My wife always threaten divorce wen we quarrel.How 2 handle?
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u shld do some checking upOriginally posted by xiaoxui:how do you know? Do you have such a wife too?
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Its bad situation for TS. Its not the way to solve the problem.
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he shld give his wife what she wants, that's the only way left, sadlyOriginally posted by mistyblue:Its bad situation for TS. Its not the way to solve the problem. -
Got a ex who is the same type of gal like his wife.Originally posted by xiaoxui:how do you know? Do you have such a wife too? -
do you have anything that you hide from her guy? im sure there's something that makes her feel that you cheat on her.. if you're not, talk to her.. Tell everything.. before she ask you.
This the problem, guys never tell if girls never asked? dont ya? haha..
dont always make your wife ask you, tell her 1st, share the things that you've been through, if you never tell.. how she can know? she can only think the bad things? or think anything.
make sure, that you're really faithful,and honest enough before you want to ask anything from your wife..
a little bit secret can make girls being so jealous and make girls being so sensi guy, so... You know what you should do to make your marriage last forever right?
ALL THE BEST, GBU! -
Yo, I no money, if i get an A from that stupid lecturer (more like a lecher to me)Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:
the most i can buy you are hawker foods. Drinks included.
Love Boat??? me heard of banana Boat only, where got love boat in singapore?
Oh yes, Marriage is only a law that pronoun both as husband and wife, and most of the time, in the context of singapore, to get a HDB house or PR status.
Sex is sex, you dun have to work on it, it come naturally. Anytime..anywhere, you just need the key to start the engine ya. -
I do not know how to bring her for counselling without another fight. Obviously, even if there's a problem, it will be difficult for her to recognise it. She doesn't allow her or my parents to get involved liao, what chance does a 3rd party stand?Originally posted by mancha:I think you should try to seek professional help.
The reason why your wife mention divorce and separation is because her mind is churning, and churning. She is festering over some hurt. And in this emotional misery, wants out.
She has no control over her mind/emotions. You cannot speak to her. It will only start another round. A third party is needed, to mediate. Someone neutral, and a stranger. This will be difficult, and an intermediary would yet be needed to persuade her to counselling.
She needs to be counseled on how to recognise her emotional patterns, how to handle hurts, disappointments and frustratiiohs, and to avoid destructive thinking.
Start checking out CDCs in your area, and make enquires discretely first.
Go one step at a time.
There is nothing to be ashamed of. -
she play hard ball, ever consider playing hard ball with her?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I do not know how to bring her for counselling without another fight. Obviously, even if there's a problem, it will be difficult for her to recognise it. She doesn't allow her or my parents to get involved liao, what chance does a 3rd party stand? -
Obviously she won't go. You know why? It is because she found it shameful. I thought you said she is willing to go? Or has she turn back her words?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I do not know how to bring her for counselling without another fight. Obviously, even if there's a problem, it will be difficult for her to recognise it. She doesn't allow her or my parents to get involved liao, what chance does a 3rd party stand?
Even if she is going to see the counsellor, she might put on a false front to the counsellor, saying 'everything is fine, there is only a little problems but we will resolve it once we have baby.' that sort of living in her own world.
Problem will always be there unless you are able to clear it or smart enough move away from it.
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Maybe she needs a taste of her own medicine.
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relationship can sometime be so destructive -
Originally posted by angel7030:Yo, I no money, if i get an A from that stupid lecturer (more like a lecher to me)
the most i can buy you are hawker foods. Drinks included.
Ya, I no choosy. Hawker food is fine, so long its at Mandarin Oriental.
Love Boat??? me heard of banana Boat only, where got love boat in singapore?
Didn't me say: "My LOVE boat"?
Oh yes, Marriage is only a law that pronoun both as husband and wife, and most of the time, in the context of singapore, to get a HDB house or PR status.
I don't care if a man and a woman wished to be pronounced husband and wife or some other. I think what they want to announce is: we now can have babies and nobody is going to ask how come?
HDB or PR is just by the way. You can get HDB at age 35. You can get PR when you can act like Christopher Lee.
Sex is sex, you dun have to work on it, it come naturally. Anytime..anywhere, you just need the key to start the engine ya.
I have the key. Is your engine available? -
Ha ha, that is a good suggestion.Originally posted by mistyblue:Maybe she needs a taste of her own medicine.
While Frustrated_guy might say that he is not afraid of his wife, but rather not wanting to hurt her, he must consider how his actions appear to others. I'm sorry to say, but your actions make you look like a weakling. Never apologise for the sake of apologising, stand your ground or she will never see where she went wrong. Every time you apologise so that you guys can patch up signals to her that she still has the upper hand and her strategy is still working. Bad mistake...... Stand your ground. If she really loves you to the extent you think she does, she will eventually relent. If she flares up each time you bring a sensitive topic up, have you tried putting that down in writing and passing it to her at a more appropriate time? Writing a email?
