Big Questions, Little Answers
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Looking back, the past 7 years of my life have been so unbelievable that it would put any soap opera to shame. The last 4 years of this longdrawn episode has just come to an end. After allowing myself 2 days of anguish, here I am, sitting back and surveying the mess of my life and what lays ahead without the slightest hint of trepidation.
I thought nothing could surprise me after all the drama, the colourful characters and the impossible situations I've handled through these turbulent years, and so the unexpected silent calm in my mind now comes as a surprise. Perhaps this is akin to a calm after a storm, so although this new state of clarity was something I least expected to find at the end of this 4-year ordeal, I am very pleased with the result.
It was as if someone had "uncooked" all the garbled information in my brain. With this newfound clarity, I am beginning to understand what has transpired over the years.. this latest "relationship" suddenly looks so clear.
As an old "buddy" put it, I must have been desperate for some semblance of normality in my 24 years of life when everything up till this point was anything but. It's interesting how easily I succumbed to the lull of this so-called "normal" life and how I struggled to maintain it even at the cost of my own beliefs. The irony in compromising my own ideals and desires for the sake of moulding myself into someone else's perception of a "woman behind the man" does not escape me, for I have always prided myself in being at the forefront of any relationship, taking on the role of the aggressor rather than that of the passive gentle female. In fact a part of me is quite disgusted that this dream was not ended by my own hand, but by "his".. I would've still been lost in the mist for goodness knows how much longer if he had not decided to end the relationship.
Perhaps I was tired. Overwhelmed, even. Weary of fighting endless battles alone, tired of being strong and invincible when I feel vulnerable and wounded inside. This relationship was simply my excuse to run away from my future.. my way of hanging up the towel and letting someone else be the driving force of ambition. Everytime I think of my mother, I punish myself mentally. She is a unicorn with a behemoth's spirit, a maker of miracles with a mindblowing track record. And I? How could I ever hope reach that calibre when all I've done so far is to wait for life to throw something in my path that would force me forward?
I admit I have been fearful of taking the reins. So many unanswered questions loom over me like an ominous grey blanket of clouds that threaten to drown the buried answers below before I can even find them, but now I allow myself a drizzle.. Where would I go? What would I do? How would I generate enough income to get something going? The initial questions hit me like gigantic hailstones. But I must weather them, for after all this time, all these experiences, I have come one full circle and right back to where I started.. right back to the problem I have been avoiding all along ... indecisiveness on what I want to do with my life.
The newfound clarity beckons, but I am fearful. But I must go forth.. for time is no longer by my side. Indecisiveness will only prolong my pain. I face this old crossroad, this unwanted familiar friend, and now I know which unmarked path I must take.. it is the one I have been avoiding all along.
But what about you, ladies & gents? How do you handle these huge questions in life, all these huge expectations? Just.. do now, think later? How do you overcome your own fear of failure? And lastly... how do you handle that empty hole inside you, the one that craves for love? -
errm...surprise sex?
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identity crisis
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Expectations from yourself or from others ?Originally posted by spinsugar:But what about you, ladies & gents? How do you handle these huge questions in life, all these huge expectations? Just.. do now, think later? How do you overcome your own fear of failure? And lastly... how do you handle that empty hole inside you, the one that craves for love?
Think , before you do.
Do, and not regret.
Fear of failure is for those who has too much to lose.
Love yourself and you will not crave love from others. -
Both..Originally posted by jojobeach:Expectations from yourself or from others ?Originally posted by jojobeach:
Hmm.. learn to love myself more.. Someone once said that to me. This might come across as a silly question, but how does one do that? Does it mean I have to be more.. selfish?
Think , before you do.
Do, and not regret.
Fear of failure is for those who has too much to lose.
Love yourself and you will not crave love from others.
[/b] -
I learn to love myself more by putting someone worthy of my attention and forgiveness of his or her shortcomings first. Then I pamper myself with the things I do for myself and the gifts I am given as rewards for helping others.Originally posted by spinsugar:Hmm.. learn to love myself more.. Someone once said that to me. This might come across as a silly question, but how does one do that? Does it mean I have to be more.. selfish?
