Overcoming jealousy..
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We can't tell you how to live your life right?! Why do you ask the question: "am i stupid"?Originally posted by bkbatboy:I'm ''together' with a gal who is 6 yrs older than me...we always have dates together from going to east coast to have dinner to juz having a nice chat at her void deck.before i knew her I already know she's the clubbin type and she told me that she had flings.she also told me that she would sometime hug n kiss her flings.i dun mind her having flings cos she say to her flings are juz close guy frens but sometime it stings when the thought of her hugging her flings come to mind. she told me she likes me n stuff and we are together in all sense except in name cos she have some private stuff she have to settle(which i shall not mention here due to privacy) before getting together with me.
Though i dun think she got alot time to meet her flings =x cos i meet her most of the time haha!
Hmmm..so am i stupid or?she's not tat pretty anyway.I also not handsome anyway..tell me your views..pls no flaming =)
Stupid as in wasting your time with her while she settles "some private stuff"?
Stupid as in not trying to stop her from hugging other guys?
What?
There is no right or wrong in this kind of things. We all give more leeway to and are more tolerable with family and friends as compared to strangers.
It is not stupid. This is called being more tolerant with people close to us, behaving like a fool simply because they are our friends or family. It is normal.
[chorus:]
don't wanna make you hurt
don't wanna make you feel
like the world ain't on your side
like you're never gonna get it right
no i can't fight i can't sleep at night
just thinking about you girl
i'm a fool for you
yes i am -
someday, you will find her too old for you and you will start looking for a new one. Then you wont be jealous that she has flings anymore.
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suggest to her, that if she is serious with you, that she should stop having flings and be true to u.Originally posted by bkbatboy:wa.i see this post very happy.BUT this is juz one of de possibilities..previous ppl stated i might get hurt and those are also possibilities man.wad happen in future no one knows.how true does she feels about me i also dunno.only she know.thats de dilema part
if she agrees and abides by it, then u know she really likes you...
if she doesn't agree.... then u are just one of her flings -
Then December it shall be. How to overcome your jealousy while you wait: for me, I would like to declare that she does not belongs to me and neither do I belong to her. We are not married and she has her freedom of who she wants to be with, as do I.Originally posted by bkbatboy:hmmm..she had told me december =)
That is me lah. For you, maybe you can do something like focusing on your studies, going out with friends, preparing for NS, etc, etc. There is no definate way to overcome jealousy just like that. You have to learn and you got to have focus while you are doing it. -
you can't change a party gal overnight.....you're 19, what are you doing now? ns or hitting the books....?
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She- Clubbing kind, many flings.
You- jealous kind.
And u still want to be involved in a relationship with her?
Tsk tsk..
Anyway u r still young, give it a shot.
But like what dokono said, don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Good luck. -
Cant help to think, because of your age and differences, is your interest for her borne out of curiosity? Fantasizing a fling, an adventure yourself?
If this is love, Are you ready for it?
When you are in too deep, will your jealousy consumes you?
Assuming she wont change and have to accept/love her the way she is.
In time, will your jealousy grew into resentment?
Her interest in you perhaps is because you are different from the rest she met and she is curious too? -
Originally posted by bkbatboy:I'm ''together' with a gal who is 6 yrs older than me...we always have dates together from going to east coast to have dinner to juz having a nice chat at her void deck.before i knew her I already know she's the clubbin type and she told me that she had flings.she also told me that she would sometime hug n kiss her flings.i dun mind her having flings cos she say to her flings are juz close guy frens but sometime it stings when the thought of her hugging her flings come to mind. she told me she likes me n stuff and we are together in all sense except in name cos she have some private stuff she have to settle(which i shall not mention here due to privacy) before getting together with me.
Though i dun think she got alot time to meet her flings =x cos i meet her most of the time haha!
Hmmm..so am i stupid or?she's not tat pretty anyway.I also not handsome anyway..tell me your views..pls no flaming =)
I don't think it's about jealousy, much more than feeling terribly insecure. In fact, her behaviour is likely to escalate your insecurity if you ever consider this as a serious relationship.
Before you are even official, she already explained the 'clauses/fine prints' of what's like being in a relationship with her. Often, people say that sort of things to 'indemnify' themselves of future charges (This is the theory of indemnity in CloUdiSm).