My wife had a bad temper as well, and ahem,,... so did I. But we soon got tired of quareling as it zapped us both and the precious weekend was wasted through fighting a silent war. Communication is the key. Now we have been married for 11 years and we both learn to agree to disagree.
My parents live with me from the day we got married as I'm the only son. God,.. that was bad, my wife and mother disagreeing. I stood my ground and listened to neither. Did what I feel was right every time there was a disagreement and made it clear that I do not appreciate any one of them bad mouthing the other or wanting to control my life....It was tough initially as neither believed me and accused me of siding with the other party. Well, we are still one big family living together,...
Misty_blue, will you or your hb be able to get an overseas job posting? that will be a good excuse to get away from your in-laws.
On the stress from the workplace. My advice is never bring your work woes home. The company only pays you for that many hours a day. Do not enslave yourself and get married to a job. If the stress is due to bad colleagues or boss, the more you shouldn't lose sleep over it. Just think of it this way, imagine how happy they would feel if they know that they have succeeded in causing you such great unhappiness. That should stop you from wanting to get stressed/depressed and destroy your family time.
There are always solutions, do not lose heart! -
Yes! and life is about dealing with matters such as these.Originally posted by dreamykite:this is a rocky relationship. I will go crazy if I am you.
You can quit.
Or you can work on it.
TS can learn and be a better person, and what's more important he can help his wife be a better and happier person.
If you can't be a contended person from within yourself, all the material and circus in the world will not make you a happy person.
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Unfortunately this is a fallacy.Originally posted by xiaoxui:The leopard will not change its spots
Do not give up on a person.
Especially your spouse, children, siblings.
Or if you are a boss, your employees. -
I wish TS counselling a success, rekindle his love and happily married ever after with many babies.
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Ya, then after have babies, another counselling session, then reach mid age, another counselling session, then when old already..graduated with Counselling skill degree...yeah!Originally posted by dreamykite:I wish TS counselling a success, rekindle his love and happily married ever after with many babies. -
Hi, i strong agree with your quote if i am not wrong. wad a man wan in a gal is trust, and a ger wan in a man is secure.Originally posted by Quiet Guy:is your wife chio ?
do you guys hav kids ?
who name the flat is under ?
are you rich ?
are your wife rich ?
who support who ?
does this happen infront of friends/family ?
Wugui Mei. -
Ha ha, that is a good suggestion.
While Frustrated_guy might say that he is not afraid of his wife, but rather not wanting to hurt her, he must consider how his actions appear to others. I'm sorry to say, but your actions make you look like a weakling. Never apologise for the sake of apologising, stand your ground or she will never see where she went wrong. Every time you apologise so that you guys can patch up signals to her that she still has the upper hand and her strategy is still working. Bad mistake...... Stand your ground. If she really loves you to the extent you think she does, she will eventually relent. If she flares up each time you bring a sensitive topic up, have you tried putting that down in writing and passing it to her at a more appropriate time? Writing a email?
My wife had a bad temper as well, and ahem,,... so did I. But we soon got tired of quareling as it zapped us both and the precious weekend was wasted through fighting a silent war. Communication is the key. Now we have been married for 11 years and we both learn to agree to disagree.
My parents live with me from the day we got married as I'm the only son. God,.. that was bad, my wife and mother disagreeing. I stood my ground and listened to neither. Did what I feel was right every time there was a disagreement and made it clear that I do not appreciate any one of them bad mouthing the other or wanting to control my life....It was tough initially as neither believed me and accused me of siding with the other party. Well, we are still one big family living together,...
Misty_blue, will you or your hb be able to get an overseas job posting? that will be a good excuse to get away from your in-laws.
On the stress from the workplace. My advice is never bring your work woes home. The company only pays you for that many hours a day. Do not enslave yourself and get married to a job. If the stress is due to bad colleagues or boss, the more you shouldn't lose sleep over it. Just think of it this way, imagine how happy they would feel if they know that they have succeeded in causing you such great unhappiness. That should stop you from wanting to get stressed/depressed and destroy your family time.
There are always solutions, do not lose heart!
that sounded like me. thus the best time of my life now is away on business trip. clear away from domestic chaos!!
my wife like to make comment like divorce sometimes when we argue. i hate it and feel betray as that words is so hurting. but i am numb to that as well. i just walk away and not talk. i never mention the word : divorce " in any circumstances of arguement. i guess the same when i say it, i will do it.
mistyblue, i pity your plight and i guess are you courageous to do what you already decided. afterall, you dont have kids, the choice is easier. -
edited: double post.
