does education matter in a relationship?
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For a better relationship simply pick someone with a higher EQ (emotional inteliigence)
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Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:
no, Yunhaier had painted the picture. what he/she had replied with would be a close reflection of the situation.
What do you mean by [b]all? So, every post here is a reflection of the real situation? My my, the girl with a double degree is also doubling her relationship![/b]
doubling her relationship? u mean by finding another guy? i dont tink so. -
i guess she's just getting exposed to wat the real world (or rather wat Singapore is all about).Originally posted by rathcycle:the girl is materialistic, leave her.
be stronger, you are worth a better girl,
saw your post before, you are a good guy, dun worry too much.
5 years is really, it's going to be hard to overcome, but after that, everything gona be alright, take it as a lesson learn.
p/s, just now i type a very long reply, but dunno why doesn't it shows...
so i just summarise what i've got to say cuz im tired to type.
i wished i can find a better girl, but as long as she's willing to accept me for what i am now, she would be perfect -
chances of her finding someone else is close to zero. i know her too well.Originally posted by EngAudListCo_Director:My only advice is to please move on and forget about her. Most probably she has found someone who is studying in the same uni, may not be scholar. The way she says it, chances are quite high, just a tactic to make you give up on her. I am not speculating but SMU programs and NUS biz programs offer double degrees......my gut feel is your sweetheart is studying in SMU.....accounting and finance are very hot now as a combination.
Y not you take a part time degree to upgrade yourself? There are many private schools that offer quality education. Just check with your civil service department which are the ones that are recognised.
No hard feelings but both of you are still young. Carve out a niche in your career. In time to come, she may not regret leaving you but hope you will not regret for wasting time and energy in a relationship that both of you know will not materialise and have a happy ending.
Wishing you the best in the pursuit of your own happiness.
i'm going to upgrade myself soon infact. a degree which i wanted to do. its not about the recognition but its more of self-actualization. at the same time, i felt the degree would help me to find another better job. my current job is to stablize my finance so i could go on further.
i dont tink i will ever regret having 5 years with her, and i tot that if she open her heart to me, a happy ending would not be difficult. -
only for the past 2 months, and she allowed it to manifest in her till it eats her up. she had been supportive of my decisions all these while, so when i told her i dont tink i want to carry on to uni anymore, she gave me her utmost supportOriginally posted by sillyme:Weeds don't grow overnight.
Has this problem of qualification bothered her over the years? Has she encouraged you to go for further studies over the years?
If so, then probably it matters to her. If so, what is stopping you from studying further?
finance is the limiting factor for the time being. but it wouldnt be too long before i can enroll -
its sad but trueOriginally posted by BrUtUs:no use fighting liao cos her heart is no longer wif u from those reasons... -
yeah, she told me i cant give her the sense of security.Originally posted by DriftingGuy:Its the money & 'security' that might come with it, not the education.
If you only have a psle qualification but owns a business employing 100 people with double degrees, you think she might say "we are from different worlds"?
yeah probably u are right here. if my dad was from some petroleum company, i tink it would be very different. but i'm just from a humble average income Singaporean family -
Originally posted by casshern:chances of her finding someone else is close to zero. i know her too well.
Hmmm .... how can you be so sure? A lot of people have no idea of second relationship until the day the person konk off, then a string of children appears from nowhere at the funeral!
i'm going to upgrade myself soon infact. a degree which i wanted to do. its not about the recognition but its more of self-actualization. at the same time, i felt the degree would help me to find another better job. my current job is to stablize my finance so i could go on further.
Don't stress yourself if you r not cut out to be academically-inclined. There are more ways to success and happiness than a degree - which may give you temperature, fever and headache!
i dont tink i will ever regret having 5 years with her, and i tot that if she open her heart to me, a happy ending would not be difficult.
Remember this: nothing is permanent - happiness is not. Learn to let go. If you love her, let her go. The regret is not yours. Be happy for her instead of seeking happiness for yourself. Rise above self, for there is indeed no self! -
Ya, this I agree...somtimes I find it hard to explain this kind of thghts of mine to even my own close friends. Hahaha....CheersOriginally posted by Glennyek:No problem, I do understand diff ppl think diff... everyone will each have their own views or opinion...
