RIGHT SPEECH
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
NO OVERPOWERING
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..
CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?
A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
NO POINTING FINGERS
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"
TRUST
TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".
Subject: The Law of the Garbage Truck
Beware of Garbage Trucks
by David J. Pollay
How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood?
Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day?
Unless you're the Terminator, for an instant you're probably set back on your heels.
However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly he/she can get back her focus
on what's important.
Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson.
I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab.
Here's what happened.
I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station.
We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of
a parking space right in front of us.
My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!
The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident,
whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly.
So, I said, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!
And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'
Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration,
full of anger, and full of disappointment.
As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it.
And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you,
don't take it personally.
You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did. So this was it:
The 'Law of the Garbage Truck.'
I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me?
And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at
work, at home, on the streets?
It was that day I said, 'I'm not going to do it anymore.'
I began to see garbage trucks. I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off.
And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile,
wave, wish them well, and I move on.
One of my favorite football players of all time, Walter Payton, did this
every day on the football field. He would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground
after being tackled. He never dwelled on a hit. Payton was ready to make the next play his best.
Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting.
Good parents know that they have to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses.
Teachers and parents know that they have to be fully present, and at their best
for the people they care about.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day.
What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more
garbage trucks pass you by? You'll be happier Here's my bet.
So.. Love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance , TAKE IT!
If it changes your life , LET IT!
Nobody said it would be easy...
They just promised it would be worth it!
Subject: hokkien titanic - laugh until die
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT
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Now Scroll Down To See What Your Answer Means.
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A. Chest:
You are a practical person. Straightforward and do not beat around the bush. To you, convenience is of paramount importance. You hate to be distracted when concentrating and are impatient with people who do not see things your way. A good sex partner and willing to try new things. Your best partner in life will be those who choose D (Hair). |
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B. Face:
Money is important to you and you will do anything to get it. Integrity and dignity is not important. You feel that friends are there to be used and life is one big hassle. Other people find it hard to understand you, but you are not concerned as to what they think. Very self-centered person. Average sex partner as too selfish and tend to be absorbed in self pleasure at the expense of your partner. Your best partner in life will be those who choose E (Privates) and G (Others). |
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C. Armpits:
You are a dependable and hard working person. Generally very popular person as you are very down to earth and willing to help others. Tend to get yourself into trouble as you cannot tell whether people are genuine towards you. Make very poor sex partners as you are the working type with average talent. Your best partner in life will be those who choose F (Shoulders). |
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D. Hair:
Artistic type. Daydreaming is your hobby, but you can achieve what most other people cannot. Dedication is lacking, but you will work tirelessly towards goals which are to your liking. Money is not important. Friends are but only intellectuals and fellow artistic types. Make the best sex partners as you are most willing to explore and please ther other partner. Talent is your main strength. Your best partner in life will be those who chose A (Chest) and E (Privates). |
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E. Privates:
Shy type. You lack self confidence and tend to be bullied by others. You do not have lots of friends as others find you boring and unattractive. Perserverance is not your strength and you tend to give up easily and at the first opportunity. However, you make an above average sex partner. You are able to show your true emotions to very few people. Hence in sex, you find your inner strengths. Your best sex partner in life will be those who choose B (Face) and D (Hair). |
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F. Shoulder:
A born loser. You fail in everything that you do. People dislike you and you tend to spend your time alone. Your type have been known to be heavy gamblers and drinkers. You see the world as a livin hell. Money and power is also important to you. But your luck will always fail you. You make a lousy sex partner. You will find it difficult to find a partner in life. Those who choose C (Armpits) are your only chance. |
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G. Others:
You are a very average person. Undoubtedly, you have your inner strengths, but people find it hard to see. You must learn to be a little bit more adventurous and see your potential. Deep down, you are very likeable person with very few faults. However, the key will be to make your strengts stand out and not just hide you weaknessess. You are an average sex partner. You have great fantasies about different techniques, but unfortunately are not brave enough to try them out. Your best partner in life will be those who choose B (Face). |
Old Timers Sex
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.
I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.
Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
NAUGHTY ANSWERS
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says :
"If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
********************************************
A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"
Santa wrote back,
" SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
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What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
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Husband asks:
"Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is:
W ithout
Information
F ighting
Every-time
Wife replies:
" No,......
It means:
With
I diot
For
Ever !!!"
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What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.
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Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got
a heart attack & our driver ran away
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A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and
confidential?
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over
there, is also my son, THAT is confidenti
MARRIAGE WOES - HILARIOUS!
3 Minutes Management Course
Here are some "morals" we can all live by!
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give
you £800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman
drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds,
Bob hands her £800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The
nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 29?" The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun
once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized, "Sorry Sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at
the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth
and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first, me first!" Says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff!