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that sounded like me. thus the best time of my life now is away on business trip. clear away from domestic chaos!!
my wife like to make comment like divorce sometimes when we argue. i hate it and feel betray as that words is so hurting. but i am numb to that as well. i just walk away and not talk. i never mention the word : divorce " in any circumstances of arguement. i guess the same when i say it, i will do it.
mistyblue, i pity your plight and i guess are you courageous to do what you already decided. afterall, you dont have kids, the choice is easier.
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Yes Reyes, you can run away from domestic chaos, using your work as a superb excuse.
Can your wife do that too ?
As much as you claim to be a responsible father, you are a very irresponsible husband.
While you having the best time of your life now away from home, your wife is left at home alone to care for your child, and to seek solace in the four walls that bounds her to the marriage.
No wonder she constantly ask for divorce. Perhaps you really do deserve it. -
Well, for the record, my wife mentioned divorce again on Wednesday night.
I suspect now she is under some form of stress or depression. I tried to talk to her, but whenever I offer solutions to her problems, she would accuse me of trying to end the conversation early and get it over with. She has withdrawn herself almost completely, and we exchanged less than 50 words yesterday. Sleep and communication is getting to be a problem for both of us.
Anyway, thanks everybody, who tried to help. I is trying to gambatte and not giving up. But I have also formed some sort of resolution not to take these kind of 'divorce' nonsense anymore. -
I have no issue being a divorcee and stuff. I do not care about being a laughing stock and stuff. In fact, what people say seldom bother me. The fact that you mention "not happy, then quit" is the kind of brain wash that Disney and television has done to us.Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:Hmmm ... this thread has gone a long way. It must be very frustrating. I got frustrated by all these nimbo jambo wubo.
If a person keeps mouthing divorce, it is already in the person's sub-conscious. If not, it must be schizophrenia.
If you are not insane, lay down the cards on the table and find a solution. Your nimbo state is truly in limbo. Is breaking up hard to do or won't do?
All these mambo jambo talks are not going to be helpful. Decide whether you want to remain sane or go to IMH one day.
Remember this: love is blind, marriage is an eye-opener. Also, only living together will you get to know a person, even this may take years!
If you project that the marriage is not going to work, better to call it quits before too many attachments come along.
Our problems is: we dare not make a move because we don't want to be a laughing stock. Perhaps, there are too many vested interests and issues. Divorce is seen as a failure and a social stigma. So, people remain stuck just so the face can look pretty! But they are in a state of denial - denying reality and the chance to a happier life. Why settle down to the mundane, the mindless, the unhappiness, the frustrations?
Remember, we all choose our own spouse. Nobody forced a gun on our head and told us to marry. Don't forget the marriage vows that couple take together,"share riches and in poverty....share happiness and in sadness". If love does not exist, I would have called it quits. Anyway, I posted here to seek help, not criticism. This is the 1st time I've shared so much with anybody. If I do not let it all out and bottle it up, I fear the consequences could be worse. -
I am still in one piece. I'm taken far worse damage in my life, perhaps that's why I can still tong a bitOriginally posted by dreamykite:this is a rocky relationship. I will go crazy if I am you.
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I hate to pull religion into this, but you sounded like a Christian. Bear in mind I have no prejudice in any religion. I thought in Christian terms, one is give all his love and expect nothing back? Am I wrong?Originally posted by dreamykite:Yeah...you love your wife, but do your wife love you equally? Marriage takes two hand to clap. Nobody can stand narcissistic behaviour.
Never love anything that can't love you back
a wise old woman said: "I don't think the devil looks ugly and frightening. If he did, people wouldn't find him so attractive. The devil must be a handsome man." And the devil's sister is a pretty woman, as often as not.
Well, I love my computer, I love my game, I also love my handphone. Sadly, they can't love me back, right?
The only thing I agree with you is that marriage takes 2 hands to clap. Somehow my wife stop clapping and started slapping(not physically). That's why I am having stress over this
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I think your friend is quite pity. But "every house got their own difficult to read de bible", so perhaps for some reason your friend is not retaliating. Anyway, if my wife were to scold me in front of anybody, I would scold her back with double the amount. Both our temper are equally bad.Originally posted by tutu2:hi frustrated,
you sound like you are giving up..i duno wat to say, i feel that my fren shd be prepare for divorce anytime.cos that mad wife IS capable of doing it. I cannot imagine she locks her hb out of the room, it was a shock to me
i cannot imagine he is such a Mr Nice Guy, maybe he's too scared of the wife.she basically can scold him anyway, even in front of their parents, like lecturing a kid