If you really love, you really need to undertsand, yourself, the other person and the whole situation. -
Think of it as a lifes lesson. Sometimes we all try to conform to the ways of how things are supposedly normal. You have to know the true core of your own principles and belief and that as one of the driving forces in life. Your mother , you can learn a lot of things from there. As u are her offspring , you too can have that same desire and ambition to strive for the better. We all fear failure. But we will experience failure not once but many more in our life time.. Its through the failures and struggles that u know how to beat it and come out the victor through these and it will make u a better person. Stronger, tougher , wiser , more sensitive to things around you and able to handle situations with a sound mind.Originally posted by spinsugar:But what about you, ladies & gents? How do you handle these huge questions in life, all these huge expectations? Just.. do now, think later? How do you overcome your own fear of failure? And lastly... how do you handle that empty hole inside you, the one that craves for love?
Some have that empty hole. There is no wrong in craving for love. Perhaps you can inject those into the love for work and to strive for better. We all crave for love. Hobbies , or hanging out with your good friends can cure and fill that hole for sometime. And let things take its turn n perhaps you will find love again soon. -
Sounds like quarter life crisis. Welcome to the club. The ride's going to get ugly from hereonin.
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*heaves sigh* thanks. =\Originally posted by jackdaniels:Sounds like quarter life crisis. Welcome to the club. The ride's going to get ugly from hereonin.
This time, I'm not gonna let myself get mindf***ed by destructive relationships or f*** buddies. -
I am dead...Originally posted by spinsugar:here I am, sitting back and surveying the mess of my life and what lays ahead without the slightest hint of trepidation.
the unexpected silent calm in my mind now comes as a surprise.
I am very pleased with the result.
It was as if someone had "uncooked" all the garbled information in my brain. With this newfound clarity, I am beginning to understand what has transpired over the years.. this latest "relationship" suddenly looks so clear.
But what about you, ladies & gents? How do you handle these huge questions in life, all these huge expectations? Just.. do now, think later? How do you overcome your own fear of failure? And lastly... how do you handle that empty hole inside you, the one that craves for love?
I am resurrected and I am coming back to share with you... did you think death, resurrection and life was literal?
The Power and The Glory of Death and Resurrection; you can experience it in your life-time! -
?Originally posted by spinsugar:Looking back, the past 7 years of my life have been so unbelievable that it would put any soap opera to shame. The last 4 years of this longdrawn episode has just come to an end. After allowing myself 2 days of anguish, here I am, sitting back and surveying the mess of my life and what lays ahead without the slightest hint of trepidation.
I thought nothing could surprise me after all the drama, the colourful characters and the impossible situations I've handled through these turbulent years, and so the unexpected silent calm in my mind now comes as a surprise. Perhaps this is akin to a calm after a storm, so although this new state of clarity was something I least expected to find at the end of this 4-year ordeal, I am very pleased with the result.
It was as if someone had "uncooked" all the garbled information in my brain. With this newfound clarity, I am beginning to understand what has transpired over the years.. this latest "relationship" suddenly looks so clear.
As an old "buddy" put it, I must have been desperate for some semblance of normality in my 24 years of life when everything up till this point was anything but. It's interesting how easily I succumbed to the lull of this so-called "normal" life and how I struggled to maintain it even at the cost of my own beliefs. The irony in compromising my own ideals and desires for the sake of moulding myself into someone else's perception of a "woman behind the man" does not escape me, for I have always prided myself in being at the forefront of any relationship, taking on the role of the aggressor rather than that of the passive gentle female. In fact a part of me is quite disgusted that this dream was not ended by my own hand, but by "his".. I would've still been lost in the mist for goodness knows how much longer if he had not decided to end the relationship.
Perhaps I was tired. Overwhelmed, even. Weary of fighting endless battles alone, tired of being strong and invincible when I feel vulnerable and wounded inside. This relationship was simply my excuse to run away from my future.. my way of hanging up the towel and letting someone else be the driving force of ambition. Everytime I think of my mother, I punish myself mentally. She is a unicorn with a behemoth's spirit, a maker of miracles with a mindblowing track record. And I? How could I ever hope reach that calibre when all I've done so far is to wait for life to throw something in my path that would force me forward?
