Originally posted by xiaomao88:
New to this forum so hope you guys can help me out regarding this problem I have. I apologise if this post is too long...I'm currently in poly yr 2 and it seems like I'm like an extra in my clique(4 of us including me). Even no of ppl yet I still feel like i'm being left out.
It used to be ok when we were just yr 1, back then this girl, A was still not in our grp. 3 of us did things that close friends will do, but now I dun tink it's the same anymore. Ever since A joined us, things did not seem like old times anymore. My 2 friends (B & C) talk to her a lot, neglecting me most of the time. At times whenever I ask or tell B and C things, the reply is kinda short like 1 word or 1 sentence. I duno if I'm being too sensitive or wat but I believe I wasn't...
Ok, i hav a phobia of trusting friends ever since i was badly hurt by my supposedly close friends in sec 3 hence, I'm unable to commit myself fully in a friendship as I do not wish to be hurt again. I used to tink there is such a thing as friends but now I'm starting to doubt this word 'friend' already. Everyday I have to put on a mask but actualli I am feeling hurt inside. I dare not talk it out for fear that the result will be even worse. It's been 4 yrs since I have been hurt by friends again. Frankly speaking, the pain I'm feeling from friends is much worse compared to been in a r/s. Thanx for reading, any help will be greatly appreciated
I think you haven't fully recover from the past. Instinctively, we tend to withdraw into our protective shell that serve as defensive mechanism but on the other hand the defensive mechanism serve as a barrier for others to reach us. Your friends probably do not understand this mechanism nor understand the pain that you have gone through. Don't be too hard on yourself. Do not point fault to anyone. We are victims of our circumstances.
Do you know why people suffer from phobia (irrational fear) ? For example, someone was once bitten by a dog and from there day onwards, he has an irrational fear for dogs. It is the same thing that applies. The pain has been conditioned into our system leading us to falsely believe there all dogs are bad.
The truth is not all dogs are bad. Our brain perception of things are NOT entirely correct, i tell you! On the other hand, fear isn't entirely bad, it helps us to be alert in times of danger.
On a softer note, talking out help. It helps to bring acceptance and not denying the problem. Once we stared at our fear squarely and
not fear the fear itself, we start to overcome it. The past is just memories and future is thought that constructed from the these memories. If you examined your thought properly, why are you fearing the pain
when the past is not happening now from where the pain arises from and the future hasn't arrived yet !!! It is a good thing that you have a patient and compassionate friend to talk to. Human are regenerative creatures. Get well soon.
