Disappointed and Sad
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Originally posted by mitgalant:Hi guys,
i am currently in a relationship of 2.8 yrs. recently i had a major quarrel with my gf. Then we stopped contactin one another for like 1 to 2 months. During this standoff, she starts to get independent and starts goin out with her frens.
Meanwhile over at my side, i am tryin my best to see if i really want this relationship. She assured me that she still want this relationship
After much consideration for a month or so, i finally got back to her. We started doin things like goin out, to the beach etc but suddenly, when i ask her, y is she so cold towards me, she replied me that she no longer feel the same in this relationship
She prefers her singlehood now. She is enjoyin herself now. Every friday night clubbin all these.
She does not seems interested in this relationship now.
What can i do to make her come back to me like the past ? I really really love her alot.
Can give me some advises. Thanks
That is the reason why I always do not recommend a time off period, over proper communication to either resolve an issue or dissolve the relationship. Yunhaier remember meeting up with this fellow from SGF few years ago, who did the same thing as you and suffer the same fate.
When you give a time off to somebody - you are effectively giving wings to her. Now that she enjoys her flight, you wouldn't be able to stop her from revelling in her new life.
When you deny communication, you gave approval to degenerate the relationship.
Drop her that ultimatum - if she desire that freedom so much... if she sees herself like a caged bird, then I don't see why you want to keep someone so unhappy by your side. If Love was understanding, love would have told you to release that bird for greater happiness.
If you cannot give what she needs - then I don't see why should you even covet her.
Cheers -
well, it is hard to say.. ppl are build differently.
some gals listen to reasoning, give U a chance to explain yourself. if so, explain and then leave it there.
U know your gal best, no one here can really help you.
look at the various suggestion and see if it will work for U.
all the best! -
You have to decide what you want to do.
During the cooldown period, she'd found herself a new campanion. You have effectively let a third-party enter the relationship, worst of all with permission.
You have to be decisive, and make up your mind now. Do you want to wait for her decision or move on with life?
Waiting for her:
Honestly, I don't recommend this. She clearly couldn't make up her mind about the other guy, or you. Even if she did return to you, she will continue to think about the other guy. From what you've said, she will be that indecisive.
Move on with life:
That's the decision I would take. There is no point clinging on to passing shadows. They will fade away one day.[/i] -
Honestly things are complicated if there is another person involved...
I have a fren who was married and he liked this colleague of ours. When he is drunk he will whole day tell you that he don know what to do he liked both persons.. at the end of the day.. he still stopped the r/s and went back to his wife...
But.. the reason y that happened was that his r/s with his wife after so long has got little excitement.. then he alws work very long hours with this colleague so they got close and u know new r/s is ALWAYS very exciting.. but at the end of it he realised he cant hv 2 persons at same time, he has to decide. both of them also kept askin him to decide..
maybe the other guy dun know about u. if he does, i am sure he will also be asking yr gf to decide.
anyway if u want her back u have to tell her and maybe be patient for a while see what her decision is. go clubbing with her and when you do dress up nicely so she will be happy to be seen with you.. then at least u get to spend time together to rebuild your r/s. -
talk it out with her. with your story sounds like it might lead to a silent break up though.
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Oh my oh my.......u are such a weakling! I'm sorry to say that.Originally posted by mitgalant:guys, i am devastated. i juz learnt that she actually got a guy, tat is m age and he is there for her when i am in the "cold war" period with her.
She knw tat guy for like 2 weeks only.
now i ask her to choose one, our r/s which is 2.9 mths or the guy which is 2 weeks.
she cant give me an ans!
she only say she duno and ask if can i wait? if she regret she wanna come back to me.
she said she scare she regret her choice!
What can i do now ? i dun wanna lose her. Yet i need to be fair to myself.
help me out guys! beg u all!!
She said dunno who to choose? Oh my, if I am the guy, i will gladly say, "Fcuk off pls". Don't care 1 year or 10 years relationship. If i carry on with this type of girl, i will have a miserable time in future. -
guys, i had a talk with her already. face to face.
both of us cried.
she said she cannot bear to leave me cos she still love me. but she love me lesser now than the past.