I admit I have been fearful of taking the reins. So many unanswered questions loom over me like an ominous grey blanket of clouds that threaten to drown the buried answers below before I can even find them, but now I allow myself a drizzle.. Where would I go? What would I do? How would I generate enough income to get something going? The initial questions hit me like gigantic hailstones. But I must weather them, for after all this time, all these experiences, I have come one full circle and right back to where I started.. right back to the problem I have been avoiding all along ... indecisiveness on what I want to do with my life.
The newfound clarity beckons, but I am fearful. But I must go forth.. for time is no longer by my side. Indecisiveness will only prolong my pain. I face this old crossroad, this unwanted familiar friend, and now I know which unmarked path I must take.. it is the one I have been avoiding all along.
But what about you, ladies & gents? How do you handle these huge questions in life, all these huge expectations? Just.. do now, think later? How do you overcome your own fear of failure? And lastly... how do you handle that empty hole inside you, the one that craves for love?
Why do you want in life? -
In life you actually do not regret what you did, but regret what you did not do.
When you are at the cross road of life, you decide which direction you should go.
And when you decide on one, you will not know what the other is like.
If you have chosen to remain single, you would not know what a relatioship is like.
In the end, it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
Move on, wiser and knowledgable.
And in the evening of life, look back at all that happened, with no regrets. For you have done it all, or at lease some of it. -
Is it me, or has the people with troubles these days have MUCH better command of English? First that woman's lament, now this.Originally posted by spinsugar:Looking back, the past 7 years of my life have been so unbelievable that it would put any soap opera to shame. The last 4 years of this longdrawn episode has just come to an end. After allowing myself 2 days of anguish, here I am, sitting back and surveying the mess of my life and what lays ahead without the slightest hint of trepidation.
I thought nothing could surprise me after all the drama, the colourful characters and the impossible situations I've handled through these turbulent years, and so the unexpected silent calm in my mind now comes as a surprise. Perhaps this is akin to a calm after a storm, so although this new state of clarity was something I least expected to find at the end of this 4-year ordeal, I am very pleased with the result.
It was as if someone had "uncooked" all the garbled information in my brain. With this newfound clarity, I am beginning to understand what has transpired over the years.. this latest "relationship" suddenly looks so clear.
As an old "buddy" put it, I must have been desperate for some semblance of normality in my 24 years of life when everything up till this point was anything but. It's interesting how easily I succumbed to the lull of this so-called "normal" life and how I struggled to maintain it even at the cost of my own beliefs. The irony in compromising my own ideals and desires for the sake of moulding myself into someone else's perception of a "woman behind the man" does not escape me, for I have always prided myself in being at the forefront of any relationship, taking on the role of the aggressor rather than that of the passive gentle female. In fact a part of me is quite disgusted that this dream was not ended by my own hand, but by "his".. I would've still been lost in the mist for goodness knows how much longer if he had not decided to end the relationship.
Perhaps I was tired. Overwhelmed, even. Weary of fighting endless battles alone, tired of being strong and invincible when I feel vulnerable and wounded inside. This relationship was simply my excuse to run away from my future.. my way of hanging up the towel and letting someone else be the driving force of ambition. Everytime I think of my mother, I punish myself mentally. She is a unicorn with a behemoth's spirit, a maker of miracles with a mindblowing track record. And I? How could I ever hope reach that calibre when all I've done so far is to wait for life to throw something in my path that would force me forward?
I admit I have been fearful of taking the reins. So many unanswered questions loom over me like an ominous grey blanket of clouds that threaten to drown the buried answers below before I can even find them, but now I allow myself a drizzle.. Where would I go? What would I do? How would I generate enough income to get something going? The initial questions hit me like gigantic hailstones. But I must weather them, for after all this time, all these experiences, I have come one full circle and right back to where I started.. right back to the problem I have been avoiding all along ... indecisiveness on what I want to do with my life.
The newfound clarity beckons, but I am fearful. But I must go forth.. for time is no longer by my side. Indecisiveness will only prolong my pain. I face this old crossroad, this unwanted familiar friend, and now I know which unmarked path I must take.. it is the one I have been avoiding all along.
But what about you, ladies & gents? How do you handle these huge questions in life, all these huge expectations? Just.. do now, think later? How do you overcome your own fear of failure? And lastly... how do you handle that empty hole inside you, the one that craves for love?
And notice how it's both females. Weird. But I digress.
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Instead of lamenting the past, dreading the present, and fearing the future, why not embrace it?
Why not start taking action now?
Life is simple. Live it the way you want. Pause for a moment, and stop thinking about how you should continue your story in the future.
Start thinking about how you're going to live the present. You're living in the shadow of your mother. Get out of it. Each and everyone of us deserve our own light in life, our own way to shine. Living in the shadow of your mother, would only dampen what you could have been.
You've faced death, death of your normality, and you've gone through hell, your mental hell.
And now only you can save yourself. No one else can. There is a light in everyone of us. Let your light shine through.
Stop trying to be what you aren't. Like our hair-is-so-darn-cool Einstein has said:
"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability of climbing the tree, it would believe itself to be stupid, for the rest of its life." -
Hmm well.. the thread's contents & replies did encourage me to post this... but the rest, pure coincidence. We are very different people :p She's much more logical in her thought and probably harder on herself.. mine's more of the crazy whimsical artsy sort (INFP for you, baby.)Originally posted by binarynwitz:Is it me, or has the people with troubles these days have MUCH better command of English? First that woman's lament, now this.
And notice how it's both females. Weird. But I digress.
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I'll try.Originally posted by binarynwitz:Instead of lamenting the past, dreading the present, and fearing the future, why not embrace it? Why not start taking action now?
Life is simple. Live it the way you want. Pause for a moment, and stop thinking about how you should continue your story in the future.
Start thinking about how you're going to live the present. You're living in the shadow of your mother. Get out of it. Each and everyone of us deserve our own light in life, our own way to shine. Living in the shadow of your mother, would only dampen what you could have been.
You've faced death, death of your normality, and you've gone through hell, your mental hell.
And now only you can save yourself. No one else can. There is a light in everyone of us. Let your light shine through.
Stop trying to be what you aren't. Like our hair-is-so-darn-cool Einstein has said:
"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability of climbing the tree, it would believe itself to be stupid, for the rest of its life."
I might look like I'm taking it well, but I'm honestly still feeling sick from the bad breakup. Just 2 Thursdays ago, I was still planning on marrying a manic depressive chauvanist who didn't love me for chrissakes.. the same man who, much to my great fortune, decided to burst my big bubble that fateful Thursday night and call the whole thing off. *smacks forehead* What was I thinking.
I never regretted anything before I met "him". I took shelter in his notion of a woman, allowed him to change me into this giggling, babbling heap to match his himbo style, convince me that my sexual history made me an immoral, sordid person, that I was unworthy of a "normal" life.. and that only served to make me long to please him so that he might allow me to carry on "our" "normal" life together. We even had a wedding scheduled for the year end before things came to an end. GAWD I was seriously deluded ! *cringe*.
Moving on....... now that we're no longer together, the fear and regret have dissipated like MrMuscle on mold.. but there's still alot of uncertainty. It's like I'm standing without help for the 1st time in a long time, and my legs are abit wobbly. My mom has been a rock for me, she never imposed her ideals on me but I just can't help but look up to her. Not be like her, just be as magnificent as her.
I'm quite determined to put this all behind me. Blew a few k in the past week on shopping "therapy" (I'm usually a big stinge), successfully diverted the pain from the heart to the pocket. *winces* Bought a pair of rollerblades last Sunday and headed for the ECP right away, determined to pick up something new. Laughed at myself for stumbling about like a drunk tarantula.. laugh.. I hadn't even done that in a long time, well not geniune laughter anyway. I updated my friendster profile and suddenly I'm getting messages and calls from all directions.. I'm glad . I'm going clubbing later with an old galpal who's having marital problems.. am in need of some "girl talk".
And yes, I will make sure I do not go back into self-destructive cycles.. no more nonsensical roleplaying-relationships. Hope I'll recover in a few mths time with the help of close ones.
Thanks for your input, I'm encouraged. Uncertain, but encouraged. -
When time caught up with the once-foolish, the only thing that sets her apart from her past, is what she is, now. Whatever your sexual history may be, whatever you've done before, what truly matters, is who you are, now.
It's good to hear you've taken up roller-blading. As countless have said, laughter is often the best cure. Pick yourself up, you're only 24! A long path stay ahead of you.
