My wife always threaten divorce wen we quarrel.How 2 handle?
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Dear jojo,Originally posted by jojobeach:
Unable to control her emotions ??
Seriously, that woman will need psychological help. PRONTO.
Destroying her marriage is not destroying TS's life ??? Hello ?
Abuse comes in many forms, not just physical. It can be emotional, verbal, financial etc.
Spousal abuse does not ALWAYS means the woman is the victims.
Women DO abuse their husbands too. Unfortunately, most men will chose to remain silent because they don't want to be a laughing stock to others.
If his wife does appreciate him so much, she wouldn't treat him this way.
Perhaps TS is such a lousy husband, she don't give much shite credit that's why this marriage is so explosive.
Hope is always the factor why abused spouses and partner remains in a abusive relationship.Not everyone is suitable to be a marriage partner. This is the hard fact.
So do you think you are suitable to be a marriage partner? -
haha...Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Dear jojo,
So do you think you are suitable to be a marriage partner?
seems that in jojo's mind, the man is always wrong no matter what he says or does... it's tough being being a jojoman...
no one is perfect... stop adding to threadstarter's already frustrated woes
hopefully we can do something constructive to help him.
doko -
That my dear , is for my partner to decide.Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Dear jojo,
So do you think you are suitable to be a marriage partner?
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Dear Doko,Originally posted by dokono:haha...
seems that in jojo's mind, the man is always wrong no matter what he says or does... it's tough being being a jojoman...
no one is perfect... stop adding to threadstarter's already frustrated woes
hopefully we can do something constructive to help him.
doko
Actually, I am harder on myself than I am harder on my man.
TS's frustrated woes is his wife, not me.
When he finally leave his emotionally unstable wife, his woes will be over.
Telling him to stay in an abusive marriage is not very constructive , issit ?
The most difficult part about leaving a failed marriage , is to accept that the marriage is indeed a failure. -
Well you see, I choose to treat my current differently, because I WANT to keep this relationship. Therefore, I throw in everything nice, instead of dynamite and poisons.Originally posted by RedizAlertz:U seem to hav be in the same boat as TS's wife. Hav u ever consider leavin ur current bf to relieve him of any of ur emotional breakdown or abuse tat u might hav in future? Cos u seem to know tat TS's wife may not improve her condition, wat makes u think tat u wont treat ur current Bf as u hav treated ur ex??? Set him free..He deserve better.
If my current bf believes he deserves better, I'd let it go.
I cannot keep a man if his heart is no longer mine.
But , so far so good. He ain't complaining yet -
Good question.Originally posted by blu_sky:If there is no good choice, why not choose to stay single?
Humans are social animals. No one would willingly choose to be alone.
My ex, was a convenient choice.
He knew about my previous rocky relationship.
He wanted to be there for me... hoping that I will give him a chance when I am finally single again.
No doubt, him being there made it easier for me to leave my previous relationship.
He was my inflatable life-boat when Titanic was sinking.
When I finally left my ex, I asked him if he ever regretted being with me.
And his answer was "No."
Anyway, alls' well or not so well, ends well. For this case.
He is now married and his baby is on her way.
I've sent him a cute little baby gift bundle. A thank you note returned from his wife.
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Yes, human are social aninals. That part should only extend to human enjoy the company of others. But human are not animals. We dont, or we should NOT start humping around juz cos we cant find find the some one.Originally posted by jojobeach:Good question.
Humans are social animals. No one would willingly choose to be alone.
My ex, was a convenient choice.
He knew about my previous rocky relationship.
He wanted to be there for me... hoping that I will give him a chance when I am finally single again.
No doubt, him being there made it easier for me to leave my previous relationship.
He was my inflatable life-boat when Titanic was sinking.
When I finally left my ex, I asked him if he ever regretted being with me.
And his answer was "No."
Anyway, alls' well or not so well, ends well. For this case.
He is now married and his baby is on her way.
