The hardships of a guy with a speech impediment
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I am a 23 year old male and you may have read my postings here and there about soccer and stuff. In all my life, 1 major thing has stood in my way of ever finding happiness and love. My speech impediment.
Whenever i speak, it sounds like i have a short tongue. I cannot understand how i was born with such a drastic flaw. Add to the fact that i am not at all good looking and you guys can probably figure out why i have never had a gf in my whole life. I do not mind being born ugly IF i can speak properly, because at least i can charm girls and stuff with words. With a speech defect like mine, the hurdle is THAT much harder to overcome.
I mean i want to experience love, the pain and joys of it all. I do not want to experience love when i am 30 years old, busy with work to even put enough time aside for proper dating. And i certainly do not want to have a vietnam bride out of desperation in the end when i am 40 years old and still single.
Communication is so important in a relationship and what can i do when i cannot even communicate properly! I really wish to know more female friends to expand my social circle but i only have male friends and even then only a few are what you would call die-hard bros.
Is there anyone out there who knows exactly what i am going through? Whenever i do class presentations, i see some people sniffling my laughter whenever i talk. It irritates me to no end and always runis my mood for the rest of the day. I really need some advice for this aprt of my life and any help would be appreciated. -
I know a well respected prof. who stammers when he speaks.
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im sure u can find ur edge one day....
there are many ppl out there who neber let their inconvenience hinder them in life...... -
cant talk and look hideous?
Then you have to accept the fact that your life is like that. What else can you do, blame your parents? UNLESS you dont mind settling down with a girl who's as ugly as you, which i dont think you would want to because if you really did, even steven lim would have plenty of them.
MEANWHILE, i would advice you to concentrate on your career and earn as much $$ as possible. Only by doing so would you get flooded by those gorgeous babes which is what you want. And mind you, this is not being shallow minded or whatsoever. Think about those soccer stars having those top models as their gf/spouse.
Girls afterall need some security and having your own car and apartment generate it. Get what i mean?
Some times life is like that ok? Compared to those african kids who have no food nor shelter, you are 124325345345345 times luckier.
Good luck and all the best. -
Well..i think you write well enough. Isn't that communication? Are you happy with yourself in the first place? If you are not happy with yourself, what makes you think you will be happy whether there is a girl with you or not? I mean, what do you want out of a girl from a r/s? There are many responsibilities from a r/s.Originally posted by Pullup Addict:I am a 23 year old male and you may have read my postings here and there about soccer and stuff. In all my life, 1 major thing has stood in my way of ever finding happiness and love. My speech impediment.
Whenever i speak, it sounds like i have a short tongue. I cannot understand how i was born with such a drastic flaw. Add to the fact that i am not at all good looking and you guys can probably figure out why i have never had a gf in my whole life. I do not mind being born ugly IF i can speak properly, because at least i can charm girls and stuff with words. With a speech defect like mine, the hurdle is THAT much harder to overcome.
I mean i want to experience love, the pain and joys of it all. I do not want to experience love when i am 30 years old, busy with work to even put enough time aside for proper dating. And i certainly do not want to have a vietnam bride out of desperation in the end when i am 40 years old and still single.
Communication is so important in a relationship and what can i do when i cannot even communicate properly! I really wish to know more female friends to expand my social circle but i only have male friends and even then only a few are what you would call die-hard bros.
Is there anyone out there who knows exactly what i am going through? Whenever i do class presentations, i see some people sniffling my laughter whenever i talk. It irritates me to no end and always runis my mood for the rest of the day. I really need some advice for this aprt of my life and any help would be appreciated.
The first thing you have to do is really have the guts and take the first step. It comes from within. There are so many motivational courses out there to give you the external push but ultimately i think, it still comes from inside you.
What about making some female friends first without trying to hit on them? If you do, maybe try getting some not so gd-looking girls first to have a taste of a r/s? Try not to set too high a standard because ultimately, we still come back to reality. -
mr bean also stammer his b's
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Hi, I think your communication skills are top notch. It's a shame some narrow-minded people can't get past your speech impediment to try to get to know the man and mind behind it.
