Dun understand myself ....
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FolksÂ….need u ppleÂ’s advice. Standard BGR dilemma again
But the problem isÂ…how do u know u like some1??? I have been asking my frenz this ques b4. & the common replies I get are..u will miss tat person..u will tink of tat person etc. Any more solutions to this ques? As in, how to tell whether u have feelings for some1? -
You'll feel like you want to be by her side all the time.
You'll try to get her books everytime.
You'll probably do anything for her to please her.
You'll contact her every now and then?
You'll treat her good like never before.
You'll likely to be in her same interests.
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[This message has been edited by JacK84 (edited 15 April 2002).] -
EhhhÂ…This fren likes mi..but IÂ’m not sure whether itÂ’s a mutual feeling. Tats y I tend to avoid him at timesOriginally posted by JacK84:You'll feel like you want to be by her side all the time.
You'll try to get her books everytime.
You'll probably do anything for her to please her.
You'll contact her every now and then?
You'll treat her good like never before.
You'll likely to be in her same interests. I am comfortable when I go out with him. (coz I’m paiseh to reject him too many times) Feel sweet when he make effort to do those “thingy” that U mentioned etc. Issue is: do I like him? N I know such ques, no1 knows the ans better than I do. But the problem is ..i dunno. Rt now, I jus asked him 2 gimme more time to continue be frens..tats feasible rt? Thanx for ur little reply. -
In addition to Jack84..
You'll keep smiling everytime you think of him/her.
You'll do anything just to get his/her attention.
You'll want to know a lot of things about him/her. -
What Jack84 implies is vice versus.
If you don't know whether you like him or not, chances are you probably don't like him OR not ready for this relationship. It's just that you feel nice about the things he had done for you. If you like him, you'll also do the same things for the guy. -
I know of one person who can tell u if u like him or not, and this is person is "TIME".
I am not saying someone named time can tell u, but rather, u have to spend some time knowing him better. Finding out is he the guy u like. And all these takes time.
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--Appreciate what you have now and not what you don't-- -
Yeah, i agree that i'm not ready for the commitment. B4 I know he likes mi, i kinda like teasing him & asking him for help. Now, i feel very conscious & rather cold when we are wif a grp of frenz. Is tat normal? raingal...thx thx..ur reply is very "appropriate", u been thru similar situation b4?Originally posted by raingal:What Jack84 implies is vice versus.
If you don't know whether you like him or not, chances are you probably don't like him OR not ready for this relationship. It's just that you feel nice about the things he had done for you. If you like him, you'll also do the same things for the guy. -
If it's NOT a 'Supressed Rejection' then it's NORMAL... If you think that the fact that he've admitted his LOVE for you is making you NERVOUS, try to loosen up a bit..? Perhaps you'll see a CLEARER picture from there...? In 'Supressed Rejection' I meant that you could be making a SUBCONSCIOUS REJECTION feeling for him because his LOVE or CARE for you is making you LOST or NERVOUS....Originally posted by strudelz:Yeah, i agree that i'm not ready for the commitment. B4 I know he likes mi, i kinda like teasing him & asking him for help. Now, i feel very conscious & rather cold when we are wif a grp of frenz. Is tat normal? raingal...thx thx..ur reply is very "appropriate", u been thru similar situation b4?
It's ok for you to just remain friends with him and see how things go if you're not certain of things and in fact, it's VERY ADVISABLE to do so for the time being...? -
Hi strudelz
Have you ever ask yourself what kind of guy do you like?
I still feel that you'll automatically know you like him cos your HEART will tell you so. It is like, if he ask you to be his gf, you'll immediately say YES. If you hesitate, that means you are not ready.
How about get to know him better as a friend first without thinking so much, without avoiding him, without being cold to him? The way you react are rejecting him unconsciously. Or you want him to stop asking you out, is that what your HEART wants, and how would you feel then?
[This message has been edited by raingal (edited 19 April 2002).] -
i'm also very puzzled by my "reaction" I'm usually the pro-active one among my frens..who usually very onz abt outings etc. This time rd, very passive..even my close fren was shocked. As in..i will onli reply to his sms..n wont auto sms him talk to him on phone onli when he called etc. Hmmm..maybe i dun like him afterall? coz i agree that if hes the ONE, i wouldn't be having such a huge headache ah ..hehe. BUT i still want him to continue asking mi out..contradicting again rt? He is not those dashing kind..but those who can make mi smile/laugh. He is those joker among his frens but din realli notice tat hes tat "gentleman" till i went out with him. Told our common fren tat he actualli is a very sweet guy..n she was abit taken aback...anyway, guess all guys are the same when it comes to chasing after girls rt? *wink wink* its a "tactic" ..hehe..yeah, will TRY not to avoid him..thx for ur advices, raingal
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Its when you you genuinely care for the person's welfare. It's a " not just myself thing". Learn to give more than you take..
