Any comments?
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Hi,
have a problem to share and c what sort of response i would get...
well actually...i had broken off w/ my bf of 3 yrs...n this is the 2nd time that we broke off...during the 1st time, i guess we were both still rather young n immature, didn't really understd wats the pro b4 we patch back...but the reason 4 the break up is becoz he thout tt i will be happier w/o him...but after knowing tt thats not the case, we patched back...despite the fact tt actually my family is not very happy abt it...but still they gave him the benefit of doubt...
now came the 2nd break up...n this time, as usual, its him whom wanted the break coz he thout the pro is becoz of character differences...however after i knock some sense into him after the breakup, he came to know tt the pro is becoz he had becoz some1 who have no plans 4 the future and some1 whom dun really know how to care 4 pple, irresponsible n always take the pple close to him 4 granted...and of coz he finally c the 'light' and is trying to change it but not confident that he is able to make it...
here is the pro...he mentioned b4 tt he still has feelings 4 me...but he said wats the pt of saying the feelings if he can't bring me happiness? not at the condition he is at now...he is not the least bit confident...
on my side, i still have feelings 4 him 2...but im really scareed to be hurt a 3rd time...and my family r all so against him now...although now both of us r juz frds, my family members keep saying 'aiya sooner or later will patch 1 then hurt again blah blah blah' but now we r really juz frds..although i know deep inside me i wish we can be more then juz frds now...
he said tt he is also at lost wat to do...on 1 hand he is not confident tt he is able to change n how long he take n whether r we really meant to be together and tt if we r really to be together, it must be really 4ever on his side and also he also dunno if he is able to face my family again...as he really cares alot abt how pple c him...
i know tt wat he is doing now is the rite thing...n if things r really meant to be...it is 4 the better...but then i am unable to convince myself now to let go...im really at lost of wat to do...wat if there is no tomolo? but if i take the risk now...i dun think tt will lead to happiness...but on the other hand...im really not happy now...wat shld i do??? no matter how hard i try not to think i can't, then no matter how hard i try to find solution...i can't 2...what shld i do? -
I guess your problem is part and parcel of relationships nowadays.. being in love is not enuff to be together.
pretty sad huh? it's just the way society is. women, i generalise, need to have an assurance that the man will be able to take care of her for the rest of her life, men, on the other hand, will want their woman to stand by them and support them in whatever they do.
so wat happens if a man wants a woman to stand by him in something that causes her insecurity? this is possibly the problem u are facing. he needs ur support (even tho he won't admit it) but you don't have any assurance that he can provide and take care of you even if u give him ur support to make him the best man he can be! it's highly chicken-and-eggish and there is NO hard and fast solutions or techniques to fix this.
i know i haven't been much help in this post, but a couple of things i can tell u: make sure u know exactly WHAT the problem is, and make a decision and follow it. either way is gonna hurt, but without a decision, the hurt ain't gonna stop. -
Sounds to me like your guy is experiencing self-doubt. That's something that you can help him with. Try to make him feel good about himself ... instead of being critical try to encourage him instead.
Also, it seems to me that your family members are not making things any easier for him. If there is a hostile environment it'll only make him that much more defensive.
I would assume that the 2 of you are still pretty young. While it's good to start planning for the future, it's no cause for worry that he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
I suggest you go talk to him and discuss about your future together(or lack of one). You need to know if the 2 of you share the same dreams and goals in life.
----Disclaimer-------
Use my advise at your own risk. It's always worked for me but i offer no guarantees. I'm crossin me fingers and hopin everythin turns out ok
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What do you look for in your lover?
What do you want in your spouse?
Does he fit into both criteria? -
i know tt i have to make a decision somehow...but either way...it seems very difficult 4 me...hai...dunno lah...y isit tt nowadays r/s r not as strong as it shld be? i dun think i expect much...or maybe i did in the past...hai...but wat can i do now? i juz feel so miserable...Originally posted by jOhO:I guess your problem is part and parcel of relationships nowadays.. being in love is not enuff to be together.
pretty sad huh? it's just the way society is. women, i generalise, need to have an assurance that the man will be able to take care of her for the rest of her life, men, on the other hand, will want their woman to stand by them and support them in whatever they do.
