How do u assess this situation?
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Wondering anyone has experienced this before.. think it should be quite common...
Scenario
You knew this person a few years back. At that time you guys talked about things under the sun. You expressed feelings for him/her, but den on he/she didn't really indicate anything (even if he/she, did you pass it off as just a remark/joke cos he/she seems quite flirtatious/joker). Your frens tell you to be careful of this guy/gal cos they fell for his/her charms before.
Den due to some reasons, you both kinda lost contact for awhile. You met someone new and you're very comfortable with each other, you have fun and communication ain't bad either. You have a relationship with this person and your frens all approve of this person, saying that he/she is sooooo good to you and you should treasure him/her. You kinda feel that way too.
Your relationship has then crossed the 1 year mark and the previous guy/gal came back. You 2 met up, had lunch but you knew nothing could work out cos you knoe ya have to be faithful to your guy/gal. You 2 just continue to be platonic friends cos you den find out that he/she is also having a relationship with someone else.
Your relationship then crosses the 2 year mark. You found out that the first guy/gal told his/her fren that he/she misses you. He/she has already left his/her relationship. He/she expresses his/her feelings for you. You're tempted to tempt fate but then you also wanna be faithful.
This is wat i'm personally experiencing now. Just wanna knoe... if this has occurred to anyone else before? I'm currently questioning myself if i truly love my bf now or issit because i never "got" my previous guy before that's why now i wanna "turn back time" to experience what it could have been.
advice advice please?
thanx!
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sound abit like drama...in ur heart? who u really like?ask urself..
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yuppieZ
though me neva go thru this b4 (coz me is only 14) but i tink u have to ask urself who do u like?? but i think u should talk to ya current bf and ask him for advice. Since he is your boyfriend then i think you two should try and communicate within one another... because if you leave your current bf for the previous one, it will not exactly seem very fair to him. when will it be not fair to u? when u go to ur previous bf and the relationship does not work out... Boy... u will be in such despair. If you think that ur current relationship is going on well then continue with it... Furthermore, he was ur first true love...
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i oso say... machiam like outta some movie like dat. I ask myself before. I say my bf lor... cos i knoe he loves me and in that sense it makes me feel secure. But if i really love him issit ok to think about someone else? Isn't that technically cheating?Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:sound abit like drama...in ur heart? who u really like?ask urself.. -
Talk to my bf and he'll get upset. But my bf knoes about the other guy too.Originally posted by surferboy:yuppieZ
though me neva go thru this b4 (coz me is only 14) but i tink u have to ask urself who do u like?? but i think u should talk to ya current bf and ask him for advice. Since he is your boyfriend then i think you two should try and communicate within one another... because if you leave your current bf for the previous one, it will not exactly seem very fair to him. when will it be not fair to u? when u go to ur previous bf and the relationship does not work out... Boy... u will be in such despair. If you think that ur current relationship is going on well then continue with it... Furthermore, he was ur first true love...
I love my bf enough not to leave him for the previous guy. It's not gonna be fair for him, neither will it be good for the other guy. I personally wouldn't go out with a girl who dump her bf for me. For all i knoe, she might do the same to me.
My bf and I have our highs and lows. Just wondering what it could have been if i ddin't go out with him -
All i can say u think too much friend since u and ur current bf still so good why bother about the past lor..... Sometimes the gal think too much that why when they regret its too late so my last word dn regret and look forward...Originally posted by peiyi:Wondering anyone has experienced this before.. think it should be quite common...
Scenario
You knew this person a few years back. At that time you guys talked about things under the sun. You expressed feelings for him/her, but den on he/she didn't really indicate anything (even if he/she, did you pass it off as just a remark/joke cos he/she seems quite flirtatious/joker). Your frens tell you to be careful of this guy/gal cos they fell for his/her charms before.
Den due to some reasons, you both kinda lost contact for awhile. You met someone new and you're very comfortable with each other, you have fun and communication ain't bad either. You have a relationship with this person and your frens all approve of this person, saying that he/she is sooooo good to you and you should treasure him/her. You kinda feel that way too.
