Lost you woman? Trust me, begging won't help
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By Edwin Yeo
August 27, 2006
A FEW weeks ago, there was a guy who knelt down at the basement of Isetan Scotts carrying a sign that read: 'Please forgive me.'
While he didn't exactly explain what he had done wrong, it was obvious that he was begging for a girlfriend/
wife/partner to come back to him.
It warms my heart each time I see such devotion, but it also makes me want to go up to him and beat the crap out of him.
Since I didn't - I had more important things to do such as looking at women - I would like to take this opportunity to dedicate this column to him, whoever he may be.
And if any of his friends are reading this, please let him know that the following advice is strictly for him:
WAKE UP!
What is wrong with you? I'm sorry to say this, but guys like you, as the song goes, give love a bad name.
More specifically, you give guys a bad name.
I don't want to sound unsympathetic, but in the history of mankind, begging for your ex to come back has as much chance of success as me successfully walking on water or turning water into wine, despite my ex-partners sometimes extolling me with shouts of 'Oh God'.
Begging in public and causing a scene has even less chance of success than that.
Just think it through.
Your ex is probably already irritated with you for whatever it is you have done. When she gets wind of you kneeling in front of her workplace (presumably), which do you think will be her immediate reaction?
1) Think you're sweet and believe that this display is a sign of sincerity.
2) Be totally embarrassed that you are causing a scene in front of her workplace and, because you make yourself look so pitiful, she looks like the bad guy if she doesn't forgive you, which will make her even more irritated with you.
3) Take two rusty blunt spoons and dig your eyeballs out. Slowly.
Now I understand desperation and I do know that it must seem like the end of the world to you.
'TODDLER SYNDROME'
This is perhaps hard to see at the moment, but you suffer from a classic syndrome we psychologists (it's true, I have a certificate from the Civil Defence proving that I finished their five-day psychology course) like to call the Toddler Syndrome.
You see, when you're a toddler and your parents say you cannot eat that lump that you just dug from your nose, you cry as though it is the end of the world. Your parents see something disgusting, you see fine Cantonese cuisine, and they're not letting you have it.
Two minutes later, when you dig another booger out and quietly eat when your parents have their backs turned, the world is bright and beautiful again.
This is the same thing.
Today, you think not being with your girlfriend is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you, and you would do anything to get her back, even give up your dignity.
That's because you're a toddler who at this point cannot see that you will soon produce another choice morsel from your nose.
I'm not saying that you will find another girlfriend and forget about this one. No, I'm saying that you will face bigger problems than this in your life (just to add to your already-sunny view of life).
But so long as we can look at our problems and say, well, that's not so bad, then we will be all right and eventually, that second booger will come.
Besides, happiness, not desperation, makes a person more attractive. Remember, it's wine and dine, not whine and dine. -
i was bored, and reading columns in tnp... and i came across this one..
reminds me of what happened last time...
and.. i felt like digging the fella's eye balls out..
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I'm reading it cause it's hilarious. The way it's put. Then again, so so true.
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follow up:
TWO weeks ago, in this column, I wrote about men begging their ex-girlfriends to return to them.
Basically, my point was that begging may get you about $15 a day, but it won't bring your ex-girlfriend back.
In the process, you would have lost respect and dignity. You can see how that's a bad investment.
Since then, I've come across a few incidents of men trying to get their ex-girlfriends back, not with begging, but with failed attempts of emotional manipulation. I don't know why people never get what I'm trying to say. Here are two case studies to illustrate my point.
Case Study A: A really good friend of mine, let's call her Hannibal (if I'm going to make up aliases, they might as well be interesting), recently received an SMS from an ex-boyfriend she had not heard from for three years.
His message was simply: 'Hi, how have you been?'
Being the courteous person that she is, Hannibal replied: 'Married.'
The Ex-Man then said: 'Oh, I'm disappointed. I miss you. I would really like to see you.'
To which she replied: 'Well, I missed you too. But now I'm happily married.'
He went: 'I'm happy for you. Let's do dinner soon, just to catch up.'
She said: 'Sure. I'll find out when my hubby is free, we'll all meet up.'
He said: 'Oh no, I can't do that. I just want to see you.'
After which Hannibal vomited. Apparently, in the three years, The Ex-Man had forgotten how cruelly he treated her for a year when she kept trying to patch up their relationship.
Case Study B: Sho GuBaka (it just kind of popped into my head, work with me here), not three months ago, was upset that her ex-boyfriend had found a new girlfriend.