My take is that if you cannot or see yourself sustaining such emotional pressure, probably with increasing intensity, it might not be advisable to see this beyond mere flings; especially if you are the sort of typical guy, with conventional thoughts and abhorred mind games.
Currently, you are just hoping that you might change her to suit to your will.
But this is only a remote possibility.
Cheers -
Originally posted by bkbatboy:
why the use of the term clubbin type.
[b]I already know she's the clubbin type [/b]
anything wrong with clubbing? or girls that club? -
hmmm...yea man.juz made me realise its more like insecurity than jealousy haha!
when she reassures me with action or words, i feel alot better =)
hmm...to me age dosent really make a big difference..there's alot of ppl out there with huge age gap. but maybe the typical type will be guys alot more older than gal.
Imo..clubbin gal does not mean anything bad or wad.juz describes a gal that likes clubbing lor.
anyway i really appreciate her being truthful with me man.who dosent like truthful gals? =D -
Originally posted by bkbatboy:hmmm...yea man.juz made me realise its more like insecurity than jealousy haha!
when she reassures me with action or words, i feel alot better =)
hmm...to me age dosent really make a big difference..there's alot of ppl out there with huge age gap. but maybe the typical type will be guys alot more older than gal.
Imo..clubbin gal does not mean anything bad or wad.juz describes a gal that likes clubbing lor.
anyway i really appreciate her being truthful with me man.who dosent like truthful gals? =D Then, I pray that you keep that spirit up even when the going gets tough.
/me slap a pat on bkbatboy.
Cheers -
At the age of 25, she should be a working adult.
Whereas at 19, you can be schooling or NSF.
Both of you are from 2 difference world.
I shall not give further comment on this.
Wish you all the best in this relationship. -
people just hear what they wanna hear, don't they?Originally posted by bkbatboy:wa.i see this post very happy.BUT this is juz one of de possibilities..previous ppl stated i might get hurt and those are also possibilities man.wad happen in future no one knows.how true does she feels about me i also dunno.only she know.thats de dilema part -
TS, this is not the right r/s for u at this point of time. Let assume tat u r a student and she is a chiongster. Can u keep up with her chionging life without affecting ur studies? Assuming u r in the army, how can u be sure that she will not 'stray' with ur back turn? How many time can u turn a blind eye on her flings encounter IF u really love her soo much? Assuming to settle her o/s issue EXAMPLE her divorce or wadever? R u in a position to stick by her if tat is really the case? But seriously if u really want to hold on to this r/s, then dont let all thoughs run wild and go all the way with wadever u have decided.
All the best.
*tat only my opinion* -
crazily in love mahOriginally posted by CPTMiller:At the age of 25, she should be a working adult.
Whereas at 19, you can be schooling or NSF.
Both of you are from 2 difference world.
I shall not give further comment on this.
Wish you all the best in this relationship.
actually it is a sad thing for it to happen -
haha.hmm..i dun chiong wif her man.chiong wif her once before only..Originally posted by me_a_clone:TS, this is not the right r/s for u at this point of time. Let assume tat u r a student and she is a chiongster. Can u keep up with her chionging life without affecting ur studies? Assuming u r in the army, how can u be sure that she will not 'stray' with ur back turn? How many time can u turn a blind eye on her flings encounter IF u really love her soo much? Assuming to settle her o/s issue EXAMPLE her divorce or wadever? R u in a position to stick by her if tat is really the case? But seriously if u really want to hold on to this r/s, then dont let all thoughs run wild and go all the way with wadever u have decided.
All the best.
*tat only my opinion*
i guess when the time comes i gotta enlist army..then trust is something that's invaluable.
thanks for ur opinion.appreciate it.hmm..i guess the bomb shell will be at december.haha -
yea true.but i'm still in the right state of mind so as not to cheat myself that that will happen..it's still juz a possiblitie =(Originally posted by jara:people just hear what they wanna hear, don't they? -
might not be sad thing leh.not everyone get to fall in love so crazily =xOriginally posted by dreamykite:crazily in love mah actually it is a sad thing for it to happen -
Ya lor!! I also say!!!Originally posted by OO_OO_OO:why the use of the term clubbin type.
anything wrong with clubbing? or girls that club?