Are my In-Laws petty or my sister wrong?
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My sister sent her wedding invitation to my in-laws addressing them as
"To: Mr. Tan and family".
My in-laws were very offended and said she was very rude as they should have been addressed (in chinese )" CHIN CHIA MOO". Now potentially boycotting her wedding.
Question: Is "Mr Tan & family" rude and offensive?
This is really bizzare cos I am sure my sister didn't mean to offend them( she doesn't even know them!) and I think my in-laws are plain petty. But, they disagree and are still sticking to their fort... Torn between the 2... -
they dowant to go then dont go loh.
their presence is a must meh?
ignore lah. -
tell your in-laws not to be so boliao.
is it that important to be addressed as chin-chia-moo?
anyway your in-laws are not indispensable as far as your sister is concerned. -
Originally posted by katana750:
I think your in-laws are petty.
My sister sent her wedding invitation to my in-laws addressing them as
[b]"To: Mr. Tan and family".
My in-laws were very offended and said she was very rude as they should have been addressed (in chinese )" CHIN CHIA MOO". Now potentially boycotting her wedding.
Question: Is "Mr Tan & family" rude and offensive?
This is really bizzare cos I am sure my sister didn't mean to offend them( she doesn't even know them!) and I think my in-laws are plain petty. But, they disagree and are still sticking to their fort... Torn between the 2... [/b]
Maybe they are extremely traditional but they cannot expect the younger generation to know all the customs if it even is a custom, and instead of educating your sister that this should be the "correct" way to address them in the card, they throw a hissy fit.
Anyway, sorry if I offend you but if it was me, I would tell them they are welcomed not to come if they don't want to.
They are just your in-laws so even they don't turn up for the wedding, no biggie. Ask them to go fly a kite. -
Originally posted by katana750:
Wait... am I getting the story right? It's your in-laws, not your sister's right?
My sister sent her wedding invitation to my in-laws addressing them as
[b]"To: Mr. Tan and family".
My in-laws were very offended and said she was very rude as they should have been addressed (in chinese )" CHIN CHIA MOO". Now potentially boycotting her wedding.
Question: Is "Mr Tan & family" rude and offensive?
This is really bizzare cos I am sure my sister didn't mean to offend them( she doesn't even know them!) and I think my in-laws are plain petty. But, they disagree and are still sticking to their fort... Torn between the 2... [/b]
Why so eat-finish-rice-nothing-to-do?
If your sister don't get to see them at all, just ignore. It's not her in-laws anyway. Say that the invitation was from a computer-generated list or something. It shouldn't matter to your sister's wedding. It's her day and she can afford one or 2 people less. -
The in-laws are petty.
I see no reason why that should be an insult.
I say to heck with 'em and go on without them. -
actually also no point even if ur inlaws go.....
since they alr beh song in the first place, ang pao also wont bao much right.
might as well invite people who will bao more in the first place, to recover costs.
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Petty, vain people who are out for free lunches, the profile fits these people who will make a fuss over some "face" lost.
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so si ban wan meh?
i tell u ar, my father's side relatives get married dun even give invitation card lor, juz tell us location, date and time nia. -
they are petty. actually they do not even have the right to get that upset. your in laws, your sister's wedding....its your inlaws, not hers. they dont like it dont go lor. no big deal.
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how can ur sis missed dat? it's a form of respect in chinese tradition.
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oic...yah, ai lai, lai hor, mai lai, sua...
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it's a courtesy extended by your sis, your in-laws are petty morons to even let you know how they feel. no need to raise this up anymore, act blur and attend your sis's wedding without them.
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yeah bleddy inlaws.. kicking up a fuss for small issue. If your parents have a few more kids, then wahh.. every other one also wanna be 'chin jia mu' ah..
very boliao leh. My wedding my husband's bro's wife's family came and create problem during the dinner. damn DL also. -
thank you for your comments... i was told I won't find anyone else who would say that they are a bunch of petty prudes...
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Your in-laws petty lah. I mean it's an innocent mistake, if at all. No big deal lor. If don't like then, just tell nicely. No need to threaten don't go wedding.
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Hello,
I believe they are perhaps traditional.
Furthermore, a marriage for them is very significant and symbolic.