It took three months of intense counseling, enough alcohol to drown Sentosa and quite a few designer-label presents from close friends for Sho to get back on her feet.
Lo and behold, exactly at that point in time, the ex comes calling.
First it was the innocent 'how are you'?
Then it was: 'Can I come see you'?
Then the SMSes started getting disgustingly sweet, with pet names and the like. Sho started wondering what the ex was doing, considering that he had a girlfriend.
So she met up with him, but in the company of her friends, including this writer. The two went to the bar to chat privately and he started whispering sweet nothings to her.
Today, Sho is no longer hung up about him because he has shown his true colours.
Sigh, do I have to teach you guys everything? There are only three effective ways to win your ex-girlfriends back. Pay attention.
1. Woo her all over again, as though she was a totally new girl. Remember all the things that excite her and make her happy, and then do more than that. It will take more, because you already broke her heart once. Make her feel like you really want her again, but not with empty statements such as 'I miss you'.
2. Kidnap her and lock her away for 10 years. It is a well-known fact that victims eventually develop feelings for their captor. The downside of this is that if caught, you might end up as somebody's girlfriend in prison for life.
3. Top Forbes' list of Singapore's 40 richest. If Eric Khoo can do it, so can you.
Don't say you don't ever learn things from this column. -
Case study A happened to me before... so sad...
the exact thing leh
tried to patch.. den he refused...
2 years plus went pass... after i'm married he tried to meet up again.. den when i say wait till hubby free... he say he dun wan... -
Ahh..jerks.
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I agree. The best way is to show the girl that life goes on. Continue going out with friends, slack at home, surf sgforums, listen songs, play games, party... That's the best way to handle a breakup.
Unless of course the guy made a stupid mistake that caused his love of his life to be utterly disgusted by him... -
this one is not related... but so funny!!
A FEMALE colleague of mine said recently: 'Don't watch The Devil Wears Prada. That movie is evil.'
My journalistic instincts immediately came alive, sensing that here was another Da Vinci Code controversy to write about.
But no. The Devil Wears Prada is evil, apparently because, after watching the movie, women want to go and spend their children's education fund on shopping for designer labels.
I, of all people, totally understand the power of movies.
After watching Natural Born Killers, I wanted to go out and kill people. To date, however, I've not killed anyone. But I have managed to kill quite a few cockroaches.
Except for those that aggressively fly at you when you try to spray them with insecticide and end up in your clothes, causing you to run around like a madman and into the nearest wall.
Those cockroaches I've never succeeded in killing because of a lack of consciousness.
So it is very likely that after women watch the movie, which is about a young girl's stint at a fashion magazine and her transformation from an ugly duckling into an uglier duckling with beautiful clothes and then a beautiful swan, they will go out and dress better.
To which I say, about damn time.
I'm sorry to say this, but Singaporeans consistently top the worst-dressed list of people anywhere in the world.
I work in Robinson Road, so I see the cream of the Singaporean economic crop.
Now, they may know their bulls and bears, but trust me, they all look like they buy their clothes from the flea market in Bangkok during the Great Thailand Sale (or something). But then, what do you expect? Only we could have turned Versace into Ah Beng fashion.
But the problem of an absence of fashion sense doesn't pervade the office crowd only.
Not long ago, I went to a private party where the theme was chic and sexy. Yes, chic and sexy. You know what the men's take on chic and sexy was? A polo T-shirt (and I don't mean Ralph Lauren).
Tucked into their denim jeans.
A black belt.
And sneakers.
And Brylcreem-ed hair.
And those were the ones who bothered.
It took some time for me to convince them that even sexiest-man-alive Sean Connery would have problems looking chic and sexy dressed in that.
They stared at me like I was some zoo animal sitting there with my Zara shirt and pants (thank goodness I decided Hugo Boss was over-dressing for the occasion).
What about the girls, you ask?
Let's put it this way.
If the party was a movie, it would have been called The Devil Wears This Fashion, with all due respect to the highly-successful chain of boutiques selling budget women's clothes.
Which is why The Devil Wears Prada comes at a really good time. It's about time Singaporeans realised that fashion is important.
You see, when you dress better, you become more attractive.
When you become more attractive, you get more sex.
When you get more sex, you lift the national average up so that we are no longer second last in the annual Durex sex survey.
Our national reputation could have been saved by this movie.
So dress up, Singapore. The country depends on you.
Come on S'pore, get more style
Edwin Yeo -
Chit Chat please, thanks! 
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"Come on S'pore, get more style."
We should put it in our siggy.