Tat's why the forum is a open place for all to share their views, and should never force anyone to take side or follow the guides...
I do understand where u coming from.... there can be true love to conquer it all and goes against all odds...
But sadly, such reality comes in the minority.
No many can see beyond the facts and accept life & death. -
different pple look @ different qualities
and weight different qualities differently
education does matter to most -
for a relationship which is coming to 5 yrs to come to a stop just because of difference in education level is a complete crap to me..
i still remember a NewPaper Article some years back reporting that a Garang Guni Man collecting newspapers etc can win a air stewardess heart over...
but after a while it resort in tragedy not long after..
back to your problem
the problem here is not the difference in education..it's the lack of trust from the gal's side worrying that the guy can't support the gal financially down the road
and on the guy's side, he is willing to slog hard to support her etc and don't mind losing face nor pride..this is a good guy but he needs to know how to improve himself to re-sparkle the romance between the both of them or it will be a gonna soon..
as long as the guy can proof to the guy that guy is able to earn more than what the gal might be taking back at the end of the month to the family in future, than the gal will not have other reasons to push the relationship away..
i think the reason for this problem is due to external factors like both sides' frens and family members' pressure and lack of understanding what both the gal and the guy is looking for in eachother.. -
Originally posted by the_fallen:for a relationship which is coming to 5 yrs to come to a stop just because of difference in education level is a complete crap to me..
People can get tired of each other. If day-in & day-out you do the same thing, eat the same thing, talk the same thing, shit the same thing - its boring![/color]
i still remember a NewPaper Article some years back reporting that a Garang Guni Man collecting newspapers etc can win a air stewardess heart over...
but after a while it resort in tragedy not long after..
Opposite attracts. Differences arouse curiosity. Clinging leads to tragedy.
i think the reason for this problem is due to external factors like both sides' frens and family members' pressure and lack of understanding what both the gal and the guy is looking for in each other..
That is the reel and real problem. You find the same stories in movies all the time. Do we live for ourselves or for the boliao and kapohs? -
people can get together because a relationship is sweet and full of surprises..with communicationOriginally posted by TheGoodEarth:People can get tired of each other. If day-in & day-out you do the same thing, eat the same thing, talk the same thing, *^$! the same thing - its boring![/color]
Opposite attracts. Differences arouse curiosity. Clinging leads to tragedy.
That is the reel and real problem. You find the same stories in movies all the time. Do we live for ourselves or for the boliao and kapohs?
a long stable relationship is best not to meet daily, learn to give each other some free personal space to hang out with their own family and frens..
to keep the relationship working, often have to give a few surprises here and there.
curiosity kills in the case of the Garang Guni man and the Air Stewardress, but often it's normal actually..It just depends on how both parties reacts and face the harsh remarks by others..if they can't stand through small little remarks like this..than the both of them better not continue coz they will not click in the event whereby there's family problems..
We live for ourselves - this only applies when we are still single.
We live for ourself & others - applies when we're attached, married and have family. When you love somebody, you got to love his or her family too..(ignoring those super negative cases la, those are exception) -
thanks fallen,Originally posted by the_fallen:for a relationship which is coming to 5 yrs to come to a stop just because of difference in education level is a complete crap to me..
i still remember a NewPaper Article some years back reporting that a Garang Guni Man collecting newspapers etc can win a air stewardess heart over...
but after a while it resort in tragedy not long after..
back to your problem
the problem here is not the difference in education..it's the lack of trust from the gal's side worrying that the guy can't support the gal financially down the road
and on the guy's side, he is willing to slog hard to support her etc and don't mind losing face nor pride..this is a good guy but he needs to know how to improve himself to re-sparkle the romance between the both of them or it will be a gonna soon..
as long as the guy can proof to the guy that guy is able to earn more than what the gal might be taking back at the end of the month to the family in future, than the gal will not have other reasons to push the relationship away..
i think the reason for this problem is due to external factors like both sides' frens and family members' pressure and lack of understanding what both the gal and the guy is looking for in eachother..
