Parents
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Hi all
sigh... I am reaching the age where I see my parents consistently aging, and seeing several of my friend's dad or mum leave this world.
I know death comes to everyone eventually, but its hard for me, coz I am very attached to my parents, and the slight thought of that inevitable day makes me cringe in fear and pain.
Just want to know how you gang cope with such thoughts or such pain?
Sigh... if I could, I would like them to be with me longer, but yet, old age causes suffering, and anyone who believes in buddhism says that when the time comes for the person to leave, let him leave, coz he has fulfilled what he has to do already during this life, and should move on to the next life. -
do what you can for them. don't regret when they are not around
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yes its painful......that's why its important for us to really spend as much time as we can with our parents.Originally posted by soul_rage:Hi all
sigh... I am reaching the age where I see my parents consistently aging, and seeing several of my friend's dad or mum leave this world.
I know death comes to everyone eventually, but its hard for me, coz I am very attached to my parents, and the slight thought of that inevitable day makes me cringe in fear and pain.
Just want to know how you gang cope with such thoughts or such pain?
Sigh... if I could, I would like them to be with me longer, but yet, old age causes suffering, and anyone who believes in buddhism says that when the time comes for the person to leave, let him leave, coz he has fulfilled what he has to do already during this life, and should move on to the next life.
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the point is, I can say that I don't let my parents down, and I do my best in making them happyOriginally posted by de_middle:yes its painful......that's why its important for us to really spend as much time as we can with our parents.
but still the inevitable is coming nearer and nearer... -
Hey,
I got a similar thread http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=259353
Anyway, death is the only constant in life. When the time comes, everybody got to learn to be at peace with it, himself and whatever they concieve God to be.
There is no point lamenting death; it is inevitable.
Instead tell yourself mortality is real; we only have 70 odd years to live. So deal with it and cherish every second. So treat them better -
Old ppl, like your parents luv to have their children around them. It makes them very happy, they don't feel neglected and lonely. You can spend as much time with them, buy stuff they like to eat and most importantly, sit and eat with them for as long as they deem it as enjoyable. What they really want is their children's time and company and the best place would be during those mealtimes. Chat with them about the good old times when you were young and vulnerable, requiring their love, support and protection. Aged parents just love to reminicise those times.
And it never fails to bring the glow in their faces when these good old times are brought back.
Bring them on outings if it is convenient and comfortable for them. But most important, it is the connection that you make with them during those intimate mealtimes that you share with them.
When it is time for them to move along from this earthly life, they will feel they have fulfilled their duty as parents to you......and you will also feel you have done your duty as a filial child. So you won't feel any regrets. -
Life and death are part and parcel of life. Just cherish what you have now and you will not have regrets in the future.
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It is easy to say not to miss them.Originally posted by soul_rage:Hi all
sigh... I am reaching the age where I see my parents consistently aging, and seeing several of my friend's dad or mum leave this world.
I know death comes to everyone eventually, but its hard for me, coz I am very attached to my parents, and the slight thought of that inevitable day makes me cringe in fear and pain.
Just want to know how you gang cope with such thoughts or such pain?
Sigh... if I could, I would like them to be with me longer, but yet, old age causes suffering, and anyone who believes in buddhism says that when the time comes for the person to leave, let him leave, coz he has fulfilled what he has to do already during this life, and should move on to the next life.
The more you love them the more you will missed them.
All my sibling oso cannot take it when my mum left us 3yrs ago.
We will cry whenever we recall the moment we spent and of course we often console each other that she will no longer have to suffer the illness.
Just need to take sometime to release and let go loh.
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We never join gang.
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haha... I m those happy go lucky type...
Never go and think this type of thing...
Currently, just treasure whatever I have lor...
When happen, then say lah ... -
Death is a detachment to the more sufferings they'll have to endure as they age.... At their age... Take it as they deserves the break....?Originally posted by soul_rage:the point is, I can say that I don't let my parents down, and I do my best in making them happy
but still the inevitable is coming nearer and nearer... -
hey, i have the same tots as urs.
im scared too for this day to arrive.
i always tot to myself, wad will i do if my parents leave me?? then i will start to cry to sleep.
up to now, i havent think of anything to help me cope.
but of coz, when the time is here, they have to go.
but at this moment, if my mum leaves me, i might leave with her. -
we no gang la... knn... later police come how..
