Of peer pressure and compulsion
-
Since the beginning of this year, I have gotten to know a couple of friends whom I mingle well with – well enough to spend recess with and participate in group outings. All was fine until one of them invited me to her church service some time ago, which I eventually agreed to despite my initial hesitation.
To start off, I am not a religious person, nor am I interested in activities of faith or anything related to worshipping. My friend assured me that it would be fun to “get to know more people” and besides, they were going to watch a movie after that. I thought that I would give it a shot; I was not one to be a spoilsport anyway.
Obviously that was the biggest mistake of my life.
Service was disgusting, coma-inducing and highly absurd to say the least. I was drowning in the ocean of unwashed humanity who kept on singing, chanting and mumbling some gobbledegook which meant absolutely nothing. There was also a session called “healing” which I find inexplicably stupid. Some woman got on stage, testified that her back pains had miraculously disappeared during the “healing” and thanked the lord for curing her. What an idiot. Try curing cancer and make a cripple walk again; then I would be impressed.
What really pissed me off was when they started begging for money: “Even if it’s one dollar more than you’ve contributed last week, the lord is watching from above and he knows that you’re helping at your best.”
Hello? If I want to make a financial contribution towards a charitable cause, I would put my money in established reputable organisations to pursue my philanthropic deeds, not in some deceptive profit-driven association disguised under the clever label of a church.
Anyway, back to the point. Despite my subsequent refusal to attend service or cell group meetings, my friend kept on pestering me to show up, and it actually worked. I have already attended several cell group meetings against my will just to keep the friendship going.
Their pressure for me to participate regularly in their church activities is overwhelming. I kept on rejecting her, citing other plans, but she just pressed on and stuck to compelling me to join them. Now she is asking me to bring more friends along the next time I show up. She even wants to know the actual number of people I already have (zero), and she messages me on a daily basis just to persuade me to commit to church.
She is being horribly selfish. If she likes leading a life centred around church and interacting with other believers, then she should do so without forcing along somebody who is blatantly not interested. I hate church, and I like spending time with my other friends doing things which actually generate fun. In fact I rather do homework than to go to church. The fact that she is asking me to bring more friends along is puzzling – why would I want to subject my friends to such torture and consequently jeopardise our friendship? I already explained to her that I cannot (and in actuality do not want to) commit to church. I mean, what a way to destroy an otherwise promising weekend. So I get my Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays all occupied with something incredibly worthless such as worshipping? When does the fun start, or does it ever? The fact that church is a heavy commitment does not help one bit. I have a life, I need to unwind and I have ambitions which require much time and self-commitment. Why would I even waste my time on things which obviously do not add value to me as an individual, a student, a son or a citizen? Why can’t she be more understanding in this respect?
My last point is why are people from churches so mafia-like? Why can’t churches just be quiet and simple like every other house of worship, without all the extravagant commercialisation, preaching and coercive methods of increasing membership? Stop trying to be heroes and tell people where they should put their faith in. We can think. I am sick of people trying to convert me. They ramble ceaselessly about very ambiguous things regarding God, life, brotherhood and an inherent obligation to atone for our sins which Jesus died for, but when I start to challenge them to a debate on religion, they cannot even answer me. Go away, get lost, don’t preach and get a new cause. Believe in whatever you want but keep your mouth shut about it; I am sure anyone harassed by you annoying neo-mafia members would say the same. I know that once I become “one of them” (i.e. get baptised) I am never going to be able to escape future meetings. If I quit, I would be condemned as a traitor and be damned to hell.
I am really at my witÂ’s end when it comes to abstaining from church while not straining my friendship with her.
-
my friend who got me into church backslided for some reason.
and for some other reason, after i left my cell group never contact me again.
learn to say no man, friends no matter how close, you should say no when you mean no. wait u kana lape ar. -
I lost a close friend to CHC.
-
wait, from what i know, u are nt forced to go for any church activities, it's ur faith in god that must be willing for u to go for church activities. u can try speaking to her, and telling her ur troubles.
-
She done her part by sharing the gospel with you.
You do your part of either accepting or denying.
Either way, it's your decision which you have to make.
If it's force or compulsion, then it's not right. -
Peer pressure is a powerful force.Originally posted by kenn3th:wait, from what i know, u are nt forced to go for any church activities, it's ur faith in god that must be willing for u to go for church activities. u can try speaking to her, and telling her ur troubles.
-
Hi =D
Although I agree with what you said, there are some things that I couldn't help thinking whilst reading through your post.
