Problems.....
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Firstly, i just realised that my family MAY have a problem. I am not very sure.. ( dont ask me how i know..), but it seems that my father MAY have some women outside... and that my mother knows about it. I feel so sorry for my mother, but i am also glad that she didnt .. leave us..? I dont know how true this is... but it sure hurts me knowing this..... =(
Secondly, i find that i dont have any real friends around. All my supposedly close friends are not close to me at all. ok.. i admit i am not that sociable and that i dont talk much.. (not that i dont want to.. but i always seems to be out of topic).. but i always try very hard.. think very hard... to find something to talk about... but sometimes my friends only nod... or just say a bit of replies... sometimes i feel very irritated when i get this kind of replies...
Ask them out is anothing big problem.. i always have to ask them beforehand..and most of the time they just say 'lazy' .. even if we did plan everything.. something is sure to crop up and we have to cancel it.... i didnt know that wanting to go out with friends are so difficult...
Thirdly, i have a boyfriend of 1 year plus... but till now.. i am still not very sure whether i really love him.. sometimes i think that i do.. but sometimes i dont.. Expecially nowadays.. we seems to be quarrelling everyday... i also dont know over what.. i think is just some small matters...
Another reason may be because before i used to like another guy alot before we are steads..
i like this another guy since last year Jan. he is from my school but we dont really know each other... until we chat on net.. we chatted on net for everyday and i found myself getting more and more attracted to him... he told me that he likes me and so i told him my feelings too.. then because of some misunderstanding.. we stopped chatting.. i felt very sad.. the next time we chatted is already April.. he told me that he likes another girl from his primary school and had always like her....
he told me that he did like me b4... but that was in the past... imagine how i feel then...
sometimes i think it may be because of what i had done.. maybe i scare him off.. i think i was quite 'open' about me liking him that time...
then i met my present bf on July..
but i was not sure i had totally forgoten about that guy then.. and i am still not sure now..
i feel very bad.. it seems like cheating on my bf.....
i know all this may sound very stupid to all of you... but im feeling very down now and i just need to write out how i feel.... ;/ -
Hmm....U do sound troubled...like to share with me? I can be ur listening ear and might be able to give u advice....
Mail me at [email protected] in private if u interested....
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Cheers !!!! -
Dear Starlite,
well 1st, would like to let you know that no problem in this world can be stoopid, i mean, there's always a root to everyproblem, and in order to get an answer, we shall take a look at yr problem 1 by 1 and tackle them accordingly. I might not give the best advise ard but i sure hope it helps in one way or another.
I know how its feels when u know/think that yr dad actually have a woman outside, its just like yr bf had another gf, the feeling is the same. But then think of it on the positive side, does yr dad really kept her as a mistress? or was he just 'fen chang zuo xi'? i believe many guys do that ....... for the trills n kicks from such act. And the good thing is, at least he never break up the family cos of that woman. I admit its tough for yr mother to know of this and not to do anything, but they are adults? As children, we can only observe 1st. Dun be rush, let yr mum handle the things, i am sure she's in a better position. And only voice out when things out of control.
2nd, its not yr fault that yr EQ, or should i say yr relations with friends are not good. Some pple just lack this kind of things naturally. I do understand that its really hurting that after planning everything, pple put u 'aeroplane' or have to cancel it. I dreaded this feeling too........ guess u already know yrself where some of the problems lie liao, i mean, maybe cos u all doesn't have much common topic ard. As the chinese says 'hua bu tou ji pang ju duo', meaning to say that if there's no common topic ard, chances are the communication will break down easily. Not saying that its yr fault though. Ever realise that actually topic this kind of things flow smoothly? I mean, if u tried hard to come out with a topic, its quite 'mian qiang'. No matter how quiet a person is, there are bound to be 1 or 2 friends that u can talk freely to (like the guy u like in the past, not yr current bf). Maybe u can try chatting it in real life instead of through the net. Its different, and u will learn how to handle this type of situation. Like i have say, maybe they find going out quite bore due to the lack of topic (my apologises if its hurting). Maybe these pple aren't consider yr friend also, to me at least. Don't worry, u will open up slowly.Sorry to be naggy but i repeat, try communication in real life, u will learn. Pick up the skill slowly.
My advise for yr 3rd problem is, if u dun really like yr current bf, be fair to him. Let him know, no use hanging to a 'hopeless' relationship, ending hurting both parties. Quarreling everyday will only worsen things, affect yr mood etc, so what's the point? The reason abt liking another guy in the past, sorry to say is very lame, i mean if u still like him, why go steady with yr current bf? Its no difference from cheating, like what yr dad done to yr mum (Again, hopefully it doesn't sound hush to u). He's already in the past, put him behind you, u r only still schooling, many more yrs ahead of you. And sadly to say, he's the same, cheating you too, playing you out. This should also teach u a lesson, relationship from net doesn't help. If u had approach him in life, maybe things will be diff........ Be more carful next time who u r more 'open' to, for some might not be able to 'take it'. Generally, wanna say that yr love life is in a mess, just like a jigsaw puzzle, many missing parts/factors. U need time and patient to find what u want, don't rush, for u r still young. Only be with the person if u really like him, i am sure the feeling will be diff, and he can make up a lot of what u have loss.
