failed achiever-wannabe, dissastisfied average joe.
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forgive my verbal diarrhoea but i have this tingling feeling that's been with me for quite a while. basically, i feel really trapped in this vicious cycle:
after reading some books or watching some movies or getting know some successful pple that are v motivational and inspiring -> make a personal pact with yourself to do something well, excel and achieve the certain goals you have in mind -> fail because of some reason or another ... and so on.
i don't know why but i alw feel im under-achieving or not doing as well as i expect i should. a lvls wise, did average but certainly below my expectations. after a lvls, went into ns and i think i did pretty well for sit test and peer appraisal but just cant jump (broad-jump) and couldnt land myself in comand sch. even now as a man, i feel i should not be bounded by my circumstances so i actively volunteer to make my life more fufilling. tried to organise projects to hone my leadership skills but the progress is abysmal and i think i just have to shelf it afterall.
of course, there are instances where i shone, or at least made some tangible progress in my ambitious endeavours like taking up key leadership roles in my jc cca and winning the first prize of an essay competition. but i really feel insatiated. they seem too minute to suffice my hunger.
i'm like forever being so in a dilemma. on some days, i feel it's okay to be simple and take things one by one as they come along and that it's alright to be the average joe. on other days, i feel really inspired and committed to fufil the many new objectives that sprout out on my mental wishlist like trying again to get a scholarship in uni first year (which i failed previously), working out to becoming fitter and leaner, being an inspiring leader and an entrepreneur in the future etc.
it's as if i'm like a pendulum swinging between two extremes, unrelenting to achieve a standstill. ultimately, i feel it's important to take a definite take on life i.e. whether you are willing to be an achiever or just get by in life simply. maybe, it's possible to attain the delicate balance between the two but it's just aint happening to me in my life! i'm feeling so perplexed and exasperated at myself.
anyone ever felt or feels this way? sigh. -
yes.
why don't you be an average joe working towards your ambition in life? don't have to excel in every single blardy thing.. choose what is important and work on it.
sometimes, its not the end result that is important, but the process through it even if you end up a failure. -
thanks for replying. in fact, i realise it's not possible to suceed in every single thing because of my own aptitude afterall. but even for some targets that it's achievable for me e.g. academics wise, i also did below expectations.
so really xin hui yi leng. -
hey, i think u expect too much from urself, and u want to take a big step in a shortest time possible. relax, dude. sometimes things are not within our strength and that we need opportunity n luck too. though hardwork plays a very important part but do not forget we need the right time and place to make that miracle happen. i understand how u feel as im always thinking of doing big and successful too but seems like fate n luck are not on my side. relax urself n ur mind, dun force or pressure urself. its just life. some ple can make it big in a short time, but some just need their entire life to fulfil it. accept n appreciate wad u r doing now, for some ple are less better than us.
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Sounds like another -Mid-Life-Crisis- Whining ?
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It's ok to aspire in life but I got a feeling that u still do not know yourself well enough. Well, a slow but necessary process of self-discovery. Someday, u will be enlightened from within, believe me.
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I feel like this too, like I'm not as good as I should be and I wasted my life and stuff.....its like perfectionistic mindset.Originally posted by thousandisland:anyone ever felt or feels this way? sigh. -
I've felt this way since sec sch.. things have improved for me since I met my hubby.. he helped me gain more insight into my frustrations, some of which I'll share here.
It took some time for me to get my answers, but well, I answered my own questions eventually :
Lack of strong goals / a direction
One of my main dilemmas. I lacked small goals, and big goals. I had many talents I wanted to pursue and I couldn't figure out which area I wanted to focus on.. (fashion design, CG animation, illustration, journalism, counsellor, public speaking/politics.. which one which one?! T_T). As my hubby put it, life is a marathon.. you have to know where you're going, pace yourself.. or you'll end up not finishing it or giving up halfway.