Yes some christians can be very persistant with trying to spread their religion around and especially with trying to convince other non-members of the church to join. I know that because I've been to church before... I was baptised when I was much younger. I no longer attend now though. Partly because I'm not that much of a believer in god and I have no faith in the religion itself. But now I would put myself in the "free thinker" group.
Some christians can be really hypocritical..they preach what they think is right yet they do the very thing that is considered "wrong" in their religion and expect for forgiveness from god all the time. That is what I didnt like about some churches. But it was not because of that behaviour that put me off christianity, it was the lack of faith to begin with.
Now take in mind that I used "SOME" christians and "SOME" churches. I don't think one should generalize and expect the same behaviour from all christians. Your friend is wrong for pressuring you to attend church and expects that you do..in order to maintain the friendship. If YOUR friend expects you to do so, then clearly, she is not a real friend to begin with. I can't imagine any of my friends threatening me to attend church or else they'll stop talking to me. That is just childish behaviour in my opinion.
There is REALLY NO NEED to religion bash or anything like that. Keep in mind that different people have different values and beliefs. Just because you don't like christian teachings, doesn't give you the right to criticise what they do or dont do. If you can't stand what they teach, simple..dont go to church anymore. Respect what other people believe in, and what your friend believes in. Even though your on completely different wavelengths with her.
You mention that she is at fault for persisting you to join..and that you cant stand her anymore.
But think about it this way, aren't you somewhat fake? You agree to go to church with her, yet going only because you have to and not want to, pretending to be OKAY about it. And yet backstabbing her by ranting on a forum and dissing her religion.
Sorry but if you were a better friend.. you probably would have told her the truth from day 1.. you are not interested in going to her church but you would like to continue the friendship anyways.
Anyways I dont mean to be harsh. But this is honestly what I think.
Hope it works out for you =) -
For heavens sake.
Join another volunteer organisation and tell her you are busy.
Try Volunteer Special Constabulary. Do your online search and get yourself some other life other then worrying about straining her friendship.
Makes you wonder, does she really treat you like a friend or just some lost soul to recruit for church. -
Originally posted by estaaa:
couldn't have put it better.
Hi =D
Although I agree with what you said, there are some things that I couldn't help thinking whilst reading through your post.
Yes some christians can be very persistant with trying to spread their religion around and especially with trying to convince other non-members of the church to join. I know that because I've been to church before... I was baptised when I was much younger. I no longer attend now though. Partly because I'm not that much of a believer in god and I have no faith in the religion itself. But now I would put myself in the "free thinker" group.
Some christians can be really hypocritical..they preach what they think is right yet they do the very thing that is considered "wrong" in their religion and expect for forgiveness from god all the time. That is what I didnt like about some churches. But it was not because of that behaviour that put me off christianity, it was the lack of faith to begin with.
Now [b]take in mind that I used "SOME" christians and "SOME" churches. I don't think one should generalize and expect the same behaviour from all christians. Your friend is wrong for pressuring you to attend church and expects that you do..in order to maintain the friendship. If YOUR friend expects you to do so, then clearly, she is not a real friend to begin with. I can't imagine any of my friends threatening me to attend church or else they'll stop talking to me. That is just childish behaviour in my opinion.
There is REALLY NO NEED to religion bash or anything like that. Keep in mind that different people have different values and beliefs. Just because you don't like christian teachings, doesn't give you the right to criticise what they do or dont do. If you can't stand what they teach, simple..dont go to church anymore. Respect what other people believe in, and what your friend believes in. Even though your on completely different wavelengths with her.
You mention that she is at fault for persisting you to join..and that you cant stand her anymore.
But think about it this way, aren't you somewhat fake? You agree to go to church with her, yet going only because you have to and not want to, pretending to be OKAY about it. And yet backstabbing her by ranting on a forum and dissing her religion.
Sorry but if you were a better friend.. you probably would have told her the truth from day 1.. you are not interested in going to her church but you would like to continue the friendship anyways.
Anyways I dont mean to be harsh. But this is honestly what I think.
Hope it works out for you =)[/b]
but wtf u signed up as a member just to say this lol? -
Originally posted by estaaa:
u register juz to post this?
Hi =D
Although I agree with what you said, there are some things that I couldn't help thinking whilst reading through your post.
Yes some christians can be very persistant with trying to spread their religion around and especially with trying to convince other non-members of the church to join. I know that because I've been to church before... I was baptised when I was much younger. I no longer attend now though. Partly because I'm not that much of a believer in god and I have no faith in the religion itself. But now I would put myself in the "free thinker" group.
Some christians can be really hypocritical..they preach what they think is right yet they do the very thing that is considered "wrong" in their religion and expect for forgiveness from god all the time. That is what I didnt like about some churches. But it was not because of that behaviour that put me off christianity, it was the lack of faith to begin with.
Now [b]take in mind that I used "SOME" christians and "SOME" churches. I don't think one should generalize and expect the same behaviour from all christians. Your friend is wrong for pressuring you to attend church and expects that you do..in order to maintain the friendship. If YOUR friend expects you to do so, then clearly, she is not a real friend to begin with. I can't imagine any of my friends threatening me to attend church or else they'll stop talking to me. That is just childish behaviour in my opinion.
There is REALLY NO NEED to religion bash or anything like that. Keep in mind that different people have different values and beliefs. Just because you don't like christian teachings, doesn't give you the right to criticise what they do or dont do. If you can't stand what they teach, simple..dont go to church anymore. Respect what other people believe in, and what your friend believes in. Even though your on completely different wavelengths with her.
You mention that she is at fault for persisting you to join..and that you cant stand her anymore.
But think about it this way, aren't you somewhat fake? You agree to go to church with her, yet going only because you have to and not want to, pretending to be OKAY about it. And yet backstabbing her by ranting on a forum and dissing her religion.
Sorry but if you were a better friend.. you probably would have told her the truth from day 1.. you are not interested in going to her church but you would like to continue the friendship anyways.
Anyways I dont mean to be harsh. But this is honestly what I think.
Hope it works out for you =)[/b] -
back off u guys are just spamming to increase number of posts.
my advice tell her the truth
. if the truth hurts be it. if it doesn't work tell her again. if it gets as if she won't listen obviously she is the type of friend u can see in school. outside of school she's a churchie.
u have a simple problem that is u think she is being sucked in to a worthless cause. religion especially this one is the result of her own choice and how can we dictate how others live.
roar
-
Well, you registered just to post this?Originally posted by polarb3ar:back off u guys are just spamming to increase number of posts.
my advice tell her the truth . if the truth hurts be it. if it doesn't work tell her again. if it gets as if she won't listen obviously she is the type of friend u can see in school. outside of school she's a churchie.
u have a simple problem that is u think she is being sucked in to a worthless cause. religion especially this one is the result of her own choice and how can we dictate how others live.
roar
I was not trying to dictate how she should live her life anyhow. I am upset with the fact that, on the contrary, she is almost telling me how to live mine. -
don bother dude, reallyOriginally posted by RETARDED_MORON:Since the beginning of this year, I have gotten to know a couple of friends whom I mingle well with – well enough to spend recess with and participate in group outings. All was fine until one of them invited me to her church service some time ago, which I eventually agreed to despite my initial hesitation.
To start off, I am not a religious person, nor am I interested in activities of faith or anything related to worshipping. My friend assured me that it would be fun to “get to know more people” and besides, they were going to watch a movie after that. I thought that I would give it a shot; I was not one to be a spoilsport anyway.
Obviously that was the biggest mistake of my life.
Service was disgusting, coma-inducing and highly absurd to say the least. I was drowning in the ocean of unwashed humanity who kept on singing, chanting and mumbling some gobbledegook which meant absolutely nothing. There was also a session called “healing” which I find inexplicably stupid. Some woman got on stage, testified that her back pains had miraculously disappeared during the “healing” and thanked the lord for curing her. What an idiot. Try curing cancer and make a cripple walk again; then I would be impressed.
What really pissed me off was when they started begging for money: “Even if it’s one dollar more than you’ve contributed last week, the lord is watching from above and he knows that you’re helping at your best.”
Hello? If I want to make a financial contribution towards a charitable cause, I would put my money in established reputable organisations to pursue my philanthropic deeds, not in some deceptive profit-driven association disguised under the clever label of a church.
Anyway, back to the point. Despite my subsequent refusal to attend service or cell group meetings, my friend kept on pestering me to show up, and it actually worked. I have already attended several cell group meetings against my will just to keep the friendship going.
Their pressure for me to participate regularly in their church activities is overwhelming. I kept on rejecting her, citing other plans, but she just pressed on and stuck to compelling me to join them. Now she is asking me to bring more friends along the next time I show up. She even wants to know the actual number of people I already have (zero), and she messages me on a daily basis just to persuade me to commit to church.
She is being horribly selfish. If she likes leading a life centred around church and interacting with other believers, then she should do so without forcing along somebody who is blatantly not interested. I hate church, and I like spending time with my other friends doing things which actually generate fun. In fact I rather do homework than to go to church. The fact that she is asking me to bring more friends along is puzzling – why would I want to subject my friends to such torture and consequently jeopardise our friendship? I already explained to her that I cannot (and in actuality do not want to) commit to church. I mean, what a way to destroy an otherwise promising weekend. So I get my Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays all occupied with something incredibly worthless such as worshipping? When does the fun start, or does it ever? The fact that church is a heavy commitment does not help one bit. I have a life, I need to unwind and I have ambitions which require much time and self-commitment. Why would I even waste my time on things which obviously do not add value to me as an individual, a student, a son or a citizen? Why can’t she be more understanding in this respect?
My last point is why are people from churches so mafia-like? Why can’t churches just be quiet and simple like every other house of worship, without all the extravagant commercialisation, preaching and coercive methods of increasing membership? Stop trying to be heroes and tell people where they should put their faith in. We can think. I am sick of people trying to convert me. They ramble ceaselessly about very ambiguous things regarding God, life, brotherhood and an inherent obligation to atone for our sins which Jesus died for, but when I start to challenge them to a debate on religion, they cannot even answer me. Go away, get lost, don’t preach and get a new cause. Believe in whatever you want but keep your mouth shut about it; I am sure anyone harassed by you annoying neo-mafia members would say the same. I know that once I become “one of them” (i.e. get baptised) I am never going to be able to escape future meetings. If I quit, I would be condemned as a traitor and be damned to hell.
I am really at my witÂ’s end when it comes to abstaining from church while not straining my friendship with her. -
Not all churches are like that .
I notice the ones with cell groups do not belong to conventional churches. In Australia , I did write a letter of complaint outlining religious freedom to the property manager of my apartment complex where they started harassing a friend and I by knocking on our doors, placing fliers under the door etc . The church operates out of one of their function rooms and has a large following around the complex. I got it settled fast because I was threatening to go to the authorities. At least I like my church better - it owns a building and I can choose to go there whenever I want to, the religious order doesn't pester me to go because God gave us all free will to decide what we want to do.
As for your friend , you want to keep her as a friend- you might need to keep going to her church - they are like brainwashed minions and they act like it. Or you can cut it off from her- make it clear if she harasses you - you are entitled to seek a legal recourse . You can actually complain to the authorities in Singapore because of the sedition act that comes with religious tolerance. -
Are you refering to CHC? Most probably yes I think.Originally posted by RETARDED_MORON:Since the beginning of this year, I have gotten to know a couple of friends whom I mingle well with – well enough to spend recess with and participate in group outings. All was fine until one of them invited me to her church service some time ago, which I eventually agreed to despite my initial hesitation.
To start off, I am not a religious person, nor am I interested in activities of faith or anything related to worshipping. My friend assured me that it would be fun to “get to know more people” and besides, they were going to watch a movie after that. I thought that I would give it a shot; I was not one to be a spoilsport anyway.
Obviously that was the biggest mistake of my life.
Service was disgusting, coma-inducing and highly absurd to say the least. I was drowning in the ocean of unwashed humanity who kept on singing, chanting and mumbling some gobbledegook which meant absolutely nothing. There was also a session called “healing” which I find inexplicably stupid. Some woman got on stage, testified that her back pains had miraculously disappeared during the “healing” and thanked the lord for curing her. What an idiot. Try curing cancer and make a cripple walk again; then I would be impressed.
What really pissed me off was when they started begging for money: “Even if it’s one dollar more than you’ve contributed last week, the lord is watching from above and he knows that you’re helping at your best.”
Hello? If I want to make a financial contribution towards a charitable cause, I would put my money in established reputable organisations to pursue my philanthropic deeds, not in some deceptive profit-driven association disguised under the clever label of a church.
Anyway, back to the point. Despite my subsequent refusal to attend service or cell group meetings, my friend kept on pestering me to show up, and it actually worked. I have already attended several cell group meetings against my will just to keep the friendship going.
Their pressure for me to participate regularly in their church activities is overwhelming. I kept on rejecting her, citing other plans, but she just pressed on and stuck to compelling me to join them. Now she is asking me to bring more friends along the next time I show up. She even wants to know the actual number of people I already have (zero), and she messages me on a daily basis just to persuade me to commit to church.
