Lost and depressed..
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Been crying for the last few nights..feeling lost and depressed..feels so immensely inadequate,lonely and void in this relationship at times..there seem to b too many problems between us..just when i need some comfort n assurance he's chiding me with cold remarks after i tried so hard to be understanding,warm n encouraging..n he still apparently sees no reason wat could b wrong..like i must b looking for trouble again..how could he b so insensitive..i know to some of u who has read my previous thread u'd think i m whining again..but this is really making so depressed..trying to convince myself to give up but it hurts too much..i dunno wat esle can i do..i may sound silly but is there such counselling service as couple therapy or smt in singapore for unwedded couples?
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another thread?
can stick to one mah..
tell u what to do will u listen?
i can't tell u what to do also.
it's juz the beginning and u are going thru all these..
some things just cannot be forced. -
take care worx.. dont do anything foolish leh..
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Yes there is counselling service for couples and soon-to-be married couples. Pre-marriage preperations and such. Unfortunately I dun really noe any agencies dealing with this.
Sorry. -
google is your friend.
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stop using my favorite line!!!Originally posted by gigabyte14:google is your friend.
To TS,
I feel sad for you
maybe praying to god and seek for his comfort, relationship matter are the hardest to solve, and maybe having a heart to heart talk regarding what is happening between you and him, as you, TS, didn't provide us with much information at all? Communication between couple are very important in a relationship, if there is a communication breakdown, the relationship will not last very long, try to take some time off from him lor, and do your own things, take your mind off the matter and calm yourself down and ask yourself, what is it, you really want, out of this relationship. -
As you know, and you couldn't solve them... Is he doing something about those 'problems'....?Originally posted by kuri:Been crying for the last few nights..feeling lost and depressed..feels so immensely inadequate,lonely and void in this relationship at times..there seem to b too many problems between us..just when i need some comfort n assurance he's chiding me with cold remarks after i tried so hard to be understanding,warm n encouraging..n he still apparently sees no reason wat could b wrong..like i must b looking for trouble again..how could he b so insensitive..i know to some of u who has read my previous thread u'd think i m whining again..but this is really making so depressed..trying to convince myself to give up but it hurts too much..i dunno wat esle can i do..i may sound silly but is there such counselling service as couple therapy or smt in singapore for unwedded couples?
Are you too afraid to take a short pain now? Or would you rather be taking more pain in the future...? -
Your man noes your weakness now. He noes you ain't never gonna dump him, no matter wat. Therefore, he is abusing you mentally too. Makes you feel you're at fault, useless. And he, the all almighty.
Comon, u gotta break this impasse now or you'll lose control of yourself and do nasty things to yourself, while he will go scotfree.
It's time to break this cycle, dump em and start life afresh. The longer you dwell on it, the harder for you to break away. You will be at his mercy. -
Originally posted by kuri:Been crying for the last few nights..feeling lost and depressed..feels so immensely inadequate,lonely and void in this relationship at times..there seem to b too many problems between us..just when i need some comfort n assurance he's chiding me with cold remarks after i tried so hard to be understanding,warm n encouraging..n he still apparently sees no reason wat could b wrong..like i must b looking for trouble again..how could he b so insensitive..i know to some of u who has read my previous thread u'd think i m whining again..but this is really making so depressed..trying to convince myself to give up but it hurts too much..i dunno wat esle can i do..i may sound silly but is there such counselling service as couple therapy or smt in singapore for unwedded couples?
Love is love, but compatibility brings love to its next level.
Some relationship has all that love and zero of that compatibility - they probably have gone through some of the greatest conflicts ever.
The difference lies in the aftermath of conflicts - does it stabilised your relationship? Or does it further deteriorate it?
When you plunge a knife into you, surely the pain is tremendous. Then you have the option of pulling it out or leaving it there until you perish. Pulling it out scream pain beyond your imagination, but you will save yourself a long deal of suffering and recovery can effectively take place.
Cheers -
what triggered the incident this time?
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try to talk things out. just persuade him to talk. if not, then how long will it be like this? he's probably not with you anymore. not that i want to hurt your feelings. just my opinion.
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whats wrong with being single, if you keep looking at the gold bar, you'll never see the more precious gems behind you... there is more to life than 1 other person. there are people who say if they quit smoking, they will die, yet many people are able to quit without dying, the problem is not to give yourself any excuses before you even do it (do it, not try, try is for people who make up excuses for failure in advance).
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word.Originally posted by LifeIsWonderful:whats wrong with being single, if you keep looking at the gold bar, you'll never see the more precious gems behind you... there is more to life than 1 other person. there are people who say if they quit smoking, they will die, yet many people are able to quit without dying, the problem is not to give yourself any excuses before you even do it (do it, not try, try is for people who make up excuses for failure in advance). -
TS, ask urself. What, in your opinion is the cause of all these problems? Where do u think this relationship is heading? Do u still envision u two having similar problems like this down the road, even after u 2 married?
