerals are often one of the few occasions the BIG family get together nowadays... Though I'm really not as close to my relatives as I used to be anymore... Not even close to my own immediate family members... And that at such funerals it's often quarrels and such... But it's still 'nice'... To get together once in a while....? -
My family are very close knitted. Its only I that is distant from them.Originally posted by Devil1976:If you're planning on coming back... Maybe you'll like to do some planning for some people you would like to meet up..? Or a family / relative gathering thing...?
As for me... I realised that funerals are often one of the few occasions the BIG family get together nowadays... Though I'm really not as close to my relatives as I used to be anymore... Not even close to my own immediate family members... And that at such funerals it's often quarrels and such... But it's still 'nice'... To get together once in a while....?
I think they will have a gathering to honor the deceased. -
for my case..
dun care whoever it was.. as long as it's my father's side.. no excuse.
it's always like that..
close or not, it doesnt matter.
it's the last journey..
sometimes u might think that u are not close to the deceased..
but on the day of the funeral, then u will recall how many donkey years ago he/she ever played with u, gave u something or whatever..
then u will feel the sadness.. and the least u can do is to pay ur last respect ba.. -
i dun think u shld based your decision on whether to attend the wake just because u r afraid of the way your relatives might perceived u...
but rather out of respect for your deceased relative...
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we organise his funeral?Originally posted by zodi:so u coming back?
then get some forummers organize gathering for you lor... 
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choi~~~~Originally posted by laurence82:we organise his funeral?
evil banana indeed siah....