so wat happens if a man wants a woman to stand by him in something that causes her insecurity? this is possibly the problem u are facing. he needs ur support (even tho he won't admit it) but you don't have any assurance that he can provide and take care of you even if u give him ur support to make him the best man he can be! it's highly chicken-and-eggish and there is NO hard and fast solutions or techniques to fix this.
i know i haven't been much help in this post, but a couple of things i can tell u: make sure u know exactly WHAT the problem is, and make a decision and follow it. either way is gonna hurt, but without a decision, the hurt ain't gonna stop. -
future?? i think he will say tt im stressing him up if i mention anything abt the future...he would say tt he really dunno n can't predict...n as usual...like wat all guys will say...'im afraid tt i can't give u happiness....' i really hate it...y must guys always say such things????Originally posted by yang79:Sounds to me like your guy is experiencing self-doubt. That's something that you can help him with. Try to make him feel good about himself ... instead of being critical try to encourage him instead.
Also, it seems to me that your family members are not making things any easier for him. If there is a hostile environment it'll only make him that much more defensive.
I would assume that the 2 of you are still pretty young. While it's good to start planning for the future, it's no cause for worry that he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
I suggest you go talk to him and discuss about your future together(or lack of one). You need to know if the 2 of you share the same dreams and goals in life.
----Disclaimer-------
Use my advise at your own risk. It's always worked for me but i offer no guarantees. I'm crossin me fingers and hopin everythin turns out ok -
wat happen if he fits into some parts but not completely? no human is perfect rite? but is there some1 better out there??? life is SOOooo contradicting....Originally posted by xavier1979:What do you look for in your lover?
What do you want in your spouse?
Does he fit into both criteria? -
Yes, you are right. No one is perfect. There will always be some1 better out there than him, but there is no guarantee you will get to meet that better guy.Originally posted by hopy:wat happen if he fits into some parts but not completely? no human is perfect rite? but is there some1 better out there??? life is SOOooo contradicting....
The choice is yours : Accept him for who he is, or simply hold it out for a better man to come along? -
No one is Perfect. U know it but we r constantly making this same mistake to find the ONE perfect person. The ONE may not exist at all...do w u wanna take the chance? Imagine a Lifetime to search for a Perfect person? A saint?Originally posted by hopy:wat happen if he fits into some parts but not completely? no human is perfect rite? but is there some1 better out there??? life is SOOooo contradicting....
Maybe not. 
I din look at ur profile, aint quite sure abt ur age....r u young? ur BF? Nah...anyway...it doesnt matter. One can be uncertain in Life, no matter how old u may be....juz tt age is the "measurement" eveyone uses to gauge how mature a person is. It may not be true but pple out there who may wanna see it this way still exist. A lot i promise 
They may be ur family members.
If u r thinking of patching back with him, u need to find out wat's it abt him ur family members dun like, let he feel welcome. It may jolly well be this reason he's leaving u?!? If not, if he's meant to be urs, he'd be urs in the end. Dun u agree? Some pple juz live their whole Life in the hope of meeting tt Perfect ONE but Fate plays a Fool outta Man, they may end up with juz the most "normal" person or even like ur case...used to be someone u broke off with. Nobody knows. But one thing for sure, if the timing isnt rite, u cant force ath to be Rite. It may get worse.....
See it this way, juz like in "Sassy Girl" They may be apart for yrs...during this time, they can have many chance in meeting better ONES but they din coz Love still exists, it din die out..... In the end, they met each other. Since Love was btwn them both, Love grew again. The attitudes/maturity/thinkings may improve for the better as well.....hahahaha 
Wanna be the Sassy Girl?
"There's no Perfect one to love but the One u love to be perfected" -
Hopy....
Drop and forget about your past... Situational facts show that both of you would not be so 'coveniently' matched together... Though the future's always an unknown, chances by itself is slim... Power of love is GREAT, but LIMITED in a human's hands...
Let him CHANGE... He's not confident... He cared for you but can't promise you.. Perhaps he know that he've already disappointed you much in the past.. He really don't wish to do it again... That's why he said so much.... Including the things which you don't like to hear....
His change should be for his better... Whether be it if he's gonna be with you, he still can CHANGE for the better.... Your life shall goes on... Maybe one day when the 2 of you meet again he'll suits you much more dearly... Maybe already separate ways.... No regrets...? Things most likely cannot be now.... Unless you're prepared to move against time, I'll advise you to get on with your own Life....
