jealousy ?
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This has nothing to do with age. Women young or old will forever be jealous, men also. It's normal. I think it's a better idea not to talk about past lovers or relationships with your current squeeze. Look at it this way, of all the girls he's been mixing with and the various relationships he's left behind, he is now with you and chose to be with you. That is all that matters babe.Originally posted by candyx3o:My bf & I are in different schools. We are only able to meet up once a week or so. He's studying in a co-ed school whereas I'm in an all-girls school. I somehow tend to be jealous & concerned about the girls he mix with. Is this kind of feeling normal?
Is it also normal to be jealous of the girls he once used to be with? I don't know who they are & whether my bf & these girls are still in contact. I would not want to ask him, because it would seem as if I do not trust him. Is there any way to not worry about such things? It's not that I do not trust him but I just have that feeling of jealousy in me. Is there any way to overcome it? Please advice. Thanks.
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it's normal la, maybe u could try ask him out for a talk . slowly and saying that like asking him try not to be so close with other girls as blablabla.. if he angry den u just tell him it's not a must , just ask u to try , if cant , nvm. something like that
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tell la tell la tell la if not if not if not he wont know he wont know he wont know
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man u gotta meet more guys, get to know his male friends or even your friends' friends!
i can see you are newbie to this kinda stuff, no matter what happens, stay strong and remember your family and good friends are the most impt, not his friends nor him.
don't neglect them -
study lah....date what
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trust me! jealousy is always a chemical which will sour the relationshipOriginally posted by candyx3o:That's what I want to ask. If it's normal to be jealous like that. I mean, even if I trust him, & I would say I do, I just cannot stop myself from feeling jealous.
whenever u hv this feel...jus ask urself, what happen if ur bf oso hv same reaction towards u? dont think u will feel gd.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
I don't suspect him or anything, I already repeated so many times that it's some feeling that I cannot control. I don't want to feel this way either.
candyx3o,
Please confirm it is only jealousy, not [b]suspicions you have of your bf.
It is normal for you to feel jealous. But depends to what extend.
It is actually healthy for you to be little jealous, because that means he means something to you.
Trust is another issue, not to be mingled with this kind of jealousy you have for him.
First, you need to figure out why you are jealous.
Is he spending more time with those female classmates during free time at your expense ?
Then you can figure out how you can manage your emotions with some rationale.
You must understand that this world is half female and half male.
You cannot expect him to stop socialising with half of the population because he chose to be with you , right ?
[/b]
I don't know, at my expense meaning cancelling dates & hanging out w female classmates? If so, he doesn't do that.
As I have already said, it's not that I expect him to stop talking to girls, my point is whether it's normal to have this kind of feelings & how to go about coping w it. -
Not really. I could sort of understand what you meant already. But I don't think it would even help. & why should a relationship be all about all these intimacy & stuff.Originally posted by cApitaland:wait wait im assuming you're 15. wah your mind i mus say is veri pure. hard to find nowadays sigh.
up la. get closer more intimate. nid me teach how to paktor anot? petting leh? i didnt want to spell it out but...
jealousy is what makes us human. its normal. like i said try nt to be obsessive. if you haven yet then congrats you haven step over the line. personally i dun think this is a huge problem. i get jealous all the time when this gal im close to hangs out with other ple. -
True. But, how to cope w all these negative feelings? It's not some feeling you can get rid of when you want to. Or at least, to me it isn't.Originally posted by baby hunter:trust me! jealousy is always a chemical which will sour the relationship
whenever u hv this feel...jus ask urself, what happen if ur bf oso hv same reaction towards u? dont think u will feel gd. -
Okie, you want the answer, here it is: it is definitely very normal to feel jealous.Originally posted by candyx3o:I don't suspect him or anything, I already repeated so many times that it's some feeling that I cannot control. I don't want to feel this way either.
I don't know, at my expense meaning cancelling dates & hanging out w female classmates? If so, he doesn't do that.
As I have already said, it's not that I expect him to stop talking to girls, my point is whether it's normal to have this kind of feelings & how to go about coping w it.
But it is not normal if you let it get out of control. By getting out of control I mean you started to question his movements, try to check up on whoever he talks to, forbid him to talk to girls, read his SMSes to see if he is communicating with other girls...you get the idea.
How to cope with jealousy? You tell yourself it is normal and discuss it with him. Feeling jealous doesn't mean you don't trust him. It just means you want ASSURANCES. This is something he can do for you on his part. I always discuss with my bf whenever I feel jealous about some girls he is in contact with. After he told me that there is nothing between them and they are just friends and even introduces me to the girl, I started to feel the jealousy inside me lessens a lot.
