How to help a friend....?
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My friend is currently in a realtionship and I'm one of the people that she goes to when things get rocky... Well, I'm not the main guy, more like when everyone else is busy... But listening to her, I kinda feel for her, but I not in a possition to give any good advise... And according to her, my sort is advice is kinda unfeeling and not a good one at that... Well, couldn't blame her, I got no gf and by the looks of thing I won't be getting any in the near future... All I could do is just listen but every time I hear it, it kinda sounds like she is in a distructive relationship... But I can't judge that, I got no qualification...
According to her, his bf is the kind that is very temperamental... Just this week, she missed his birthday and he went ballistic... He won't see her even if she want to appoligise and he tore up a card which is special to my friend... And his anger will last weeks...(Is that normal?) Plus my friend seemed to be the one who is helping him alot... even gone all the way to miss 30 min of her exam just to see him and spend hours into the night to help him with his project scacrificing her exam study time... I told her it was a stupid move but according to her it was worth it somehow... But according to her, he has his good side, he went all the way to a 2hr bus ride after work just to meet her for a mere 15min... She also kinda feel that they were ment for each other according to astrology, dreams and other mythical stuff... It doesn't take a genious to know that those are unreliable sources but she seem to believe that is true...
The scariest thing she told me is that he once went ballistic that she won't sleep with him... BTW we're in our 18s... Is that normal...
I really like to help her but my advice is usually ones that, according to her is from a guy that never had a gf so I won't understand... So, what should my advice be? Atleast what should she do about missing his birthday? -
dont get in trouble
stay away from other couples problems -
Its good you dun advice too deep, coz you dunno she will accept or not. You dun even noe how will she be affected by it: sae will she get it wrong den things get worse and she blames you?
Being 18... Ah... brings back old memories... I can only say all of you have many years ahead and there is always time to learn more and mature and grow stronger. You are doing very well by being there for her and listening to her. Offering advices is another matter, which I think pro councellors are better suited to help out. -
I think it's just quite good enough that you're listening to her for now... Not that she's much prepared to take any word of advice from you anyway..? But still... Perhaps you can try this the next time she tells you about her problem with her bf again....?Originally posted by MohamedF:My friend is currently in a realtionship and I'm one of the people that she goes to when things get rocky... Well, I'm not the main guy, more like when everyone else is busy... But listening to her, I kinda feel for her, but I not in a possition to give any good advise... And according to her, my sort is advice is kinda unfeeling and not a good one at that... Well, couldn't blame her, I got no gf and by the looks of thing I won't be getting any in the near future... All I could do is just listen but every time I hear it, it kinda sounds like she is in a distructive relationship... But I can't judge that, I got no qualification...
According to her, his bf is the kind that is very temperamental... Just this week, she missed his birthday and he went ballistic... He won't see her even if she want to appoligise and he tore up a card which is special to my friend... And his anger will last weeks...(Is that normal?) Plus my friend seemed to be the one who is helping him alot... even gone all the way to miss 30 min of her exam just to see him and spend hours into the night to help him with his project scacrificing her exam study time... I told her it was a stupid move but according to her it was worth it somehow... But according to her, he has his good side, he went all the way to a 2hr bus ride after work just to meet her for a mere 15min... She also kinda feel that they were ment for each other according to astrology, dreams and other mythical stuff... It doesn't take a genious to know that those are unreliable sources but she seem to believe that is true...
The scariest thing she told me is that he once went ballistic that she won't sleep with him... BTW we're in our 18s... Is that normal...
I really like to help her but my advice is usually ones that, according to her is from a guy that never had a gf so I won't understand... So, what should my advice be? Atleast what should she do about missing his birthday?
Just ask her... "If everything's really as perfect and compatible as she claims it to be, then why is she complaining? Or is it rather simply because she choose to believe that it is... Or there would be little excuses for the existence of her relationship....?" -
Hmm......Originally posted by Devil1976:I think it's just quite good enough that you're listening to her for now... Not that she's much prepared to take any word of advice from you anyway..? But still... Perhaps you can try this the next time she tells you about her problem with her bf again....?
Just ask her... "If everything's really as perfect and compatible as she claims it to be, then why is she complaining? Or is it rather simply because she choose to believe that it is... Or there would be little excuses for the existence of her relationship....?" -
Originally posted by MohamedFMy friend is currently in a realtionship and I'm one of the people that she goes to when things get rocky... Well, I'm not the main guy, more like when everyone else is busy... But listening to her, I kinda feel for her, but I not in a possition to give any good advise... And according to her, my sort is advice is kinda unfeeling and not a good one at that... Well, couldn't blame her, I got no gf and by the looks of thing I won't be getting any in the near future... All I could do is just listen but every time I hear it, it kinda sounds like she is in a distructive relationship... But I can't judge that, I got no qualification...
According to her, his bf is the kind that is very temperamental... Just this week, she missed his birthday and he went ballistic... He won't see her even if she want to appoligise and he tore up a card which is special to my friend... And his anger will last weeks...(Is that normal?) Plus my friend seemed to be the one who is helping him alot... even gone all the way to miss 30 min of her exam just to see him and spend hours into the night to help him with his project scacrificing her exam study time... I told her it was a stupid move but according to her it was worth it somehow... But according to her, he has his good side, he went all the way to a 2hr bus ride after work just to meet her for a mere 15min... She also kinda feel that they were ment for each other according to astrology, dreams and other mythical stuff... It doesn't take a genious to know that those are unreliable sources but she seem to believe that is true...
