bf parents hated me
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hi pple,been a long time since i came in here..have been very busy for the past few mths..
Recently, i got a bf.he is actually my colleague.we had know each other for nearly a yr,i didnt noe he has a liking in me until noe of my ex-colleague told me.at that time, i was having a eral rough time with my ex, my bf was alwaz there accompanying me, listening to my frustrations,advicing me etc. However, when i came to noe dat he has a liking in me, i tried to avoid him,eventually i broke up with my ex and was single again. So he finally pop the question. I rejected him quite alot of times,but my colleagues kept asking me to give it a try,hes a very nice guy. Maybe the reason y i rejected him was bcoz i dun really love him(at dat time!!) and secondly, he was nearly 2 yrs younger than me!
However, in the end i still agreed to be with him. As time goes by, my love grew fonder for him. He was really a very nice bf..bcoz hes younger, he tried very hard not to let me feel dat.
He came frm a quite traditional family.He was one of the few grandsons in the family, thus, everybody in his family doted on him and was very protective of him. His parents was very unhappy with our relationship. they think that i was leading him astray,teaching him all the bad stuffs. His father even sent emails to me telling me to get lost,not to stay with his son. His mother insulted my mum, and threatened to cum up to my hse to see my mum!!
All the while, they were alwaz throwing hurtful words at me, those words dat u'll never want to hear frm ur partner's parents.They forced my bf to break up with me, if not,they'll never let him in the hse again.I oso dun wish to make things difficult for him,so i told him to just end it there. But he was very determined to continue this relationship...i really feel very bad...i love him alot alot,i cun bare to lose him, but if i dun break up with him,he'll have a tough time with his parents..i ever asked him,if he had ever regretted being with me,he said no..i was really touched...
pple,wat should i do??
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have u ever find out why his parents hate u so much? did u do anything to upset his parents?
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as u said... his parents might be too protective over thier son...
and that is ur bf spending more time with u rather than his parents?
if so... that could be ONE of the reasons that they dun like u.... they think YOU snatch their baby son away from them...?
have they ever see u b4...? if not u shld ask ur bf to bring u back to his house and let his mama see u...(my english terok
) that could mean some respect lor...
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His parents dun like the fact that im older than my bf,they think dat i'll teach him bad. Coz i came frm a single-parent family, they sort of look down on me...they even insulted my mum dat she dun have the ability to teach us gd...Originally posted by nicoleger:have u ever find out why his parents hate u so much? did u do anything to upset his parents?
Im really troubled by all these...nw, his parents even block my bf's account,to prevent him frm using money!!he's nw not staying with them liao..he said they had gone overboard..i really felt bad abt all these..i mean,its mostly becoz of ME,dats y they became lidat... -
I had seen his parents before liao...his mum is very scary!!she called me at my wrkplace and on my hp just to ask where my bf is!!Originally posted by bigdeal:as u said... his parents might be too protective over thier son...
and that is ur bf spending more time with u rather than his parents?
if so... that could be ONE of the reasons that they dun like u.... they think YOU snatch their baby son away from them...?
have they ever see u b4...? if not u shld ask ur bf to bring u back to his house and let his mama see u...(my english terok ) that could mean some respect lor... 
as if im with him 24hrs a day!!i mean dats wat they think la,but its not true!! 
And they just dun believe it! -
Originally posted by ApPlE_PiE:
The only way to counter hostile parents is to use your only resource available... time.
hi pple,been a long time since i came in here..have been very busy for the past few mths..
Recently, i got a bf.he is actually my colleague.we had know each other for nearly a yr,i didnt noe he has a liking in me until noe of my ex-colleague told me.at that time, i was having a eral rough time with my ex, my bf was alwaz there accompanying me, listening to my frustrations,advicing me etc. However, when i came to noe dat he has a liking in me, i tried to avoid him,eventually i broke up with my ex and was single again. So he finally pop the question. I rejected him quite alot of times,but my colleagues kept asking me to give it a try,hes a very nice guy. Maybe the reason y i rejected him was bcoz i dun really love him(at dat time!!) and secondly, he was nearly 2 yrs younger than me!
However, in the end i still agreed to be with him. As time goes by, my love grew fonder for him. He was really a very nice bf..bcoz hes younger, he tried very hard not to let me feel dat.
He came frm a quite traditional family.He was one of the few grandsons in the family, thus, everybody in his family doted on him and was very protective of him. His parents was very unhappy with our relationship. they think that i was leading him astray,teaching him all the bad stuffs. His father even sent emails to me telling me to get lost,not to stay with his son. His mother insulted my mum, and threatened to cum up to my hse to see my mum!!
