I'm all rojak-ed.
-
Lately I feel l've lost control over myself. And the things around me. And my life.
I don't know why. And I thought with the easing of a major burden off my shoulder, I'll finally be able to live my life like any normal person, or perhaps even more so than anyone.
But I've been plagued by severe mood swings, lapses in judgement, lack of motivation (perhaps not entirely), to name a few. I get distracted terribly easily and am no longer as aware of my surroundings as before - last week when I was out, a heavy book dropped from my lap as I got up from my seat and I didn't even notice it at all until a kind lady picked it up and returned it to me. I don't remember what I ate four hours earlier unless I think long and hard, have trouble doing simple arithmetic as quickly as I used to be able to, can't even sit still at the piano or my lecture notes for fifteen minutes without being distracted, only realizing my slip long after being at what caused the distraction.
I'd like to believe one issue is the root cause of all this, but at the same time I wonder if I've some kind of mental disorder. In fact, I'm contemplating a visit to the IMH to make sure I'm still mentally sound. Really.
What issue, one might ask. There isn't a need to go into details, but let's just say it's a decision I made, for once, by going with my heart's desire. There were things I couldn't rationalise and probably wouldn't be able to, so I thought I'd take the risk and plunge into it. Alas, mayhaps it was a wrong move. I find myself getting overwhelmed by the events that take place, and I hardly have any power over them!
I could probably liken it to a voyage around the world in a boat. I'd like to travel and experience new things, but don't know where to go. So I take the boat and let the tides carry me to wherever. But suddenly, one day in the middle of the vast oceans, I realize that while I'm enjoying the moment, I can't go wherever I want to go, and I can't get out whenever I want. Stranded, yes, that's the word. Yet I like it that I'm finally doing something I want.
Sorry, I think my line of thought has gone haywire and I'm starting to ramble.
Am I suicidal? I'm not sure. I do think suicide is a viable option, but it will only remain an option and nothing further, because I'm not alone in this world. I still have family! And I am fully aware of the dire consequences if I take my own life selfishly... and I do not want to give up... at least not now. Not yet.
I'm posting something here... but maybe I'm not looking for advice. Maybe I just need to pour out my woes, ramble on... and perhaps like a bonus, someone will come along and provide valuable insight. Help would be welcome, of course! But if you find it difficult to extend a helping hand with whatever limited details I've given... it's alright, don't force yourself.
-
How old are you? What's the major burden all about? What is that one issue? Please do share so that everyone can try to help you with more specific advice.
I cannot guess what it is.
Is it that you lost your direction in life or that you cannot find a reason to live for? For me, the reason is to understand the world around me and to enjoy the happiness where it is. Even if you lost your direction, you can try to pick up from where you are stranded and guide yourself to land. Even ships that are lost try hard to seek out land and they do. -
Maybe a Spiritual Journey will help? Maybe you should take some time to go on a Spiritual Journey to find your true self?Originally posted by •meh•:Lately I feel l've lost control over myself. And the things around me. And my life. -
Maybe the fact that I'm able to sort my thoughts out at all, here, like this, is a sign that I'm getting better by the day. I was so stressed out last week that I had an episode of breathing difficulties.Originally posted by Aocial:How old are you? What's the major burden all about? What is that one issue? Please do share so that everyone can try to help you with more specific advice.
I cannot guess what it is.
Is it that you lost your direction in life or that you cannot find a reason to live for? For me, the reason is to understand the world around me and to enjoy the happiness where it is. Even if you lost your direction once, you can try to pick up from where you are stranded and guide yourself to land. Even ships that are lost try hard to seek out land and they do.
You mean the burden that was recently eased? It's not a problem anymore.
If you're talking about that issue, it's something I'd rather not talk about to anyone. It's okay if I cannot get help regarding that issue. I think I just needed to let it out. Maybe I'm the kind who needs to constantly rationalise things in order to sense that things are still in order. And that I cannot do the same to that issue is driving me a little mad.
I've never really had a direction in life. There are things I want to do, but I don't have a goal of my life. Don't know what I like to do most, don't know what kind of a job I really hope to do... anything goes.
By the way... thanks for reading.
-
Ok then, it is your own choice in whatever you do
By the mention of lecture notes, are you like in JC or something?
If so, don't worry too much about seeking out that direction in life, try your best to learn as much as you can get so that when the time comes you will know, otherwise you'll have enough to compare out all of your options. -
Spiritual journey? What kind?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Maybe a Spiritual Journey will help? Maybe you should take some time to go on a Spiritual Journey to find your true self?
I cannot leave the country due to a plethora of reasons. For instance, going on a trip for the purpose of finding answers, you need the right company, even more right than when you're just going for recreation. Going alone is out of the question due to safety reasons. And funds, funds! I'm only a student and while the idea of a holiday is very tempting, I really should not squander my parents' money without first attempting to fix my problems in situ.
If you're talking about anything religious... I find it difficult to embrace the idea of a higher being watching over his believers. -
I hope that time will come soon. I don't really like the idea of floating around aimlessly like this. It's kind of difficult to work hard enough.Originally posted by Aocial:Ok then, it is your own choice in whatever you do
By the mention of lecture notes, are you like in JC or something?
If so, don't worry too much about seeking out that direction in life, try your best to learn as much as you can get so that when the time comes you will know, otherwise you'll have enough to compare out all of your options.
Waaah I think I feel much better now. -
Need not be "a higher being watching over his believers" variety or religion.Originally posted by •meh•:Spiritual journey? What kind?
I cannot leave the country due to a plethora of reasons. For instance, going on a trip for the purpose of finding answers, you need the right company, even more right than when you're just going for recreation. Going alone is out of the question due to safety reasons. And funds, funds! I'm only a student and while the idea of a holiday is very tempting, I really should not squander my parents' money without first attempting to fix my problems in situ.
If you're talking about anything religious... I find it difficult to embrace the idea of a higher being watching over his believers.
A Spiritual Journey as in an Internal Journey... traveling into yourself and discovering yourself.
You chop off your hand and you are still here. So you are obviously more than your body. You chop off your head, are you still here? Are your brains you? Discover "you" and be true to yourself.
Until you find "yourself", you will be as you described in your opening post.
How you do that is to go on a Spiritual Journey as opposed to a physical or materialistic journey. -
Glad that you're feeling better =) Btw, spiritual journey is within yourself, not about going overseas. It's about learning more about yourself. It will help you in seeking out what you want to do. It's like how people find their passions because they understand that it is made for them. It may not be a perfect decision and can change, but at least it serves as a rough guide for their lives.
-
i have a few of ur symtoms.. dad asked me what happened and i decide to tell him it becoz( after serious pondering) coz i hate my family and my life.