i had prove that i'm willing to work hard for her and my recent posting is a good evident of wat i'm capable of (the new department is of higher level). and i'm also going to upgrade myself by going for a degree. i had been doing what i can for this relationship. i felt us dying off during early this year, so i plan a trip overseas just the 2 of us. she wanted her friends to come along but i told her no, this is just for 2 of us. i also gave her surprises as and when i can, like turning up unexpectedly to send her home or all tat. all the small little things.
i seriously doubt i'm able to bring back more income den her, unless otherwise.
she said we wanted different things in life. but i ask her if she ever ask me about it. she say i only wanted a simple life and get on like tat, but she wants more. i was like "excuse me, i have my inspirations also" just because i never voice out my inspirations doesnt meant anything. as everyone knows, a guy ego is bigger than anything. if can, i would also want to move myself into the upper level of society! -
i have to agree on thisOriginally posted by the_fallen:We live for ourselves - this only applies when we are still single.
We live for ourself & others - applies when we're attached, married and have family. When you love somebody, you got to love his or her family too..(ignoring those super negative cases la, those are exception) -
yes! it does matter!
wif same level of education, both of u can click by having same topic to chat.
unless the one wif higher education doesnt mind at all. but how long can he/she stand when his/her partner cannot keep up wif him/her? -
Well for your case guess so..but i guess the girl is just finding excuse..Perhaps the girl are more capable which is why she possess the right to say so..But i think the girl is trying to say status quo..anyway what ever is it..i still think its a excuse for the girl to make..as the guy is a civil servant and perhaps would still able to support her..Well what do you think?Originally posted by casshern:the girl studies in a Uni with double degree scholarship.
the guy is a humble civil servant with only A levels.
it was a very happy relationship, closing in to 5 years.
one day,
she says that both parties come from very different worlds.
she says there's no future for them.
she says they no longer share anything in common.
she says she's losing the passion.
she says she's tired of trying.
she says she feel the heartache whenever she think about their future. -
i dont tink, i know i can support herOriginally posted by jlzk:as the guy is a civil servant and perhaps would still able to support her..Well what do you think? -
if bill gates wants to marry...U see how many double degree and above females go queue up?Originally posted by casshern:the girl studies in a Uni with double degree scholarship.
the guy is a humble civil servant with only A levels.
its all about the money lar... -
you're welcome.Originally posted by casshern:thanks fallen,
i had prove that i'm willing to work hard for her and my recent posting is a good evident of wat i'm capable of (the new department is of higher level). and i'm also going to upgrade myself by going for a degree. i had been doing what i can for this relationship. i felt us dying off during early this year, so i plan a trip overseas just the 2 of us. she wanted her friends to come along but i told her no, this is just for 2 of us. i also gave her surprises as and when i can, like turning up unexpectedly to send her home or all tat. all the small little things.
i seriously doubt i'm able to bring back more income den her, unless otherwise.
she said we wanted different things in life. but i ask her if she ever ask me about it. she say i only wanted a simple life and get on like tat, but she wants more. i was like "excuse me, i have my inspirations also" just because i never voice out my inspirations doesnt meant anything. as everyone knows, a guy ego is bigger than anything. if can, i would also want to move myself into the upper level of society!
if you are thinking of upgrading to a degree to increase your pay, perhaps there's a slight chance which you can get, because it depends on the degree which u study in..
general advice for all current and to-be uni students..
while there's a lot of people with degree edcuation, the problem is a lot of people don't know how to make use of this degree to earn a higher income.
what we learnt in schools are purely theory with very little OJT and experiences.
To successfully make a living, we have to learn how to apply and use our knowledge to earn more money and not the other way round - study so much, let others make use of our knowledge to slog so hard just for a around the range of $1k-$2k.
