Affair...
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The last thing that i want is confirm tonite.My sis told me and my bro that a lady is pestering my brother-in-law and my brother-in-law is "enjoying" it.It confirms wat i saw few mths back.I saw a lady in my brother-in-law car at Changi village and they were behaving quite "intimately".If it's true,then it would be the 2nd case in my family.The first one is my eldest sis husband.I'm now really seriously questioning where have all the moral values gone to.Is relationship really so fragile nowadays??My fren told me recently that girls openly approach him even though they know he's married.Am i living in the old world or the girls are staging a "revenge" on the guys,since guys always form the majority in having affairs???
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First of all.
Affairs.
Why do they happen ?
Usually, its because a guy or girl gets bored of his current relationship(r/s for short) with his or her partner.
Or it could be that the guy or girl..(usually the guy) gets enticed or seduced by another female, even thought the female knows that he's married ... with the reason being ... "I like mature guys."
It might also depend on how many times the guy sees the girl ... if they're working together its worse ... and so on.
And on the topic of r/s being fragile today ... i think it's true. Relationships have always been very fragile. People nowadays only want the BEST for themselves... Usually neglecting others in their persuit of eternal happiness. Yet this can hardly happen ... in normal r/s' ... quarrels can happen, and more often then not, the guy will see his fellow colleagues or fall for another girl more easily ... It's all psychological and depends on the feelings. Yet if the guy is determined enough NOT to breach the vow he made during the marriage ... he should be able to refrain.
What i'm saying is ... When two people decide to become one, They have best be prepared to overcome many obstacles to make their r/s a nice one ... Never take a r/s lightly and try to place your partner's welfare above your own ... or there will be more and more divorces and break-ups ... -
I've read in a newspaper article before where they did a little survey on married man. More than half of them will have affairs. It's so common. Some say they feel bored making love to the same woman all the time. Find a woman outside satisfies his sexual fantasy. And in some other countries, having a mistress is a common thing. In those countries, man still think they are the superior ones. My parents are Taiwanese and many of my relatives have a second wife. Even my grandma is a 'xiao lao po'. My cousin's mom used to be a night hostress, now she sticks with my uncle with no name in marriage and that has affected my cousin's growth as a normal individual. He suffers from a lot mental problems. He looks normal but actually his behaviour at times isn't. He did not see or known his father's existence till he was around 12 years old. It was only then his father's wife in marriage allowed him to acknowledge his other 'family'. Alot of times, children are the ones who suffer when affairs happen. They are truly the innocent party. And as our society progresses, people become more well-to-do, they become more self-centred, more selfish and do whatever they please without thinking that it may hurt someone they love or hurt those who love them. It's really a sad thing to see how our society has become. I really hope people will become more sensitive to others and be less selfish and be more truthful and responsible towards their life partner and not do things to betray their love and break their wedding vows.
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There're simply too many type of people in this world... Like I'd always said... You don't see OR you don't know DOESN'T imply that they don't exist.... And sometimes things can be much more COMPLICATED than you think...? Alot of time I would urge you not even to think about it... Afterall, alot of things ESPECIALLY when it comes to relationships don't always boil down to 'A' or 'B'... The WRONG or RIGHT.....
Like what's mentioned above in the other post, humans tend to think 'selfish' (in my case, I would rather like to put it as know how to think for themselves...)... In relationships, you either learn to reach a mutual agreement OR you don't.... When you DON'T, you either TOLERATE, BREAK or ESCAPE.... Extramarital relationships or ADULTERY being one examples of the 'ESCAPE'....
Due to MORAL VALUE, many would LABEL some of the options carried out as WRONG or SELFISH.... ESPECIALLY when the situation BENEFITS them to have it LABELLED that way.... But PARDON ME if I have to say this? Sometimes CHOOSING an 'ESCAPE' isn't really as BAD as having 'TOLERANCE' - which might lead to FURTHER DESTRUCTION or 'BREAK' - which might lead to TOTAL DESTRUCTION and 'DAMAGE' to innocent individuals.... That OF COURSE, would have to depends on the SITUATION? Which seems a BAD IDEA still can be a 'better idea' at times when really compared to the other options available... Though I have to admit that many a time people just THOUGHT that it is a 'great idea' at moment of OVER-SIMPLIFYING the situation and having situation really running out of hand.....