She's gone.
"Me next, me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff!
He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the Eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on
the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out
of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you up there for long.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that the
bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was
lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
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Why Modern, Western Marriage Has Become A Bad Business Decision For Men
This writing seeks to educate men about the realities of what they may be getting into when they marry a Western Woman. An informed decision is less likely to be one that may be regretted later in the marriage. The intent is not to dissuade men from marrying, but to encourage them to communicate frankly their concerns and expectations regarding marriage with their potential spouses. The secondary aim of this essay is to enlighten women to a few of the reasons why increasingly larger numbers of successful, eligible, unmarried men, who would otherwise prefer monogamous long-term relationships, are turning their backs on marriage.
Society typically paints a negative stereotype of men who hesitate, delay, or elect not to marry.
They are labeled as either:
A) Womanisers who are unable to participate in a long term relationship, or
B) Selfish, childish or irresponsible men who can not take care of themselves or another person. No other explanation is ever explored.
The cost of proclaiming your undying love
In University, in professional sports, in politics, in the workplace; women have the same educational and professional career opportunities as men. Contrary to commonly believed feminist propaganda, women do indeed get paid the same salary as men, given that they are willing to work the same types of jobs as men, and work as many hours as the men do. Despite this reality, many women come into marriage with very few assets, and often are saddled with substantial quantities of debt. In general, men are the ones who save and invest. Don't believe me? Count the number of women of marrying age that you know who subscribe to financial services magazines or newspapers. A significant number of 20-something and 30-something women spend all of their disposable income on luxury rental apartments, upscale restaurants, frequent exotic vacations, leased cars, spa treatments, and excessive amounts of clothing, purses, shoes and accessories. Yet ironically, in the media, men are the ones who are portrayed as reckless, irresponsible spendthrifts.
When marriage enters the picture, double standards and financial imbalances leave responsible men to pick up the slack and fix the mess she may have made of her finances. Men are forced to spend their hard-earned savings, or take out an usurious loan, on a diamond ring. Women justify this relatively recent, mid-20th Century ritual, which was spawned by a brilliant 1940's mass-brainwashing campaign launched by DeBeers, by insisting that a man wants to buy her a diamond and that it makes him proud to be able to proclaim his love and affection towards her in this fashion. Granted there are some men who may be inclined to declare their commitment to a life-long partner in this way, but there are plenty of men whom seek a lifelong partnership and commitment who have no interest in buying diamonds. What choice do these men have? None! To many young men, the ring, catered wedding, and honeymoon in an exotic locale at a five-star hotel is an unwelcome land mine on their journey towards adult financial stability and independence. To add insult to injury, he is now locked into a lifetime of insurance payments for this grossly overpriced jewelry. Contrary to popularly held belief diamonds are not rare at all, but instead are common and inexpensive. Their high price is due to their supply having been artificially manipulated. Some men are more concerned with realising their dream of owning a home and becoming financially stable enough to begin a family and responsibly provide for their welfare. Men worry about these matters, because, ultimately, it becomes their sole responsibility.
The purchase of the diamond ring is a predictor of things to come. Immediately after buying it, the man may be rewarded with bridal demands to finance all or part of a lavish wedding, depending upon the size of his bank account and the ambitions of his fiancée. The average costs of today's Western Weddings frequently exceed that of a house down payment or, in certain parts of the world, the entire cost of the house itself. If a man enters a marriage having saved up a down payment for his dream home, it can suddenly be snatched right out from underneath him. Many men may object to spending such a large sum of money on what is basically a very expensive one-day, four-hour party. He also will be spending a year of his life planning it, when he could use the same time to further his career or education. However, what a man wants is really not of any concern anymore at this point in the proceedings. His wants, desires, hopes and dreams are ignored almost in their entirety. Her opinions regarding the wedding are frequently non-negotiable. A wedding is no longer an event that is equally for the bride and groom. As many of today's Bridezilla’s will gleefully remind you, "Today is MY day!". This gives her licence to become selfish, irresponsible, demanding and childlike. A man who balks at spending his entire life savings, or shouldering a five-figure debt load, for the ring, catered wedding and honeymoon in an exotic locale at a five-star hotel, can and will be labeled as a selfish cheapskate or not a "Real Man". If a woman leaves such a man for him suggesting that they try to keep their costs under control, she would have the full support of everyone around her as she dumped him.
"She can do better", "Clearly, he doesn't love her", “He doesn’t deserve her”, and similar sentiments will be muttered in quiet circles just out of his earshot. This is a sign of her good self-esteem and healthy self-image, and a sign that she won't settle for anything less. She is the poster girl for the Modern, Independent Woman.