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Well you shld start treasuring them... spend some quality times with them... let them have the best times of their lives with what you can do...
when the time comes, you will not regret that you havent spend enough time with them -
I think this applies to you as much as your folks - for most people who appreciate the importance of time, they have little trouble squeezing every ounce life has to offer. Hence, make the most of this transient lifespan of yours - afterall, you only live once.Originally posted by soul_rage:Hi all
sigh... I am reaching the age where I see my parents consistently aging, and seeing several of my friend's dad or mum leave this world.
I know death comes to everyone eventually, but its hard for me, coz I am very attached to my parents, and the slight thought of that inevitable day makes me cringe in fear and pain.
Just want to know how you gang cope with such thoughts or such pain?
Sigh... if I could, I would like them to be with me longer, but yet, old age causes suffering, and anyone who believes in buddhism says that when the time comes for the person to leave, let him leave, coz he has fulfilled what he has to do already during this life, and should move on to the next life.
The least you can do is give your folks the quality of life they deserve in their twilight years - if you need any cue, the advice dished out in Speaker's Corner may come in handy...
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Your parents will be very happy when they know their child loves them as much as they love you. That's enough.
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Everyone will leave this world one day...
Be it you or me, we all will leave this world one day...
It just a matter of time...
Live life without regret...
Do something that after their depart from this world that wont make you regret...
I guess the only thing is to make them happy...
Let them leave this world happily...
Yup happy.
How to make them happy?
You have to know them well...
Fulfill their dreams... Do your part as their child... and more...
Dun fear the thing call 'death'... -
Do your best , treat them with respect , dont let them worry so much. In the end when they know they raised a fine n able son. A hardworking , parent loving son they will go in peace when the day comes. It is inevitable , but just make sure when they are old n frail u can take care of them knowing how much they sacrificed for you.
Thats why i got another account saved up for thier medical fee's. ALthought i know they got all these insurance etc etc , Older bro n sis already got way more then me saved up for them... but at least its a little bit of something to prepare for them in case of any eventuality~
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Thanks everyone for the reply.
I just went to a friend's dad's funeral yesterday
When my dad asked me whose funeral, I was a little tempted to keep mum.
My dad is in his 60s, and I do not know if he is afraid of death, thus, I try not to talk about funerals to him.
Its not only me, I wonder if he is also afraid of the unknown. For now, I am afraid of the unknown, so I am concerned he will also have the same fear.
Its easy to say treasure your moments with them. I know I will be hit with a huge pain when that day finally arrives. I will do whatever is necessary to make them happy (like this year, I am saving enough to bring my parents and in-laws altogether to Japan). Money can be earned, but parents are only once in our lifetime. But it will not make the pain any easier...
I wish I can bring them to Australia, New Zealand, etc (already brought them to Korea, my mum was really happy), but its always a case of having enough money vs the limited time we have left together. -
At least you've got the heart to do things for them.....Originally posted by soul_rage:Thanks everyone for the reply.
I just went to a friend's dad's funeral yesterday
When my dad asked me whose funeral, I was a little tempted to keep mum.
My dad is in his 60s, and I do not know if he is afraid of death, thus, I try not to talk about funerals to him.
Its not only me, I wonder if he is also afraid of the unknown. For now, I am afraid of the unknown, so I am concerned he will also have the same fear.
Its easy to say treasure your moments with them. I know I will be hit with a huge pain when that day finally arrives. I will do whatever is necessary to make them happy (like this year, I am saving enough to bring my parents and in-laws altogether to Japan). Money can be earned, but parents are only once in our lifetime. But it will not make the pain any easier...
I wish I can bring them to Australia, New Zealand, etc (already brought them to Korea, my mum was really happy), but its always a case of having enough money vs the limited time we have left together.