"Earth don't stop spinning just because you decided to stand still...." -
dear devil,Originally posted by Devil1976:Hopy....
Drop and forget about your past... Situational facts show that both of you would not be so 'coveniently' matched together... Though the future's always an unknown, chances by itself is slim... Power of love is GREAT, but LIMITED in a human's hands...
Let him CHANGE... He's not confident... He cared for you but can't promise you.. Perhaps he know that he've already disappointed you much in the past.. He really don't wish to do it again... That's why he said so much.... Including the things which you don't like to hear....
His change should be for his better... Whether be it if he's gonna be with you, he still can CHANGE for the better.... Your life shall goes on... Maybe one day when the 2 of you meet again he'll suits you much more dearly... Maybe already separate ways.... No regrets...? Things most likely cannot be now.... Unless you're prepared to move against time, I'll advise you to get on with your own Life....
"Earth don't stop spinning just because you decided to stand still...."
thanks for the kind advice...like u say, im really trying to get on w/ my life...since now im currently going to have my exams soon...hai...but things r juz tt everynow n then, somethings will happen b/w the 2 of us tt rekindles hope n feeling...how am i suppose to move on if tt continues? but now...at least its better...i only think of it at times...but still as confused and as sad as ever.... -
call me naive if u hve 2...
but, i guess as long as u love him, n he still loves u, like wad u mentioned.. den i dun really c any prob le..
isn't love enuf?
gd luck pal..
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Have you ever bought 4D or seen people buy it before...? 1 in a 10k's chance...? Sometimes they MISS by a number... Or number switched place.... DAMN... SO CLOSE...? Is that a 'sign'...? Or issit just an illusion...?Originally posted by hopy:dear devil,
thanks for the kind advice...like u say, im really trying to get on w/ my life...since now im currently going to have my exams soon...hai...but things r juz tt everynow n then, somethings will happen b/w the 2 of us tt rekindles hope n feeling...how am i suppose to move on if tt continues? but now...at least its better...i only think of it at times...but still as confused and as sad as ever....
Start again, buy another set... It's still gonna be 1 out of 10k's chance... Unless the rules have been changed to your advantage... 'Signs'...? It just depends on how you interpret them...? -
i also thout so too but seems like it is impossible...the world isitn't juz the 2 of us...besides, i think he is very firm on the fact tt unless he is sure of not hurting me, he will never try again...Originally posted by *kaiLi*:call me naive if u hve 2...
but, i guess as long as u love him, n he still loves u, like wad u mentioned.. den i dun really c any prob le..
isn't love enuf?
gd luck pal.. 
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im rather blur abt wat u trying to say? actually i didn't interpret the 'signs' it is really tt case where by now, we actually know wat each other is like etc...abt how lack of communication we r last time..hai...but theres nothing tt can be done now...n tts wat makes me even sadder...have u seen the show auo men jie? its like although both parties r in luv w/ each other, but juz becoz tt guy thout tt the gal will be better off w/ another person, he chase her away no matter wat the gal says or wants...but in the process...is she really happy? tt's wat im feeling now...Originally posted by Devil1976:Have you ever bought 4D or seen people buy it before...? 1 in a 10k's chance...? Sometimes they MISS by a number... Or number switched place.... DAMN... SO CLOSE...? Is that a 'sign'...? Or issit just an illusion...?
Start again, buy another set... It's still gonna be 1 out of 10k's chance... Unless the rules have been changed to your advantage... 'Signs'...? It just depends on how you interpret them...? -
y get someone better?
get someone different!!
getting someone better, means u'll end up in a big circle, having what u've lost, but wif a different person
hopy... hope things are going fine for u...
yes
watched that show... to love someone, is not to possess the other half.....
if he has no intention of doing sumthing that can more or less ensure a future.... for both of u... under all sorts of criticism.... he's really abit stubborn.... for the worse.. that is....
having feelings isn't enuf... that's what i've found out for the past 6mth ++ after my breakup wif my ex....
i used to think that feelings were more than anything.... but i've slowly understood, and is still trying to understand, that a woman, a ger's sense of security, is more than juz love.....
if u think u can't wait any longer.... u can alwiz juz leave.... painful.. but sometimes.... it can't be helped... -
well dare i say it'll be worse if u dun decide?Originally posted by hopy:i know tt i have to make a decision somehow...but either way...it seems very difficult 4 me...hai...dunno lah...y isit tt nowadays r/s r not as strong as it shld be? i dun think i expect much...or maybe i did in the past...hai...but wat can i do now? i juz feel so miserable...
