Work affected by breakup
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Hi, i am new to this forum. Just got dumped by my gf of half a year and need some advice.
The reasons she dumped me was because she felt our interests are different, we quarrel quite often and her parents do not like me. She can't forget some of the things i said when we quarrelled previously and dwells on it.
She feels i treat her very well (when we are not quarrelling) and she still has 'some' feelings for me. She says she is not seeing any one else and there is no one courting her. I know she is not lying as i know her lifestyle very well which makes it even harder to accept as i feel her reasons are not valid. I have apologised for the things i said when i was angry.
I thought she needed a cooling period so i waited for two weeks before asking to patch back with her but she refuse and only wants to be friends with me. Even as friends, she does not want to go out with me any more.
Because of this my performance at work suffered and i even got called up by my boss as i can't concentrate and made many mistakes at work. I fell into depression and started drinking to try to stop thinking of her.
I can't forget her even though this happened over a month already, probably because we work together. Can't forget something you see everyday. She will still care for me when she see me moody at work. I thought about resigning but decided it is not worth it and i asked her if she could resign since she was the one who initiated the breakup and put me through so much pain. She refused and we had a big quarrel. I did something quite drastic to make her and me hate each other so now we can't patch back again. We don't even talk when we meet in office. Actually i regreted burning bridges with her but she was heartless to me first.
Should i quit my job or stay on? How to move on from a relationship that just failed because of some arguements? -
u will get over her.
there are other fishes in the pond. -
Ask your boss for a transfer to another department.
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How did you court her in the beginning?
Relive the memories... inspire yourself by the past.. take positive actions...and not take a wrong step..
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I courted her when she first joined my company. Don't think there is a chance of patching back with her caused i did something quite 'bad'. Won't elaborate here. i did it to make myself hate her. think she hates me as well now.
My company quite small so i will meet her even if i ask for internal posting. -
Since she hate you now, why dont u just let go and get on with life.
I dont think she will come back to you even if you keep thinking and dwelling on this matter.
Maybe change the way you look or work extremely hard and get a promotion. So she will see a new you and maybe accept you once more. good idea? -
as a fellow capr i advise u to wake up ur idea... theres plenty of good gals out there... no need throw ur future away... infact u lose it, gals end up look more down on u n they will siam u even more... so get the hell up n walk...Originally posted by tiredcapricorn:Hi, i am new to this forum. Just got dumped by my gf of half a year and need some advice.
The reasons she dumped me was because she felt our interests are different, we quarrel quite often and her parents do not like me. She can't forget some of the things i said when we quarrelled previously and dwells on it.
She feels i treat her very well (when we are not quarrelling) and she still has 'some' feelings for me. She says she is not seeing any one else and there is no one courting her. I know she is not lying as i know her lifestyle very well which makes it even harder to accept as i feel her reasons are not valid. I have apologised for the things i said when i was angry.
I thought she needed a cooling period so i waited for two weeks before asking to patch back with her but she refuse and only wants to be friends with me. Even as friends, she does not want to go out with me any more.
Because of this my performance at work suffered and i even got called up by my boss as i can't concentrate and made many mistakes at work. I fell into depression and started drinking to try to stop thinking of her.
I can't forget her even though this happened over a month already, probably because we work together. Can't forget something you see everyday. She will still care for me when she see me moody at work. I thought about resigning but decided it is not worth it and i asked her if she could resign since she was the one who initiated the breakup and put me through so much pain. She refused and we had a big quarrel. I did something quite drastic to make her and me hate each other so now we can't patch back again. We don't even talk when we meet in office. Actually i regreted burning bridges with her but she was heartless to me first.
Should i quit my job or stay on? How to move on from a relationship that just failed because of some arguements? -
A quick turn-around method is to turn the love into hatred and be the worst b@stard you can think of becoming. You will feel like you turned the tables even though nothing really changed... and quickly get another girl. It will still take some time to cool off but you'll be good.
Or you can do it the usual sensitive new age guy thing: cry at home, perform badly in job and get sacked and ultimately become the worst loser. Lose in love is ok... lose in career + love = jialat. Maybe its better to be a b@stard than a loser? -
so wat bad u did?Originally posted by tiredcapricorn:I courted her when she first joined my company. Don't think there is a chance of patching back with her caused i did something quite 'bad'. Won't elaborate here. i did it to make myself hate her. think she hates me as well now.
My company quite small so i will meet her even if i ask for internal posting. -
'The one I love most,hurt me most deep!'
U mention u did some nasty thing to her? Trying to patch back looks quite impossible... just treat her as a colleague. I know its hard but time will do it. Don quit and stay strong. U shall use yr spare time to widen yr social circle and eventually u will find new good gals and scar will heal... -
u r a smart man, u know wat u should do.
if the gal is nasty, i do not see why the guy cant be nasty too.
oh, "Some people are MORE equal than others." sorry, i forgot. BS man. screw it. its over. get used to it.
u know that work is more important than all this rubbish. start working. -
since im oso capricorn..
if i were you, i'll quit the job. i supposed it'd be better on her too. its more effective overall, new job, new environment, it might be better. sometimes, we must learn when to give up. -
im capricorn, i do not believe in quitting. it would offend my sense of honour since it would be equivalent to letting her "win" by removing myself.
if anything, i'd work twice as hard to be twice as good as her.
competition based on performance is good too. -
tis is 1 lesson not to eat n shit at the same place...
