Daddy
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He expects me to do things his way. I don't want to. I want to be happy and comfortable. I don't want to pretend to be okay everytime when he's around.
I'm tired of fighting him. Because everyone in my family knows that whoever fights with him, will be on the losing end.
Talking to him doesn't help, because he is very domineering. I want to let him know and UNDERSTAND why I made certain choices(e.g i went ite instead of a poly because i didn't make the cut for the biz courses i wanted and i willingly chose a biz course in ite). He doesn't accept my choice.
He has a violent nature and I've been slapped or verbally attacked at. I feel hurt whenever he does that. It's very taxing for me to tolerate that and recently, it has become worse due to my results.
Point is, I don't know how to get the message across to him. My mother submits to him, so there's no point talking to her about it.
I used to have a history of mutilating myself. And I'm afraid that such thoughts are snowballing in me again. I'm shameful of it, but I can't help it. It's my avenue of relieving anger and frustration and emotional pain. And my parents do know about it, but doesn't talk about it, or recognise it. -
Hey, I feel for your situation. But please do not continue hurting yourself.Originally posted by D.eranged:He expects me to do things his way. I don't want to. I want to be happy and comfortable. I don't want to pretend to be okay everytime when he's around.
I'm tired of fighting him. Because everyone in my family knows that whoever fights with him, will be on the losing end.
Talking to him doesn't help, because he is very domineering. I want to let him know and UNDERSTAND why I made certain choices(e.g i went ite instead of a poly because i didn't make the cut for the biz courses i wanted and i willingly chose a biz course in ite). He doesn't accept my choice.
He has a violent nature and I've been slapped or verbally attacked at. I feel hurt whenever he does that. It's very taxing for me to tolerate that and recently, it has become worse due to my results.
Point is, I don't know how to get the message across to him. My mother submits to him, so there's no point talking to her about it.
I used to have a history of mutilating myself. And I'm afraid that such thoughts are snowballing in me again. I'm shameful of it, but I can't help it. It's my avenue of relieving anger and frustration and emotional pain. And my parents do know about it, but doesn't talk about it, or recognise it.
How old are you?
try not to talk back. Some parents tend to think that they are more superior than their kids, so talking back at them hurts their ego.
When your financial ability permits, you can move out and live on your own. Look forward to that and you wil be happier.
Quote: Act "as if" you were not afraid and you will become courageous, "as if" you could and you'll find you can. Act "as if" you like a person and you'll find a friendship.
I am also trying to survive using the As if Theory at the moment.
hope all goes well for u in time to come.
cheers -
I hate my father to the core
i move out of the house
never spoken to him already
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I'm 17. And yes, he thinks that he's superior to most people because he's achieved alot himself. And it makes him domineering at home.Originally posted by ilovethesun:Hey, I feel for your situation. But please do not continue hurting yourself.
How old are you?
try not to talk back. Some parents tend to think that they are more superior than their kids, so talking back at them hurts their ego.
When your financial ability permits, you can move out and live on your own. Look forward to that and you wil be happier.
Quote: Act "as if" you were not afraid and you will become courageous, "as if" you could and you'll find you can. Act "as if" you like a person and you'll find a friendship.
I am also trying to survive using the As if Theory at the moment.
hope all goes well for u in time to come.
cheers
Thanks for the "as if" quote. I can relate to that.
Thank you so much. -
What made you hate him, if I may ask. How are you doing now?Originally posted by allentyb:I hate my father to the core
i move out of the house
never spoken to him already -
you write pretty well...
work hard and show him what you can do. Prove him wrong to shut him up.
just have to hang in there.
good luck.
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TS is 17. Moving out will not be until a few years later. Instead of hoping to move out one day (which I feel does not address the problem, but instead serves to add on to intolerance of the situation), TS should be looking at how he can change things at home.Originally posted by D.eranged:He expects me to do things his way. I don't want to. I want to be happy and comfortable. I don't want to pretend to be okay everytime when he's around.
I'm tired of fighting him. Because everyone in my family knows that whoever fights with him, will be on the losing end.
Talking to him doesn't help, because he is very domineering. I want to let him know and UNDERSTAND why I made certain choices(e.g i went ite instead of a poly because i didn't make the cut for the biz courses i wanted and i willingly chose a biz course in ite). He doesn't accept my choice.
He has a violent nature and I've been slapped or verbally attacked at. I feel hurt whenever he does that. It's very taxing for me to tolerate that and recently, it has become worse due to my results.
Point is, I don't know how to get the message across to him. My mother submits to him, so there's no point talking to her about it.
I used to have a history of mutilating myself. And I'm afraid that such thoughts are snowballing in me again. I'm shameful of it, but I can't help it. It's my avenue of relieving anger and frustration and emotional pain. And my parents do know about it, but doesn't talk about it, or recognise it.
Some people do not know how to properly express their feelings, and when doing so, are not aware that the way they behave is hurting the people around them.
Talking is useless if you don't apply the right method. Think of better words to use. Is your tone of voice appropriate? Are you able to be patient and keep your calm while talking to your father over sensitive issues?
Your dad is the head of the family. He probably has a pride he feels he needs to uphold. So when talking to him, try to do it in a way that hurts that pride the least? If you can keep him calm, I think he will be more receptive to your opinions.
You want to be happy and comfortable, but what do your parents want for you? Well er, assuming they are 'normal parents' with 'normal attitudes' towards their children, they hope for you to perform at least adequately well for your studies. If you can see that your dad's temper has become worse due to your results, aim to score better the next time round. If you can show him that you are capable of being self-disciplined and independent, I think you will have more persuasive power.
Gently let your father know that his behavior is hurting you. Do not be afraid of appearing weak - just let him know how you feel, and what you hope for him to do and what you will do in return. Don't ask for too much at first, and make sure you keep your promises.
And then of course... you have to try to talk to your dad more, let him know what's going on in your life. Maybe then he'll understand you more. -
haizOriginally posted by D.eranged:What made you hate him, if I may ask. How are you doing now?
its a long story
and its the past, i shall not mention at all
and i still doing ok.......... -
Seriously, no point hurting yourself...Originally posted by D.eranged:He expects me to do things his way. I don't want to. I want to be happy and comfortable. I don't want to pretend to be okay everytime when he's around.
I'm tired of fighting him. Because everyone in my family knows that whoever fights with him, will be on the losing end.
Talking to him doesn't help, because he is very domineering. I want to let him know and UNDERSTAND why I made certain choices(e.g i went ite instead of a poly because i didn't make the cut for the biz courses i wanted and i willingly chose a biz course in ite). He doesn't accept my choice.
He has a violent nature and I've been slapped or verbally attacked at. I feel hurt whenever he does that. It's very taxing for me to tolerate that and recently, it has become worse due to my results.
Point is, I don't know how to get the message across to him. My mother submits to him, so there's no point talking to her about it.
I used to have a history of mutilating myself. And I'm afraid that such thoughts are snowballing in me again. I'm shameful of it, but I can't help it. It's my avenue of relieving anger and frustration and emotional pain. And my parents do know about it, but doesn't talk about it, or recognise it.
Instead.. You should be focusing on protecting yourself... FOCUS on your studies and later on, work life... Keep yourself in ONE GOOD PIECE and move on to live only then... If you still insist that it's the more appropriate thing to do..
By the way, how many siblings you have at home and how old is your dad? -
dad's 57.Originally posted by Devil1976:Seriously, no point hurting yourself...
Instead.. You should be focusing on protecting yourself... FOCUS on your studies and later on, work life... Keep yourself in ONE GOOD PIECE and move on to live only then... If you still insist that it's the more appropriate thing to do..
By the way, how many siblings you have at home and how old is your dad?
my step-sister's 29, step-brother is 30.
i'm 17, and my younger sister is 15.
step-siblings came from his first marriage. -
How old is your mum...?Originally posted by D.eranged:dad's 57.
my step-sister's 29, step-brother is 30.
i'm 17, and my younger sister is 15.
step-siblings came from his first marriage.
Your dad's 57 already... Old people are just like that... How many more years would he really have in life..? Give him a few more years down the line maybe...? As he grows weaker, his mentality should be changing too...? -
You command of English is quite good leh..Originally posted by D.eranged:He expects me to do things his way. I don't want to. I want to be happy and comfortable. I don't want to pretend to be okay everytime when he's around.
I'm tired of fighting him. Because everyone in my family knows that whoever fights with him, will be on the losing end.
Talking to him doesn't help, because he is very domineering. I want to let him know and UNDERSTAND why I made certain choices(e.g i went ite instead of a poly because i didn't make the cut for the biz courses i wanted and i willingly chose a biz course in ite). He doesn't accept my choice.
He has a violent nature and I've been slapped or verbally attacked at. I feel hurt whenever he does that. It's very taxing for me to tolerate that and recently, it has become worse due to my results.
Point is, I don't know how to get the message across to him. My mother submits to him, so there's no point talking to her about it.
I used to have a history of mutilating myself. And I'm afraid that such thoughts are snowballing in me again. I'm shameful of it, but I can't help it. It's my avenue of relieving anger and frustration and emotional pain. And my parents do know about it, but doesn't talk about it, or recognise it. -
I used to get beaten up by my father too when I was younger as he like to practise his "kung fu" moves on me when I was 5 years old.... Then when I went to school he would send me to the lousiest school in SG. Even when I scored all distinctions for my PSLE he still insist then I attend the lousiest school or he would not support my education. After that I didn't pay attention to my studies anymore and everytime play arcade after school. Also when I got bullied in school, my father would always insist that I was the one in the wrong as ask the principle to cane me.
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Don't always depend on parents... Sometimes we should learn to take up the responsibility to take care of ourselves... When I was young, my mum and dad took turns to kick me to challenge who has a higher 'authority' over my control.. So?Originally posted by Skibi:I used to get beaten up by my father too when I was younger as he like to practise his "kung fu" moves on me when I was 5 years old.... Then when I went to school he would send me to the lousiest school in SG. Even when I scored all distinctions for my PSLE he still insist then I attend the lousiest school or he would not support my education. After that I didn't pay attention to my studies anymore and everytime play arcade after school. Also when I got bullied in school, my father would always insist that I was the one in the wrong as ask the principle to cane me.
What you do is what YOU'LL GET.... Life is sometimes just that simple... -
Same here..
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my dad did not think that i should study so much as i am a girl so he put in alot of effort on his sons - my 2 brothers.
i worked in the day and went to night school till i had my masters degree. i am the most educated in the family today.
saying : he who laughs last, laughs best.
success is the sweetest revenge in life. -
I have this view that every child is his parents treasure. Make your son or daughter respect/love you and you will never have to worry about what will happen in your old age when you are too old to work and take care of yourself. Your children will put food on the table for you, clean up after you when you are too weak to do so, and pay all your medical bills and living expenses.
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well, when you go to university/poly, u can try the hard life by working part time and staying in hostel? mind you, it's really very difficult