By Edwin Yeo
August 27, 2006
A FEW weeks ago, there was a guy who knelt down at the basement of Isetan Scotts carrying a sign that read: 'Please forgive me.'
While he didn't exactly explain what he had done wrong, it was obvious that he was begging for a girlfriend/
wife/partner to come back to him.
It warms my heart each time I see such devotion, but it also makes me want to go up to him and beat the crap out of him.
Since I didn't - I had more important things to do such as looking at women - I would like to take this opportunity to dedicate this column to him, whoever he may be.
And if any of his friends are reading this, please let him know that the following advice is strictly for him:
WAKE UP!
What is wrong with you? I'm sorry to say this, but guys like you, as the song goes, give love a bad name.
More specifically, you give guys a bad name.
I don't want to sound unsympathetic, but in the history of mankind, begging for your ex to come back has as much chance of success as me successfully walking on water or turning water into wine, despite my ex-partners sometimes extolling me with shouts of 'Oh God'.
Begging in public and causing a scene has even less chance of success than that.
Just think it through.
Your ex is probably already irritated with you for whatever it is you have done. When she gets wind of you kneeling in front of her workplace (presumably), which do you think will be her immediate reaction?
1) Think you're sweet and believe that this display is a sign of sincerity.
2) Be totally embarrassed that you are causing a scene in front of her workplace and, because you make yourself look so pitiful, she looks like the bad guy if she doesn't forgive you, which will make her even more irritated with you.
3) Take two rusty blunt spoons and dig your eyeballs out. Slowly.
Now I understand desperation and I do know that it must seem like the end of the world to you.
'TODDLER SYNDROME'
This is perhaps hard to see at the moment, but you suffer from a classic syndrome we psychologists (it's true, I have a certificate from the Civil Defence proving that I finished their five-day psychology course) like to call the Toddler Syndrome.
You see, when you're a toddler and your parents say you cannot eat that lump that you just dug from your nose, you cry as though it is the end of the world. Your parents see something disgusting, you see fine Cantonese cuisine, and they're not letting you have it.
Two minutes later, when you dig another booger out and quietly eat when your parents have their backs turned, the world is bright and beautiful again.
This is the same thing.
Today, you think not being with your girlfriend is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you, and you would do anything to get her back, even give up your dignity.
That's because you're a toddler who at this point cannot see that you will soon produce another choice morsel from your nose.
I'm not saying that you will find another girlfriend and forget about this one. No, I'm saying that you will face bigger problems than this in your life (just to add to your already-sunny view of life).
But so long as we can look at our problems and say, well, that's not so bad, then we will be all right and eventually, that second booger will come.
Besides, happiness, not desperation, makes a person more attractive. Remember, it's wine and dine, not whine and dine.