In life, there's always a limit to what you can do.... -
If you are short on funding, just simply take leave to spend time with tme. Chatting with them, do house work together, watch tv programmes and laugh together. Rent a comedy show and watch loh. Or bring them to eat at the local restaurant. Shopping (GSS still OPENS!!!), go beach and enjoy some sunshine.Originally posted by soul_rage:Thanks everyone for the reply.
I just went to a friend's dad's funeral yesterday
When my dad asked me whose funeral, I was a little tempted to keep mum.
My dad is in his 60s, and I do not know if he is afraid of death, thus, I try not to talk about funerals to him.
Its not only me, I wonder if he is also afraid of the unknown. For now, I am afraid of the unknown, so I am concerned he will also have the same fear.
Its easy to say treasure your moments with them. I know I will be hit with a huge pain when that day finally arrives. I will do whatever is necessary to make them happy (like this year, I am saving enough to bring my parents and in-laws altogether to Japan). Money can be earned, but parents are only once in our lifetime. But it will not make the pain any easier...
I wish I can bring them to Australia, New Zealand, etc (already brought them to Korea, my mum was really happy), but its always a case of having enough money vs the limited time we have left together.
Bring them for a simple ride to relatives' house, to golf course, to sentosa. What they like to do, you go bring them there and enjoy the time with tme. So many things to do. There is no need for travelling all the time. That can be reserved for year end trip and special occassions. -
Enjoy them while they are still around.
Since you are so attached to yr parents, the rest.. like filial piety etc, I don't have to say.
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Be thankful you don't have parents who keep reminding you that they bought a niche in some crematorium and their ashes together . Mine reminds me now and again.Originally posted by soul_rage:Hi all
sigh... I am reaching the age where I see my parents consistently aging, and seeing several of my friend's dad or mum leave this world.
I know death comes to everyone eventually, but its hard for me, coz I am very attached to my parents, and the slight thought of that inevitable day makes me cringe in fear and pain.
Just want to know how you gang cope with such thoughts or such pain?
Sigh... if I could, I would like them to be with me longer, but yet, old age causes suffering, and anyone who believes in buddhism says that when the time comes for the person to leave, let him leave, coz he has fulfilled what he has to do already during this life, and should move on to the next life. -
Know what they want...Originally posted by soul_rage:Thanks everyone for the reply.
I just went to a friend's dad's funeral yesterday
When my dad asked me whose funeral, I was a little tempted to keep mum.
My dad is in his 60s, and I do not know if he is afraid of death, thus, I try not to talk about funerals to him.
Its not only me, I wonder if he is also afraid of the unknown. For now, I am afraid of the unknown, so I am concerned he will also have the same fear.
Its easy to say treasure your moments with them. I know I will be hit with a huge pain when that day finally arrives. I will do whatever is necessary to make them happy (like this year, I am saving enough to bring my parents and in-laws altogether to Japan). Money can be earned, but parents are only once in our lifetime. But it will not make the pain any easier...
I wish I can bring them to Australia, New Zealand, etc (already brought them to Korea, my mum was really happy), but its always a case of having enough money vs the limited time we have left together.
Let them leave this world happily...
Are you sure they want to travel? they might not.... might not, but also might like...
Some old people are already prepare for their departual... Those are the one who leave happily... cus they leave this world without and sadness, regret, wish, if not minimum...
Jus like my grandma...
My grandma is old... i also really feel very very sad whenever my grandma said about she dun want to live to long already...
she told me she is waiting for her departual already... She told me she is happy with me...
I am really sad when she told me about this thing... But at least i know i have already done my best. I have make her leave this world happily...
I made my own action, i prove to her i have already grown...
she is still very healthy now... except her age is going to hit 70 in 2 years time... She dote me more then any other people... I also same as you can't bear to leave her...
I know, i have done my best. -
Nothing beats the words "I love you Mommy/Daddy"
I uttered it to my mom abt 3 mths ago and I can see she's very touched and happy and also the bond I have with her got even stronger.
Really glad I said it to her while I have the chance and so should you.
Cheers