Your relationship has then crossed the 1 year mark and the previous guy/gal came back. You 2 met up, had lunch but you knew nothing could work out cos you knoe ya have to be faithful to your guy/gal. You 2 just continue to be platonic friends cos you den find out that he/she is also having a relationship with someone else.
Your relationship then crosses the 2 year mark. You found out that the first guy/gal told his/her fren that he/she misses you. He/she has already left his/her relationship. He/she expresses his/her feelings for you. You're tempted to tempt fate but then you also wanna be faithful.
This is wat i'm personally experiencing now. Just wanna knoe... if this has occurred to anyone else before? I'm currently questioning myself if i truly love my bf now or issit because i never "got" my previous guy before that's why now i wanna "turn back time" to experience what it could have been.
advice advice please?
thanx! -
i think you're rite.. (eeps... thinking again!) oh well, but thanx for your adviceOriginally posted by tjm07:All i can say u think too much friend since u and ur current bf still so good why bother about the past lor..... Sometimes the gal think too much that why when they regret its too late so my last word dn regret and look forward... -
Am I too late?
Who do you really have feelings for? Who matters more to you?
Being with your bf when your heart is thinking of someone else is sad. -
personally, i don't feel very sad lar... (am i supposed to? oopsOriginally posted by xavier1979:Am I too late?
Who do you really have feelings for? Who matters more to you?
Being with your bf when your heart is thinking of someone else is sad. )
but to answer your qns.. i care alot for my bf more than i care for this guy, but i've always harboured a soft spot for the first guy.
it's like everytime i tell myself, be contented with what i have... (i chant it like a mantra until i convince myself) but each time i see the first guy, the mantra doesn't work until i chant it again -
I think it's 2 possibilities.
1) It's normal to think highly of the first guy because NOTHIING develop. It's all a IF or WHAT IF. Things always look better on the other side. Maybe once you are back with the 1st guy, a 3rd guy may change your mind.
2) You don't love your current guy enough because if you do, you won't think too much about the first. -
Maybe u can try to Visualize many situations when u r in need of Help......who's the One to be There all the while?
TT shld create a Strong 'Affirmation' of the One U shld give ur Heart to.....tt's a Fair Game.....U'll be able to Feel The ONE......who knows??...both r not the ONE...so u can Prepare to Dump Both.....hee -
i guess u've pretty much decided...
something that might help you:
not everything that challenges a relationship (or life in general!) is a bad thing. such things may tempt and entice you but u can either use them to strengthen the relationship or let it attack and crumble it. if it crumbles u may say that the reln or feelings weren't strong enuff in the first place.
after two years i'd assume that it's something worth hanging on to. things are still going good, u love him and he treats u well. u bear a risk based on "grass is greener" and intuition to give all that up? unless ur reln is rocky and u feel u dun love ur bf or he treats u like shit then u might wanna give the other guy a go. but please hor, end one before u go to another... no monkeying around.
monkeys hold on to a branch FIRMLY b4 letting go of the branch b4. -
U r ficked minded,thats what i can say ! imagine ur bf does the same thing to you how would u ? as long as r happy ,just be contented for what u have...
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it's not entirely fair to put it that way... u have to look out for your own happiness.. no one else will.Originally posted by Solitude:U r ficked minded,thats what i can say ! imagine ur bf does the same thing to you how would u ? as long as r happy ,just be contented for what u have...
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Can't say she fickle minded. First love is always the deepest.Originally posted by Solitude:U r ficked minded,thats what i can say ! imagine ur bf does the same thing to you how would u ? as long as r happy ,just be contented for what u have... -
Sometimes humans are very greedy...never be blinded by greediness...your present boyfriend is the one that you claim you loved, so why bother yourself with the past? What is over is over, never turn back again. You should look into the future with your present guy, work out a wonderful relationship, rather then looking back and regret your decision after that.