The solution : I wrote my goals down and when I hope to achieve them by.. eg. biggest goal - migrate (5 yrs). Shorter term goals -save $xxx amount (2 yrs), plan & budget actual wedding event (1.5 yrs), find day job + finish studies. Stick with the plan. Started a blog, got a PDA to organise my life. As for direction, I did some soul searching and decided I wanted to do illustration or CG animation. (cg animation.. gulp..m-m-maths)
Lack of motivation
If you can't give yourself a good reason to what you're doing, you'll never give it your 101%. For me, the classic example was the Maths subject. I always asked my teachers things like "so where does this formula apply? how can we make use of it? What are the effects of these calculations?" and they would always answer "just memorize it, you don't have to know what it's for". And I was like thinking, "Why do I have to learn so much maths? to build a f***** bridge?!" So my report card looked like this : F9 for maths, A1 or A2 for all other subjects. Thing is, I *just* could not see the relevance of the subj.
The solution : I found my solution to this once I realised how unhappy I was with the quality of life in Singapore.. once I set my mind on migrating, that was it. "I have to get out of this hellhole and break this cycle, come hell or high water!"
Wrong priorities and lots of procrastination
I loooove to procrastinate. Heck if I had my way, I'd push everything to the last min and whoop-bang come up with something. Talent can save your ass sometimes but not every time, so I learnt the hard way
Then there's the priorities ... I had em all wrong but didn't have the willpower to change it!
The solution : After writing my goals down, i then wrote down roughly what steps I needed to do to achieve them, and ranked them according to importance.. I gave myself a reason to prioritise - that more or less solved the priorities part. The procrastination will always stay, though.. always gotta find new ways around it. Luckily my hubby is an auto-nagger. He kicks my butt into action when I slack (nono not literally). ^^; I don't really have advice on how to overcome this one.
Learn to deal with set backs, be positive and confident (but realistic)
Another main reason for my underachievement : I set high standards for myself, and beat myself up over failures. This is a fantastic way to de-motivate oneself. You gotta think positive positive positive! And build up your personal confidence, because that's the one of the most attractive things in a person - this is something that will open many more doors for you so work on it!
The solution : I constantly do things that I'm good at.. do feel-good things like more outdoor activities (i'm a real computer game chiongster so... yea =.="), the occasional food indulgence..etc Being aware about the way you talk and react with people (and modifying the negative parts) can really determine your chances at networking / giving a positive impression on ppl, so I read up books about body language and speech. When I'm more assured of myself, I don't kill myself over setbacks.
Whew, that's all for now. It's not the best amateur guide out there, but hopefully you'll find some of it useful to get u started.. all the best 2u. ^^ -
Originally posted by spinsugar:
wow i think that's a great post.
I've felt this way since sec sch.. things have improved for me since I met my hubby.. he helped me gain more insight into my frustrations, some of which I'll share here.
It took some time for me to get my answers, but well, I answered my own questions eventually :
[b]Lack of strong goals / a direction
One of my main dilemmas. I lacked small goals, and big goals. I had many talents I wanted to pursue and I couldn't figure out which area I wanted to focus on.. (fashion design, CG animation, illustration, journalism, counsellor, public speaking/politics.. which one which one?! T_T). As my hubby put it, life is a marathon.. you have to know where you're going, pace yourself.. or you'll end up not finishing it or giving up halfway.
The solution : I wrote my goals down and when I hope to achieve them by.. eg. biggest goal - migrate (5 yrs). Shorter term goals -save $xxx amount (2 yrs), plan & budget actual wedding event (1.5 yrs), find day job + finish studies. Stick with the plan. Started a blog, got a PDA to organise my life. As for direction, I did some soul searching and decided I wanted to do illustration or CG animation. (cg animation.. gulp..m-m-maths)
Lack of motivation
If you can't give yourself a good reason to what you're doing, you'll never give it your 101%. For me, the classic example was the Maths subject. I always asked my teachers things like "so where does this formula apply? how can we make use of it? What are the effects of these calculations?" and they would always answer "just memorize it, you don't have to know what it's for". And I was like thinking, "Why do I have to learn so much maths? to build a f***** bridge?!" So my report card looked like this : F9 for maths, A1 or A2 for all other subjects. Thing is, I *just* could not see the relevance of the subj.
The solution : I found my solution to this once I realised how unhappy I was with the quality of life in Singapore.. once I set my mind on migrating, that was it. "I have to get out of this hellhole and break this cycle, come hell or high water!"
Wrong priorities and lots of procrastination
I loooove to procrastinate. Heck if I had my way, I'd push everything to the last min and whoop-bang come up with something. Talent can save your ass sometimes but not every time, so I learnt the hard way Then there's the priorities ... I had em all wrong but didn't have the willpower to change it!