She still duno what she wants. She ask me to give her time to think it thru
She also said that she scare she regret the move if she choose to break with me
However she did say if should she ever regret, she will wanna come back to me.
She also added that she feel i am the future husband type of material however she wanna enjoy her singlehood nw and isnt ready to commit to a relationship
Now the thing is, i feel so spare tire. what can i do now ?
Do u all recommend me to move on or to continue waitin ?
It will definately be a long road.
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Hate to say it, dude, but it does sound like you're being strung along.
The bottom line seems to be that commitment's not on the cards at the moment. Why don't you make full use of that and go explore your own options? -
'Originally posted by mitgalant:guys, i had a talk with her already. face to face.
both of us cried.
she said she cannot bear to leave me cos she still love me. but she love me lesser now than the past.
She still duno what she wants. She ask me to give her time to think it thru
She also said that she scare she regret the move if she choose to break with me
However she did say if should she ever regret, she will wanna come back to me.
She also added that she feel i am the future husband type of material however she wanna enjoy her singlehood nw and isnt ready to commit to a relationship
Now the thing is, i feel so spare tire. what can i do now ?
Do u all recommend me to move on or to continue waitin ?
It will definately be a long road.
If you allow yourself to be a spare tyre, don't blame anyone for taking you as spare tyre.
Respect yourself, so that others will respect you. -
in this instance, i seriously doubt she'll get back so time ain't going to tell.Originally posted by xuexue:Time will tell........
BTW, TS how old are u? If you're still young, give urself some time & learn how to enjoy singlehood just as how she is enjoying it.
Always remember that it'll be gentlemanly gracious if you can let go coz if you want her to be happy, u shld do the right thing.
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HI there... from all the post i read.. i realised that ur gf is confused to choose who no doubt she loves you but lesser.. sounds weird..
i am sure u have the answer to wait or to leave.. was wondering why she can't make up her decisions.. it's a yes or no.. it's not hard at all..
in some sense probably she hinting you that you are really good to her but she somehow felt in love with someone during the two month break..
Outsiders like us can say what we want.. but ultimately.. Man.. u are the one making ur decision for the worst or good...
good luck n take care..
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i think she knows her answer, juz that she is worried that she will regret one day.Originally posted by qisha:HI there... from all the post i read.. i realised that ur gf is confused to choose who no doubt she loves you but lesser.. sounds weird..
i am sure u have the answer to wait or to leave.. was wondering why she can't make up her decisions.. it's a yes or no.. it's not hard at all..
in some sense probably she hinting you that you are really good to her but she somehow felt in love with someone during the two month break..
Outsiders like us can say what we want.. but ultimately.. Man.. u are the one making ur decision for the worst or good...
good luck n take care..
i thought that was obvious? -
Just go out, get drunk, hit the clubs, and sleep around.
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Major problem here, not with her but with you. This statement by you implies that you were controlling her, perhaps from the start of the relationship. There is also the implication that when she was with you, she didn't go out with her friends on a regular basis. It sounds as if the two of you had become so absorbed with one another that you eventually neglected other aspects of your life, like your own circles of friends.Originally posted by mitgalant:During this standoff, she starts to get independent and starts goin out with her frens.
Speaking from experience, when a woman says that she no longer has that feeling with you anymore, it is very likely that she doesn't love you anymore. It is as plain and simple as that. No amount of convincing will work because she doesn't have the same feelings for you anymore.
Edit: Whoops, just read your reply. Yes, you are definitely being strung along as a backup. This happens to every guy who isn't savvy enough to recognise that. In a way, she is developing the element of false hope in you by saying that if she regrets it, she will come back to you. Most of the time, this doesn't happen and if you place your hopes on that, you will be disappointed as sh1t when she ends up with a new guy.
Sidenote: Don't bother asking a woman what they want. You will never get the real answer because they don't know what they want.
The sooner you get on with life and meet new people, the better. -
remember the song by rick price?
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Originally posted by Enigmatic1:
Exactly.
Major problem here, not with her but with you. This statement by you implies that you were controlling her, perhaps from the start of the relationship. There is also the implication that when she was with you, she didn't go out with her friends on a regular basis. It sounds as if the two of you had become so absorbed with one another that you eventually neglected other aspects of your life, like your own circles of friends.