Last but NOT least, in order for AFFAIRS to happen, I MUST say it USUALLY don't take ONE HAND TO CLAP.... Partner might be SEDUCED or TEMPTED (mainly 3rd party's fault); partner might have NEGLECTED the other partner OR WORSE STILL been TOTALLY SELFISH (mainly 1st party's fault); partner might be wildful, playful or flirtious type (mainly 2nd party's fault... But still... You CHOSE him/her? ~Shrug...~ Plus & minus I guess..?).... In other situations, things might even be MUCH MORE COMPLICATED.... In situations like those it's USUALLY BETTER NOT to dig into a BOTTOMLESS HOLE and have the matter dragging on like FOREVER..? Better to just SEAL things up and get on with life than to waste your hormones, energy and time....
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In LIGHT I shall FEAR NOT. FOR what I AM is CUT so DEEP inside of ME.
I LIVE my FLESH and SOUL ONLY to BLEED for the OTHERS.
FEAR ME NOT. FOR I AM YOUR 'MASTER'. GIVE YOU STRENGTH. FOR YOU ARE MY 'ENEMY'.
DEVIL PHRASE I
I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
U r unfair in saying tt guys form the majority in having affairs, from what I knw, females also had as much as guys.Originally posted by birdbird:The last thing that i want is confirm tonite.My sis told me and my bro that a lady is pestering my brother-in-law and my brother-in-law is "enjoying" it.It confirms wat i saw few mths back.I saw a lady in my brother-in-law car at Changi village and they were behaving quite "intimately".If it's true,then it would be the 2nd case in my family.The first one is my eldest sis husband.I'm now really seriously questioning where have all the moral values gone to.Is relationship really so fragile nowadays??My fren told me recently that girls openly approach him even though they know he's married.Am i living in the old world or the girls are staging a "revenge" on the guys,since guys always form the majority in having affairs???
Did u check out exactly or juz basing on what u see? Seeing may b deceiving lor, don't draw conclusions unless u r very sure, ok? Calm down, birdird..
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
Changi Village leh. U sure it's a real lady u saw??
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Yoz... I don't know about you guys, but after studying here for the past few months, my mind really widen out a lot... A lot of things that we see as unacceptable now, it will be deemed as the norm by the time we have children or grand-children. Just take for instance divorce... It was seen as a stigma just few decades back. I doubt you will even say half a century. you are deemed to a failure when you're divorce, especially women... but now look at things.. divorce is pretty common nowadays... I'm sure in your life you will difinitely come across a few cases. Even if you're a sec sch student now. there is definitely a friend who is from a single parent family...
I'm not saying that having an affair is okiez.. but sometimes, even if we don't like it, we have to take it with an open mind. However, I understand that it's your sister that is involved, so you will be more worried. let me tell you an advice.. the person who care less about the r/s is in control of the situation. and it is proven true by a sociologist.. be it for guys or girls, you care too much and be desperate for an solution, the other party will know that he has all the power over you...
It's sad to see things turn out this way but if you can't accept it, as humans do not like changes, you may be facing the same problem regarding the same matter with your children later in life..
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( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
(,) (,) =======================
(.)_(.) Beary Bear *Huggiez*...
~.~.~. For you, I care and love. -
Of course like lah... Woman also what...? Even not married MANY also like...?? So MANY variety to choose from somemore....? ~Hehheh..~Originally posted by Ruth|E:which man dun like to have "desert" after marriage?
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WAH.... Long time never see you liao, like CHANGED quite alot siah...? Hehheh... SO... What they said might be TRUE afterall...? MANY just CHANGED after they'd studied overseas...Originally posted by Bear:Yoz... I don't know about you guys, but after studying here for the past few months, my mind really widen out a lot... A lot of things that we see as unacceptable now, it will be deemed as the norm by the time we have children or grand-children. Just take for instance divorce... It was seen as a stigma just few decades back. I doubt you will even say half a century. you are deemed to a failure when you're divorce, especially women... but now look at things.. divorce is pretty common nowadays... I'm sure in your life you will difinitely come across a few cases. Even if you're a sec sch student now. there is definitely a friend who is from a single parent family...
