Tied Up..
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I feel very tied up by my girlfriend.. she wants me to accompany her everyday after work, even weekends we will be together for the whole day. We stay very far from each other, I always reach home about 1am after taking bus back from her place. It's really tiring doing it everyday.
Even when I want to OT, she will be very very unhappy.. when i'm together with her sometime, office calls me, she will also be angry with me.
Basically she's afraid of doing anything herself, wants people to accompany her. When I suggest to go out with my friend, she will say don't know what to talk to them.
Even when I wanted to meet up with my friends after work, she will say something like "going to meet other girl hah? don't wanna care about me already.." sort of things... I can't join my friend. It has been so long since i'm together with her.
She is a good girl I know very well, only her behaviour and attitute that I'm feeling uneasy...
I am very tired.. -
Talk to her that you need your space.
Even married couples also need space. -
y go out with ur friends? she no friend meh?
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She loves you laa.... that explain everything. -
already done that... she will say such thing like.. "fine, then we don't meet anymore, and you don't come and find me"...Originally posted by mistyblue:Talk to her that you need your space.
Even married couples also need space.
how would she say something like that.. -
she won't go out with her friends... unless i'm not meeting with her, then sometimes she will go out with her friends..Originally posted by ifish:y go out with ur friends? she no friend meh? -
It's funny the way your gf behaves, too sticky already. You might want to talk seriously about it with her and if she is really insistent in not giving you some personal space, you might want to re-evaluate your options.
I mean, seeing the same person everyday (even if you lover her) can be grating on the nerves and i think she is too demanding, it's your life to live not her's, so be a man and get your own rights!
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you guys in honeymoon period, ah?
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yucks! ultra-possessive girls are major turn-offs! either ditch her fast, or risk gettin' hitched..with her.
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Originally posted by kuckuc:I feel very tied up by my girlfriend.. she wants me to accompany her everyday after work, even weekends we will be together for the whole day. We stay very far from each other, I always reach home about 1am after taking bus back from her place. It's really tiring doing it everyday.
Even when I want to OT, she will be very very unhappy.. when i'm together with her sometime, office calls me, she will also be angry with me.
Basically she's afraid of doing anything herself, wants people to accompany her. When I suggest to go out with my friend, she will say don't know what to talk to them.
Even when I wanted to meet up with my friends after work, she will say something like "going to meet other girl hah? don't wanna care about me already.." sort of things... I can't join my friend. It has been so long since i'm together with her.
She is a good girl I know very well, only her behaviour and attitute that I'm feeling uneasy...
I am very tired..
I think this love is still hovering heavily around the notion of companionship. I mean, of course, love is companionship, but when that's the only thing you could see in your own relationship, somehow, you will probably experience a cap/stagnation in growth.
Is love merely companionship, taking the last bus ride back home and still feeling spiritually empty?
I am sure everybody generally agrees with the element of compromising in a relationship, but what if compromising becomes a relatively short term measure to a potential, brewing problem?
And that would probably be the time when you would want to analyze the root of her problem and resolve them before it becomes a real headache in your relationship (as it probably has been an issue right now).
I personally know of several people having the same sort of archetype personality like your girlfriend; they somewhat believe that a partner is a panacea to every little thing in life. Goodness, how tiring would that sound like?
The real underlying issue is but themselves.
You may want to have a heart-to-heart talk with her.
Cheers -
allentyb --> nope... been almost nearing to a year.. can consider?
Personally, I think it is because of her past relationship that haunts her... and also it might be due to our past time together, i made her unhappy and somehow not trust her... but now I'm different... I don't do that anymore..
Tried a heart to heart talk, at first she somehow agrees, but later on... her behaviour will come back.. as I said... she will say what I mentioned before as above...
Perhaps I'm not good at rephrasing... help
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i guess U really need to talk to her seriously, tell her hw u fell and what will happen if u can't tk all these shit from her. Coz in the end u'll still breakup with her if she's so sticky right?? tell her all these, as in all from ur heart and what do u suggest to do abt this situation.
I went through this be4, i know hw u fell. I was so trapped 'coz i wasnt even allowed to meet my girl friends!! I told my other half hw i felt n things are much better now.
Just tell her ur true feelings. -
Does your gf surf Sgforums? If she doesn't, then make her start k?
If she does, then goood!
Ok, after a while, go and confess to her and tell her that..
You're STOOKIE!
Confirm she won't want to be so sticky to you anymore liao.. -
yeah but her clingy actions is going to drive you away eventually...Originally posted by kuckuc:already done that... she will say such thing like.. "fine, then we don't meet anymore, and you don't come and find me"...
how would she say something like that.. -
omg.. she is starting to control u already.. how old is she btw? if u really canot tahan.. then break off with her lor.. i mean u rather suffer now than getting clinged by her for the rest of ur life right?Originally posted by kuckuc:I feel very tied up by my girlfriend.. she wants me to accompany her everyday after work, even weekends we will be together for the whole day. We stay very far from each other, I always reach home about 1am after taking bus back from her place. It's really tiring doing it everyday.
Even when I want to OT, she will be very very unhappy.. when i'm together with her sometime, office calls me, she will also be angry with me.
Basically she's afraid of doing anything herself, wants people to accompany her. When I suggest to go out with my friend, she will say don't know what to talk to them.