Speaking from experience, when a woman says that she no longer has that feeling with you anymore, [b]it is very likely that she doesn't love you anymore. It is as plain and simple as that. No amount of convincing will work because she doesn't have the same feelings for you anymore.
Edit: Whoops, just read your reply. Yes, you are definitely being strung along as a backup. This happens to every guy who isn't savvy enough to recognise that. In a way, she is developing the element of false hope in you by saying that if she regrets it, she will come back to you. Most of the time, this doesn't happen and if you place your hopes on that, you will be disappointed as sh1t when she ends up with a new guy.
Sidenote: Don't bother asking a woman what they want. You will never get the real answer because they don't know what they want.
The sooner you get on with life and meet new people, the better.[/b]
doko -
Why she needs a new bf for?Originally posted by mitgalant:i am not controllin her at all. in fact i gave her lots of freedom.
btw i waited for her when i was frm sec 3 to sec 5 then we got together.
now i am already 21. and seems like it is no longer workin for her.
wat can i do ??
You can wait another 2 years or more if you want...? -
time off, technically means you are on the break
and during that period, all bets are off, -
juz had another talk with her.
well, in the past, she is havin lots of freedom already. whereas i dun really go out.
haiz. i really cant bear to let her go.
she said to me she still loves me, but i ask her y cant she juz dun contact that guy, she say she develop feelins for him
she said she is hopin that the feelin will like juz die off after 3-4 weeks
will this happened ?
i am so sad. i cried 2 times today. what can i do ? -
You're now a spare tireOriginally posted by mitgalant:juz had another talk with her.
well, in the past, she is havin lots of freedom already. whereas i dun really go out.
haiz. i really cant bear to let her go.
she said to me she still loves me, but i ask her y cant she juz dun contact that guy, she say she develop feelins for him
she said she is hopin that the feelin will like juz die off after 3-4 weeks
will this happened ?
i am so sad. i cried 2 times today. what can i do ?
In the event that her relationship don't work out with the new guy, she still have you.
Seriously dude, you need to let go and move on -
dude she is playing you like a cheap guitar bought from the flea market!Originally posted by mitgalant:juz had another talk with her.
well, in the past, she is havin lots of freedom already. whereas i dun really go out.
haiz. i really cant bear to let her go.
she said to me she still loves me, but i ask her y cant she juz dun contact that guy, she say she develop feelins for him
she said she is hopin that the feelin will like juz die off after 3-4 weeks
will this happened ?
i am so sad. i cried 2 times today. what can i do ?
go for another girl, you had your chance and you screwed up. this is like f.a .cup
knock out system
go @@@@
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Cry if you need, cry if you must.Originally posted by mitgalant:juz had another talk with her.
well, in the past, she is havin lots of freedom already. whereas i dun really go out.
haiz. i really cant bear to let her go.
she said to me she still loves me, but i ask her y cant she juz dun contact that guy, she say she develop feelins for him
she said she is hopin that the feelin will like juz die off after 3-4 weeks
will this happened ?
i am so sad. i cried 2 times today. what can i do ?
If she doesnt love you, or if she is not committed enuff, keep her oso no use, rite?
You want to live with dignity, love with dignity.
Cry it out hard, and cry as long as you need.
But after crying, get a grip. Move on.
Take care, dude. -
when a girl say no feeling or she can go vlubbing every friday night,and enjoy it so much..
even though she back to you..
also no use liao ...
coz it's destinied.. -
come on , stop crying, be a man!
you been played,
by a woman player! -
i realised that i cant get over her in my mind any min. i keep thinkin of her
the past that is so nice. etc etc.
when i ask her 10 mins ago, can tell me "I love U"
she reply me "I guess so" haiz
how how how !!!!!!!!!!!
i cant concentrate on anythin. i cant even take a nap without thinkin abt her.
i am so so angry with tat guy yet i cant do anythin. HOW!!!! Y cant she juz delete her number since they only know for like 2-3weeks !!!!! is it so difficult ?!!?!??!!?