Hope it helps. -
felt much better after we've had a heart to heart talk ytd..
but still the root of my insecurities with the relationship now isnt really resolved:that he still believes sex/close sexual intimacy is a part of what makes his love whole. even tho he says he respects my wishes he is not demanding it from me he's still a lil unhappy that he has to meet my expectations while i'm not meeting his. we'r sorting this out now..
told him i'm bound to feel insecure n uncertain bout the relationship if he's holding onto that expectation as what comes naturally and ought to b part of love in a relationship. as much as i want to put my heart and soul into the relationship the constant reminder at the back of my mind that he's not gona love me completely cos there isnt sex in our relationship haunts me and makes me holdback. i've told him that and he says we gona talk it thru tmr, we'r finally going on a movie date again after so long felt like we never had much 'normal time' or regular dates for most of the time we were together hope we can set things straight after tmr..i understand that love needs compromises but at the same time it's not feasible for one of us to morph into another person so we could stay together so we'll just hav to see if we can reach a satisfying balance..both of us seem really determined to work things out tho,so hope it does. -
amenOriginally posted by kuri:felt much better after we've had a heart to heart talk ytd..
but still the root of my insecurities with the relationship now isnt really resolved:that he still believes sex/close sexual intimacy is a part of what makes his love whole. even tho he says he respects my wishes he is not demanding it from me he's still a lil unhappy that he has to meet my expectations while i'm not meeting his. we'r sorting this out now..
told him i'm bound to feel insecure n uncertain bout the relationship if he's holding onto that expectation as what comes naturally and ought to b part of love in a relationship. as much as i want to put my heart and soul into the relationship the constant reminder at the back of my mind that he's not gona love me completely cos there isnt sex in our relationship haunts me and makes me holdback. i've told him that and he says we gona talk it thru tmr, we'r finally going on a movie date again after so long felt like we never had much 'normal time' or regular dates for most of the time we were together hope we can set things straight after tmr..i understand that love needs compromises but at the same time it's not feasible for one of us to morph into another person so we could stay together so we'll just hav to see if we can reach a satisfying balance..both of us seem really determined to work things out tho,so hope it does. -
take it easy, relationships are not easy... don't be so hard on yourself. OK?
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problematic love is like poison.
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Rather, love is like poison. Even though we all know what's the ending of it, we still take itOriginally posted by nerfz:problematic love is like poison. -
From what I know, I believe there're soem agencies in Singapore which do provide sort of 'counselling' for couples...Originally posted by kuri:Been crying for the last few nights..feeling lost and depressed..feels so immensely inadequate,lonely and void in this relationship at times..there seem to b too many problems between us..just when i need some comfort n assurance he's chiding me with cold remarks after i tried so hard to be understanding,warm n encouraging..n he still apparently sees no reason wat could b wrong..like i must b looking for trouble again..how could he b so insensitive..i know to some of u who has read my previous thread u'd think i m whining again..but this is really making so depressed..trying to convince myself to give up but it hurts too much..i dunno wat esle can i do..i may sound silly but is there such counselling service as couple therapy or smt in singapore for unwedded couples? -
Remember, no human condition is ever permanent. Then you will not be overjoyed in good fortune nor too scornful in misfortune. -socrate
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pats pats no need to worry if he is yours he will be yours, but if both are not meant to be then is just only time.Originally posted by kuri:felt much better after we've had a heart to heart talk ytd..
but still the root of my insecurities with the relationship now isnt really resolved:that he still believes sex/close sexual intimacy is a part of what makes his love whole. even tho he says he respects my wishes he is not demanding it from me he's still a lil unhappy that he has to meet my expectations while i'm not meeting his. we'r sorting this out now..
told him i'm bound to feel insecure n uncertain bout the relationship if he's holding onto that expectation as what comes naturally and ought to b part of love in a relationship. as much as i want to put my heart and soul into the relationship the constant reminder at the back of my mind that he's not gona love me completely cos there isnt sex in our relationship haunts me and makes me holdback. i've told him that and he says we gona talk it thru tmr, we'r finally going on a movie date again after so long felt like we never had much 'normal time' or regular dates for most of the time we were together hope we can set things straight after tmr..i understand that love needs compromises but at the same time it's not feasible for one of us to morph into another person so we could stay together so we'll just hav to see if we can reach a satisfying balance..both of us seem really determined to work things out tho,so hope it does.
lets be realistic, he needs sex to get on with life and you will not be able to give him. is just a case of soon or later that he will cheat on you.
I know is tough but do not make a mistake of asking the man you love to change for you cos very few can actually make it. -
he still hasnt called to say he's sorry. cancelled our meeting last min ytd,via msn/sms. understand he's under a lot of stress n it's not his fault but he shouldnt punish me for what's not my wrongdoing. sms me in the middle of the night i dun answer he panicked n made groundless accusations. i woke up n took pains to reply him i wasnt feeling too well n when i felt physical pain he didnt even sms a word of concern. he got my attention so that's all for the night huh? he says he's too busy i understand perhaps he cant call or even sms at work but wat bout on the way home? i didnt even expect he'd call back immediately when he said he was busy n would call back. is this too much to ask? even if he's so tired n all is it so difficult to make a phonecall on his way home to tell me baby i'm sorry n i love u? getting so tired of smses after smses. just feel that some important things if he cares enough he should at least have the decency to call to say them.
he has his constraints he had tried so hard to meet my needs for greater sensitivity i know but where has all his efforts gone to now?
how much love can there be if he left me fending for my own in my chilling pains. no word of concern. now he still hasnt even called to say he's sorry over last night tho he got home alr.
just a few smses that says "miss u.love u." is enough? smses? it isnt as if nth happened ytd. n he doesnt even remb i was in pain in the middle of the night after he woke me up to reply his smses does he?
he tells me to b sensible i may not be perfect but i hav done so fair enough..is what i m asking any more what a normal girl would expect from her bf? isnt that basic courtesy n concern i m asking for?
been tearing incessantly on the train on my way home. so often it just feels like he doesnt care enough hurts so bad i wish i wouldnt miss him like crazy the way i do. -
sometimes, even when we love somebody too much, we shouldn't make him/her feel that we can't live without him/her. Coz this will result in 3 consequences:
1. He feels that u are too relient on him/sticky. Hence wana get rid of you.
2. He will feel pressurised. Therefore, he will try to avoid you.
3. He will think that you wun run away, and so take you for granted.
Just my opinion la, feel free to correct me if u think im wrong.