this is long..
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this story goes back a long way.
1 Male named T
1 Girl named J
1 Girl named Y
all of them are 21 years old, girls are in UNI, guy waiting to go into UNI(bloody ns waste of time)
J and T are together, for years already.
Y and T were classmates in JC.
still following?
now let's go back to about 4 years ago. All 3 of them were in JC year 1. At that time T and Y were classmates, and T was with a girl(let's call her W). W and T was going on for awhile, until a model competition completely changed W's personality, at least that's what T felt. W became really superficial, materialistic. To make things worse, there's a bugger of a scumbag in W's class that she became close to. Things eventually fell apart, W emigrated to the US and of course, T and W broke up. That was in June.
T was devastated of course, although the anguish took away some of the pain. Maybe he saw it coming, that's why he didn't feel as much pain. He hated W for letting herself grow close to that scumbag, and for allowing herself to change into someone she wasn't anymore. T felt empty, but fortunately he still has good friends around him, and sports to occupy his time with.
This is when Y comes into the picture. As we already knew, Y and T were classmates. They were good friends even when T and W were together. Now that T was single, both of them grew closer. Y accompanied T through all those painful days when he was trying to forget W, soon they were doing almost everything together. Words started to spread that they were an item, judging by the way they were behaving, it's hard to deny. But it was never official.
Days, weeks, months passed. Both of them seemed satisfied with their current status, enjoying each other's company. They were, afterall, happy with the status they were at. Or at least that's what T thought. Y's friends were asking T why wasn't he making his move. T asked himself the same question too, but he wasn't sure if it's a rebound. He wanted to make sure too, that the feelings were mutual. Maybe they were just super good friends? T was not willing to risk destroying the bridge between him and Y, although her friends were telling him not to worry. T opted to wait, maybe awhile more he told himself.
In the end awhile more proved too much. Despite constant hints from Y herself, T still opted to wait. It was a mistake. Eventually, finally, suddenly, one fine day Y told T that her ex has patched up with her, her ex from her secondary school days. She was smiling, i smiled back, wished her luck.. we had that if by 25 we are still alone we'll just marry each other(this joke was some time ago). i said,'good luck and all the best to the 2 of you.. well if it doesn't work out we still can afford to wait till we are 25!' Both of us laughed, but there's sadness in the eyes. I could see it, or maybe Im wrong
Time passed by. The hurt from the days since Y 'left' remained. The wound was deeper than any other. To T, Y was perfect, she had all the qualities that T wanted in a gf. She was nice, sensitive, caring and really really thoughtful.
Soon J came into the picture. J was T's first gf, not really counted, considering out age at that time(sec sch). It was more of puppy love and at that time it ended the way all puppy love relationship ends. Hurt as T was, he welcomed any form of encouragement. J never knew about what happened between T and Y, T never said a thing. To him, the days with Y are just really memorable days that should be kept in the corner of his heart. Time passed, T never recovered from the pain of 'losing' Y, but (fast forward abit) he was willing to give it a try with J since.. well.. J initiated.. For some reason T dived head-in into a new relationship with J, thinking that hey, what didnt work out a few years ago in sec sch could actually work now! It was a nice feeling, for reasons my limited vocabulary can't describe.
To be fair, days with J were awesome. T and J were stuck together 24-7, like siamese twins. Everything they did, everywhere they went, they were together. If not for NS, there won't be any chance of them not seeing each other for more than 1 day! However, they were not without problems. J was a control freak( i know it sounds bad but i don't know how else to put it). T never had time to meet up with his friends/ do things on his own. J wants to see T everyday, wants to make all the decisions, perhaps the closest known example(to T) of a FCP( u know? opposite of MCP) T didn't mind at first, but soon it became obvious that there's no democracy in this relationship. She could do certain things, but T couldn't do the same things because.. to quote.. "i don't like u to do it". T reeeeeeeally didn't mind at first, but of course, he's human after all, there's a limit to how much one could take.
T resorted to telling lies so that he could meet up with his close buddies, his friends, and Y too when she had serious r/n problems. Late nights were common, cause in the day he had to attend to J. How long can T tahan?
3+ years went passed, T and J are still(currently) together. Y had since broken up with that guy 1 and a half years ago. The thing now is this, (long story cut short
), T STILL thinks about Y all the time, because to him, Y is perfect( as mentioned earlier). They go out on supper dates and stuff occasionally(getting more and more often now), without the knowledge of J of course. J and T nearly broke up because of her character, but on the basis that she's willing to change they patched back. However, there's no improvement. Although T can and will tolerate, T really see no future for the 2 of them. Instead, he loves it every single time when he's out with Y, they are almost just as close as last time. Y haven't changed a bit( in terms of character), T definitely will love it so much to be able to tell Y that he really likes her, if not the presence of J now. J and T's relationship has deteriorated so much, not because of Y but because their characters simply don't match. As much as they are happy together and as much as they REALLY have feelings for each other, T really cannot stand J's FCP nature.. as much as he can tolerate.