Imagine if a man demanded equal treatment and asked that she buy him a new bass boat, and a two-week bear hunt in Siberia as a condition of marriage. This would be viewed as absurd, yet women do it every day. Modern Western Marriage is supposedly an equal partnership, isn’t it?
The injustices go from bad to worse when children enter the picture. If he can afford to carry the entire familial financial burden, the woman may now elect to stop working entirely. She will often make this decision regardless of how he may feel about it. The day she stops working is the day that all of her past financial baggage unequivocally gets tossed onto his shoulders. If the woman has racked up substantial credit card debts, these are now his payments to make; if the woman has not bothered to pay off her student loans, these become his responsibility; if she owes an enormous sum on her luxury car note, it is up to him to pay it off. Irony of ironies is that he is now paying for her degree and she isn’t even working anymore! Can he object? Can he say: "No Honey, you made your mess, and it should not be my job to clean it up. You knew that you wanted kids even before you met me, and you should have planned ahead." No, he cannot. The payments can't be deferred until she is once again able to continue repaying them herself, not if he wants to retain a clean credit rating to get a loan for their dream home. If he even suggested that she return to work to pay off some of her own debt load, he opens himself to criticisms of being an unsupportive husband and bad father who is endangering the welfare of his children. Now the noose tightens and the responsible husband compensates for the mother’s freewheeling and irresponsible past, and begins slowly to pay off her old debts. In the most twisted turn of events yet, the debt he is paying off may often be on credit cards used to finance Vacations, Hotel Rooms and Christmas gifts shared with previous husbands, boyfriends, fiancés and lovers. Caveat Emptor! This is the reward for today's man who works hard, makes sacrifices, plans ahead, and invests wisely. By getting married to the typical Modern, Western Woman, the man is certainly susceptible to being railroaded into this situation, because it is completely acceptable within today's gender roles and societal norms.
Marriage can mean career slavery
Anyone who says, "Slavery is dead" clearly has not contemplated the predicament of the average Western Husband, where a good paycheck can mean career slavery. Merriam-Webster's English Dictionary defines slavery as "…(T)he state of a person who is a chattel (an item of tangible movable or immovable property) of another person." If the husband earns enough to support both of them, he would be hard pressed to make an argument to preserve equality and have her continue working as he does. If the wife decides to stop working, the man who has been left holding the financial bag finds his options very limited. He may find himself working in a career that he hates, for abusive and exploitative management, excessively long hours, in a position that is physically dangerous or demanding, in an organisation that has no growth potential, far away from home. At this point, considering the corner he's been painted into, he is often powerless to affect any positive, meaningful change in his own life. He may have been harbouring delusions that once his wife was able to return to work, he would be able to gain some flexibility to rectify some of the shortcomings in his own career. Perhaps changing careers or accepting a lower salary at a different firm in exchange for better hours, a shorter commute, or more fulfilling work. Nevertheless, the distinct reality is that he will continue to shoulder the financial responsibilities of his family alone. His reward for working hard and getting ahead is to become trapped into his career, and become a specialised beast of burden to an emotionally and financially dependent family. Does it really pay to work hard anymore and apply oneself to his full potential?
If she stops working, she may never work again.
There are many debates about the merits of a stay-at-home mother vs. a working mother. My goal here is to simply educate the prospective husband on frequently unseen risks he is taking on when he agrees to accept 100% of the financial burden to allow his wife to stay at home. An informed decision is less likely to be one that may be regretted later in the marriage.
Every parent will agree that staying home with children is backbreaking and often mind-numbing labour. Many new fathers may concede that it is much easier to go to work than to stay at home with several children. However, the greatest imbalance in efforts and contributions to a marriage can manifest once all of the children are of school age. The house is now empty from 8am-3pm. The wife has 7 hours to herself while the kids are at school and the husband is at work. After a few years of hard work at home, many wives may feel entitled to "kick back" and take it easy. The good, supportive husband, however, has worked those same years, has done his 50/50 of the housework, and is still working just as hard to support the family once the kids are in school. His workload has not diminished, and it may have even increased as her expectations rise. He is rarely afforded the same option to scale back his daytime efforts.
