some perspective needed

• Isis

  13 Feb 07, 22:39

  I could like to hear perspective from other people.
  
  I personally freaked out, when someone attempt to integrate their interests with me which i obviously not interested in.
  
  I need my own spaces to develop and air to breathe.
  I need to retain my own indentity.
  Thus i have recently torning myself away from this group of friends whom i have hanged around with for quite some time.
  
  I think our interests are very diverse and i have been going towards another direction.
  
  I'm sick of conforming to their interests and not expressing myself rightly.
  
  But in the admist of attempting to drift away from them, i think i hurt some friends.
  
  i don't want to hurt friends.
  
  
• udontknowme

  13 Feb 07, 22:41

  you cant please everyone
  
  if your friends are trying to force their values on you, and you really dont like it, i dont see why you should not leave.
  
  very few pple stick with the same group forever
  
  maybe its time you make new friends
  
  ?
• Isis

  13 Feb 07, 22:52

  But i do not want to hurt friends in the admist of doing so.
  
  Torning away is hard.
  
  
• Bontakun

  13 Feb 07, 22:58

  Maybe you can politely reject? Accompany those who tried to impose their interests onto you less often? Maybe by then they get the idea you are not that interested.
  
  Or maybe you got any friends, those who share similar interests as you, who happen to be friends with theos friends, who don't share same interests as you, of yours too? Can get them to help you abit. Maybe go out with them more and enjoy the time. Then maybe they can somewhat spread to the other friends?
  
  These only the few ideas I got so far...
• ulquiorra87

  13 Feb 07, 22:59

  See thats the problem with collectivism (i.e Singaporean culture) you are pressured to 'belong' 'fit in' whilst ignoring what you are really interested in or who you are.. luckily you are aware of the choice of whether to fit in or not
  
  my advice is to follow your interests regardless of your friends.. this way you would know who your true friends are and you dont betray your identity.. 2 pluses and nothing to lose but fake friends
• udontknowme

  13 Feb 07, 23:01

  Originally posted by Isis:

  But i do not want to hurt friends in the admist of doing so.
  
  Torning away is hard.
  
  

  how close are you to them now??
  
  no one has hurt you before???
  
  no one is going to remember everyone they have ever met in their lives....
• Isis

  13 Feb 07, 23:06

  Originally posted by udontknowme:

  how close are you to them now??
  
  no one has hurt you before???
  
  no one is going to remember everyone they have ever met in their lives....

  Very close to one of them..
  
  so-so to the rests.
  
  MMm yes i got hurt before but i have forgave and forget it already.
  
  i feel real bad when they treat me very nice and i'm not really responding very well to them.
  
  I'm torn between finding and being my true self, to dealing with obligation and conforming to others.
  
• Bontakun

  13 Feb 07, 23:09

  Maybe you can try to learn more about those interests they try to involve you in. Why they like doing it. Whats so good about it? Why you don't like it?
• Isis

  13 Feb 07, 23:12

  Originally posted by Bontakun:

  Maybe you can try to learn more about those interests they try to involve you in. Why they like doing it. Whats so good about it? Why you don't like it?

  But i just don't feel the passion and interest in it.
  
  Different outlook in life.
  
  It might work ... if im dealing with friends not on a daily basis.
  
  However, i have been seeing them almost everyday for lessons.
  
  I don't feel being myself.
• Bontakun

  13 Feb 07, 23:14

  Originally posted by Isis:

  But i just don't feel the passion and interest in it.
  
  Different outlook in life.
  
  

  Then you can read my suggestions earlier on and try?
  
  I am curious though... What interests are they involved in that you dun like?
• Isis

  13 Feb 07, 23:18

  Originally posted by Bontakun:

  Then you can read my suggestions earlier on and try?
  
  I am curious though... What interests are they involved in that you dun like?

  Maple, cooking... and it seems nothing much already, other than going to school and gossiping about others.
  
  I don't like to gossip about people. Of course i can be kaypo at times but i just don't like to judge people based on gossips. I don't maple. I seriously find mapling a serious waste of time.
  
  It seems that their life evolve around themselves. I somehow don't find that mind-stimulating. I think it pretty much boil down to personal preferance and it is really nothing personal.
  
• udontknowme

  13 Feb 07, 23:25

  if you choose to stick with them, you can choose not to participate when they are gossiping
  or try to change the subject
  
  perhaps this is just a phase ??
  
  its all up to you whether or not you want to stay with them
  time will tell whether or not you people will remain as friends as the years pass
• ulquiorra87

  13 Feb 07, 23:26

  Originally posted by Bontakun:

  Maybe you can politely reject? Accompany those who tried to impose their interests onto you less often? Maybe by then they get the idea you are not that interested.
  