The solution : After writing my goals down, i then wrote down roughly what steps I needed to do to achieve them, and ranked them according to importance.. I gave myself a reason to prioritise - that more or less solved the priorities part. The procrastination will always stay, though.. always gotta find new ways around it. Luckily my hubby is an auto-nagger. He kicks my butt into action when I slack (nono not literally). ^^; I don't really have advice on how to overcome this one.
Learn to deal with set backs, be positive and confident (but realistic)
Another main reason for my underachievement : I set high standards for myself, and beat myself up over failures. This is a fantastic way to de-motivate oneself. You gotta think positive positive positive! And build up your personal confidence, because that's the one of the most attractive things in a person - this is something that will open many more doors for you so work on it!
The solution : I constantly do things that I'm good at.. do feel-good things like more outdoor activities (i'm a real computer game chiongster so... yea =.="), the occasional food indulgence..etc Being aware about the way you talk and react with people (and modifying the negative parts) can really determine your chances at networking / giving a positive impression on ppl, so I read up books about body language and speech. When I'm more assured of myself, I don't kill myself over setbacks.
Whew, that's all for now. It's not the best amateur guide out there, but hopefully you'll find some of it useful to get u started.. all the best 2u. ^^[/b] -
got a love life? -
I've been through this before so cheer up, ur not alone...... and proud to say. I've survived this ordeal.
U could be giving yrself too much stress by comparing yrself wif others. Add to this the fact that u may have been experiencing a fair dose of self-doubt......
which eats into u. Mentally u r fatigued....... jaded..........
U r right. This condition is a vicious cycle - one thing leads to another and the problem snowballs.......
I suggest u tackle this wif rest. Stop stressing yrself out by comparing wif others. Don't even compare wif wad u expect of yrself - just accept everything abt yrself, If u score 60/100, juz accept it and b happy with whatever u've achieved......... for a while lah. This period of 'inertia' is to allow u to build up yr mental strength. In time, yr fighting spirit will come charging back and when u experience that zing in u, u know u'll have recharged yrself. U';; feel and think differently!
It worked 4 me....... hope it works for u too. Good luck! -
nope, but i dont think that will make much of a difference ehs.Originally posted by pinkpiggley:got a love life?
thanks all for your advice, trying to accept things as they are. -
Wait for the pendulum to stop swinging.Originally posted by thousandisland:forgive my verbal diarrhoea but i have this tingling feeling that's been with me for quite a while. basically, i feel really trapped in this vicious cycle:
after reading some books or watching some movies or getting know some successful pple that are v motivational and inspiring -> make a personal pact with yourself to do something well, excel and achieve the certain goals you have in mind -> fail because of some reason or another ... and so on.
i don't know why but i alw feel im under-achieving or not doing as well as i expect i should. a lvls wise, did average but certainly below my expectations. after a lvls, went into ns and i think i did pretty well for sit test and peer appraisal but just cant jump (broad-jump) and couldnt land myself in comand sch. even now as a man, i feel i should not be bounded by my circumstances so i actively volunteer to make my life more fufilling. tried to organise projects to hone my leadership skills but the progress is abysmal and i think i just have to shelf it afterall.
of course, there are instances where i shone, or at least made some tangible progress in my ambitious endeavours like taking up key leadership roles in my jc cca and winning the first prize of an essay competition. but i really feel insatiated. they seem too minute to suffice my hunger.
i'm like forever being so in a dilemma. on some days, i feel it's okay to be simple and take things one by one as they come along and that it's alright to be the average joe. on other days, i feel really inspired and committed to fufil the many new objectives that sprout out on my mental wishlist like trying again to get a scholarship in uni first year (which i failed previously), working out to becoming fitter and leaner, being an inspiring leader and an entrepreneur in the future etc.
it's as if i'm like a pendulum swinging between two extremes, unrelenting to achieve a standstill. ultimately, i feel it's important to take a definite take on life i.e. whether you are willing to be an achiever or just get by in life simply. maybe, it's possible to attain the delicate balance between the two but it's just aint happening to me in my life! i'm feeling so perplexed and exasperated at myself.
anyone ever felt or feels this way? sigh.
