how could she? this so heartless~
-
I did mention it, didn't I? Because I don't know what happened? Could be his fault for not treating you well? Or vice versa?Originally posted by blu_sky:The point was never whose fault it is when a relationship cant work anymore.
It depends. There is a reason why it could not work out. There's always a reason for everything. It could be insecurity issues, neediness, jealousy, mistrust, etc from either or both sides, thus leading to the downfall of the relationship.
doko -
Originally posted by blu_sky:The point was never whose fault it is when a relationship cant work anymore.
To a large extent. Yes. -
it does not matter anymore.Originally posted by dokono:I did mention it, didn't I? Because I don't know what happened? Could be his fault for not treating you well? Or vice versa?
doko -
Blu_skyOriginally posted by blu_sky:it does not matter anymore.
I think I shan't go dwell into this topic any longer, else I shall incur the wrath of your brethren?
Enjoy life!
doko -
No wrath. why would there be anger for something/someone that does not matter?Originally posted by dokono:Blu_sky
I think I shan't go dwell into this topic any longer, else I shall incur the wrath of your brethren?
Enjoy life!
doko
Cheers -
Originally posted by blu_sky:No wrath. why would there be anger for something/someone that does not matter?
Cheers
Don't like that leh, i'm in a difficult position.
Look for other threads to argue ok? -
Originally posted by M©+square:
Don't like that leh, i'm in a difficult position.
Look for other threads to argue ok?
so quiet, no one to argue with leh -
You try to contribute the fight?Originally posted by M©+square:
Don't like that leh, i'm in a difficult position.
Look for other threads to argue ok?
doko -
I'm tired liao.Originally posted by dokono:You try to contribute the fight?
doko
If you read the archive of AA...i did my part. -
Agreed... in a relationship... Juz FEEL...Originally posted by blu_sky:The point was never whose fault it is when a relationship cant work anymore. -
Yup... Give and take situation.. End of the day, no one's dirtless without a single bit of dust.. Even when one does seems 'sparkless' from the start... What would you be doing when he / she starts to collect dust...?Originally posted by Bontakun:Ah... you see something within something which means what you see in the person you also have to make the extra effort to see the fine print within a person.
Ultimately, whether you want to check the person or just go ahead... You make the decision and stick with it. The crux is: you DECIDE.
"Critical we might be... Of ourselves we're often not..." -
You sounds like my grandfather or something...?Originally posted by dokono:Smudge
I don't know where you get the idea they were taught not to expect any passion. Well, it could be but even if they were taught not to expect any passion, you think all of them would believe they could not love naturally? Passion is instinctual and always will be. After some time, the passion naturally dies off. I believe they couldn't give much care less about passion in the long run though because survivability is the key issue here.
People last time had responsibilities and were more traditional. The man would find a lady he loved and of course, hopefully, a lady who loved him. He would become a father who would earn a keep for the family while the woman stayed home and did the household chores and cooking.
The husband held a lot of power in the family and earned a lot of respect from the woman. The man was respected as a head and as a fatherly figure. Women's role in those days were supposed to support the man, at least morally. This mindset was carried over even in our parents' generation.
Now? Everyone had about the same rights due to democracy and the most important thing that holds them together is this word called passion. The higher the passion, the longer the relationship. When both parties are madly in love with each other, they could see a long term plan for each other. They couldn't see through each party's personality's flaws and then they rush into marriage.
Alas, when the love of one side has faded, their loyalty starts to waver and they begin to conjure reasons why they cannot be together. Oh, she could not trust him or he could not trust her or other sorts of funny reasons, other than the passion was not there which by the way is actually the main reason why the relationship could not work out. Other side reasons include insecurity, mistrust and clinginess.
So, to add on, they key to a loving relationship is not only about deep love for each other, but also a sense of deep responsibility for a long-term relationship. No one is perfect. But working out is not easy as evident in so many examples. It's easy to say but hard to do. And it sounds like you are not confident in trusting a person completely to be your life partner. Well, I have an advice for you. Know what you want in a life partner, not just the passion/chemistry.