Well maybe my advise doesn't really fit into yr problems totally, really but i do hope it helps, in one way or another. it does not sound stoopid, in fact its good to write it out, as i think no1's there to hear u grumble. Don't feel sad, there are still pple who cares ard. But the important thing is don't let all these change yr personality, you are what you are, and that's what makes u unique in this world.
Errrmmm..... sorry if i sounds like an old man, haha....... cos i believe u r errrmmmmm in yr teens yr? ard 16? Pple at yr age really need a lot of attention, from friends and family. Hereby, wishing u all the best~! Good luck. -
ADVICE
When I was in BMT, I was company best shot. My mother said that it was partly due to my accurate eyesight. I think it was also because I held my rifle well and I know how predictable the target moves 'up and down'.
..I think people have a tendency to be predictable, and that's what makes them doubt about themselves, I think if I have no aim in my life, I will end up with a big problem. -
I totally agree wif jliu. Everyone of us should have a goal in life, be it a big or small one. Without any aims/goals, life wil be like a zombie, juz wandering ard...
Ask urself, where u see urself in the near future. Fight 4 ur own future...
Juz do it!
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Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die,
Life is a broken-winged bird
that cannot fly -
Your mother is really brave and strong to hold on.
As for the communication problems with your friends, try to find a common ground/topic to talk about. Maybe then, the conversation will be longer.
Finally, regarding your boyfriend, maybe it is time for your to mull over the future direction of the relationship. -
Wow, u really had a lot of problems at hand.
Firstly, your family problem, guess as a daughter, what u should do is juz open and shut an eye cos if u r really not too sure yourself, if u interfere, u maymake things worse.
Secondly, the close friends matter, well, close frds are "ke yu bu ke qiu". I know some pple are juz not that sociable and seldom talk. I was like that last time. Juz try to socalize more in future, I know it's not easy, but when u go out to work next time, u will know how important communication is, if u dun want to force yourself to communicate now, u had a hard time later.
As for the matters of the heart, what I can tell u is that your first love is of course unforgettable, it's unavoidable to have this thought. If u really love your present bf, what u should do is to try toget to know him better so as to reduce future conflicts, agreed?
Hope u find my advices useful, if u really need a listening ear, u can also ICQ me at 62617763, ok?*wink*Cheer up...
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
Are you just feeling that you need your bf rather than you love him? I feel that maybe you are afraid of loneliness therefore you stick with him.Ask yourself a question,do you enjoy his company or are you used to just having him around.
As for the guy you like, don't cry over spilt milk.Learn to move on, even if he used to like you, its in the past.You can't turn back time.
Best Wishes and take care !! -
Are you just feeling that you need your bf rather than you love him? I feel that maybe you are afraid of loneliness therefore you stick with him.Ask yourself a question,do you enjoy his company or are you used to just having him around.
As for the guy you like, don't cry over spilt milk.Learn to move on, even if he used to like you, its in the past.You can't turn back time.
Best Wishes and take care !! -
Watever happen, take care of yourself 1st is the most impt.
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~ JuSt AnoTher StiNgrAy iN thE sEa ~ -
Hmm.. just a note to add to ur 3rd prob. I think the reason y u refuse to let go of ur current bf is becoz u r afraid of being alone. I believe that there are many of such cases.. not only u.. Even personally I have experience such a case. Coz I think we haf grown too used to being attached.. we are worried that if we let go.. there will be no one around us anymore.. so we dun let go.
Furthermore, u mentioned that u hardly haf friends, so u tends to be being bind to ur current bf, coz u feel that he is still the closest to u. Moreover, I think u have been keeping these problems from ur parents too rite? I think u din want to bother ur mother wif ur probs.
Hey!!! no worries manz.... we are all here to help u... Well maybe, it might be good that u share it with ur mother.. to tell her how u feel now. maybe u may not believe this but to some mothers. hearing their children's feeling is a console to them. It beings them happiness even when they r in some trouble... It's this kind of special happiness that keeps a relationship strong..
Be strong my girl... u can always email me anytime too... be willing to help...
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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
Thanx for all the Replies....
i just broke off with my bf last night.. sigh... i also dont know what had happened..... i guess this is the best solution .. at least i will know whether im really in love with him or just because i think i like him...
=} -
Follow your feelings, guess that's the best choice, glad that u appreciate the advices given...Originally posted by StarLite:Thanx for all the Replies....
i just broke off with my bf last night.. sigh... i also dont know what had happened..... i guess this is the best solution .. at least i will know whether im really in love with him or just because i think i like him...
=}
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
Cheer up.... Most of us gets it at one point of time or another. Dun worry there's still lots of guys out there... And in the mean time there's us here who are ur frenz...
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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear