sorry guys just want an outlet to type watever i wanna type here~ can ignore this topic wan
if u all search further back u will find a topic on me trying to break up with my gf. well we did, amicably i must add. it was pretty much a unanimous decision suprisingly.
it's been two months liao. we are still friends due to her request. went out once or twice. talk on the phone abit for no more than 3-4 mins in a stretch. coping well with the breakup, still in my 'rehabilitation'(= no girls) period.
but then she called me up last night. she was sobbing like anything and she tried to make some small talk at first... i felt vey uncomfortable(at her calling me up and crying), even though i'm worried at the same time, and told her that i'll call her back in an hr.
i called her back in a minute. reckoned that not matter what she's still my friend and friends deserve my attention. we made small talk for 5-10 mins b4 i asked y she's crying. then she told me it's okay cos she feels much better now cos she had heard my voice. then goes on to say that when she has no friends to turn to she hopes that she can always turn to me. bcos hearing me voice makes her feel better.
i laughed it off awkawardly ("wah i should do a companionship phone line business") and we hung up no long aft that. i didn't really think much about it aft that.
but then it's now 8 in the morning and i still can't sleep... i'm touched she feels this way but... it hurts too cos it pains me that i'm not able to do better for smone who 'feels better aft hearing my voice' but be a friend who will forever stand by the sidelines. a friend who will not offer her a shoulder to cry on or to join her in fighting her inner demons. i am not able to bring myself to be a friend of such close intimacy when i've just broken off a most intimate relationship with her. even though i wish i could be.
oh man... enough rambling already. as i said i'm just posting this message as a form of theraphy.
sorry if it makes for boring reading . it's gonna be a tough few months ahead. thankfully i got NS to keep my mind off stuff.