Don't let it get you down. What I can suggest is, focus on the online community for now if you haven't already done so... put up a sparkling (but honest) profile with pictures, network, pay much more attention to your grooming. You'll charm people in no time. Those who want to meet up with you eventually will already have decided your impediment is not an issue. =)
However, most of my friends have moved out of Singapore citing poor quality of life due to their physical or vocal differences.. they wanted to focus their energies on their life goals, and not waste energy overcoming barriers that other people set up for them. If you haven't ruled out migrating to an ang moh country as an option, it could boost your chances of meeting like-minded people and eventually maybe even finding a soul mate. -
I have speech problems too, but don't let that hinder you. Look at least you are still normal, compared to some less fortune ones born with deforminties or mental disability, you will still get the chance to get chicks. Just be more confident with yourself, even if you can't be confident just think that you are still normal like the average guy next to you. Don't ever think you are worst that others because you have some speech problems.
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Nurture, be a Monk. The buddha will show you the Way.
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perhaps a speech therapist might help.....though i am not really sure if it might help.,.......you might want to consider visiting one........
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Go get a sales job. seriously. You will learn many areas of communication including how to sell yourself. One word of caution: it will drain your energy levels a lot.
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For close to 16 years, ever since i entered the eduation system as a primary 1 student, my speech defect has been a bane to my confidence. Everyday, people will imitate the way you speak, make running jokes about you and ostracize you from any social happenings. At first, the strength was there to protect me from any emotional implosion but over time, cracks started to appear in my armour to the point whereby it finally cracked open to reveal the soft underbelly that was my self-esteem.
To some people, a speech defect is a small matter but when you have tried your best for 16 years to ignore the hurt and shame that come along with it, the pain accumulated is sometimes to much to bear when it reaches the tipping point. I have thought about speech therapists but the fees are too exhorbitant to even fathom about in the long run. I have tried to male female friends of all sorts, ugly or not and in the end, indifference treated to a sense of reality. I have tried to be nice and all but when you see those looks in their eyes, words are not needed to express their feelings about you.
What i want out of a relationship is to know what it is like to love someone. The experience to hold someone's hand and just simply let mutual feelings take over. I am not looking for hot chicks or models. All i want is someone who likes me for who i am. It is through relationships that we find who we really want in life right? So how can i find the one when i am 30 odd years old without any experience to speak of? It is hard to be strong when the stength from within has been slowly depleted from all those years of fighting hard.
I like myself enough to know i need to seek help from sources such as these. If need be, i amy see a counseller but i will wait and hope for things to come in the near future. -
doesn't matter about defects... no one is borned perfect..
the time will come soon.. -
If you they look down on you because of your speech, doesn't that shows how shallow those people are? Discriminating people because they are different, aren't this people narrow? No these people aren't your friends they are just making other people look bad to make themselves look good, most of these people are actually unconfident about themselves.Originally posted by Pullup Addict:For close to 16 years, ever since i entered the eduation system as a primary 1 student, my speech defect has been a bane to my confidence. Everyday, people will imitate the way you speak, make running jokes about you and ostracize you from any social happenings. At first, the strength was there to protect me from any emotional implosion but over time, cracks started to appear in my armour to the point whereby it finally cracked open to reveal the soft underbelly that was my self-esteem.
To some people, a speech defect is a small matter but when you have tried your best for 16 years to ignore the hurt and shame that come along with it, the pain accumulated is sometimes to much to bear when it reaches the tipping point. I have thought about speech therapists but the fees are too exhorbitant to even fathom about in the long run. I have tried to male female friends of all sorts, ugly or not and in the end, indifference treated to a sense of reality. I have tried to be nice and all but when you see those looks in their eyes, words are not needed to express their feelings about you.
What i want out of a relationship is to know what it is like to love someone. The experience to hold someone's hand and just simply let mutual feelings take over. I am not looking for hot chicks or models. All i want is someone who likes me for who i am. It is through relationships that we find who we really want in life right? So how can i find the one when i am 30 odd years old without any experience to speak of? It is hard to be strong when the stength from within has been slowly depleted from all those years of fighting hard.
