what do i do???
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the last thread http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=233274&page=18 was getting too long so thought it might be easier to follow up from here:
btw his parents do know about me cos he once joked to his dad that he's taking me to ROM to test his reaction. how did things get so complicated..really need to figure out what to do now..Originally posted by kuri:ytd past midnight he suddenly smsed me
"will u marry me?"
i was like
i tried to brush him off nicely this morning he smsed me again "marry me?"
it was just tuesday afternoon when he told me he realised things were going too fast n we need to slow it down i was surprised but happy that he finally saw that. yet wednesday he asked for we could get couple rings? when i didnt reply him he said nvm n now just after two days without meeting him n he asked me to marry him?? tho he always says he's very clear what he's doing he's mature enough at his age to hav thought things through yet all this strange acts recently made me wonder does he know what he's doing consciously?
smudgey thanks for ur useful insights did try to get him to talk bout some of the issues u mentioned but when i tried to start again ytd he said i just want him to leave me rite? he insists that if i talk bout such things again means i m trying to drive him away. i dunno how i can get him to face the issues nicely and how to sum up all these mess we've to deal with now so he can understand.
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Sounds like there's a serious lack of trust between the 2 of you... Hidding from a problem and pretending that it doesn't exist often won't just make the problem go away...Originally posted by kuri:been bout 7 months or perhaps a yr since they broke off ba i m not so sure..he says he's very sure he's over his ex le so i dun wanna ask him too much bout it cos rather not talk about my ex or his ex when i m with him. the tiff over my ex was when he kept pressing me for an answer when he sees that my expression's not right.
It's even more disturbing when he even proposed a marriage on top of all the problems both of you are facing and over such a short period which both of you are in this relationship... He doesn't seems all that capable of solving the problems in the relationship on hand, nor to be able to think what priority he should be having before jumping into a marriage... It seems quite likely that he's also only just hoping that a 'miracle' would happen after the marriage.. Very much seems like one who blindly believe that going into a marriage would 'somehow' just SOLVE MOST of the problems between 2 people if not all...? -
Hey , if nobody have problems they would be Monks and Nuns !
Seen through the walks of life !! so Why bother to get married when all problems are solved ???
Isn't it another way to look at things is to get together and solve the problems as a married couple ??? -
Not meaning to solve ALL PROBLEMS... But SOME problems are just NOT meant to be carried forward into a MARRIAGE...Originally posted by NotFromVenus:Hey , if nobody have problems they would be Monks and Nuns !
Seen through the walks of life !! so Why bother to get married when all problems are solved ???
Isn't it another way to look at things is to get together and solve the problems as a married couple ??? -
Exactly what are these problems?Originally posted by Devil1976:Not meaning to solve ALL PROBLEMS... But SOME problems are just NOT meant to be carried forward into a MARRIAGE... -
Too many to be listed in general... But for her case, it would be TRUST ISSUES, SERIOUS lack of FOUNDATION, and strong INCOMPATIBILITY...Originally posted by NotFromVenus:Exactly what are these problems?
And it's absurb to be talking about marriage at this point when they have not even been dating over quite an amount of time...? It also seems that this guy is much more interested in the idea of 'marriage' alone than showing much of any other interest in solving the problems on hand... So what makes you think that he would even be doing something about the problems after the marriage?
Marriage is no joking matter you know...? You seriously think she should be taking that kinda chance with this 'gamble'? -
Hmm...
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whatever is the situation,think twice as this concern your future
most importantly,do u love him?
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In what ways are they incompatible, devil?Originally posted by Devil1976:Too many to be listed in general... But for her case, it would be TRUST ISSUES, SERIOUS lack of FOUNDATION, and strong INCOMPATIBILITY...
And it's absurb to be talking about marriage at this point when they have not even been dating over quite an amount of time...? It also seems that this guy is much more interested in the idea of 'marriage' alone than showing much of any other interest in solving the problems on hand... So what makes you think that he would even be doing something about the problems after the marriage?
Marriage is no joking matter you know...? You seriously think she should be taking that kinda chance with this 'gamble'? -
I tot the guy alrady said he mentioned marriage just a joke?
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how can anyhow joke about getting married?Originally posted by rainee:I tot the guy alrady said he mentioned marriage just a joke? -
well maybe he just mentioned it thru the SMS as a way to test kuri's reaction, the same way he tested his dad's reaction last time...Originally posted by blu_sky:how can anyhow joke about getting married?
anyway, it is actually very easy to decide what you want to do...tell him you want a cooling off period and during then just ask yourself: do you love him or not?
if no, let him go. it will be better for both of you. -
TS is emotionally attached to him, despite she may or may not love him. i think thats wat holding her back. plus he was willing to take so much sh1t from her, did move TS alittle.Originally posted by rainee:well maybe he just mentioned it thru the SMS as a way to test kuri's reaction, the same way he tested his dad's reaction last time...
anyway, it is actually very easy to decide what you want to do...tell him you want a cooling off period and during then just ask yourself: do you love him or not?
if no, let him go. it will be better for both of you.
btw, i like your avatar
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thanksOriginally posted by blu_sky:TS is emotionally attached to him, despite she may or may not love him. i think thats wat holding her back. plus he was willing to take so much sh1t from her, did move TS alittle.
btw, i like your avatar 
emotionally attached not equal to love. that's why kuri shud take a break from this guy and seriously analyze her option... -
Breaking needs resolute and strength.Originally posted by rainee:thanks
emotionally attached not equal to love. that's why kuri shud take a break from this guy and seriously analyze her option... -
yea, but I am just asking her to take some time off to evaluate her feelings for this guy. If she really feels she is in love with him and not inside the r/s just becos of the pressure he puts on her, then she can go back to him...Originally posted by blu_sky:Breaking needs resolute and strength. -
It will all depend on what the TS wants at the end of the day.
Right now, she can't make up her mind, thus, leading to all these problems.
Its just like snowballing.... getting bigger and bigger and she will be even more confused than ever. -
I agree....Originally posted by Devil1976:Not meaning to solve ALL PROBLEMS... But SOME problems are just NOT meant to be carried forward into a MARRIAGE...
Some problems you MUST solve before you commit more...
TS, Pls decide ASAP... the longer you drag, the worse it gets -
YES EXACTLY what i have been telling TSOriginally posted by rainee:well maybe he just mentioned it thru the SMS as a way to test kuri's reaction, the same way he tested his dad's reaction last time...
anyway, it is actually very easy to decide what you want to do...tell him you want a cooling off period and during then just ask yourself: do you love him or not?
if no, let him go. it will be better for both of you. -
With reference to the previous topic Kuri has cased up, "Love has no reason?", my opinion still stand. I can only reinforce my statements with the same advice I put in Kuri's earlier topic.
Kuri, you now have to decide (again) are you going to go ahead with this relationship with him to a deeper level? His "proposed" marriage issue may have you confused, but bear in mind what level of commitment you and he have to make. Think carefully you want to go ahead or backtrack. -
One is outgoing, the other is controlling, restrictive and possessive; different level of maturity; one is in rebound phase, the other in reality phase.Originally posted by blu_sky:In what ways are they incompatible, devil?
I think there might be more which just fails to get into my mind at this point... Been a busy day at work, sorry.