It often takes time to settle down. -
Nobody's perfect.Originally posted by thousandisland:thanks for replying. in fact, i realise it's not possible to suceed in every single thing because of my own aptitude afterall. but even for some targets that it's achievable for me e.g. academics wise, i also did below expectations.
so really xin hui yi leng. -
hhmm..life sucks..i am on going tis process too. trying to knowmyself too
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Positive reinforcements usually have an external source.
Like winning a challenge.
Finishing a project well.
The event is outside of your self.
Therefore its effect on you is fleeting.
You have to put in effort to dwell on it.
Negative feelings rises from inside your self.
An incident will set off a chain of thoughts.
They are generated by the mind.
These result in feelings of despondency, or saddness, anger even.
As negative feelings are from within, and the mind can generate limitless quantities of it, it is imperative that you control your thoughts.
Practice speaking only the good stuff.
Thinking only of happy events.
Give compliments at every opportunity.
Focus on your good points.
Negativity is as easy as falling down.
Positivity requires effort, like climbing up.
You can rattle of complaints and criticism easily.
It is difficult to give lengthy compliments.
So being positive requires persistent effort.
All that effort will only make you feel better.
Not make you a success.
To be a success you need to be effective in what you do.
But thats another story.
Strive to be happy. -
hey dude.
maybe u can try working towards ur goals slowly.
u may realise that ur actually progressing steadily.
as for the stagnant progress of the project,u muz understand that its not juz the leader;other members play major roles in it as well.they muz be able to commit as much as the leader does.
speaking about opportunities,there would be lotsa opportunities for u after u ORD.why rush?
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I felt the same way when I was in NS. I thought I could do better thanOriginally posted by thousandisland:forgive my verbal diarrhoea but i have this tingling feeling that's been with me for quite a while. basically, i feel really trapped in this vicious cycle:
after reading some books or watching some movies or getting know some successful pple that are v motivational and inspiring -> make a personal pact with yourself to do something well, excel and achieve the certain goals you have in mind -> fail because of some reason or another ... and so on.
i don't know why but i alw feel im under-achieving or not doing as well as i expect i should. a lvls wise, did average but certainly below my expectations. after a lvls, went into ns and i think i did pretty well for sit test and peer appraisal but just cant jump (broad-jump) and couldnt land myself in comand sch. even now as a man, i feel i should not be bounded by my circumstances so i actively volunteer to make my life more fufilling. tried to organise projects to hone my leadership skills but the progress is abysmal and i think i just have to shelf it afterall.
of course, there are instances where i shone, or at least made some tangible progress in my ambitious endeavours like taking up key leadership roles in my jc cca and winning the first prize of an essay competition. but i really feel insatiated. they seem too minute to suffice my hunger.
i'm like forever being so in a dilemma. on some days, i feel it's okay to be simple and take things one by one as they come along and that it's alright to be the average joe. on other days, i feel really inspired and committed to fufil the many new objectives that sprout out on my mental wishlist like trying again to get a scholarship in uni first year (which i failed previously), working out to becoming fitter and leaner, being an inspiring leader and an entrepreneur in the future etc.
it's as if i'm like a pendulum swinging between two extremes, unrelenting to achieve a standstill. ultimately, i feel it's important to take a definite take on life i.e. whether you are willing to be an achiever or just get by in life simply. maybe, it's possible to attain the delicate balance between the two but it's just aint happening to me in my life! i'm feeling so perplexed and exasperated at myself.
anyone ever felt or feels this way? sigh.
what I have. I felt so empty and under achieve.
Therfore, when I was about to ORD, I told myself, I am going to be better
than anyone in the platoon. Those who laugh and jeered at me, those
who "tekan" me even as a platoon mate. Those who bad mouthed about me.
I was a very misunderstood soul. My mind was not in the right frequency of
everyone. Anyway, those are stories of the past.
Due to the under achieve mentallity, you should be more deteremined to
complete every assignment. Never give up, never shelf even 1 project.
Complete everything that you want to do. Push and break thru every
obstacle in the path towards your success.
When you complete lots of stuff, and finally have the recognition
that people give you, you will feel so much better.
Perhaps, do a full marathon this year? I did it 4 years ago. Now, I am just
glad that I have ran it before.