If you want her to be happy for the trip overseas, you have to tell her the reason why this is a trip for you and her only..just tell her the reasons and let her know what you're thinking..but of course the surprises that part u need not mention to her..
well perhaps you should..but just tell a little..keep her in suspense by saying:
"the reason why i wanna go on the trip with you only, is because i have had plan some surprises for you and you only, thus I would really hope that you could understand the reason for me to rejecting you from asking your friends over..
as for what type of surprises, you will find out when we reach there."
to seek improvement in social status, there's quite a lot of ways, but don't choose the wrong path..as i have already quite a few frens who took the path of no return despite my warning to them...if you wanna improve, there are a lot of proper methods whereby you can do so..just that you have got to know the right contacts..that means you have got to know more people, not quantity but quality contacts. -
casshern,
Isn't it so simple? The writings are on the wall! If a person wants to fall out in a relationship, there will be 1001 excuses. So, if one stupidly try to find out the reason or reasons - in this case, could be education, earnings, excitement, etc. (all the Es you can mention), one is only finding 'consolation'. It is the strong 'desire' to know why? Why why why Deliya?
Everything that was said in this thread are valid but some are mistaken. It is very difficult to accept a 'loss' when you have put in all your HEART and MIND to it. This is called CLINGING.
Do you think that by getting a degree or earning more will make her happy or satisfied? Don't delude yourself! You are just trying very hard to hold on (clinging). I am not faulting you. But I think you are wasting your precious time!
My take is this: I am sure she had considered the relationship and its future. She wanted something different, and out. In other words, she wants to jump ship! She justifies by finding where your 'inadequacies' are. This is cruel, unkind, base, inconsiderate, deceitful ..... very inhuman of her. It is foolish of you to loose sleep over a woman whom I think by her excuses is not worth anything even is she had triple degrees! Worst still, you are loosing your self-worth and dignity.
I don't know why you 'worship' her??? Care to tell us? -
Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:
yeah, i guess its more of wanting to know why
[b]
So, if one stupidly try to find out the reason or reasons - in this case, could be education, earnings, excitement, etc. (all the Es you can mention), one is only finding 'consolation'. It is the strong 'desire' to know why? Why why why Deliya? -
pat pat dude..
i knw how u feel.. -
Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:
This is crap.
casshern,
Isn't it so simple? The writings are on the wall! If a person wants to fall out in a relationship, there will be 1001 excuses. So, if one stupidly try to find out the reason or reasons - in this case, could be education, earnings, excitement, etc. (all the Es you can mention), one is only finding 'consolation'. It is the strong 'desire' to know why? Why why why Deliya?
Everything that was said in this thread are valid but some are mistaken. It is very difficult to accept a 'loss' when you have put in all your HEART and MIND to it. This is called CLINGING.
Do you think that by getting a degree or earning more will make her happy or satisfied? Don't delude yourself! You are just trying very hard to hold on (clinging). I am not faulting you. But I think you are wasting your precious time!
[b]My take is this: I am sure she had considered the relationship and its future. She wanted something different, and out. In other words, she wants to jump ship! She justifies by finding where your 'inadequacies' are. This is cruel, unkind, base, inconsiderate, deceitful ..... very inhuman of her. It is foolish of you to loose sleep over a woman whom I think by her excuses is not worth anything even is she had triple degrees! Worst still, you are loosing your self-worth and dignity.
I don't know why you 'worship' her??? Care to tell us?[/b]
You are telling TS to give up before he even try.
Do you treat your woman this way ?
Do you not listen to her needs ? And simply shrug them off as being "unjustified"?
What is self-worth and dignity, worth if you only live in your own little world ?
If a woman wants to really dump you, she will not bother to give you any shite reasons. -
Originally posted by jojobeach:This is crap.
Hahaha, if you are TS, then you will know the meaning of crap better.
You are telling TS to give up before he even try.
I think TS has tried, from the postings he made.
Do you treat your woman this way ?
If my woman is like this ..... she goes straight into the rubbish dump!
Do you not listen to her needs ? And simply shrug them off as being "unjustified"?
Ha, did she make any justifications? What are her needs, more degrees, more money? Or it is status? She wanted TS to match her degree and earning!
What is self-worth and dignity, worth if you only live in your own little world ?
My own little world is worth more than your absolute lack of self-worth. I won't cling on to 'her' shamelessly!
If a woman wants to really dump you, she will not bother to give you any shite reasons.
Not all women employ such tactic. Either you are NAIVE or you are actually EVE.