T's at a lost now.
Choices... -
since u like Y go for her and tell J u cant stand her la.
Btw, ever heard of the saying, never eat and sh!t at the same place? -
tell J to siam lo. u also dun like J wan
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ya lor. u just tell J u wan break up then tell Y u wan to be glued to her
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According to what you've said and provided...
Personally.... I would say have a clean break with 'J' 1st. And this should be a decision made not based mainly because of 'Y' only but more for the reason that the current relationship cannot substain itself....
Then go after 'Y'. No matter what might be the outcome, keep an open mind about things...
At least 'T' would ultimately still get his life back....
I know this might sound 'sh|tty' in certain sense, but sometimes there's just no 'perfect solution' for everything... People do stray even when they're in a good relationship (especially when it's with an old flame), let alone this rotten relationship you're currently in....
But of course... Having all said, it might never really be that easy to be carried out...?
Good luck...? -
it ain't easy. it pains me to see J cry when i suggested a break. in fact, it hurts me just as much.
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It will cause her more pain if u sustain this relationship from our viewpoint, which u are not interested in at all.Originally posted by ahish:it ain't easy. it pains me to see J cry when i suggested a break. in fact, it hurts me just as much. -
be a 2 timer
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if it's so easy i wont be brooding over this
just using this as a channel to finally let it out. -
make only 1 choice, better to hurt one of them nw rather than hurt both in the end. u should make a decision soon =) all the best
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Meaning you've suggested that before...?Originally posted by ahish:it ain't easy. it pains me to see J cry when i suggested a break. in fact, it hurts me just as much.
I can understand what you trying to say....
But other than that... Is there any way for you to make the relationship head for the better...? J should be around 25 years old or so now...? What's her horoscope?
Even if you are to stay with 'J', would you bear to give up on 'Y' now that she's so available? -
choose Y of course. if you really cannot see the future with J, you will be hurting the three of you.
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Everything concerning relationships..it is just follow your heart
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The situation you're in was never meant to be easy....Originally posted by ahish:if it's so easy i wont be brooding over this
just using this as a channel to finally let it out. -
did you ever tell J your feelings?
when you think that she is over controlling, did you ever tell her that u feel restricted?
i mean as bf and gf, things can be brought across nicely in a conversation.
But, back to your situation, from your post, did you subconsciously realise that everything you said about Y is good and everything between you and J is negative?
If you are really going to follow your heart, your heart has already spoken. -
break up with ur current girlfriend and go after the one that you like.
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break up wid J n go for Y since u cant tolerate J. act fast.
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your indecisiveness makes you a selfish guy.
you acts of secretly meeting up with girls and having stray thoughts make u an unfaithful guy.
J might be a control freak , but I feel she dun realy trust you.
And its easy to know why.
I think you dun deserve both girls. -
i guess you're right i don't deserve any of them..
relationship with J ain't as rotten as i made it seemed to be(my bad). In fact the days with her are great. It's just that i feel it's fundamentally wrong in the first place, if you get what i mean. -
are you talking about T or are you talking about yourself... cause at certain parts... you use 'I' instead of... T... so...
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It doesn't alter the fact that you see less of a future with J than Y - in your own words, you'd just summed up the case when you assessed Y's qualities which rendered her a gf/wife material.Originally posted by ahish:i guess you're right i don't deserve any of them..
relationship with J ain't as rotten as i made it seemed to be(my bad). In fact the days with her are great. It's just that i feel it's fundamentally wrong in the first place, if you get what i mean.
Having fun and a blast of a time is by no means indicative of the both of you sharing a common destiny - I am sure you've tonnes of friends whom you'd like to indulge in certain activities with(ie.go to the movies, to a pub) simply because you think they're the ideal partners for those activities, but that doesn't necessarily render them the very best friends you could ever have.
In truth, I think you already have your own answer - so just follow your heart...
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fifth sentence how come become 'i' ar...is you rite..?
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agree.Originally posted by ilovethesun:I think you dun deserve both girls. -
i know of someone who i consider a J.Originally posted by ahish:this story goes back a long way.
1 Male named T
1 Girl named J
1 Girl named Y
all of them are 21 years old, girls are in UNI, guy waiting to go into UNI(bloody ns waste of time)
J and T are together, for years already.
Y and T were classmates in JC.
still following?
now let's go back to about 4 years ago. All 3 of them were in JC year 1. At that time T and Y were classmates, and T was with a girl(let's call her W). W and T was going on for awhile, until a model competition completely changed W's personality, at least that's what T felt. W became really superficial, materialistic. To make things worse, there's a bugger of a scumbag in W's class that she became close to. Things eventually fell apart, W emigrated to the US and of course, T and W broke up. That was in June.
T was devastated of course, although the anguish took away some of the pain. Maybe he saw it coming, that's why he didn't feel as much pain. He hated W for letting herself grow close to that scumbag, and for allowing herself to change into someone she wasn't anymore. T felt empty, but fortunately he still has good friends around him, and sports to occupy his time with.