I'm not saying that having an affair is okiez.. but sometimes, even if we don't like it, we have to take it with an open mind. However, I understand that it's your sister that is involved, so you will be more worried. let me tell you an advice.. the person who care less about the r/s is in control of the situation. and it is proven true by a sociologist.. be it for guys or girls, you care too much and be desperate for an solution, the other party will know that he has all the power over you...
It's sad to see things turn out this way but if you can't accept it, as humans do not like changes, you may be facing the same problem regarding the same matter with your children later in life..
Indeed BOARDER VIEW huh...? 
Hmm.... But just when ya thought that you're no longer a frog in the well.... Standing at the rim of the broken wall, you're just in a DIFFERENT WORLD.... That's all..? According to the LAW of RELATIVELY, there's no way to tell if you're 'in the well' or 'outside the well'..... It just depends on your FRAME of REFERENCE...? In other words, you just choose where ya wanna be.....
Hope all things work out great for you... But remember your previous CRASHES in AA.... I know it's UNINTENTIONAL.... But take tihs opportunity at your studies to LOWER the CHARACTERISTIC and the chances of it happening again.... ALTERNATIVELY, you can just choose to LIVE WITH IT or allow it to grow (most probably under your kinda environment now if you've not been paying much attention to it...) as the days....
Just my 5 cents'(sense) worth.... GOOD LUCK friend....? -
After so many things,sometime i can't help but wonder wat will be the outcome of my own relationship.sigh.....Tian Chang Di Jiu...is it really history????
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seems like u always haf alot of worries abt your r/s wif your gf.. learn to trust her.. dun worry, as long as u handle the r/s well, i think things shd be alrite..Originally posted by birdbird:After so many things,sometime i can't help but wonder wat will be the outcome of my own relationship.sigh.....Tian Chang Di Jiu...is it really history????
i still believe in TIan chanG dI Jiu cos' i believe as long as u continue to spice up the life after marriage, things will still be alrite..
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its my life.. n i should be the only one that can choose how i want to live it!~ so, GET LOST!!!~
remember to support "Shen ah, qing ge wo duo yi dian shi jian.."! cityTv mon-thurs,9-10pm!!!~ -
SPICE GIRLS..??Originally posted by joanne:seems like u always haf alot of worries abt your r/s wif your gf.. learn to trust her.. dun worry, as long as u handle the r/s well, i think things shd be alrite..
i still believe in TIan chanG dI Jiu cos' i believe as long as u continue to spice up the life after marriage, things will still be alrite.. -
mi also believe in tian chang di jiu... Sometimes, no doubt we have to keep an open mind to things in life... It also depends on how you look at the obstacles that a married couple have to corss. IT's also a test of their love and commitment to each other. It's not impossible for people to be together till they are old, it's just whether they want to be or not - that's the question... and only the peopel involve have the answers.. in fact on the individual in the r/s has his/her own answer...
------------------Originally posted by joanne:seems like u always haf alot of worries abt your r/s wif your gf.. learn to trust her.. dun worry, as long as u handle the r/s well, i think things shd be alrite..
i still believe in TIan chanG dI Jiu cos' i believe as long as u continue to spice up the life after marriage, things will still be alrite..
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( 'o' ) Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear
(,) (,) =======================
(.)_(.) Beary Bear *Huggiez*...
~.~.~. For you, I care and love. -
tian chang di jiu?
how idealistic...
heh
as for wad i think?
i think maybe we've become a society less bothered by ethics and morals and more driven by life in the present, enjoying the moment as much as we can.
so extra marital affairs are just one form of 'enjoyment' i guess -
I guess the impact fr this unpleasant incident is bigger than i thought.Moreover,it happens to someone so close to me and it's the second time such thing happens in my family.Talking abt bad luck or curse. We juz have to admit that r/s nowadays are really fragile.Blame it on society or others.We will never really know....