What motivation does the modern wife have to return to work? Very little. For several years now, the man's salary has been enough to live on. Otherwise, she would have been working to make ends meet. Unless tight finances dictate that she must return to work, the husband really has little say in this matter. The wife can hide behind many different excuses in order not to work, despite having little to do from 8am-3pm. Among the commonest are:
"I'm busy with the housework"
It is easy to exaggerate the labours of daily housework. Yet how long does it take to throw clothes or dishes into the washer, and remove them later? Vacuuming can be done in 1 hour a week. Grocery shopping is another hour per week. A decent meal can be prepared in under an hour. Does all of this add up to 7 hours a day? The lie that housework is hard, time-consuming drudgery is no longer as persuasive as it may have been in the past, because in an age of later marriage, many men are already experienced in cooking, cleaning, and general housekeeping and know that it doesn’t take that much effort or time. Humourously, not every stay-at-home-wife even performs all of these duties. "I can't find a job"
She has been out of work too long, and therefore is unable to find a job. This may be true, but many men do not consider this risk when they agree to support her while she "temporarily" stops working. Hopefully now they will, and can make a more informed decision. Many wives may use this as a convenient scapegoat to stop looking for any job at all. The next section describes how this can be used against him in the event of divorce. "It doesn't pay for me to work"
In the short run, the expenses of returning to work such as gas, lunch, clothes and day care may not make it worthwhile for her to return to the workforce. This may be true, but does that justify her playing tennis, drinking lattes and ‘catching up with her friends’ while her husband toils away? Many couples may be too shortsighted to thoroughly and comprehensively think through this issue. Initially, the cost to benefits ratio may not be ideal, but her returning to work will improve her job skills and network of contacts and over time the return on investment will improve. More so than strolling through the local mall every afternoon and window-shopping for new window treatments. Over time, as her career gets back on track, and she becomes qualified for better jobs, her salary should also improve. It should be duly noted that some working wives view their salary as "personal spending money", and still expect the man to pay all or most of the bills. Western Women are often heard to claim that, “What's mine is mine, and what's his is ours.”
Even more unfair double standards that favour wives
Cheating
If a married man cheats, he's the scum of the earth. He is a selfish jerk that has jeopardised the family unit, done his ‘thinking with his little head’, and disrespected his wife and children. However, when the woman cheats, she's portrayed as the victim of an insensitive and inattentive husband. “Poor thing, he ignores her. It is for her empowerment, to boost her ego. She deserves it after bearing and rearing his children.” It’s good for her self-esteem. Worse, her cheating is portrayed as the man's fault. If he works long hours to provide for her and the children, he works too much. If he is tired at the end of the day from 13 hours of manual labour, then he doesn't compliment her as much as she wants. Into this vacuum of conflicting expectations steps the first man who “makes me feel like a Real Woman again…”. You read that correctly; the man who is scrambling to pay the mortgage and car payments and is working double shifts to pay for the consumer goods she demanded to have is now considered a negligent and emotionally abusive husband. The man who may be working two jobs to allow her to be home with her kids is now considered a candidate for Domestic Violence. When a woman cheats, the first thing people ask is what he did, or more often, didn't do, to drive her into the arms of another man.
When a man cheats, no one ever asks the same question.
When a woman cheats, the reaction will be; "Oh, poor thing, I guess her husband couldn’t get the job done in the bedroom".
When a man cheats, no one ever stops to think; "Oh poor fellow, his wife was horrible in bed."
Let’s not forget what happens if a man were to leave his wife for a younger woman. This will become fodder at the coffee shop for months. It is automatically assumed that he is a shallow sex maniac whose only motivation was to be with a younger woman. The possibility that his wife was lazy, or a reckless spendthrift, or verbally or physically abusive, or grossly overweight, or an incompetent mother, are rarely considered and are often totally ignored. The myth is that the only reason a man leaves his wife is to be with a younger, more attractive woman. Never mind if she is a better match for him and a more supportive, nurturing mate.
Pre-Nups
If a man insists on a Pre-Nup, he is selfish and unromantic. However, when is the last time a woman who demanded a Pre-Nup was called "unromantic"? On the contrary, if a woman requests a Pre-Nup, she is being fiscally responsible, sensible and looking out for herself. (Note: If your fiancée refuses to sign a Pre-Nup, she has just shown her hand. Best to leave now.) Why is it that a woman can refuse a Pre-Nup, and it is accepted by society? In reality, the man should be outraged that she is after a legal contract, and not love. What is astounding is the hypocrisy of the usual reaction towards Pre-Nups. Women can conveniently assert that a man is unromantic if he suggests a Pre-Nup. After all, how can a man pollute true love with the signing of legal paperwork! However, what is a marriage licence? Nothing more than a legal contract entered into between the man, woman and local and state government authorities. A woman does not seem to balk at signing this legal paperwork, which entitles her to at least half the assets a man has accumulated as well as half of everything he earns in the future, and obligates him to support her in perpetuity in the event of a breakup. Why aren't men allowed to note how unromantic this contract is? The distraction of bridal magazines, place setting selection, floral arrangements, churches, wedding dresses, receptions, wedding showers, and honeymoons have clouded the legal reality of what men are getting themselves into. Marriage is as much an unromantic legal contract as a prenuptial agreement is.
Initially, Pre-Nups were devised as a way to protect women. Nuptial agreements were popularised in the 19th century, mostly to protect heiresses from marrying men who were "out for their money". Until the Married Women's Property Act of 1848, under English Common Law, a woman's property, upon marriage, was usually transferred to her husband.