She is being horribly selfish. If she likes leading a life centred around church and interacting with other believers, then she should do so without forcing along somebody who is blatantly not interested. I hate church, and I like spending time with my other friends doing things which actually generate fun. In fact I rather do homework than to go to church. The fact that she is asking me to bring more friends along is puzzling – why would I want to subject my friends to such torture and consequently jeopardise our friendship? I already explained to her that I cannot (and in actuality do not want to) commit to church. I mean, what a way to destroy an otherwise promising weekend. So I get my Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays all occupied with something incredibly worthless such as worshipping? When does the fun start, or does it ever? The fact that church is a heavy commitment does not help one bit. I have a life, I need to unwind and I have ambitions which require much time and self-commitment. Why would I even waste my time on things which obviously do not add value to me as an individual, a student, a son or a citizen? Why can’t she be more understanding in this respect?
My last point is why are people from churches so mafia-like? Why can’t churches just be quiet and simple like every other house of worship, without all the extravagant commercialisation, preaching and coercive methods of increasing membership? Stop trying to be heroes and tell people where they should put their faith in. We can think. I am sick of people trying to convert me. They ramble ceaselessly about very ambiguous things regarding God, life, brotherhood and an inherent obligation to atone for our sins which Jesus died for, but when I start to challenge them to a debate on religion, they cannot even answer me. Go away, get lost, don’t preach and get a new cause. Believe in whatever you want but keep your mouth shut about it; I am sure anyone harassed by you annoying neo-mafia members would say the same. I know that once I become “one of them” (i.e. get baptised) I am never going to be able to escape future meetings. If I quit, I would be condemned as a traitor and be damned to hell.
I am really at my witÂ’s end when it comes to abstaining from church while not straining my friendship with her.
CHC tries to potray an image that being a christian is a "hip" trend in modern times
I dont see a need for a church to influence people to become christians. Somemore I doubt that those "new christians" will truly be devoted to God. So I dont see any sense to attract more people in.
And just because of my refusal to go CHC, I lost a friend. -
TS, the healing session I saw my sister watch on the live in the web. I dont really believe it lor. I ws totally disgusted.
-
You can say the same Antics Exists in most if not all "Non-Profitable" Organisations.
In Singapore it is too time costly to involve yourself to 'Donations'. -
if she treats you as a friend, she wont have force you consistently...
-
let the cripple walk again..perhaps i will believeOriginally posted by Darkness_hacker99:TS, the healing session I saw my sister watch on the live in the web. I dont really believe it lor. I ws totally disgusted. -
You are absolutely right. CHC is impressively skilful at brainwashing simple-minded impressionable youths, and I am tired of them already. I guess I will just make clear to her that I am seriously not into joining the mafia.Originally posted by striderz_o405:Are you refering to CHC? Most probably yes I think.
CHC tries to potray an image that being a christian is a "hip" trend in modern times I dont see a need for a church to influence people to become christians. Somemore I doubt that those "new christians" will truly be devoted to God. So I dont see any sense to attract more people in.
And just because of my refusal to go CHC, I lost a friend. -
If things are bothering you, you really have to talk it out with your friend. Your last resort would be for you to get out of the so-called "friendship".
For me, the very fundamental requirement of a friend is one who does not make me feel bad, and support me even though he/she doen't agree with the things I believe or do. -
why do you value this kind of friend who does not respect your wishes and force you to do so many things against your desire? I do not see value in this friendship unless you have plans to have a r/s with her. A r/s with a church going person like this ... you will get only get more of this kind of harassing. So unless you are a sadist...
Strain the friendship if it takes to get her off your back. I did that with my friends that they have to respect other people's choice of their faith or the lack of. -
if u dun like it, juz tell ur frens nicely.
there's no need to criticize this way, coz u will offend the believers, the christians.
btw i see the word 'recess'.. are u still in pri sch ar? -
in any religion, there r bound to be extremists. Its just unfortunate dat ur fren happens to be one of them. Most of the time, these pple r like "living in their own world" cos they hv been "brainwashed" too much.
hence,u shd tell ur fren dat if she really treats u as a true fren, she shd respect ur wishes and not make u do things against ur will. if she cant do dat, then prob its best to minimise contact wif her.
dont bother abt wat ur fren and her church members think of you. once u break away from them, its only a matter of time they will forget u(hopefully). everyone has their right to choose how they want to live their life. y shd u be unhappy for the sake of pleasing others? -
haha. i understand u. i also got go before. tmd i like 1 moron there.Originally posted by RETARDED_MORON:You are absolutely right. CHC is impressively skilful at brainwashing simple-minded impressionable youths, and I am tired of them already. I guess I will just make clear to her that I am seriously not into joining the mafia.
just be a man , just refuse . say ur not interested. nobody can force you to things you dont like only if you let them.
then always say stories ppl canot walk end up can walk. keep asking donations. i heard its a commercial church but its obvious