Even when I wanted to meet up with my friends after work, she will say something like "going to meet other girl hah? don't wanna care about me already.." sort of things... I can't join my friend. It has been so long since i'm together with her.
She is a good girl I know very well, only her behaviour and attitute that I'm feeling uneasy...
I am very tired.. -
Originally posted by kuckuc:allentyb --> nope... been almost nearing to a year.. can consider?
Personally, I think it is because of her past relationship that haunts her... and also it might be due to our past time together, i made her unhappy and somehow not trust her... but now I'm different... I don't do that anymore..
Tried a heart to heart talk, at first she somehow agrees, but later on... her behaviour will come back.. as I said... she will say what I mentioned before as above...
Perhaps I'm not good at rephrasing... help To patch the crevice - talking about it and telling her to change isn't good enough. You probably have to understand enough in order to call for a revolution and assist her to improve.
To me, this probably needs a few good years before you could see any positive result as this is something that cannot be achieve within one talk or a short span of time.
This is the woman you have chosen, so it's up to your ability to make her see her own flaws and wanting to evolve. You will probably experience serious conflicts, especially if she doesn't feel that there is anything wrong with her behaviour.
P.S: Many people know that they are possessive/sticky, but they always chose not to change that because of the insecurity that existed, leeching proper wisdom on handling love. My best friend would rather choose a wrong man than not having any man around - the fear of loneliness overwhelmed everything else.
Sadly, the man in her life doesn't know how to evolve her, therefore he chose to compromise indefinitely.
Would you?
Cheers -
people do strange things to hold on.
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To TS: You have to make a stand and if she is unhappy, then she will have to live with the unhappiness. If you want to go out with your friends, just go out. She must learn to cope. She will learn to cope.
She angry, just let her be angry. She will cool down. Nobody stays angry forever. -
good she love u
bad too sticky
hmmmm................ -
x2Originally posted by mhcampboy:
She loves you laa.... that explain everything. -
TS: At the end of it, its up to you to decide whether to have a good talk with her or not. This is just parts and parcel of life. If you got sometihing which you dun like and it sounds logical, voice it out. If she blow up, it shows that she is not ready. Ready as in mentality.
For your case, you should voice it out. If she understand, its ok. But if she dun, its time to seek alternatives.
I am also in quite similar scenario as you but lucky for me, she understand and accept. She hopes to see me everyday in the past but now, she understand that I need to work, OT sometimes , fly overseas sometimes and also time for me to spend with my family and friends.
If she really likes you, she should be ready to understand and accept the things. Especially things which is logical, for eg. in your situation is time.
If she dun understand, sad to say, its call b1tching behaviour. You are a human who needs freedom, not a prisoner or a bird lock in a cage.
In my case, it turns out that she loves me more and wait dearly for me. In this way, it also builds up the feeling for each other. But this does not apply to everyone cos there are some I know, broke off because of this thing call 'time".
Tell her this:
Now no need to see everyday, in future if we married and live together you will see me everyday untill sian ar... -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
This is not a 'companionship' ar.... This is a CAGE.... I think this love is still hovering heavily around the notion of companionship. I mean, of course, love is companionship, but when that's the only thing you could see in your own relationship, somehow, you will probably experience a cap/stagnation in growth.
Is love merely companionship, taking the last bus ride back home and still feeling spiritually empty?
I am sure everybody generally agrees with the element of compromising in a relationship, [b]but what if compromising becomes a relatively short term measure to a potential, brewing problem?
And that would probably be the time when you would want to analyze the root of her problem and resolve them before it becomes a real headache in your relationship (as it probably has been an issue right now).
I personally know of several people having the same sort of archetype personality like your girlfriend; they somewhat believe that a partner is a panacea to every little thing in life. Goodness, how tiring would that sound like?
The real underlying issue is but themselves.
You may want to have a heart-to-heart talk with her.
Cheers [/b] -
One way or another, you would just have to wake her up and burst her 'bubble'... Hmm... Come to think of it, it has already been a year since she had been behaving this way all these while...? And exactly what were you doing back then...? Giving in to her....? Honeymoon period...? Mmm... Is she a Leo..?Originally posted by kuckuc:I feel very tied up by my girlfriend.. she wants me to accompany her everyday after work, even weekends we will be together for the whole day. We stay very far from each other, I always reach home about 1am after taking bus back from her place. It's really tiring doing it everyday.
Even when I want to OT, she will be very very unhappy.. when i'm together with her sometime, office calls me, she will also be angry with me.
Basically she's afraid of doing anything herself, wants people to accompany her. When I suggest to go out with my friend, she will say don't know what to talk to them.
Even when I wanted to meet up with my friends after work, she will say something like "going to meet other girl hah? don't wanna care about me already.." sort of things... I can't join my friend. It has been so long since i'm together with her.
She is a good girl I know very well, only her behaviour and attitute that I'm feeling uneasy...
I am very tired..
Understand that even if you don't (don't wanna?) burst her 'idealist love' for now, tension would probably just build up with time and there'll no saying where this relationship of yours would be banging the wall in the future to come... So it's really a 'take risk now' or 'bang its head' later situation...?
And note that you're also quite responsible for letting this 'evil' grow within your relationship... Try to let her understand that it's really for the good of this relationship.. Is she is not receptive, then I can only say 'good luck' to whatever you've done so far...? May be quarrels and such... But you should always try little by little to make her understand as far as you're really concerned for the relationship..?
How old are the both of you by the way?