  Or maybe you got any friends, those who share similar interests as you, who happen to be friends with theos friends, who don't share same interests as you, of yours too? Can get them to help you abit. Maybe go out with them more and enjoy the time. Then maybe they can somewhat spread to the other friends?
  
  These only the few ideas I got so far...

  well your suggestions still seem to try to compromise on a 'fit in'.. no offense though just my opinion
  
  i still think you should just be direct on your values/interests
• NotFromVenus

  13 Feb 07, 23:27

  Do some reading ??
  
  
• Isis

  13 Feb 07, 23:30

  Originally posted by udontknowme:

  if you choose to stick with them, you can choose not to participate when they are gossiping
  or try to change the subject
  
  perhaps this is just a phase ??
  
  its all up to you whether or not you want to stay with them
  time will tell whether or not you people will remain as friends as the years pass

  perhaps it is just a phase.
  
  But i find other than gossiping about others, there is really nothing much to talk about.
  
  The topic will somehow dwindled down to two person participating, out of the 4 people in the group.
  
  
• Isis

  13 Feb 07, 23:33

  Originally posted by Bontakun:

  Maybe you can politely reject? Accompany those who tried to impose their interests onto you less often? Maybe by then they get the idea you are not that interested.
  
  Or maybe you got any friends, those who share similar interests as you, who happen to be friends with theos friends, who don't share same interests as you, of yours too? Can get them to help you abit. Maybe go out with them more and enjoy the time. Then maybe they can somewhat spread to the other friends?
  
  These only the few ideas I got so far...

  i do have other friends but not in the same classes as me.
• Bontakun

  14 Feb 07, 00:59

  Originally posted by ulquiorra87:

  well your suggestions still seem to try to compromise on a 'fit in'.. no offense though just my opinion
  
  i still think you should just be direct on your values/interests

  Well, I too would advice on own values and such, but Isis mentioned not hurting her friends.
  
  

  Originally posted by Isis:

  Maple, cooking... and it seems nothing much already, other than going to school and gossiping about others.
  
  I don't like to gossip about people. Of course i can be kaypo at times but i just don't like to judge people based on gossips. I don't maple. I seriously find mapling a serious waste of time.
  
  It seems that their life evolve around themselves. I somehow don't find that mind-stimulating. I think it pretty much boil down to personal preferance and it is really nothing personal.
  

  Since thats the case, you can see them less often. REALLY less often. Get along with other friends from other classes if they share same interests with you.
  
  However, its your choice what you really wanted to do. This is what I would do if I were in your shoes.
• Devil1976

  14 Feb 07, 11:24

  Originally posted by Isis:

  I could like to hear perspective from other people.
  
  I personally freaked out, when someone attempt to integrate their interests with me which i obviously not interested in.
  
  I need my own spaces to develop and air to breathe.
  I need to retain my own indentity.
  Thus i have recently torning myself away from this group of friends whom i have hanged around with for quite some time.
  
  I think our interests are very diverse and i have been going towards another direction.
  
  I'm sick of conforming to their interests and not expressing myself rightly.
  
  But in the admist of attempting to drift away from them, i think i hurt some friends.
  
  i don't want to hurt friends.
  
  

  How old are you by the way?
  
  Why don't you continue in the old thread...? http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=236037&page=1
• <Precious>

  14 Feb 07, 11:43

  No man is an island. We all need to compromise sometimes when we are with other people who don't share your interests but we shouldn't be hypocrites and pretend to be what we are not lor.
  
  I would rather be alone than to be with a group of people I don't identify with and don't feel comfortable with. Coz it is far more important for me to be myself that I can respect...........
  
  Try to find a balance lor.......
  
  
• kIppEr

  14 Feb 07, 13:33

  Originally posted by Isis:
  I could like to hear perspective from other people.
  
  I personally freaked out, when someone attempt to integrate their interests with me which i obviously not interested in.
  
  I need my own spaces to develop and air to breathe.
  I need to retain my own indentity.
  Thus i have recently torning myself away from this group of friends whom i have hanged around with for quite some time.
  
  I think our interests are very diverse and i have been going towards another direction.
  
  I'm sick of conforming to their interests and not expressing myself rightly.
  
  But in the admist of attempting to drift away from them, i think i hurt some friends.
  
  i don't want to hurt friends.
  
  

  it's identity
• DeadPoet

  14 Feb 07, 15:37

  Be yourself. Be happy. How long can you pretend to be someone you are not?