I've sent him a cute little baby gift bundle. A thank you note returned from his wife.
WE ARE NOT ANIMALS. -
Isnt that very hypocritical?Originally posted by jojobeach:Well you see, I choose to treat my current differently, because I WANT to keep this relationship. Therefore, I throw in everything nice, instead of dynamite and poisons.
If my current bf believes he deserves better, I'd let it go.
I cannot keep a man if his heart is no longer mine.
But , so far so good. He ain't complaining yet
so where you keeping the not nice part? the dynamite and poison? till after marriage?
this is scary. *shudder* -
"Thank you" note for what? for leaving her husband alone?Originally posted by jojobeach:Good question.
Humans are social animals. No one would willingly choose to be alone.
My ex, was a convenient choice.
He knew about my previous rocky relationship.
He wanted to be there for me... hoping that I will give him a chance when I am finally single again.
No doubt, him being there made it easier for me to leave my previous relationship.
He was my inflatable life-boat when Titanic was sinking.
When I finally left my ex, I asked him if he ever regretted being with me.
And his answer was "No."
Anyway, alls' well or not so well, ends well. For this case.
He is now married and his baby is on her way.
I've sent him a cute little baby gift bundle. A thank you note returned from his wife.
Well, you deserve more than that. He, and his entire family, or his entire clan, should send you the note. It is well-deserved. -
Well... I wouldn't call it scary.Originally posted by blu_sky:Isnt that very hypocritical?
so where you keeping the not nice part? the dynamite and poison? till after marriage?
this is scary. *shudder*
When you do care for someone, you give them your very best.
Perhaps the dynamite and poison part will come when my husband made it clear that he is another one of them baboons.
Anyway, let's be fair.. men are mostly nice and gentlemen when they are courting the girls , right ?
After marriage, they don't do those romantic stuff anymore.
Worst yet, they start to degenerate.
My friend used to grumble to me ......
Before they got married.
He would bring her to nice places to eat.
After marriage, the hawker centers will do.
Sometimes he also ask her to "tah bao" on her way home from work.
Before they got married.
He would send her sweet nothings.
After married, you know lah... those are wasting time and money.
Before they got married.
He promised to be the best father to their children.
After kids come out.
Leave the hardwork to the PIL.
He wants his time to play golf with his buddies on weekends.
Now, shouldn't I be scared ???? you tell me. -
Bwaahahahahh.. perhaps it is so.Originally posted by blu_sky:"Thank you" note for what? for leaving her husband alone?
Well, you deserve more than that. He, and his entire family, or his entire clan, should send you the note. It is well-deserved.
If I havn't left him, he wouldn't be married to this sweet lady.
I should go to heaven for it. -
i am wondering if TS wife is also reading this thread??
why must we nail or criticize Jojobeach for leaving her ex to be in love with her present hubby?
don't jojobeach have a choice to be with whoever she is happy with? I think she is happy right now and she is happy to find the right hubby mah...
why must we live in the past? we should live in present -
No, not criticizing nor nailing her or anyone for leaving another. Each has his choice.Originally posted by dreamykite:i am wondering if TS wife is also reading this thread??
why must we nail or criticize Jojobeach for leaving her ex to be in love with her present hubby?
don't jojobeach have a choice to be with whoever she is happy with? I think she is happy right now and she is happy to find the right hubby mah...
why must we live in the past? we should live in present
Just taken by surprised by how the ex is belittled for his low education despite those are elements already known before entering a relationship.
low education is not a crime nor sin. -
Hi Dreamykite,Originally posted by dreamykite:i am wondering if TS wife is also reading this thread??
why must we nail or criticize Jojobeach for leaving her ex to be in love with her present hubby?
don't jojobeach have a choice to be with whoever she is happy with? I think she is happy right now and she is happy to find the right hubby mah...
why must we live in the past? we should live in present
Thank you for the kind words.
Fortunately for me, I am not one who gets bothered by criticisms in online forums.