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Got fast hands?Earn $$ w ur PC in your spare time. http://sg.forum.lycosasia.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=5117 -
u treat her nicely and everybody knows it.. but often she dunno...
thats all folks~
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ThEsE wOrDs YoU SaId lAsT NigHt
SeEmEd hArMlEsS LikE a ChILd'S SmILe
BuT dId YoU kNoW It StUng My EvErY nErVe?
ShAtTeReD mY PrIde,
LeFt mE ScArReD
i MiGhT nEvEr bE tHe sAmE aGaiN
fOr tHeSe wOrDs YoU sAiD
aRe fOrEvEr eNgrAvEd
LiKe A MemORy CuRtAin
DraWn aCrOSs ReaSons
bUt YOU--- ReMEmBeR
I WoUld SuRviVe -
hey i think if u dont like the fella make it clear to him so tat he doesnt waste his time. if he carries on then let him be, else dont let the poor fella get the wrong idea.
i know some gals like the attention though they are not interested at all. i think tats rather mean. they keep guys who like themselves ard them and lead them on just to boost their own ego. guys out there who agree with me stand out too. -
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I think she's just not sure about her feelings for him, and not boosting her ego.Originally posted by userid:hey i think if u dont like the fella make it clear to him so tat he doesnt waste his time. if he carries on then let him be, else dont let the poor fella get the wrong idea.
i know some gals like the attention though they are not interested at all. i think tats rather mean. they keep guys who like themselves ard them and lead them on just to boost their own ego. guys out there who agree with me stand out too.
to strudelz: why dun u ask him why he likes you so much in the first place? -
love sucks... thats all i can say..
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ThEsE wOrDs YoU SaId lAsT NigHt
SeEmEd hArMlEsS LikE a ChILd'S SmILe
BuT dId YoU kNoW It StUng My EvErY nErVe?
ShAtTeReD mY PrIde,
LeFt mE ScArReD
i MiGhT nEvEr bE tHe sAmE aGaiN
fOr tHeSe wOrDs YoU sAiD
aRe fOrEvEr eNgrAvEd
LiKe A MemORy CuRtAin
DraWn aCrOSs ReaSons
bUt YOU--- ReMEmBeR
I WoUld SuRviVe -
Most girls are like that. Often they will not ignore guys who are chasing after them. They like to be pampered, be treated sweetly, showered with gifts. But what the poor guy don't realise is, she is just simply clueless about it. She will continue to behave the same way, without telling him yes or no.If she likes you, then its obvious. Either that, she is not ready for a relationship/committment. There's a feeling that i can't really describe in words. It's like you know the guy/girl likes you. He's not disgusting, so you don't get turn off. You enjoy the attention and get excited. Somehow you think you will like him/her, because he/she likes you so.Originally posted by strudelz:i'm also very puzzled by my "reaction" I'm usually the pro-active one among my frens..who usually very onz abt outings etc. This time rd, very passive..even my close fren was shocked. As in..i will onli reply to his sms..n wont auto sms him talk to him on phone onli when he called etc. Hmmm..maybe i dun like him afterall? coz i agree that if hes the ONE, i wouldn't be having such a huge headache ah ..hehe. BUT i still want him to continue asking mi out..contradicting again rt? He is not those dashing kind..but those who can make mi smile/laugh. He is those joker among his frens but din realli notice tat hes tat "gentleman" till i went out with him. Told our common fren tat he actualli is a very sweet guy..n she was abit taken aback...anyway, guess all guys are the same when it comes to chasing after girls rt? *wink wink* its a "tactic" ..hehe..yeah, will TRY not to avoid him..thx for ur advices, raingal
Listen carefully to your heart, dats all I can say, and please...I know most nice guys get hurt. But do it nicely ok? -
if you don't like someone, there would not be a difference if he is there or not. life would still be the same.Originally posted by strudelz:how do u know u like some1??? -
There're far better ways to boost my ego No need to resort to this. I tink i like him BUT not sure whether as a fren or a bf loh. Dun wanna cross the line probably coz i'm not ready for the commitment yet. Still happy n contented being single. Another reason might be ...he dun exactly fit my criteria of an "ideal" bf thou hes pretty close to it..hehe..i know such "criteria" are nonsense but jus duuno why its holding mi back. He is being very patient to mi.. as many of u have mentioned.."dun hurt nice guys" ... n tat makes mi even more guilty. Guess the whole thing might "fade off" if i'm still clueless n he will 4get everything?? *shrugs* hope i can feel the "spark" soon..else i guess..tats it..