The scariest thing she told me is that he once went ballistic that she won't sleep with him... BTW we're in our 18s... Is that normal...
I really like to help her but my advice is usually ones that, according to her is from a guy that never had a gf so I won't understand... So, what should my advice be? Atleast what should she do about missing his birthday?
legend:
the bf (b) of your fren (g)
b is a self-centred guy, selfish, doesn't care about other''s feelings, how long can this last?
b is also a guy who bear grudges, and b is making a mess out of small little things, it wun last in long term
g can always find another bf, but exams once miss the chance, have to repeat and wait for another yr to re-take exam, not worth it.
exams comes once a yr, but bf can be changed at any point of time and where. exam at least allows g to get a job with a basic pay when she graduate, without a basic job, how can she support herself and her parents when she grow up?
b only wants to get what he wants from g, which is sex, (dun be offended, but now-a-days, teenagers 12 and above already asking for sex. which isnt love, they just want to play play. have sex is a action only, no love involve. if you heard of the word "make love" also is having sex, but both do it willingly, and there's love involved, so that is real love, for ur fren's case, sex, to b, is a form of relaxation, as well as to show off to b's peers that he already managed to get g laid on the bed for sex, so can show off!!
b treat g like a sex object, a sex toy only.
now-a-days kids reach puberty faster and earlier, thus most guys want to experience sex, coz of hormones chances, growing of pubic hair etc. so its natural.
just bear in mind-tell your fren (g) to break up with this (b) and find a better bf. he is just making use of her only for pleasure wise, no love commitments.
as for (b) taking 2 hr bus ride to meet for 15 mins, guys will do whatever it takes to get what they want, for this example of this (b)-sex, so he will fake show, act nice only to her, but when she dun give him what he wants-sex then he will flare up. that's what happens.
try to break the reasons to her slowly, if you dunno how to tell her the reason, ask her to read this thread, so she will not feel that you are trying to break the both of them up. -
I'm amazed....as always by how people can come out with advices and conclusion with just one post from threadstarter.
......to add on to my amazement. The threadstarter is a third party.
We don't even know he knows both parties or not.
Cheers -
Really ar? I oso sometimes surprised at how I came out wif those. Sometimes I dun even get da meaning of wat I typed.Originally posted by M©+square:I'm amazed....as always by how people can come out with advices and conclusion with just one post from threadstarter.
......to add on to my amazement. The threadstarter is a third party.
We don't even know he knows both parties or not.
Cheers
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thanksM©+squareI'm amazed....as always by how people can come out with advices and conclusion with just one post from threadstarter.
......to add on to my amazement. The threadstarter is a third party.
We don't even know he knows both parties or not. Shocked
Cheers
basically my advices, wasn't really conclusion afterall, i have being there, done that, changed for the better, thus offering advice lor.
lol -
Thanks your advice guys... But strangely today, she called and she sound happy... What ever it was, atleast things are ok for now...
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seriously i don think that guy is some good fellow,Originally posted by MohamedF:My friend is currently in a realtionship and I'm one of the people that she goes to when things get rocky... Well, I'm not the main guy, more like when everyone else is busy... But listening to her, I kinda feel for her, but I not in a possition to give any good advise... And according to her, my sort is advice is kinda unfeeling and not a good one at that... Well, couldn't blame her, I got no gf and by the looks of thing I won't be getting any in the near future... All I could do is just listen but every time I hear it, it kinda sounds like she is in a distructive relationship... But I can't judge that, I got no qualification...
According to her, his bf is the kind that is very temperamental... Just this week, she missed his birthday and he went ballistic... He won't see her even if she want to appoligise and he tore up a card which is special to my friend... And his anger will last weeks...(Is that normal?) Plus my friend seemed to be the one who is helping him alot... even gone all the way to miss 30 min of her exam just to see him and spend hours into the night to help him with his project scacrificing her exam study time... I told her it was a stupid move but according to her it was worth it somehow... But according to her, he has his good side, he went all the way to a 2hr bus ride after work just to meet her for a mere 15min... She also kinda feel that they were ment for each other according to astrology, dreams and other mythical stuff... It doesn't take a genious to know that those are unreliable sources but she seem to believe that is true...
The scariest thing she told me is that he once went ballistic that she won't sleep with him... BTW we're in our 18s... Is that normal...
I really like to help her but my advice is usually ones that, according to her is from a guy that never had a gf so I won't understand... So, what should my advice be? Atleast what should she do about missing his birthday? -
Now i'm amazed how serious and sincere a poster could be by a one liner comment.
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u noe sometimes i think this kind of thing is very hard to help as an outsider.. cos we are not in her shoes.. we don noe how much she love him.. i got a fre who also very devoted to her stead.. no matter how much her stead abuse her, throw her onto the wall, she stil stick to him.. i tried so much toking her out, counselling her, ask her to leave the blood ass hole, she still wun listen.. i even use our friendship to threaten her, eventually she still choose him.. so since like that, i cun do anything but i am sure she will regret some day..