Best of luck to finding your Prince Charming.
doko
-
So what if 'love' is there? 'Love' doesn't tell you the difference between 'right' and 'wrong'...Originally posted by dokono:You did have feelings but they were not high enough to prevent the breakup? You know what? The girls I know who love their boyfriend too much can't bear to breakup. Blu_sky and smudgey failed to answer my question solidly. Who determines what's right for the future? They gave answers but they never seem to clear up. It's all about compromising differences if the love is there, isn't it?
Then again, I don't want to say it's your fault or his fault because I don't know your story but I do hope it's fair for both sides, not just from your point of view. After all, everyone thinks they are right.
doko
Who's to determine what's 'right' for the relationship's future..? Both parties actually.. It's like a 'shareholder' thing... A relationship won't work if it solely or mainly satisfy one party.. As long as one party feels that he / she is not getting enough of anything, insecurity creeps in and 'break point' is just a personal decision over time...?
So what if you know girls who would love their bf so much that they can't break up with them...? I've known religious people who believes their religion SO MUCH that NO MATTER WHAT.. They simply won't give up on it. So can you do kindly tell me.... Based on these facts of 'love' and 'trust' alone... That they're doing the 'right' thing
-
You'll get used to it...Originally posted by blu_sky:You are the missing the point, totally. But it is okay for me. -
Originally posted by Devil1976:You'll get used to it...
-
Originally posted by Devil1976:You'll get used to it...
I'm back!
To stand my grounds again! LOL! -
The wise one learns from all and never make the same mistake again.Originally posted by blu_sky:No one can teach you if you do not have an open mind. Let life teach you then.
A fool never learn from his mistakes.
A smart guy learns from his mistakes.
The smartest guy learns from others' mistakes.
Cheers.
-
Everyone has dirt. Be it before or after. What we can do or at least try to do is to understand how it happened and can we accept it or not. Its the same as your prized collections, or trophies or die cast collectables. As time goes by, they collect dust so you either decide to take it out and clean it or leave it to collect more of it.Originally posted by Devil1976:Yup... Give and take situation.. End of the day, no one's dirtless without a single bit of dust.. Even when one does seems 'sparkless' from the start... What would you be doing when he / she starts to collect dust...?
"Critical we might be... Of ourselves we're often not..."
Sometimes we overrated people... even ourselves at many times. We tend to expect many things from others as well as ourselves. Do we deserve it? Or we demand it? Maybe its natural to expect it?
In other cases, we underrated many other people as well... even ourselves though we nay not notice it. We do not give due credit to people whom they deserved. Something like "Unsung heroes"... -
Reading how blu, doko, smudge, udonknow and many other inputting their valuable thought processes. I have learnt more on how people think about love between a guy and a gal, what conditions are there, what other implications and many others.
When my close buddy and I had a chat yesterday, it did occured to us that: No matter how the things go, what possible outcome it could have, we make the choice. We choose and decide. We stick with the decision and honour it. No regrets.
Put it this way, I put myself in this example: Say I have known two ladies for some time. I am interested in one of them. I decided not to make a move until I confirm and decide. Then some time later the other lady made some moves that seemed to hint she is interested in me. Although I have good feelings for her too, I am still pinning my "hope" onto the first one.
I have good feelings for both but seemed to like one slightly more, I am still open to the other though because I have not made my move. The one I am interested in may or may not have the same feelings towards me thus its an unknown. The other lady has already made her move on me so I can more or less say she has mutual feelings towards me as I towards her.
Can you all see the relationship between the 3 in the story? Ok, so now all I have to do is to decide should I carry on pinning onto the lady I am slightly more interested in OR to focus more on the other lady.
Then I decided to advance towards the other lady and made progress. After some time I came to realise the lady I was originally interested in do infact has some feelings for me. I cannot suddenly stop all possible advancement with the other lady simply because of that because I made my choice. I DECIDED to be with the other lady.