If you do need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. We can talk on WLM. -
There are things in life you do not do because you know you will regret it.Originally posted by mancha:In life you actually do not regret what you did, but regret what you did not do.
Once you have decided you will not do, never look back. -
TS first let me praise you from good english...Secondly i need you to tot he the truth that love your first as i can sensed that you were'nt someone with high-esteem.. Furthermore you are living in a maze and waiting for someone to rescue you.. Why revalidate those hurt,misery,uhappiness or even unpleasant experience surrender it and walk out of the maze... I would like to aware that there is someone who love you deeply.. I hoped that you will continue to post here .. Feel free to PM me if you need a chat ...
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Spinsugar,
Expectations from yourself.
One step at a time.
Expectations from others.
Why do you care? You live your life , your way.
Selfishness is doing, at the expense of others.
You do not need permission from others to love yourself.
Loving yourself means, giving yourself a chance.
Reward yourself when you deserve it.
Allow yourself a chance to rest when you are tired.
Give yourself, the benefit of doubt.
Give away, your sympathy.
Give away your love.
Give away your thoughts.
All these are not selfish.
As for your "bad" breakup. I see it as a blessing in disguise. Your guardian angel is a hard working one.
Remember, you do not need someone else to make you happy.
When you are filled with love, only will you be able to give love.
You are a strong girl. And you deserve better. -
You wrote beautifully and I applaud you for it; I was deeply moved.
Unfulfilled expectations bring consequent disappointment; and it is an emotional trap. Bring your expectations in line with reality. Expect something of yourself in love; and give yourself leeway when you fail to live up to the expectation.
Everyone has a past; the past is past. Let it serve as a lesson, a reminder and be wiser in the future. Learn the past, watch the present, and create the future.
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forums are good for pple to pur their hearts out.
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Perhaps you can ask your mother.
Why (not how) is she so understanding.
What was it she had been through before?
Everyone has a story to tell. -
Originally posted by spinsugar:Looking back, the past 7 years of my life have been so unbelievable that it would put any soap opera to shame. The last 4 years of this longdrawn episode has just come to an end. After allowing myself 2 days of anguish, here I am, sitting back and surveying the mess of my life and what lays ahead without the slightest hint of trepidation.
I thought nothing could surprise me after all the drama, the colourful characters and the impossible situations I've handled through these turbulent years, and so the unexpected silent calm in my mind now comes as a surprise. Perhaps this is akin to a calm after a storm, so although this new state of clarity was something I least expected to find at the end of this 4-year ordeal, I am very pleased with the result.
It was as if someone had "uncooked" all the garbled information in my brain. With this newfound clarity, I am beginning to understand what has transpired over the years.. this latest "relationship" suddenly looks so clear.
As an old "buddy" put it, I must have been desperate for some semblance of normality in my 24 years of life when everything up till this point was anything but. It's interesting how easily I succumbed to the lull of this so-called "normal" life and how I struggled to maintain it even at the cost of my own beliefs. The irony in compromising my own ideals and desires for the sake of moulding myself into someone else's perception of a "woman behind the man" does not escape me, for I have always prided myself in being at the forefront of any relationship, taking on the role of the aggressor rather than that of the passive gentle female. In fact a part of me is quite disgusted that this dream was not ended by my own hand, but by "his".. I would've still been lost in the mist for goodness knows how much longer if he had not decided to end the relationship.
Perhaps I was tired. Overwhelmed, even. Weary of fighting endless battles alone, tired of being strong and invincible when I feel vulnerable and wounded inside. This relationship was simply my excuse to run away from my future.. my way of hanging up the towel and letting someone else be the driving force of ambition. Everytime I think of my mother, I punish myself mentally. She is a unicorn with a behemoth's spirit, a maker of miracles with a mindblowing track record. And I? How could I ever hope reach that calibre when all I've done so far is to wait for life to throw something in my path that would force me forward?
I admit I have been fearful of taking the reins. So many unanswered questions loom over me like an ominous grey blanket of clouds that threaten to drown the buried answers below before I can even find them, but now I allow myself a drizzle.. Where would I go? What would I do? How would I generate enough income to get something going? The initial questions hit me like gigantic hailstones. But I must weather them, for after all this time, all these experiences, I have come one full circle and right back to where I started.. right back to the problem I have been avoiding all along ... indecisiveness on what I want to do with my life.