Only people whom I have high respect and those whom I hold close to my heart, are the ones who can make any impact.
Actually, it would be good if TS wife is reading this.
If she is a reasonable woman, she will start reflecting on her own behavior.
If she is not, she will make a bigger stink out of it.
This kind, no need to keep. -
It's ok blu_sky,Originally posted by blu_sky:No, not criticizing nor nailing her or anyone for leaving another. Each has his choice.
Just taken by surprised by how the ex is belittled for his low education despite those are elements already known before entering a relationship.
low education is not a crime nor sin.
None taken personally.
His low education was not the factor.
It was his inferior complex that made it difficult for us to continue.
In fact, he did admit that he know I was out of his league in the first place.
But he wanted to give it a shot anyway.
A brave soul, but he came out a battered man. -
Good to hear that. It has never meant to be personal.Originally posted by jojobeach:It's ok blu_sky,
None taken personally.
His low education was not the factor.
It was his inferior complex that made it difficult for us to continue.
In fact, he did admit that he know I was out of his league in the first place.
But he wanted to give it a shot anyway.
A brave soul, but he came out a battered man. -
Originally posted by jojobeach:It's ok blu_sky,
None taken personally.
His low education was not the factor.
It was his inferior complex that made it difficult for us to continue.
In fact, he did admit that he know I was out of his league in the first place.
But he wanted to give it a shot anyway.
A brave soul, but he came out a battered man.
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I think it is not just the guys who are taking women for granted, women do that do too.Originally posted by jojobeach:Well... I wouldn't call it scary.
When you do care for someone, you give them your very best.
Perhaps the dynamite and poison part will come when my husband made it clear that he is another one of them baboons.
Anyway, let's be fair.. men are mostly nice and gentlemen when they are courting the girls , right ?
After marriage, they don't do those romantic stuff anymore.
Worst yet, they start to degenerate.
My friend used to grumble to me ......
Before they got married.
He would bring her to nice places to eat.
After marriage, the hawker centers will do.
Sometimes he also ask her to "tah bao" on her way home from work.
Before they got married.
He would send her sweet nothings.
After married, you know lah... those are wasting time and money.
Before they got married.
He promised to be the best father to their children.
After kids come out.
Leave the hardwork to the PIL.
He wants his time to play golf with his buddies on weekends.
Now, shouldn't I be scared ???? you tell me.
In the beginning of a relationship, dont we always put on emaculate make up, wear our nicest dresses to our dates? But after a while, do we still do that?
And during courtship, women are also especially sweet. I have a female colleague, so sweet to her hubby during courtship. EVerytime it is "yes dear" "yes baby". but now, after married 5 years with one kid, you can always hear her reproaching her hubby over the phone "Dear!!!"
Perhaps it is not just us taking each other for granted. it is the mood too. How about try to rekindle the flame once in while? Date each other out, the gals put on nice make up and pretty dresses and the men try to bring the ladies to nice dinners once in a while. Try not to take each other for granted.
And honestly, there is really no big deal in da bao for your hubby rite? if he is at home, hungry, and im on my way back, i will gladly da bao for him. Com'on, dont fret over small things. -
The reason why people take their spouses for granted is simply because they believe the other will no longer "run away".Originally posted by blu_sky:I think it is not just the guys who are taking women for granted, women do that do too.
In the beginning of a relationship, dont we always put on emaculate make up, wear our nicest dresses to our dates? But after a while, do we still do that?
And during courtship, women are also especially sweet. I have a female colleague, so sweet to her hubby during courtship. EVerytime it is "yes dear" "yes baby". but now, after married 5 years with one kid, you can always hear her reproaching her hubby over the phone "Dear!!!"
Perhaps it is not just us taking each other for granted. it is the mood too. How about try to rekindle the flame once in while? Date each other out, the gals put on nice make up and pretty dresses and the men try to bring the ladies to nice dinners once in a while. Try not to take each other for granted.