Thus, an act such of that addressing them as 'Mr Tan and family' while seem alright to you and perfectly fine, and their reaction seem petty, is actually a slight to them.
Why dont you suggest to your sister, simply apologize and send another card.
Actually not doing so and saying they are petty, can be seen as pettiness on your sister side instead, in my opinion.
I think it's better to do that. After all, this marriage is only starting. You dont want to start badly, right?
Ok good luck. -
dunno what happened.
othe rthan the card your sister got do anything else? as in they got go find her and she refused to change or got attitude?
anyway your in-;aws are jsut beeing Ses. ignore them lor its not even a weeding that related to them anyway
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Originally posted by katana750:
Your inlaws are pretty moronic in a sense.
My sister sent her wedding invitation to my in-laws addressing them as
[b]"To: Mr. Tan and family".
My in-laws were very offended and said she was very rude as they should have been addressed (in chinese )" CHIN CHIA MOO". Now potentially boycotting her wedding.
Question: Is "Mr Tan & family" rude and offensive?
This is really bizzare cos I am sure my sister didn't mean to offend them( she doesn't even know them!) and I think my in-laws are plain petty. But, they disagree and are still sticking to their fort... Torn between the 2... [/b]
But my question. Why wasnt that invite issued to them by your parents?
Can provide more details? Such as chinese families? You are the elder or your sister is the elder or you are the only son or something?
there may be a deeper misunderstanding then them knowing it was sent by your sister.
The invites should have been saying 'Chin Chia Moo or Chin Chia' because typically, the invites should mention your parents name inviting them to the wedding/dinner.
Or if you are the eldest child and so on.....long list of rules....and you may find yourself very embraressed instead of them. -
There are always people out there who placed so much importance in these type of unnecessary.
just to share,
During my wedding, I have to call all my father's side relatives.
However, later I found that most of them boycott on the serving tea and arrived late cause after I call, my dad is supposed to call them and ask them.
I am really pissed. I found the ringleader to be an uncle who years ago disappeared overseas with his wife. And when they are back, cause the wife died, he demands so much from my father, to build him a house, and etc.
At least I expect him when I am getting married to ask how he can help, etc. Instead he plays this type of immature games. During the serving tea, I can see my dad's face. He was really sad that even during this happy occassion, the least support he got was from his brothers and sisters. My mom's side relatives came early to help out with everything.
I just don't get it. These people supposed to be my elders, are acting like young kids with brains as small as peas. My dad kept telling me to forgive and forget. From then on, I clearly opened my eyes, and know what really is kinship. So what if all have the same surnames, just one small incident, and these jokers bury in their hearts for decades.
I just admire and wish them all the best in the bitterness that they will bring with them to their graves.
So piece of advice, don't let such inconsiderate people ruin your day. Just leave them out, imagine going to a happy occassion, and park their ass there with a black face that will affect and impact everyone. Life's too short for such people.
Speaking from experiences... -
the last poster is absolutely right, don't give a rat's ass to your petty in-laws, if your wife take their side, then leave her at home too. i'm lucky not to have such relatives, we just give and take...what goes around comes around. can't understand what's the real deal is about? so they are not referred by traditional salutations, fact is that they got the invitation. don't bother letting your sis know, why upset her? fancy calling others rude when there's intention to boycott over trival matters..
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so what did ur in-laws wants now?
want ur sis to send them another card??
or
confirm not going liao?
if they want another card, juz send to them loh. although if not ur sis fault but such things if can avoid, avoid lah. they oso old liao, ask ur sis give in abit. somemore u all are somehow "related". dun make until bad bad. nx time hao3 xiang1 jian4.
but if they confirm dunwan to go, den bo bian loh. juz send them the wedding cake or wat. loh (wedding cake right??)
or better still.. send they the card again(the qing4 jia1 mu3 1), if they dunwan to go den heckcare.. no need to go apologise. -
damn petty in laws. good they are not yours.
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Ask your in-law actually what they want ?
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Originally posted by katana750:
got people write "CHIN CHIA MOO" this kind on wedding invitations? sounds so ancient.
My sister sent her wedding invitation to my in-laws addressing them as
[b]"To: Mr. Tan and family".
My in-laws were very offended and said she was very rude as they should have been addressed (in chinese )" CHIN CHIA MOO". Now potentially boycotting her wedding.
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