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Thanks pple for ur reply.
To joho: hahaha i dun monkey around one. and i oso won't one leg step 2 boats
To Wo_Xiang_Xin: your analysis did cross my mind before... maybe it's a mixture of both?
To reallieRAW: who will stand by me is hard to say. Sometimes when i visualise certain situations and i've given them scenarios before, both will stand by me in certain situations. Sometimes only one will stand by me in a certain situation... and it's not always my bf, nor issit always the other guy. hmmm.. so hard to say lar. But perhaps you're rite. Cos if both of em are thrown in a "life and death" situation, i may just choose my bf.
To Solitude: Yeah i'm fickle-minded.Yes, I know you have to be contented with what you have. But i'm the type that when i start a r/s i want it long-term. Hopefully with the marriage as the goal. I hope i don't give you the impression that i'm the type that change guys like underwear like dat, cos i'm not!
To everyone: Thanks for whatever you guys have written down. Just for the record, my bf doesn't treat me like shit and he dotes on me, 'cept on times where he gets his occassional mood swings then he angry and won't talk to me. -
Life can be MUCH MORE DRAMATIC than you normally can imagine...?Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:sound abit like drama...in ur heart? who u really like?ask urself..
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Personally, I don't see thinking about someone else 'technically cheating'.... Unless you wanna label it that way, then ANYTHING can be 'technically cheating'.... A mind is VAST... As long as you know your LIMITs, you still can have the upper control.....Originally posted by peiyi:i oso say... machiam like outta some movie like dat. I ask myself before. I say my bf lor... cos i knoe he loves me and in that sense it makes me feel secure. But if i really love him issit ok to think about someone else? Isn't that technically cheating?
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If that happens, you'll probably have OTHER QUESTIONS to attend to.....Originally posted by peiyi:My bf and I have our highs and lows. Just wondering what it could have been if i ddin't go out with him -
Originally posted by Devil1976:If that happens, you'll probably have OTHER QUESTIONS to attend to..... yeah i knoe i'm quite problematic
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Originally posted by peiyi:Just for the record, my bf doesn't treat me like shit and he dotes on me, 'cept on times where he gets his occassional mood swings then he angry and won't talk to me. I think it's kinda obvious that we have a winner...?
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hello peiyi,
i was in your situation a few months back! serious~
i used to like this guy so so so much, and i am so fond of him that i did alot of things for him. and i guess he likes me too, but we are both too young at that time (sec sch). then i got attached to my current bf for more than a year, and that guy came back into my life. i didnt forget him all along, not love anymore, just feel that he is a special fren. but plain platonic fren in my heart... erm, then he started asking me out etc. and we started chatting also... i was rather worried that i will be unfaithful! cos' my bf treats me so well, and i didnt want to hurt him, and thus i chose to kept a distance from that guy.. now i still keep in contact with him, but if he asks me out, i will get my other frens who noe him too to go out together..
you gona be fine! just resist the temptation k? dun think so much, you love your bf deep inside your heart! -
*hugz joanne*Originally posted by joanne:hello peiyi, i was in your situation a few months back! serious~
i used to like this guy so so so much, and i am so fond of him that i did alot of things for him. and i guess he likes me too, but we are both too young at that time (sec sch). then i got attached to my current bf for more than a year, and that guy came back into my life. i didnt forget him all along, not love anymore, just feel that he is a special fren. but plain platonic fren in my heart... erm, then he started asking me out etc. and we started chatting also... i was rather worried that i will be unfaithful! cos' my bf treats me so well, and i didnt want to hurt him, and thus i chose to kept a distance from that guy.. now i still keep in contact with him, but if he asks me out, i will get my other frens who noe him too to go out together..
you gona be fine! just resist the temptation k? dun think so much, you love your bf deep inside your heart!
thanx! you're an angel! -
Hehheh... Nay... It's just human nature....Originally posted by peiyi: yeah i knoe i'm quite problematic