Can't sleep tonight due to some stupid important event tomorrow, therefore I'm just clicking away anyhow in my folders and I found something back from my sec sch years and it's quite funny when I think about it. I forgot when I typed this. probably when I was Sec 3 or 4. 2-3 years back already.
This one was when I was at a very low point of my sec sch life.
Incident involves:
1) F**king backstabbing friends
2) A girl I liked for 4 yrs of sec school
Ok, so this low point came along when:
1) I got to like this girl cause we share common interests plus we were treated like outcasts by our own separate group of friends lah cos of the common interest in the land of the rising sun (everyone was stars and stripes then)
2) I upgraded to a WinXP com late Sec 3, then this girl always shared her problems with me on MSN, told me a lot of stuff about her clique and how they constantly backstabbed her when she wasn't around.
3) End of Sec 3, my clique (a bunch of f**kers) were at my place when they found all the chatlogs with her while clicking through all my files in the PC, started a fake MSN account and added this girl as an anonymous member from her CCA, and constantly told her all the stuff about what her frens were saying. I initially thought "okay, great. let her know," till they started talking dirty to her, claiming their fake MSN persona "had a lesbian crush on her" and all sorts of nonsense lah.
4) Early Sec 4. she started to tell me about this person who added her on MSN and started talking nonsense to her. since she was chairman of her CCA (we're not in the same CCAs) she went to confront the entire CCA, and got really pissed when nobody owned up. then around March or so I decided f*** it I should tell her.
What did I get?
"F*** YOU!!!!!" when it wasn't even my fault.
I found out later that those f**kers had told all her friends about the fake MSN persona and said I was the one who created it.

You see now how hard it is to trust people? Well, maybe you all can have a laugh out of it the way I did when I dug it out

Here goes:
I possessed a strong sense of justice.
I was very ambitious.
I wanted to let you know the truth about your friends.
I faced risk after risk, danger after danger.
But what always healed my burning heart.
Was your smile, bright and cheerful.
I realised that we had alot in common.
I also realised that.
It was against my own principles to hide the facts from you.
I thought humans were born to forgive and forget.
I thought telling the truth would be better for you and me.
I cannot run away from the mistake that I had made.
I thought I could finally clear the shadows within my heart.
Now I realise that you cannot forgive me for what I have done.
I know what I do or say now does not mean much to you as it did before.
I have seen the ugly side of humans many times before.
But I believe you do not possess that ugly side.
I ask myself.
Why don't you forgive me?
I understand what I did was wrong.
What actually was meant to be my good intention.
Turned into a bad thing by accident.
I hope you will give me a chance to explain.
I can't stand each day as it passes.
You act as if nothing had happened.
I'm losing my humanity.
I'm losing faith in everything human.
Your smile is all I yearn for.
This incident bugged me for a few months and affected my willingness to study for my O's. not because the girl shot at me with such fury, but because I had to sit in the same class all the way with the few f**king b*stards who studied exactly the same subjects as I did. worse still they were from the same CCA but I held highest post in the hierarchy, as opposed to them holding lower positions or not holding any post at all, so that didn't matter.

Probably those currently in sec school now can learn not to trust the people around them so easily? Don't let your own secrets out so easily. you won't know who to trust.
Aftermath:
I've had a brighter life after I left secondary school. though I dropped out of Poly few months back to pursue a course of my interest, during the past few months been challenging myself at high and low elements, at land and at sea, all in an attempt to discover my personal strengths and weaknesses. all these activities have taken my mind off a lot of bothersome stuff I experienced whilst in secondary school.
I still go back, volunteering my services in my CCA. I owe a lot to my CCA as my true best friends from secondary school were all from the same CCA (excluding the f**kers)
of course I've also moved on and found a better girl now.

Well, me and that girl I used to like are still very good friends now. she realised the truth sometime before O's began, though I think the incident affected her quite a bit, cos she's turning anti-social. well, I don't know what I can do as a friend la. except that I can wish her all the best in her social life.
for myself, I've found a group of very good friends who share the same interest as me.
Those f**kers are now studying in separate polys, but I hear they still meet up with each other and continue to mock me like they used to. well from where I come from the only weird people are them!!