"Stupid, Irresponsible" Men
Men are severely abused in our media, quite frankly. Just watch any TV commercial or sitcom and see how they portray men as idiots, dolts, or well intentioned, if bumbling, buffoons. If women were portrayed in commercials in the same fashion, “Women’s Organisations” would have a fit. If it weren’t for their wives in these shows and ads the men would be lost "animals", unable to feed themselves or perform even the simplest of tasks. Other commercials make it appear that men act without thinking, only responding in an impulsive and irrational manner, and that the wife is the brains of the family. Even many women will agree that women often are the ones who act upon emotions and make judgments solely based up on emotional attachments and not logic or reason. Almost every "couples budgeting" article will portray the woman as the one who has to rein in the man's childish spending, when in truth it is usually the woman who cannot control her expenditures. Job Loss
If a husband loses his job and is having trouble finding work, the wife is completely and totally justified in threatening to leave him. However, can you imagine the reaction if a husband threatened to leave a wife who was in the exact same position? He would be vilified! If a man loses his job, the woman is justified in resenting the fact that the financial burden lies on her. He is no longer a ‘good provider’. When is a man allowed to resent this very same predicament? If a man is laid off and cares for the household and kids while the wife is working, he may be accused of not pulling his weight! Yet this is exactly the same situation that women demand more recognition for with each passing year! No matter what role the man plays, he loses! Traditional Roles
It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to demand that a man make a certain salary, drive a certain car, live in a certain part of the city, have a certain job, have the'right' manners, talk a certain way, walk a certain way, behave a certain way, have a degree from the 'right' University and dress in a stylish fashion, to be deemed "marriage material" and be able to provide her with the stability she feels she deserves. If a man demands his wife do the cooking and cleaning, he can now be labeled old fashioned and sexist. If he asks her to carry her weight financially, just as he does, he may be criticised as an inadequate provider. If a man insists that his wife honor the conjugal requirements of the marriage contract, he can and will be accused of sexual abuse, sexual assault or rape. To add insult to injury, some women have gotten so pampered that they not only quit their jobs the day they find out they are pregnant, but they then go out and hire as many nannies, cooks, gardeners and pool boys as their husband can afford. Many Western Wives stay at home and hire someone else to rear the kids and clean up, while they drink lattes and go shopping all day with other pampered "stay-at-home" mothers. Does it pay to work hard and get ahead anymore, if this is how your hard-earned money is squandered?
The concept of the pampered wife is a relatively new one. Most of Western Civilisation was primarily an agricultural economy even up until the 1920's and 1930’s. Western Wives contributed to the well being of the household by helping on the farm. A man needed a wife as an equal partner. It was not until the 1950's that the first generation of Western Wives, first in The States and later in Europe, Australia and New Zealand , began to emerge as dead weight. Perhaps this coincides with the spiking of the divorce rate in The States, and later Europe and the other English Speaking Nations, and the rise of Feminism. Perhaps men have become tired of giving so much, while getting so little in exchange.
Divorce
All men should consult a legal professional before marrying, and understand the implications of divorce, because the chances are 1-in-3 that they will participate in one whether they like it, want it, inititate it or not.
Upon divorce, all assets accumulated during and prior to a marriage are subject to division. It has become, simply put. a licence to steal. Even if the woman has not worked in years, and has spent the intervening decade(s) shopping and lunching from 8am-3pm, she is entitled to half, or more, of everything the man worked for during the course of the marriage. Is this fair? How many people would ever agree to a job contract that stipulated that in the event of separation that one party would have to return 50% of the gross amount of everything in the pay packet? No one in his or her right mind would knowingly sign such an agreement. Yet Western Men unknowingly agree to the exact same insanity each time they sign their marriage contract!
"Assets accumulated prior to a marriage are exempt from a divorce". In theory this is true, in practice it is not. If funds from an account are commingled or combined, it can become marital property. How do funds become commingled, or mixed? If even the smallest sum from a prior account is spent towards the marriage, all of that account will now be considered marital property. Buy your child a lollipop from your own account, and a good lawyer will take one-half of it for your ex-wife when you divorce. If a woman moves into a home the man owned prior to the marriage, it is not safe from divorce. If she so much as hangs up a sheet of wallpaper, puts up draperies, paints a wall, or installs a light fixture, the home is now classified as joint marital property, and is now subject to equal division. Worse actually, the man can be ejected from the home if she makes a false claim of domestic violence, physical abuse, verbal abuse or child abuse. Where is the equality and fairness?
Note: "Equal Division" is also somewhat of a misnomer. Often, she can get upwards of 70% - 90% of the assets, while the man gets the majority of the debts! She gets all of the benefits, he gets all of the responsibilities. This, of course, is just and right and is his reward for working so hard all of those years. He can afford it; she can't because she was not working.