And honestly, there is really no big deal in da bao for your hubby rite? if he is at home, hungry, and im on my way back, i will gladly da bao for him. Com'on, dont fret over small things.
How wrong is that ? Not much people realised that.
When my SIL had their first baby, I can see a sudden change in my brother's attitude towards her.
He became quite a jerk.
I asked him why the sudden change ?
His reply was quite disturbing.
He said " Well, she's now a woman with a child, and she looks so unattractive now. Even if she want's to run, she can't run very far."
After a few big fights, my SIL finally couldn't take it anymore.
She took the baby and went back to her parents.
For one month, my brother tried to coax her back.
Begging and pleading......
Now he's a much better husband.
Sometimes I do believe that men tends to cherish after they have lost something. -
Be very scared. Romance is found in reel life. Real life is mundane.Originally posted by jojobeach:Well... I wouldn't call it scary.
.....
Anyway, let's be fair.. men are mostly nice and gentlemen when they are courting the girls , right ?
After marriage, they don't do those romantic stuff anymore.
Worst yet, they start to degenerate.
................
Now, shouldn't I be scared ???? you tell me.
There are many stories about before marriage and after marriage.
Marriage, they say is an instituition. Most people say that they got marriage because they are in love. And we all know that love is blind.
Hence, Marriage is an Instituition for the Blind.
Quite scary? -
Hi Everybody,
I read through most of the posts and some said my wife cannot keep. I think the remarks may be too judgmental. A wife isn't like an object, tool or pet. Having a marriage means the 2 of us, and a wife is the other person in the relationship to maintain. I mean next time, if I have a child and the child frustrates me, can I say this child cannot keep too?
I do get very frustrated when my wife mentions divorce whenever we argue. I have told her many times as well. If she were to persist, of course I will give the necessary counter-actions when I can't tahan. But I can't blame everything on her, this I know. Anyway, if you have truly loved someone before, you'll know that feeling where both of you will live until a ripe old age together, no matter what.
It has been a week, and I have gotten my wife back without any argument or quarrel. She bought me gifts and wrote me a love letter, saying it wasn't her intention to mention divorce over and over again. And that she understood how I put up with her and the most important thing, she still loves me! I would say that after a hard battle, my love did pull through! -
i am truly happy for you......many happy & blissful days aheadOriginally posted by Frustrated_guy:Hi Everybody,
I read through most of the posts and some said my wife cannot keep. I think the remarks may be too judgmental. A wife isn't like an object, tool or pet. Having a marriage means the 2 of us, and a wife is the other person in the relationship to maintain. I mean next time, if I have a child and the child frustrates me, can I say this child cannot keep too?
I do get very frustrated when my wife mentions divorce whenever we argue. I have told her many times as well. If she were to persist, of course I will give the necessary counter-actions when I can't tahan. But I can't blame everything on her, this I know. Anyway, if you have truly loved someone before, you'll know that feeling where both of you will live until a ripe old age together, no matter what.
It has been a week, and I have gotten my wife back without any argument or quarrel. She bought me gifts and wrote me a love letter, saying it wasn't her intention to mention divorce over and over again. And that she understood how I put up with her and the most important thing, she still loves me! I would say that after a hard battle, my love did pull through!
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Hi frustrated_guy,Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Hi Everybody,
I read through most of the posts and some said my wife cannot keep. I think the remarks may be too judgmental. A wife isn't like an object, tool or pet. Having a marriage means the 2 of us, and a wife is the other person in the relationship to maintain. I mean next time, if I have a child and the child frustrates me, can I say this child cannot keep too?
I do get very frustrated when my wife mentions divorce whenever we argue. I have told her many times as well. If she were to persist, of course I will give the necessary counter-actions when I can't tahan. But I can't blame everything on her, this I know. Anyway, if you have truly loved someone before, you'll know that feeling where both of you will live until a ripe old age together, no matter what.
