it has been 3 week since the broke up. and i thought i have got over wif it but eventually i wasn't.
everytime i pass by some landmark that we pass through before , my brain will start to think of her.
i try to forget her but i can't. my favourite is sashimi at mirama hotel. but how i can't bring myself there.
i scare i will remember all the good memories i had wif her over there.
1st time we went mirama for sashimi was the ever 1st date i had wif her, it was a very happy exciting date i ever had. the 2nd mirama was a couple date. it was 25 december, christmas day. and we went there happily and enjoy very much. how i dun even know when i can bring myself up and go mirama again. good memories are hunting me badly.
last week i was very happy, i thought i have get over partially. but till yesterday i meet my good friend to help her fix her computer, then she ask me to go to simlim sq to meet her. when i start my journery to simlim sq. i took a train there. again the train memories come to me.
the train memories was on on 6th december 2006 wednesday. i remember this date clearly. this is the date when i took a train wif her from hougang to orchard. in the train we hold each other hand and stare at eachother. the feeling was very exciting for me. as i start to feel that she is starting to accept me. then when we walk toward fareast in the underpass, she ask me a qn while holding up our hands, " what does this mean?" i got a shock, and i say that actually i like her very much. she say she too have feeling for me. then we happily walk to fareast to meet her good friend.
during the whole night at thumpers, she is so caring towards me, wan to accompany me, coz i dun dance salsa, she scare i boring, but i told her to go ahead and dance. during that time i told myself that i wan to learn salsa, so that i and her can have a couple dance. but NOW eventually it was all gone!
once she went gather wif her friend whom is going overseas to work. and during gather, she told me is is kinda tipsy, and i immediately call her and rush down to fullerton to see her and bring her home. but b4 we went home, we sat down at the merlion enjoy the nite view, she lay on my lap and we talk to eachother. that night was the BEST BEST BEST night in my life. she told me that her love for me has raise, and i very happy. after see her back home. she gave me a kiss on my lips. i was very happy to receive it. that night we each other didn't get to zzz well coz we been thinking of eachother.
sometime i dun wish to go plaza singapura. coz there got another good memories. on the 7 december, we both need to work. and she told me that let meet up for dinner and movie at plaza sing. over there we ate mos burger and she had her favourite corn soup. then at 730 "The Feet" show is starting. we went in early to sit down. and she say plaza sing sit is all couple sit. she lift up the arm rest and she lean toward me. i put my hand around her shoulder. and i really feel very happy and xin fu to have some 1 u love sitting beside u and accompany u watch movie.
to me she is like a piece of puzzle that fit in nicely in to my puzzle. the puzzle fit in so nicely that u will never ever will dream of.
now when i go school everday i will think of her. i got no choice. because there is once, she having her NIE exams. and i promise to accompany her revise her work. then i bring her to NTU library 2. she sit infront of me and revise. i look at her in to her eyes, as i tell myself that i feel so xin fu. then around 730 i bring her to NTU SBS quad to have dinner. we slowly walk to quad. after dinner i see her home coz the next day she is going to korea wif her brother. now everyday going school seeing those place, sit food, will make me think of her!
there is once i was shopping wif my good friend, suddenly we walk into suntec winter wear section, i ask my friend, how long does it need to knit a scraf. and my friend told me it won't take long. and i decided to crash course knitting. coz i wan to make her a scarf b4 she go korea as i mention above. i got only 3-4 days to finished knit. this scarf is my 1st scarf. i call her and ask what her favourite color. and she told me is purple, pink or light blue. then i went to chinatown and bought 6 rows of wool. and quick learn from my friend. everyday when i reach home i will knit till i very tired, finally i finished b4 her korea trip. coz i can't accompany her to korea so i wan to make something out of my hand to keep her warm over there, as i know korea is now very cold.
during her korea, one of the days she was away, i suddenly receive a mail from her. a mail she sent from korea hotel. saying that she is fine, and she miss me alot. and she saw a magnificent thing, that korea is snowing heavily. and she also wrote in the mail that she wish that i was at her side accompany enjoying the snowing. subsequently i days i been communicating wif her via email. every email she sent she say she miss me very very much.... and i do reply her that i too miss her badly.
untill the day she touchdown SG, i went airport to see her and help her carry her stuff back home. of coz i did sent her off too when she left singapore.
b4 we together i planned alot of thing, i everyday try to change my msn nick hope to attract her attentation. i try all sort of mean to communicating wif her. i remember once when i only knew her for few day, she add me in friendster. and we xchange msn, then there is once her nick saying her chinese character on windows is not working. and that is when i told her i might be able to help her. and i gave her my mobile no: and ask her call me so i can assist her to get her chinese character back working. that is when i 1st time get her mobile no: i was very happy that finally i got her hp, so we can contact each other more often. till then we really communicate alot. everytime she face computer problem she would call me and ask for my help. jus nice the starbub promotion came. the promotion that give u free labtop or PC. and we recontract ours. and decided to go collect together. we decided to meet on 6th dec 2006 to go collect. during the collection i feel very excited. i try to hold her hand she she didn't reject. it was 1 of my happiest day. after collect we took a cab to her place and i help her setup the pc. and i even had dinner at her home. i was very happy that i could makan together wif her mother and her. it was my dream. then we went out as mention above to orchard.
talking abt so much those good memories, there are actually some bad too, 2nd day of our relationship she told me her mum discourage us together. her mum told her that we remain as friend is a better choice. when i heard this piece of news i was very sad. how come her mum will think this way.