The newfound clarity beckons, but I am fearful. But I must go forth.. for time is no longer by my side. Indecisiveness will only prolong my pain. I face this old crossroad, this unwanted familiar friend, and now I know which unmarked path I must take.. it is the one I have been avoiding all along.
But what about you, ladies & gents? How do you handle these huge questions in life, all these huge expectations? Just.. do now, think later? How do you overcome your own fear of failure? And lastly... how do you handle that empty hole inside you, the one that craves for love? If you shield the canyon from the winds, you will not see the beauty of their carving.
You are probably enervated and overwhelmed by infallible expectations generated in your mind. Higher desire begets greater disappointment - you can't really change that, but more importantly, a greater sinister lurks maliciously deeper; your fear of failure made you afraid of making decisions and that limits your growth.
Let me illustrate an analogy: In finance, all the low risk, capital-guaranteed investments generally have low returns. Although you still get back your money and a little gain, it's still possible to make a loss from such financial instruments because the meagre returns cannot cover the admin/sales/hidden charges derived from the investment. And inflation worsens it. Therefore making 'safe' decision may be always be the 'best' decision.
Learn to take calculated risk and even if you fall, don't be afraid of learning how to recover yourself. We learn walk by falling, therefore we learn succeed by failing. Like your siggy: Are you the men who want crops without plowing up the ground... want rain without thunder and lightning... want the ocean without the roar of its many waters?"
The natural craving for love is biologically, emotionally and spiritually induced. No man is an island. Love defines meaning in our otherwise insipid life and it's only human to desire companionship.
Cheers -
Last night's Zouk escapade with "SP" ended with an anticlimax. Was spared from sweating it out in the Q lines thanks to the help of another old galpal "Su", whom I never expected to see, but I instantly regretted it once I ducked past security.. followed her to the VIP area but it was just as bad.. it was so packed that I couldn't stay at one spot for 5 minutes without getting rudely shoved about or stared hard down the chest. Swooned not because of the hot hunks but because it was so stuffy, pissed not from the drinks but with the crowd. Don't even wanna start on the groping. "SP" managed to get us some space and drinks by chatting up a weird hiphop dude at Phuture, but by then I was too put off to have fun. Plus, I didn't feel confident enough to dance and it showed. Finally decided to bail out to avoid raining on the parade and for some fresh air. I thought to myself, this is what hell must be like. Or Singapore, 10 years from now.
No more mambo night for me
"SP" was a real sport, she knew my situation so no worries with her. -sigh- and the dancing... *makes mental note to pick up dance classes*
That aside... my unexpected encounter with "Su" did get me thinking.. I lost contact with her, as with many other friends, over the years.. I think she was tired of saving me all the time from the crutches of the mega-multiplying evil wolves whenever we went clubbing. I guess soulwinner's right. I appear tough but I'm in constant need of rescue. Like those female "heroes" on the old Saturday morning cartoons that I used to loathe.. hmm.. yet another irony.
But I don't want to be a damsel in distress! I suspect that's what's keeping me from keeping long term friendships alive.. my damsel in distress thing, and the way I operate. As soon as I've met "someone", I stop going out with friends almost immediately. I slow down, I settle down, I become..... boring. I am not the sort to forget friends or make use of them, but somehow I inevitably feel I give people that impression because of my inconsistent way of keeping in touch, and my chameleon abilities. For example, I think "Su" got miffed when "SP" and I disappeared into the crowd last night.. she hasn't replied my SMS. I have a hunch she thought I just said 'hi' to jump the Q, then bailed on her. *rubs chin* I'll have to work on that too I guess. Human relations.
edit : great.. "Su" returned my msg, we're catching up this weekend. Wow.. what a rush! Time to repair bridges.. -
Closure of a Chapter to welcome a new one
Off to a good start, I seem to be on the rebound in the fast lane with no indication of losing steam anytime soon.
A big thank u to all your input, it really did help me to sort out all those tangled thoughts. I'll make sure I put it all to good use. To those who've given some particularly sound advice, you've got mail
Here's to the present, the future, and wisdom *holds up ice cold stubby* -
Are you into poetry or writing as a job?