nowadays reln not as strong as it should be? wat's the benchmark? our parents? or frens? that couple walking down the street like they're the only two in this world?
maybe u are depressed enuff to go read this... extremely lengthy, but it might help... seriously take the time to go read it... -
Originally posted by jOhO:
thanks 4 the advice, i must say it is very meaningful...i guess tts wat every1 r trying to look 4 huh...well...yesterday kindof like got scolded by my frds into realising that i am not w/o faults too...i have always thout tt im in no worng (or at least the fault doesn't lies in me) and feeling very sad n such as to y things r like tt when i didn't do anything? but now, come to realise tt im also the cause of somethings when i didn't realise or chose to denial at 1st...i guess its true....everything shld start off fr frdship....i guess 1 of the pro b/w me n my ex is tt everything weht off too fast a pace...we didn't really understd each other b4 we r together...
well dare i say it'll be worse if u dun decide?
nowadays reln not as strong as it should be? wat's the benchmark? our parents? or frens? that couple walking down the street like they're the only two in this world?
maybe u are depressed enuff to go read [b]this... extremely lengthy, but it might help... seriously take the time to go read it...
[/b]
hmmm...i think things r getting on already...or maybe i am really very busy w/ my CAs and exams to really bother so much...but still...i think...im growing up huh...hehe not as narrow minded??? but still thanks 4 all the help and advices u guys r giving thanks! -
oh well in life no use lamenting on the bad, just how much we can learn from them
good luck!!!!!!!! *jiayou*jiayou* -
Never mind what i was trying to say then... Just don't think so much...?Originally posted by hopy:im rather blur abt wat u trying to say? actually i didn't interpret the 'signs' it is really tt case where by now, we actually know wat each other is like etc...abt how lack of communication we r last time..hai...but theres nothing tt can be done now...n tts wat makes me even sadder...have u seen the show auo men jie? its like although both parties r in luv w/ each other, but juz becoz tt guy thout tt the gal will be better off w/ another person, he chase her away no matter wat the gal says or wants...but in the process...is she really happy? tt's wat im feeling now... -
haha..im trying my best not to think so much but sometimes in life its not when u chose not to think u will not....but at least im glad tt im beginning to see some light...hopefully its the correct 1 n not juz a reflection fr another souce of light....Originally posted by Devil1976:Never mind what i was trying to say then... Just don't think so much...? -
so does tt mean tt now tt we r juz frds to know each other better is the 1st step towards the correct pathway???Originally posted by jOhO:oh well in life no use lamenting on the bad, just how much we can learn from them
good luck!!!!!!!! *jiayou*jiayou* -
First of all....personally, I hate man with no confidence!!!!....ok, if no future...then start to plan and action...make the move...no turning back...for the woman u love, U HAVE TO MAKE IT!!!!.....
What I can see here is he is having self-pity in himself and very selfish....thinking leaving u will make less pressure on him to succeed....when it should be insist to be with u and work hard for the future hand in hand!!!....
In a relationship, always need two to succeed...WAKE UP...only two ways...either U wake him up or leave him and look for a better one...I might sound ruthless or unfeeling....but for ur info, I am married with one kid...
All the best of luck -
well he is trying to wake up in the sense tt he is trying his very best to look 4 a job and to really change the way he is? juz tt he is not confident whether is he going to make it....since u r so experienced...can u tell me how u come to the conclusion tt ur hubby is the ONE for u???Originally posted by feliciatyl:First of all....personally, I hate man with no confidence!!!!....ok, if no future...then start to plan and action...make the move...no turning back...for the woman u love, U HAVE TO MAKE IT!!!!.....
What I can see here is he is having self-pity in himself and very selfish....thinking leaving u will make less pressure on him to succeed....when it should be insist to be with u and work hard for the future hand in hand!!!....
In a relationship, always need two to succeed...WAKE UP...only two ways...either U wake him up or leave him and look for a better one...I might sound ruthless or unfeeling....but for ur info, I am married with one kid...
All the best of luck -
u ask me ar? wat feels correct?Originally posted by hopy:so does tt mean tt now tt we r juz frds to know each other better is the 1st step towards the correct pathway???