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huh?
u actually asked her to resign?
lol... selfish chap.
u want, u resign lor. -
Originally posted by tiredcapricorn:Hi, i am new to this forum. Just got dumped by my gf of half a year and need some advice.
The reasons she dumped me was because she felt our interests are different, we quarrel quite often and her parents do not like me. She can't forget some of the things i said when we quarrelled previously and dwells on it.
She feels i treat her very well (when we are not quarrelling) and she still has 'some' feelings for me. She says she is not seeing any one else and there is no one courting her. I know she is not lying as i know her lifestyle very well which makes it even harder to accept as i feel her reasons are not valid. I have apologised for the things i said when i was angry.
I thought she needed a cooling period so i waited for two weeks before asking to patch back with her but she refuse and only wants to be friends with me. Even as friends, she does not want to go out with me any more.
Because of this my performance at work suffered and i even got called up by my boss as i can't concentrate and made many mistakes at work. I fell into depression and started drinking to try to stop thinking of her.
I can't forget her even though this happened over a month already, probably because we work together. Can't forget something you see everyday. She will still care for me when she see me moody at work. I thought about resigning but decided it is not worth it and i asked her if she could resign since she was the one who initiated the breakup and put me through so much pain. She refused and we had a big quarrel. I did something quite drastic to make her and me hate each other so now we can't patch back again. We don't even talk when we meet in office. Actually i regreted burning bridges with her but she was heartless to me first.
Should i quit my job or stay on? How to move on from a relationship that just failed because of some arguements?
You fall for an office relationship - you faced the consequence of your decision.
I felt the same as bbb; I thought it was utterly selfish of you to request her to quit her job, merely to keep you emotionally sane. From your words, apparently, she actually kept it professional and didn't mind facing you at work even if you two are no longer an item.
You are emotionally unevolved - perhaps if you cannot handle this, you could take a period of unpaid leave or simply quit your job. Nobody is responsible for your misery, even if she is the one who initiated the break-up - you deal directly with your emotions... others don't.
Next time, avoid office relationship if you can't handle the aftermath of failure.
Cheers -
Thanks for all the replies, whether you guys think i was right or wrong.
As a capricorn, i am actually a very rational person. But when I see her everyday and she still treat you as a bf in certain ways, it is very hard to control your emotions. Its like, "you are not my bf anymore but you are different from other guys "kind of relationship. I hate this kind of 'ai meh' in office so i had to do something drastic to make her stay away from me at work.
The reason i asked her to quit was because she said she would quit if i could not stand her anymore in previous arguements, so i held her to her words.
I know some of you will still think i am selfish. I will hang on to the job for the moment and see if there are better jobs early next year. -
Yah, i tried to hate her as she was very heartless when she broke off when me. I was wrong in saying somethings when we argued, that i regret saying now but otherwise i feel i have been very good to her.Originally posted by mayday80:A quick turn-around method is to turn the love into hatred and be the worst b@stard you can think of becoming. You will feel like you turned the tables even though nothing really changed... and quickly get another girl. It will still take some time to cool off but you'll be good.
Or you can do it the usual sensitive new age guy thing: cry at home, perform badly in job and get sacked and ultimately become the worst loser. Lose in love is ok... lose in career + love = jialat. Maybe its better to be a b@stard than a loser?
Thankfully, my colleagues nvr gossip. I dun want to be viewed as a loser if i quit thats why i am in a dilemma. I dun really hate her but am comtemplating leaving my job as it will be easier for me then her to get a new job. I dun want to be a bastard but she has not been fair to me as well, really dunno what to do.....haiz -
Haha...Normally I will try to defend men. This time it's different.Originally posted by tiredcapricorn:Hi, i am new to this forum. Just got dumped by my gf of half a year and need some advice.
The reasons she dumped me was because she felt our interests are different, we quarrel quite often and her parents do not like me. She can't forget some of the things i said when we quarrelled previously and dwells on it.
She feels i treat her very well (when we are not quarrelling) and she still has 'some' feelings for me. She says she is not seeing any one else and there is no one courting her. I know she is not lying as i know her lifestyle very well which makes it even harder to accept as i feel her reasons are not valid. I have apologised for the things i said when i was angry.
I thought she needed a cooling period so i waited for two weeks before asking to patch back with her but she refuse and only wants to be friends with me. Even as friends, she does not want to go out with me any more.
Because of this my performance at work suffered and i even got called up by my boss as i can't concentrate and made many mistakes at work. I fell into depression and started drinking to try to stop thinking of her.