I like myself enough to know i need to seek help from sources such as these. If need be, i amy see a counseller but i will wait and hope for things to come in the near future.
And do I sense that you are getting desperate? If you are stop feeling this way, you just need to wait don't be impatient, you will rather be in a relationship with someone you love and not someone you don't really like but be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. Just wait and if someone good enough and doesn't really discriminate you for your speech problems go for it. Just dun give up so soon. -
i am mid 20s and no gf before, only few male buddies. Feel better now?
worse come to worse Vietnamese bride. will have a hard time explaining to frens/relatives why we resort to mail order brides. but hey, women are women...
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Look on the bright side, least when you finally finds your significant other, you can be sure she's not only with you because of your tom-cruise-looks, or your glib tongue, but because you're you. Believe that in this world, there's someone made for you.
Well, I haven't heard how you sound, so I cannot possibly judge how bad it is, but a speech therapist (like the thousand others before me suggested) may help. So if it really bothers you that much, spend some money, and go listen to what the therapist say.
Answer me though, if you ever meet an average jane with speech impediment, but definitely a nice lady, will you fall for her? -
In JC I had a maths teacher who had a short tongue as well, and he was a very good teacher. Actually I think your problem can be treated through speech therapy or surgery. But there are many people who don't speak well either and yet they can find love and success in life, so don't be disheartened.
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I believe u will be able to find someone who truly love u for what you are.
Anyway communication is not only through speech, must communicate with your heart as well.
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alternatively, there is corrective surgery...
u can go and "cut" it....if it will boost your confidence....
then perhaps it will be $ well-spent... -
go to see a polyclinic doctor and share with him ur problem. ask him to refer u to ENT specialist or a speech therapist.
ur problem can be solved no worries about that.
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hey cheer up~
Look, if the ladies can't accept ur "flaw" then they aren't the ones for you. If the lady really love u, they will actually accept u, being yourself. I'm sure you have seen many couples where we would classify as "xian hua cha zhai nui fen shang". Why does these girls seems so attracted to them? Answer is simple: Love is blind and love is the strongest power on this planet. I'm pretty sure you'll find someone whom is able to accept the way you are.
p/s: look at it from another point of view, you may be born with a "flaw". I would actually consider that a "Test machine of love".
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I do not mind if an average jane with a similar problem likes me, to me being loved by someone who likes you who you are will be the best thing that can ever happen to me.
I have thought about surgery but my parents abhor the notion saying it is too dangerous especially when i am helthy and stuff. Then there is the money issue which is also out of the question due to my study loans.
Who knows this may be a test machine of love. maybe i can use this to find someone special. For now, i have to be strong for the sake of my future. Thanks to those who have posted, really appreciated the help -
do u have short tongue or u just have a problem speaking well? i see yourself in me during my younger days, what you going thru is exactly what i experienced then. I am now 30, at the age u fear that you will still not experience love and my speaking deficiency still exist, yet to experience love myself, hold a girl hand, have my first kiss and sleep thru the whole nite together with the woman i loved.
Life still goes on for me, no have means no have, but being human with an animal nature, there is the so called mating season, and i am beginning to have the urge to settle down and start a family. But how to do it without a mating partner, there are short terms relieve (if u get what i mean), and long term, though tedious ones (mating agencies), have tired but without success so far, partly becos i still want to find my princess thru natural means. Like a bro here had said, worse come to worse, find a vietnamese bride, maybe after getting one, u may be relieve at the end of it that u never get the chance to know a local woman
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TS, hey, i think u presented urself very well here. Actually it doesnt matter u have a short or long tongue, as long u get ur message across. i think thats just one of ur negative view of urself. be confident. i know one of the channel 5 new reporter with short tongue too, but she is able to speak it so professionally and clearly like wad u have written here. hmm, just let those ignorants to continue their evil deed and one day they will realised and grow up. i have speech problem too but then i bo chup.
cheers. -
how many pullups can u do?
i now cannot do even one...