there is once my damn stupid phone, did receive her msg, and i was late. we dated to go tampinese ikea to shop for her cupboard. but eventually she was piss and sad that i didn't put in effort in waking up. and all the problems start to trigger out. then as we took a bus to simlim sq, she cry and say she is sad that what i say is last time her ex-bf used to told her. and she say she is stress being wif me. after everything, she say she wan to reconsider our relationship. and ask me to give her sometime to think abt it. that day i was extreme upset, after i see her home, i stood under her block and cry. i cry that this relationship is coming to an end. i call my my best friend, she came to fetch me at kovan mrt, that is the 1st time my good friend saw me cry so badly. when i saw my eyes in the toilet, it was swollen and red. nevertheless, i still keep cry. EVEN now writing this stories my tears is still dripping.
during the cold days of waiting, her good friend, msg me if i'm free to help out her charity at expo on 29th, 30th, 31st of december thingy, i straight away agree, coz i wan to spend my time doing something, rather than staying at home mind go wandering, or crying. but at that moment i didn't know she will be going. till then, then i realise that she is going. during the 3 days of charity, sometimes she treat me cold, sometime she treat me warm. and i remember once she told me she got tution, and i decided to wait for her tution to finished and go to expo together. after that little surprise, she was happy and we together took a bus to expo. during the jounery, we hold each other hand, but in my heart i know the problem still there. on the 31st dec, it was new year eve and we all decided to go KTV together. and we really enjoy ourself. but in my heart i am very upset, coz she is sometime hot and sometime cold, but i try hard to cover my sadness.
i remember on one of the sunday, she call me, saying she jus reach home, and ask me if i wanna watch the curse of the dunno what flower by jay zhou(her favourite idol). of coz i say YES, but then slowly i think i joked overboard. and make her angry. but at the moment i didn't realise that i was overboard. coz i am a person of crappy and jokes. till she sent me a sms saying that she is damn angry to a certain extend not to talk to me forever. then i was shock that i was overboard. nevertheless we still went to catch the show.
b4 the show we have dinner together. at thaiExpress. she look happy and fine. then we went carrefour, and bought her cupboard she always need. and then we head to the cathay for out jay zhou movie. after movie i sent her home. the next day, she MSN me. she say that she is not a good GF etc. then she say she will feel guilty, stress etc. then i ask her a qn. "u say u feel guilty, isit because u scare that u will leave me for some1 else?"
her reply was YES!!!! at that moment my heart went shattered. i feel very sad. at the moment i know that our relationship is going through some troubles. serious trouble. i try to save the relationship, she saying that i change myself for her. and she also say that if she love me she will be able to accept who am i. she also even say that since we are together, we seldom talk like we do b4 we are togther. at the moment my heart was deeply smashed. and i told her, "let us be friend, at least u will still call and talk to me" and i shut off my computer and call my friend to lend me a shoulder.
my friend lend me her ear and i weep like nobody business.
after the broke off i couldn't bring myself out from the pit hole. i keep thinking of her, i keep remembering that sweet memories. whatever i wrote here are part of my memories, there are still tons more. but if i wrote everyting i dunno how long will this things will goes. after a 3 days i saw her online, and she nick change to "I'm getting married." i was shock. and i ask her. she only reply "haha, talk to u again i need to go off liao" and then she signed off. at the moment my heart went crushed. i dunno y but i feel damn terrible. think is coz of the nick, and i wan to know what is happening. but i told myself maybe she is going to help friend in some part time acting, and act in some married sence. a week after her nick change again. this time she wrote in chinese. "ren shi san tian dan you ru san nian - i finally found le". in english is know for 3 days but feel like 3 years. again my heart gone smash. i start crying again. i think i no need to explain y i cry! cry badly. then my friend told me to delete her off my msn so i won't see all those shity comment.
and i really do delete her off my msn. days after that i start to feel much better. abit better only.
on one of a particular wed, her good friend call me, ask me if i free for coffee. during the coffee session, she say got someting to tell me but dunno whether should i be informed. coz i was abt my this ex gf. and i told her jus tell me, coz i dun wan to be hurt again, since now i'm already hurt then might as well give me all the salt!!!!
she told me that she is getting married. Really getting married. she and this guy she knew only days is going to ROM soon and now lookin for a HDB flat. at the moment i heard this new i was ok. untill i reach home, all the pain start to attack me, sky seem to fall down on me, hell is like breaking lose. i feel damn upset and terrible!!!! my goodness my ex-gf broke of wif me and less than a week she knew this guy and in less than a week they are getting married. i dunno how to explain this feeling, it is really damn terrible!
today her good friend call me saying that later when i going over her place to repair her internet connection, pls pass her the VCD my ex-gf lend me, and also she say my ex-gf say that the stuffs that was still in my house can throw away. after i heard all this, i know ex gf is getting her good friend to pass message. but her good friend say it wasn't, but never mind whether is it message passing or not. i start to feel terrible. unable to describle y i feel terrible, but i was really down today.
when i went over to repair the internet, i look at her place, it again remind of my ex-gf, remind me of those wonderful memories at good friend house.
i dunno how long i need to get myself out of this hole, but it is really hard. although it is jus only a 1 month relationship i had wif her, i still find hard to get over it. there are alot of place that trigger my memories and sadness. god i really need ur blessing! i wan to get over. now i may have stop crying. but i dunno will i start crying in the next minute. i may seem to be very happy but i maybe actually hidding my true feeling.