I can't forget her even though this happened over a month already, probably because we work together. Can't forget something you see everyday. She will still care for me when she see me moody at work. I thought about resigning but decided it is not worth it and i asked her if she could resign since she was the one who initiated the breakup and put me through so much pain. She refused and we had a big quarrel. I did something quite drastic to make her and me hate each other so now we can't patch back again. We don't even talk when we meet in office. Actually i regreted burning bridges with her but she was heartless to me first.
Should i quit my job or stay on? How to move on from a relationship that just failed because of some arguements?
Look, the reason she dumped you was not because of different interest. The reason she dumped you was because she was not interested in you anymore, romantically speaking. A very common excuse eh?
Take it like a man. Cooling period? Sorry. Once she wants to take a break from you, it is over. This is how the female operates. She don't love you? Then go find another one. No big deal.
Guy, because you were too uptight. An end to a relationship is the start of a new one. At least you were free from her shackles. See, she dumped you, you felt you treated her too well and you felt you deserved better than this. Ok, fair enough. But it is wrong of you to ask her to quit her job as it has nothing to do with her.
If I were you, I will continue the job because it showed I will not allow her to upset me. Unless you feel you can earn better somewhere else, you don't really have to resort to quitting your job. Besides, if you can maintain the frienship with your ex, she might even introduce some girls to you. You were too uptight.
doko -
Try to get a transfer...
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hi doko, you read my mind like a book. Actually i also know all her reasons are just excuses. When i think about our relationship, it was only good for the first two months, after that it was just quarrelling everyday. I dunno why i clinged on and keep pursuing this relationship, even when i know she is not interested anymore. I realised the more i give in, the more she take me for granted.Originally posted by dokono:Haha...Normally I will try to defend men. This time it's different.
Look, the reason she dumped you was not because of different interest. The reason she dumped you was because she was not interested in you anymore, romantically speaking. A very common excuse eh?
Take it like a man. Cooling period? Sorry. Once she wants to take a break from you, it is over. This is how the female operates. She don't love you? Then go find another one. No big deal.
Guy, because you were too uptight. An end to a relationship is the start of a new one. At least you were free from her shackles. See, she dumped you, you felt you treated her too well and you felt you deserved better than this. Ok, fair enough. But it is wrong of you to ask her to quit her job as it has nothing to do with her.
If I were you, I will continue the job because it showed I will not allow her to upset me. Unless you feel you can earn better somewhere else, you don't really have to resort to quitting your job. Besides, if you can maintain the frienship with your ex, she might even introduce some girls to you. You were too uptight.
doko
No chance of her introducing friends to me as i know most of them and we not onspeaking terms anymore. Think i will just concentrate on my job and forget about her. -
Thanks tiredcapricornOriginally posted by tiredcapricorn:hi doko, you read my mind like a book. Actually i also know all her reasons are just excuses. When i think about our relationship, it was only good for the first two months, after that it was just quarrelling everyday. I dunno why i clinged on and keep pursuing this relationship, even when i know she is not interested anymore. I realised the more i give in, the more she take me for granted.
No chance of her introducing friends to me as i know most of them and we not onspeaking terms anymore. Think i will just concentrate on my job and forget about her.
You cling on because you believed she was nice to you sometimes. So, you thought she still loved you. It's because you love her a lot, much more than she loved you.
When you see her, always smile. Apart from that, you give her nothing. Remember, she don't owe you anything and neither do you.
doko -
Agree too. You need to go out and meet some other girls... not saying you should jump into a r/s immediately, but you are free to date other girls. By doing this, you may be able to find some qualities you found lacking in her that is in other girls, and you may be able to change the ways that you do wrong in the past, so that you can treat other girls better.Originally posted by dokono:Thanks tiredcapricorn
You cling on because you believed she was nice to you sometimes. So, you thought she still loved you. It's because you love her a lot, much more than she loved you.
When you see her, always smile. Apart from that, you give her nothing. Remember, she don't owe you anything and neither do you.
doko
I had an incident in the past where I keep thinking the girl was an angel becos of the how nice she treated me that good few days. Truth is, she was a b!tch for the other few months. Don't make the same mistake as me, move on before all the good memories are consumed by the nightmares she's going to give you, and all is left is the hurt she's given you. At least it was good while it lasted. Pull yourself together! -
Most girls I know are usually nice when you first meet them. They can't bear to hurt the guy. That's why you see girls make good PR staff. They know how to talk and what to say. But it's a facade. Everyone has two sides. It's whether you can bear with their bad side as a boyfriend. It's whether you think their good side is more than their bad side.Originally posted by mayday80:Agree too. You need to go out and meet some other girls... not saying you should jump into a r/s immediately, but you are free to date other girls. By doing this, you may be able to find some qualities you found lacking in her that is in other girls, and you may be able to change the ways that you do wrong in the past, so that you can treat other girls better.
I had an incident in the past where I keep thinking the girl was an angel becos of the how nice she treated me that good few days. Truth is, she was a b!tch for the other few months. Don't make the same mistake as me, move on before all the good memories are consumed by the nightmares she's going to give you, and all is left is the hurt she's given you. At least it was good while it lasted. Pull yourself together!
doko