If you pamper your wife, it can be used against you
Imagine that in the spirit of generosity and kindness that you gave a beggar a hot meal. A generous act, indeed. Now imagine your reaction if that same beggar sues you in court. He is petitioning the judge to have you keep providing him with the food that you gave him willingly, freely, out of a big heart. The judge orders you to keep feeding the homeless man meals, indefinitely, forever, because he has become accustomed to eating those meals! This is categorically absurd, yet this happens to Western Men in divorce court every day. Instead of thanking you for paying her bills for all those years, what you get is the privilege of being legally forced to pay her bills forever!
After having children, many women demand to quit working and stay home. Before the kids came along, many of these same women may have been in careers they hated, working long hours, and enduring long commutes. It is the man's generosity and dedication to his own career that enables her to walk away from her own career. During a marriage, a man with a stay-at-home wife might work long and grueling hours in order to support her. He will pay the mortgage, the property tax, grocery bill, phone bill, cable bill, Internet bill and electric bill. He also pays for her car, gas money, clothes, and vacations.
As one final slap in the face, the man may be punished for working hard enough to allow his wife to have the luxury of staying at home with the kids. As noted above, after the children are in school, the wife may enjoy a life of leisure and relaxation that is afforded to her by her man's hard work. In the event of divorce, he will be legally obligated to support her for years or decades to come. Because she stopped working and led a life of leisure, the ex-husband is now responsible for supporting her, forever! History has a tendency of rewriting itself. Originally, a woman may have had a career that she may have hated, and was begging to leave. Western Women often "play" at work and career for a few years after University, and then when they near 30 or grow tired of the workplace they seek out a man to "take her away from all of this", whatever "all of this" may be. In fact her desire to leave the world of work may have been her motivation to have kids in the first place. But now, in her eyes, and definitely her lawyers eyes, she "gave up" her career for her man and his kids. She is now "owed" all of her "lost income". His gift of leisure and support to her has now become twisted and is viewed as her sacrifice! Another way in which the situation is turned against him is that he will be characterised as being threatened by her having her own career, and that he forced her to quit her "lucrative career" and stay home with the children. Her lawyer will now attempt to convince the judge that he wanted to "oppress" his wife and "keep her down". Truthfully now, how many men do you personally know that are upset at having a wife that earns a good living? Many of these misleading stereotypes still run rampant in our society, and are routinely used to the woman's advantage during a divorce. As a result of her not working, regardless of whether she was minding the home or not, she remains a financial liability.
Generous, caring men who spoil their wives should certainly think twice about how this generosity can later be used against them. The phrase used in divorce court is "She has become accustomed to a certain lifestyle". A husband's reward for spoiling his wife today is the legal obligation to spoil her indefinitely, forever. Buy her a luxury car today, and you may be obligated to buy her luxury cars after she leaves you for another man! Yet, imagine a husband that became accustomed to eating a home cooked dinner, or regular conjugal visits. Now imagine the courts obligate the ex-wife to continue cooking for him and sharing her bed with him and his new girlfriend each night, despite being divorced! Inconceivable, but it happens the other way around every day!
The ultimate insult, however, comes when the man loses half or more of his life's assets even when she has decided to leave him. Yes, a wife can unilaterally decide to kick a man out of his own home, and have the courts force him to continue paying the bills, while she is sleeping with her new boyfriend in the very house the husband worked so long and hard to buy! She can, and often does, spend her alimony check on gifts for her new boyfriend or lover! How is it that the legal system supports a woman who feels entitled to this?
The risks are clear, yet what exactly are men getting out of marriage? Many times, the reasons men get married are unfounded.
Many of the traditional reasons why a man gets married are a myth.
"I won't die alone"
Wrong. The simple fact is that one spouse WILL die alone. Visit the hospital and go to the terminally ill or cardiac departments. Few people have the time to sit with an ill relative all day and all night. Yes, you may get visitors, but they aren't having the same thoughts as you are. You're contemplating your mortality, while they're wondering what food the hospital cafeteria offers. In the end, even with a loving and supportive family, most of us will leave this world alone, unless you both die simultaneously in an accident of some kind. Your spouse may die fifteen years before you, or you may be in the hospital for your last year. Ultimately, we all die alone. Married or not. "I won't grow old alone"
Not necessarily. A marriage can self-destruct at any time. Your partner may initiate divorce at age 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65 or 70. Many married people end up in the same position (alone) as if they had never married at all. Now they enter their twilight years broke, as a result of being stripped of half or more of their life's assets, losing half their retirement and pension funds, and being assessed alimony payments. Experiencing financial devastation from one divorce often may preclude a man from ever marrying again. This is a common observation of many middle-aged Western Women. Q: "Where are all the men?". A: "He is broke from the divorce settlement, alimony and child support payments." Thus these women don't find him marriable, and he grows old alone and poor. Men are led to believe that not marrying implies only one destiny; that of a solitary monk in a cave, a shunned loner. However, life is not so black and white. Not marrying does not mean you cannot continue to date or have meaningful relationships throughout your life. There are plenty of single people in all age brackets. A bad marriage can be the loneliest of institutions, because most of your emotional outlet and companionship is concentrated into one person who gives back nothing in emotion, affection or support. Young men in their 20's and 30's should be more aware of the alternatives that exist in life. They should be aware that marriage is a choice, and is not the only path life has to offer. An informed decision is less likely to be one that is later regretted.