Running the marathon is not to show people you can do it, but to justify
that YOU CAN!
All the best to you -
I used to think the same way as you. Try to compare yourself with those in 3rd world country, you much more fortunate.
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talking about ppl from 3rd world countries. i'm gg to philippines cebu in dec for an ocip. maybe i will have a new perspective of my life ahead. as for now, i'm still keeping myself busy by enriching by myself with learning japanese. thanks all for your encouragement.
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I'm going to go against the grain here and propose a wacky idea:
STOP TRYING SO HARD.
I discovered this one by accident a few years back. After focussing on getting 100% on everything in my first four years of university and being disappointed with a low-80's average, I found myself in a very odd situation at postgrad level. At third year, I had to bust my chops to get into Honours. At Honours, I had to bust my chops to get into postgrad. Once I got into postgrad, there were no more hurdles to clear and since it was no longer in the university's interests to stop me, failing to get to the finish line was a virtual impossibility.
At this point, I figured that since the pressure was off, I could sit back and enjoy the subjects I was doing. Taking my foot off the pedal, I ended up getting 90+ percent averages. Go figure.
As it turns out, I discovered a new game; rather than worrying about what was coming next, I lived in the moment and discovered passion for what I was doing. yes, I'm well aware that it's extremely corny, but that's just the way it turned out.
To some extent, I'd already known this in an informal sense. During NS, instead of focussing on the pressure of the overall situation, I just kept my mind on what was going on at that moment, and things would sort themselves out. However, I didn't think it through until my postgrad experience.
I figure this is the way it works: if you're worrying about the big picture, you're drawing resources away from where they could be better used, namely on the task at hand.
These days, when the heat's on, I just chill out. I go with the flow, take it all as a game and have as much fun as I can doing whatever I'm doing. It still works for me. -
I have no love life what-so-ever, over-weight and work a dead-end job...... but learn long time ago best not to compair my life to others....... i go scuba diving when ever i can. There are moments that i feel like a useless person too...... but saw enough poor ppl oversea during my trips, living in worst condition then me 10x....... So, when ever i feel down. just remember those ppl lor
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I can see that majority of the population are affected by peer pressure and that stereo-typing of 'success' be it career, relationship or other things in life. People life to flaunt their properties and what they have owned or achieved. Just how do we define 'success'?
To me success does not mean having a car or able to drive. Success do not mean getting a pretty girlfriend or wife. Sucess do not mean getting into an executive position and wear office clothing to work everyday. And success do not mean earning quick money in the shortest time. Most people may want to weigh the above and hope to overshadow others who are not on par with them in these areas of 'achievements'. What if my definition of success is making a beautiful sketch of a scenery with a pencil and a paper? If you can't do this i would not say that i am more successful and accomplished than you. I would do worse than that by saying that 'you are handicapped'!
This also brought me thoughts over to a job interview a couple of days back. The first interview went okay and i was informed to got for the second interview the following week. During the first interview i requested for a plant visitation because i wanted to look at my work areas and the working conditions..believe me this tells a lot. However during the second interview another manager from another department insisted that he will interview me just because he was formally from the department which i will be working in but in my mind i thought to myself WTF kindda working system is this? My god that company was ranked the top local companies in Singapore! Okay i went along and completed the second interview and they asked me to wait for the third and it seems like the HR is forever busy not bothered about my presence when they themselves requested for the rendezvous! F uck it man i just felt like telling them 'hey fu ckers, i need to go go down to Orchard Road later to get myself a handphone so what's keeping your as ses up'? The company HR was located way off my home and immagine 2-3 trips to-and-fro like a clown. Worse when i reached home they called again over my mobile for a third round hoping they can orgasm again!
The company was rated local top in the charts .... but in my eyes and forever etched in my mind i began questioning the public 'is this call a success'?
So the next time someone challenges you to a game of achievements and success, tell them all to sit at the coffee shop and discuss...be it the odd-job labourers or a manger or executive. Tell them that the Lee family is the most successful in Singapore and the money they earn is the most
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pipipopo, you're right. Success is not measured by comparing to others. Success is a journey by itself. If you keep comparing yourself to others, there will never be an end cos' there will always be someone better than you.
Do your best and do even better in the future - that's success