Another way is also to cope yourself with other activities so that your mind won't just keep thinking about these issues. Tell yourself that you trust him, then go on and do your own stuff. -
Okay, then I believe I'm fine. Thanks.Originally posted by rainee:Okie, you want the answer, here it is: it is definitely very normal to feel jealous.
But it is not normal if you let it get out of control. By getting out of control I mean you started to question his movements, try to check up on whoever he talks to, forbid him to talk to girls, read his SMSes to see if he is communicating with other girls...you get the idea.
How to cope with jealousy? You tell yourself it is normal and discuss it with him. Feeling jealous doesn't mean you don't trust him. It just means you want ASSURANCES. This is something he can do for you on his part. I always discuss with my bf whenever I feel jealous about some girls he is in contact with. After he told me that there is nothing between them and they are just friends and even introduces me to the girl, I started to feel the jealousy inside me lessens a lot.
Another way is also to cope yourself with other activities so that your mind won't just keep thinking about these issues. Tell yourself that you trust him, then go on and do your own stuff.
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tats my advice 2u... dun like can jz ignore...Originally posted by candyx3o:I just want advice from people here, if possible. Don't come in & tell me that I'm young & all those crap. If you think I'm young then it's your choice whether to advice or not. -
try to say u jealous in a veri normal way
start with
eh.... everytime see u with girl i jealous lei~ ><
sth like that
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Hi candyx30,
Can I post your question in my blog and provide answers there?Originally posted by candyx3o:My bf & I are in different schools. We are only able to meet up once a week or so. He's studying in a co-ed school whereas I'm in an all-girls school. I somehow tend to be jealous & concerned about the girls he mix with. Is this kind of feeling normal?
Is it also normal to be jealous of the girls he once used to be with? I don't know who they are & whether my bf & these girls are still in contact. I would not want to ask him, because it would seem as if I do not trust him. Is there any way to not worry about such things? It's not that I do not trust him but I just have that feeling of jealousy in me. Is there any way to overcome it? Please advice. Thanks. -
Sure.Originally posted by aluvguru:Hi candyx30,
Can I post your question in my blog and provide answers there? -
Originally posted by candyx3o:My bf & I are in different schools. We are only able to meet up once a week or so. He's studying in a co-ed school whereas I'm in an all-girls school. I somehow tend to be jealous & concerned about the girls he mix with. Is this kind of feeling normal?
Is it also normal to be jealous of the girls he once used to be with? I don't know who they are & whether my bf & these girls are still in contact. I would not want to ask him, because it would seem as if I do not trust him. Is there any way to not worry about such things? It's not that I do not trust him but I just have that feeling of jealousy in me. Is there any way to overcome it? Please advice. Thanks. 
Someone asked me this question (in a slightly different scenario though) and I explained it this way:
'Trust me, you trust your boyfriend - you just don't trust man.'
*** The theory of security in love is as imaginary as the equator; it doesn't quite really exist. And whoever that tells you that it is possible to feel 100% secured; I would tell you that it's rubbish because when you fall in love with someone, technically speaking, you are putting your heart at risk with someone else who might have that chance, no matter how remote the possibility, to drop your crystal-love from his/her hands and shatter the brittle thing.
Unless you don't fall in love - you can't avoid such rich emotions from surfacing, hovering between two extremes.
And the reason why you cannot avoid this ill-feeling because it comes as an entire package in a relationship context. If you want to love and if you want him as a boyfriend, it's almost guaranteed that internally, your emotions will struggle with various degree of intensity from this 'alien' experience.
What you can do depends largely on the kind of wisdom you have in aspects of love and relationship. It's very much an inner evolution as human mature emotionally and it takes experience for you to understand and eventually cope with the natural flow of how your feeling works, so that you keep those 'disruptions' minimal.
I can tell you that it's all about acceptance and how your place your perception to your own advantage to avoid such ill-thoughts and feelings. But you won't be able to do it unless you come to a spiritual realization why you should do that.
You learn to love and in turn, love to learn.
Study your own emotions and dissect them like how you would do that during biology practicals. Uncover the reason, in your own world and words, why is it happening and learn to see if it is beneficial to you or your relationship, (looking from a higher perspective) and what would you do to readjust this new-found experience.
You might be a teenager chronologically, but in love, you are but a toddler. Therefore like a child, you first learn by exploration.
Cheers