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Originally posted by Solitude-:
bingo..thats wat i'm feeling rt now. I dun dislike him..n i like going out with him coz he has lotsa "surprises" for mi. BUT..should i go ahead with this relationship hoping i would like him as much as he like mi 1 fine day..?? *ponder*
[b] Either that, she is not ready for a relationship/committment. There's a feeling that i can't really describe in words. It's like you know the guy/girl likes you. He's not disgusting, so you don't get turn off. You enjoy the attention and get excited. Somehow you think you will like him/her, because he/she likes you so.
b]
[This message has been edited by strudelz (edited 22 April 2002).] -
don't.
u don't like him. he doesn't measure up to your standards. these are the facts you have to come to terms with, like it or not.
why?
Looks
you did not have a crush on him, tats a fact. if u did u would only be too happy to jump into the relationship with him. is tat important? are looks necessarily everything u might ask? unfortunately tats a brutal fact. i read an article long ago suggesting tat out of a scale of 10 (on looks), partners should try not to go for those who are rated over 2 points above or below them for looks compatibility reasons. this is impt, cos in your case if a better looking fella comes along u will find it hard not wishing to drop him and go for the handsome guy instead.
is tat being shallow? no. its a fact tat many people take looks as an important consideration in choosing partners. one may say we should go for character instead. but come on, just like looks, character is just another characteristic of an individual. like looks, character change too.
recognising one's need to look for a partner of compatible looks is definitely not a sign of shallowness.
amidst my free time and crap sharing with my guy frens i've come up with 3 theories i'd like to share. after posting these perhaps some pp might know who i am. (HI! guys! =) maybe i should post my economic opinions here too hehe..)
Theory 1: Accessory Theory
Gals and Guys choose their partners in line with the accessory theory. one defines the partner in line with the other accessories one has, like cars, jewellery, pretty dresses etc. one's potential partner is to a certain extent, an accessory too. if one's potential partner is handsome, rich, drives etc, he/she will be more likely to accept the accessory so as to show off and be envied by frens. this is in line with Cooley's theory of the Looking Glass Self.
2. Vanity Theory
Do not believe for a moment when one chooses to say he/she does not go for looks. Everyone, to a certain extent, puts in effort to look good before he/she steps out of the house. along this argument, it doesnt make sense tat one later claims tat looks of a potential partner is not impt as if tats the case, one would not have spent tat effort on him/herself. we usually impose our judgment on others as harsh as we impose judgment on ourselves.
3. He-should-have-chosen-me theory
I've mentioned this last time. Frens of gals with bfs usually like to criticise these bfs. why? cos they are silently angry with them for making the wrong choice. their innermost thoughts include "hey! im prettier and nicer then her(the female fren with the bf), why did he choose her and not me? wat does he see in her anyway?" How is this possible all the time? yes. its amazing but it seems despite wat they see in the mirror, most gals do in fact think they are beautiful.
Ugly thoughts? but very true. am i being mean? yes. hate me now? go ahead, im a natural cynic and im just being frank.
lastly, i think love is a barter trade. double coincidences of several aspects are necessary to secure a good start, including factors like intelligence levels, interests, physical attraction etc. in this case obviously he didnt measure up so dont kid yrself and think u will eventually accept him cos u will have regrets.
[This message has been edited by userid (edited 23 April 2002).] -
love is abt feelings lah, so much theory for wad.
just hear wad ur heart says ~ -
haha.. yeah.. i agree with that..Originally posted by OverTheParadise:
love is abt feelings lah, so much theory for wad.
just hear wad ur heart says ~
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*~DuN CaRe DuN GiVe a DaMn~* -
if ur still not ready for it yet.. put a full stop now.. dun waste time anymore.. chances r .. despite him treating u so good now n u still not ready.. u wont be ready in the future oso.. wat if u accepted him.. n ur mr right pop up after that? will u regret?
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*~DuN CaRe DuN GiVe a DaMn~* -
Can i ask is there any chance that the gal actually likes the guy a bit to go out with him so many times? Is there some sort of feelings when she decided to go out with him for so many times?