"I'll get regular sex"
Not from Modern, Western Women. Access to regular sex is the oldest and the most frequently cited reason to marry. Many men now know that Modern, Western Women frequently stop having sex after just a short time of being married. There are plenty of "sexless" marriages. Talk to a few married couples that are honest about their relationship. One or both partners may stop wanting sex after kids, or the sex may be as infrequent as once a year or once every six months, or the wife may only have sex when she wants the husband to buy her something, take her somewhere, or remodel the house. Read the honest opinions of married men on the Internet. Most Western, Married Men will have more sex with their Western Wives in the first six months of their marriage than they will in the next 40 years. Lastly, it remains to be seen whether sex with one exclusive partner for forty years or more is even a natural act, or just a man-made convention. In many Western Nations, the wife is no longer required to have sex with her husband. She can deny him at any time, for any length of time. She can, if she wishes, deny him sex forever and there is nothing that he can do about it.. In fact, if he inisists that she honor her end of the marriage contract by being available for sexual relations, he can and will be accused of, charged with, and arrested for Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault or Rape. Marriage is hardly a guarantee of regular sex, as many people are led to believe.
"I'll have someone to cook and clean for me"
Not necessarily. While a Modern, Western Woman is perfectly justified in quitting her job in the name of staying home with the kids, she can also demand that the husband pay for a cook, a maid, and a nanny. This leaves the man to earn the money, and leaves him to pay for maintenance of household and children, while the wife gets to play at being a housekeeper. Today's woman is empowered by not performing the traditional housewife duties, regardless of whether she is working or not. If a husband asks that his wife perform traditional household duties because she is not working, he will often be labeled sexist, abusive or controlling, even if he is doing his "traditional role" of paying all the bills, providing for his family, and performing the traditional manly duties of vehicle repairs, maintaining the lawn and house upkeep. "It is the proper religious thing to do"
Perhaps, but it is a complete farce to watch couples that haven't gone to church, temple, shrine, mosque or hall in 10, 15, or 20 years suddenly become regulars a few months prior to their marriage in order to gain approval of their religion. In most cases, they don't go back for regular services after their wedding. If you are not actively religious, why would you need your personal relationship to be endorsed by religious figures whom you will never see again? Religion today is nothing more than a way to socialise and network with the neighbours. It is not a reason to be married. Some religions, like the Catholic Church, will only allow you to be married once. So when remarrying, divorced people will get the marriage "annulled"; as though it never existed in the first place. A convenient man-made loophole to circumvent a man-made custom. A complete farce. "I have to be married to have kids"
Not anymore. Her ovaries do not physically need a contract at the government center in order to be fertilised by your sperm. Cro-Magnon man had children long before lawyers invented marriage contracts. Often, you do not need to be married in order to share health benefits. You do not need to be married to designate your partner on a life insurance policy. You do not need to be married to own a dream home together. It is ironic that responsible parents who raise a healthy family, but never actually sign marriage paperwork, get less respect than divorced parents or married parents who are ineffective, inattentive or incompetent. -Having a lifelong, faithful, committed relationship has nothing to do with being "married".
-Owning a beautiful dream home together has nothing to do with being "married". -Rearing healthy, happy, and successful children has nothing to do with being "married". -Building a family and life together has nothing to do with being "married". -Growing old together has nothing to do with being "married". In fact, recent changes in cohabitation, partner and marriage law have proven that the only tangible consequence of marriage is having a formalised separation process that usually requires the talents of an attorney.
You do need to be married in order to throw an extravagant four-hour party, and share the same last name. You do need to be married in order to involve the state and government in your romantic affairs.
You do need to be married in order give away half of everything you own.
Besides that, marriage does nothing more than introduce lawyers and phony, crooked religious figures into your life. These are people that otherwise would have nothing to do with your life or your relationship.
Men need to stop and ask themselves:
"Why exactly am I getting married? What exactly does marriage mean to me in today's world? What is the benefit to me to get married?"
It is no longer a lifelong commitment, because it can be reversed overnight on her unilateral whim.