It has been a week, and I have gotten my wife back without any argument or quarrel. She bought me gifts and wrote me a love letter, saying it wasn't her intention to mention divorce over and over again. And that she understood how I put up with her and the most important thing, she still loves me! I would say that after a hard battle, my love did pull through!
Sometimes one needs to lose something before feeling the significance indeed.
I'm happy for you, and your commitment in your marriage is something all of us should emulate.
All the best! -
Yes, agree totally. Is abandoning is what a person would do at the first intant, is that really love?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Hi Everybody,
I read through most of the posts and some said my wife cannot keep. I think the remarks may be too judgmental. A wife isn't like an object, tool or pet. Having a marriage means the 2 of us, and a wife is the other person in the relationship to maintain. I mean next time, if I have a child and the child frustrates me, can I say this child cannot keep too?
I do get very frustrated when my wife mentions divorce whenever we argue. I have told her many times as well. If she were to persist, of course I will give the necessary counter-actions when I can't tahan. But I can't blame everything on her, this I know. Anyway, if you have truly loved someone before, you'll know that feeling where both of you will live until a ripe old age together, no matter what.
It has been a week, and I have gotten my wife back without any argument or quarrel. She bought me gifts and wrote me a love letter, saying it wasn't her intention to mention divorce over and over again. And that she understood how I put up with her and the most important thing, she still loves me! I would say that after a hard battle, my love did pull through!
TS, wish you all the best. If there should be any 'tiff', you know where you can find listening hears -
Good to know things are back to normal , for now.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Hi Everybody,
I read through most of the posts and some said my wife cannot keep. I think the remarks may be too judgmental. A wife isn't like an object, tool or pet. Having a marriage means the 2 of us, and a wife is the other person in the relationship to maintain. I mean next time, if I have a child and the child frustrates me, can I say this child cannot keep too?
I do get very frustrated when my wife mentions divorce whenever we argue. I have told her many times as well. If she were to persist, of course I will give the necessary counter-actions when I can't tahan. But I can't blame everything on her, this I know. Anyway, if you have truly loved someone before, you'll know that feeling where both of you will live until a ripe old age together, no matter what.
It has been a week, and I have gotten my wife back without any argument or quarrel. She bought me gifts and wrote me a love letter, saying it wasn't her intention to mention divorce over and over again. And that she understood how I put up with her and the most important thing, she still loves me! I would say that after a hard battle, my love did pull through!
If it wasn't her intention to mention divorce over and over again.
Then what is her real intention ? One can't help but wonder.
As a future father. It is best you consider what kind of mother you will be getting for your child.
True, you cannot simply send your child back for a refund.
That is why you must be careful if both of you decide to create one.
True, you cannot abandon your child if he/she frustrates you.
But do not compare a child and a adult.
Children are never rational creatures, they are free spirits.
They do not manipulate another human being like an adult does.
So you see, there are reason why you should accept a child's behavior, and why you shouldn't accept unreasonable/destructive behaviour from a adult as old as yourself.
Now, is your wife a child ?
Today, she uses divorces against you, few years down the road, she will use the child against you. What will you do then ?
Will you be putting your child up to live a life of turmoil or disharmony ?
A broken family or a family of anger and in-fighting ?
Today, you can put up with your wife's unreasonable behavior, can your child take it as well ?
Children are fragile little things, their emotional well being is not as hardened as the adults.
Your love may pull through... but for how long ?
Love is irrational. Right now it is only between the two of you.
When a child comes along, it will mean an innocent party gets involved.
Think twice. As a father, you must do what is best for your kid.
Not only must you provide for your child, you must also ensure the mother is emotionally stable and mentally sound to properly care for your child and teach him/her the right values.
You can choose your wife, your child cannot choose his/her mother.
From what you have posted so far, I highly doubt the marriage will survive pregnancy and child rearing.
Unless, you decide never to have kids with this woman, then yes, love will suffice.