Decision. Are you ready to hold responsible for the action you make and live with it? Or are you going to shrug it off when its crunch time? -
hmmmm.... doko,Originally posted by dokono:Smudge
I don't know where you get the idea they were taught not to expect any passion. Well, it could be but even if they were taught not to expect any passion, you think all of them would believe they could not love naturally? Passion is instinctual and always will be. After some time, the passion naturally dies off. I believe they couldn't give much care less about passion in the long run though because survivability is the key issue here.
People last time had responsibilities and were more traditional. The man would find a lady he loved and of course, hopefully, a lady who loved him. He would become a father who would earn a keep for the family while the woman stayed home and did the household chores and cooking.
The husband held a lot of power in the family and earned a lot of respect from the woman. The man was respected as a head and as a fatherly figure. Women's role in those days were supposed to support the man, at least morally. This mindset was carried over even in our parents' generation.
Now? Everyone had about the same rights due to democracy and the most important thing that holds them together is this word called passion. The higher the passion, the longer the relationship. When both parties are madly in love with each other, they could see a long term plan for each other. They couldn't see through each party's personality's flaws and then they rush into marriage.
Alas, when the love of one side has faded, their loyalty starts to waver and they begin to conjure reasons why they cannot be together. Oh, she could not trust him or he could not trust her or other sorts of funny reasons, other than the passion was not there which by the way is actually the main reason why the relationship could not work out. Other side reasons include insecurity, mistrust and clinginess.
So, to add on, they key to a loving relationship is not only about deep love for each other, but also a sense of deep responsibility for a long-term relationship. No one is perfect. But working out is not easy as evident in so many examples. It's easy to say but hard to do. And it sounds like you are not confident in trusting a person completely to be your life partner. Well, I have an advice for you. Know what you want in a life partner, not just the passion/chemistry.
Best of luck to finding your Prince Charming.
doko
I think our views are just very different. we can look at the same thing but see a very different object....
hence i think shall leave it as that. -
+1Originally posted by blu_sky:You are the missing the point, totally. But it is okay for me.
+1 once again!!!Originally posted by blu_sky:No one can teach you if you do not have an open mind. Let life teach you then.
A fool never learn from his mistakes.
A smart guy learns from his mistakes.
The smartest guy learns from others' mistakes.
Cheers. -
Don't bother lah...Originally posted by YouDonKnowMe:
I'm back!
To stand my grounds again! LOL! " -
Mmm.. My point was.. What if the dust is on your partner..? What if she refuses to clean it..? What is 'acceptable amount' of dust...? What if it's just you being critical?Originally posted by Bontakun:Everyone has dirt. Be it before or after. What we can do or at least try to do is to understand how it happened and can we accept it or not. Its the same as your prized collections, or trophies or die cast collectables. As time goes by, they collect dust so you either decide to take it out and clean it or leave it to collect more of it.
Sometimes we overrated people... even ourselves at many times. We tend to expect many things from others as well as ourselves. Do we deserve it? Or we demand it? Maybe its natural to expect it?
In other cases, we underrated many other people as well... even ourselves though we nay not notice it. We do not give due credit to people whom they deserved. Something like "Unsung heroes"... -
Then its up to me to decide loh. She refused to clean, see I accept or give up. BUT since I have already decided to be with her, I am sticking to it no matter what. Even if there will come a time when my faith in the relationship may be shaken, I will still find hope in it and persevere along with her.Originally posted by Devil1976:Mmm.. My point was.. What if the dust is on your partner..? What if she refuses to clean it..? What is 'acceptable amount' of dust...? What if it's just you being critical?
Me being critical? Hmm... maybe I find other people to show me what am I critical about. Afterall, I am willing to learn more and change for the better. Too bad I dunno how to sing the Robbie Williams "Better man" song. -
Wow! So many posts! Nah. I hvnt been away. Was just too busy quoting the previous posts or shd i quote more since I see more contributions?Originally posted by Devil1976:Don't bother lah... "
Hold ya breathe cos here I go!