Marriage was originally created as a way for families to merge land, property, political power and influence; perhaps people should return to viewing it as just that and nothing more. The rest of it is fake modern TV Fantasy and Tabloid Gossip and Hype polluting the minds of today's impressionable youth, and a way to keep the multi-billion-per-year wedding industry chugging along. Perhaps the only criteria should be to ask oneself: "How excited am I for us to merge our finances and assets?" When all the fluff and hype are boiled away, that may be the only remaining reality. Spend a day in divorce court, and you'll see exactly what is real and tangible and lasting about marriage. You'll see women who signed the marriage contract under romantic pretenses who are now expert laymen attorneys who can cite case law. Bouquet throwing ex-brides now embroiled in warfare to get everything that is coming to them and more! The rest are myths, lies, bold unsubstantiated promises, and maybes. "For better or for worse..."
The Western Divorce rate is 43%. It is higher in some parts of the world such as California, Great Britain and Australia. In Japan the recent change in pension law may have many pensioners out on the street. In India new changes to dowry law have men being threatened by their wives. Consider the number of people who are in a bad marriage, but elect to stay; Men who don't want to lose 50%, women who know they can't support themselves alone. Next, think of how many more couples stay together just for the sake of the kids. Of these "forced marriages", consider how many of these marriages involve infidelity, no sex, or sleeping in separate beds or separate rooms. I estimate the percentage of happy and monogamous marriages to be under 5%. Are these odds you would take in a business venture, investment or loan? Most of the risk-averse population would not. Yet they seek this exception to the rule everyday through marriage.
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How to check if the man is still a virgin
"A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Kuala Lumpur. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice.
"Daughter, when you're in KL and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following requirements Mother set for you. You must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift' and must be a 'virgin'."
With this advise from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some months later, she came home to her kampung to get her mother's blessings to marry.
"Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?".
Her mother nodded in agreement.
"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only.Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"
For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.
"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".
"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with repidition.
"Mmm....his 'that one' is new......still wrapped up in plastic,mum!"
TO ALL THE THOSEWHO WERE BORN IN THE 50's and 60's / early
'70s............
First, we survived with mothers who had no maids. They cooked /cleaned
while taking care of us at the same time.
They took aspirin, candies floss, fizzy drinks, shaved ice with syrups and diabetes were rare. Salt added to Pepsi or Coke was remedy for fever.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and
when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention
As children, we would ride with our parents on bicycles/motorcycles for
2 or 3. Richer ones in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a private taxi was a special treat.
We drank water from the tap and NOT from a bottle.
We would spend hours on the fields under bright sunlight flying our kites, without worrying about the UV ray which never seem to affect us.
We go to jungle to catch spiders without worries of mosquitoes.
With mere 5 pebbles (stones) would be a endless game. With a ball
(tennis ball best) we boys would ran like crazy for hours.
We catch guppy in drains / canals and when it rain we swim there.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE
actually worry about being unhygenic.
We ate salty, very sweet & oily food, candies,bread and real butter and
drank very sweet soft sweet coffee/ tea, ice karang, but we weren't
overweight because......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, till streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours repairing our old bicycles and wooden scooters out
of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem .
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, multiple channels on
cable TV, DVD movies, no surround sound, no phones, no personal
computers, no Internet.WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found
them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and we still continued the stunts.
We were never birthdays parties till we are 21,
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and just yelled for them!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
Yet this generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem
solvers and inventors ever!
The past 40years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the government regulated our lives for our own good. and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
PS: -The big type is because Long-sightedness or hyperopia at your age .
"Winning isn't everything but wanting to win is."
The Queen's Breasts
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer was obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.
Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King quickly summoned Nick. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear.
The King immediately summoned Nick.
The moral of the story -
'Keep Your Promise!'
PARKING TEST
JOKES FOR LAUGHS
Girl : Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy : This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
*****************************************
Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife : When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.
******************************************
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
******************************************
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray "Take only one. God is
watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take
all you want. God is watching the apples."
******************************************
One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON : "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your
responsibilities.
Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school."
*******************************************
What are the three fastest ways of communication?
Three fastest means of communication in the world.
Tele-phone
Tele-vision
Tell-a-woman.
You still want faster?
Tell her not to tell anyone :-)
How does the small arrow on your computer monitor work when we move the
mouse?
Haven't you ever wondered how it works?
Now, through the miracle of high technology, we can see how it is done.
With the aid of a screen magnifying lens, the mechanism becomes
apparent.
Click on the link below and you will find out. The image may take a
minute or two to download and when it appears, slowly move your mouse
over the light gray circle and you will see how the magic works. Follow
this link and find out the truth and how satisfying it is to KNOW.
http://www.1- click.jp/