This is when Y comes into the picture. As we already knew, Y and T were classmates. They were good friends even when T and W were together. Now that T was single, both of them grew closer. Y accompanied T through all those painful days when he was trying to forget W, soon they were doing almost everything together. Words started to spread that they were an item, judging by the way they were behaving, it's hard to deny. But it was never official.
Days, weeks, months passed. Both of them seemed satisfied with their current status, enjoying each other's company. They were, afterall, happy with the status they were at. Or at least that's what T thought. Y's friends were asking T why wasn't he making his move. T asked himself the same question too, but he wasn't sure if it's a rebound. He wanted to make sure too, that the feelings were mutual. Maybe they were just super good friends? T was not willing to risk destroying the bridge between him and Y, although her friends were telling him not to worry. T opted to wait, maybe awhile more he told himself.
In the end awhile more proved too much. Despite constant hints from Y herself, T still opted to wait. It was a mistake. Eventually, finally, suddenly, one fine day Y told T that her ex has patched up with her, her ex from her secondary school days. She was smiling, i smiled back, wished her luck.. we had that if by 25 we are still alone we'll just marry each other(this joke was some time ago). i said,'good luck and all the best to the 2 of you.. well if it doesn't work out we still can afford to wait till we are 25!' Both of us laughed, but there's sadness in the eyes. I could see it, or maybe Im wrong
Time passed by. The hurt from the days since Y 'left' remained. The wound was deeper than any other. To T, Y was perfect, she had all the qualities that T wanted in a gf. She was nice, sensitive, caring and really really thoughtful.
Soon J came into the picture. J was T's first gf, not really counted, considering out age at that time(sec sch). It was more of puppy love and at that time it ended the way all puppy love relationship ends. Hurt as T was, he welcomed any form of encouragement. J never knew about what happened between T and Y, T never said a thing. To him, the days with Y are just really memorable days that should be kept in the corner of his heart. Time passed, T never recovered from the pain of 'losing' Y, but (fast forward abit) he was willing to give it a try with J since.. well.. J initiated.. For some reason T dived head-in into a new relationship with J, thinking that hey, what didnt work out a few years ago in sec sch could actually work now! It was a nice feeling, for reasons my limited vocabulary can't describe.
To be fair, days with J were awesome. T and J were stuck together 24-7, like siamese twins. Everything they did, everywhere they went, they were together. If not for NS, there won't be any chance of them not seeing each other for more than 1 day! However, they were not without problems. J was a control freak( i know it sounds bad but i don't know how else to put it). T never had time to meet up with his friends/ do things on his own. J wants to see T everyday, wants to make all the decisions, perhaps the closest known example(to T) of a FCP( u know? opposite of MCP) T didn't mind at first, but soon it became obvious that there's no democracy in this relationship. She could do certain things, but T couldn't do the same things because.. to quote.. "i don't like u to do it". T reeeeeeeally didn't mind at first, but of course, he's human after all, there's a limit to how much one could take.
T resorted to telling lies so that he could meet up with his close buddies, his friends, and Y too when she had serious r/n problems. Late nights were common, cause in the day he had to attend to J. How long can T tahan?
3+ years went passed, T and J are still(currently) together. Y had since broken up with that guy 1 and a half years ago. The thing now is this, (long story cut short ), T STILL thinks about Y all the time, because to him, Y is perfect( as mentioned earlier). They go out on supper dates and stuff occasionally(getting more and more often now), without the knowledge of J of course. J and T nearly broke up because of her character, but on the basis that she's willing to change they patched back. However, there's no improvement. Although T can and will tolerate, T really see no future for the 2 of them. Instead, he loves it every single time when he's out with Y, they are almost just as close as last time. Y haven't changed a bit( in terms of character), T definitely will love it so much to be able to tell Y that he really likes her, if not the presence of J now. J and T's relationship has deteriorated so much, not because of Y but because their characters simply don't match. As much as they are happy together and as much as they REALLY have feelings for each other, T really cannot stand J's FCP nature.. as much as he can tolerate.
T's at a lost now.
Choices...
stick to my friend like superglue n can tell him who he can or cannot meet, like a gal he love in poly days he definitely can't see at all, wkend stay at home for family life.
yet my friend can tahan n married her.
i wish him gd luck
sounds like T is letting go of J not becos of her behaviour but more becos Y is available leh otherwise why wait for three bloody yrs -
Hmm....Originally posted by ahish:i guess you're right i don't deserve any of them..
relationship with J ain't as rotten as i made it seemed to be(my bad). In fact the days with her are great. It's just that i feel it's fundamentally wrong in the first place, if you get what i mean.
Yes... I get what you mean...
But what can be 'fundamentally wrong' when 2 people are already together...? Shouldn't you really be trying harder for things to work out than to just watch (anticipate?) it to fall apart...?
And even if it's 'wrong'... You would have a great part to play in this 'wrong' now.. Am I right to say that...?
So why even let it happen when it was 'fundamentally wrong' in the 1st place...?