All the while, they were alwaz throwing hurtful words at me, those words dat u'll never want to hear frm ur partner's parents.They forced my bf to break up with me, if not,they'll never let him in the hse again.I oso dun wish to make things difficult for him,so i told him to just end it there. But he was very determined to continue this relationship...i really feel very bad...i love him alot alot,i cun bare to lose him, but if i dun break up with him,he'll have a tough time with his parents..i ever asked him,if he had ever regretted being with me,he said no..i was really touched...
pple,wat should i do??
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The only way to counter hostile parents is to built self character of... perseverance
The only way to improve image of hostile parents has in you is to... be yourself and better in or out of their presence.
One thing about his parents reaction to you perhaps is because of their preception. How does preception comes about has to do alot with their first impression when he spoke about you AND first impression when they meet you. When his parents form a negative impression of you and finally saw you, perhaps it just reinforce what they think of you, negatively.
One key point is whether your bf is serious about you anot, which is the fundamental element to your problem. His parents will look for ANY kind of ways make it seemed that you are at fault because of rigid thinking and the only way to make them LL, which means nothing to find fault with. With nothing practical to find fault, its difficult to reinforce their negative views of you. Well, of course this is harder than it is said, but your bf has to do alot of work on this. You mention about his parents calling you to look for him - because your bf dunno go where never inform parents kinda of thing, which gives them the thinking of 'Oh shit, he MUST be with her because our good son never come home so late.' kind of thing. If you bf knew beforehand that such thing gonna happen, he should inform his own parents that today he is not meeting you BEFOREHAND.
Well, its humanly impossible to change their view on you overnight, so you have to do it gradually. The tone of voice, body expression and appearence has to be moderated. Whatever they say, keep your cool and smile, because grouchy character will surrender eventually to people who doesn't even bother it. The more you bother and feel, the WILL know it, and WILL continue to use it against you and you will be at disadvantage. Make it seemed like you are totally prepared and nothing going to affect you. If they throw nasty questions like 'Why can't you leave my good son alone, $%^&' Tell them, you will go only if your son doesn't want you (only use this if you know for sure your bf knows you going to use it, so both of you can plan)
This is a war - mentally and war is tiring. Your only resource - time, will wear down even the most powerful king, because people gets weary on the SAME issue over a long period of time. Remember, even if one day your bf marries you, its between the both of you, nothing to do with the parents. Of course they will be enraged, but 10 years down the road, you think they still give a damn? When got grandson, grand daughter liao, and already primary school, they will be like 'aiya, whatever lar.'
P.s: This obstacle must serve to build you both, because at times when it seemed gloomy, you both HAVE to encourage each other and the REASONS for being in this relation. When the rain passes, thinking back will serve beautiful memories enough to last you a lifetime. If either one of you get tired first before his parents does, you will lose this war.
Prays - Email me or post it here to update your situation. Be praying for your situations. (Not a christian - I believe in everything and most importantly - myself) -
DOn't worry lah you can do it wan it just need alot of time and patient to do it...... i know it is really very hard btw you did not say how old is yr bf???? that might be one of the reasons....
ask yr bf to move back home...... cause right now when he is not home it is hard for the parents to be convice by what you say... as you know....... you imagne yr boy is not coming home or moving out cause of a girl..... ask him to go back then talk to the parents slowly..... sometimes drop by his place and talk to his parents or for dinner or just visiting him......... when you go out with him try not to go back too late...... or worse not going back..... slowly the parents should think that you are not such a bad girl after all.... if you get what i mean..... it all take time..... you and yr bf have to be very patient about this..... it might even take yrs before they really can accept you..... and watch what you wear when you go his house also.... hope i can be of help..... -
Thanz pple, for all ur advices...my bf had already moved back to his own hse,and we r nt miting as frequent liao...btw,he is 18 dis yr and im 19...
abt his parents...haiz...i really got nothing to say...his father is alwaz smsing me,threatening me with things like, he'll be waiting at my doorstep blah,blah... its really very tormenting,especially mentally,becoz of him,i had changed my hp no.
I dun dare to wish dat they'll accept me, i just hope dat i can tahan!! watever it is,im still very greatful for all ur helps...i was quite stressed up previously,but after tokking it out and getting advices frm u pple,i felt beta nw...thank u!! -
sounds like a TV drama from channel U....
yea, its called zhen qing -
Sometimes Life can be much more dramatic than the TV series... It's just that you don't normally encounter or hear about them perhaps...? And when you do, you simply won't be interested in the TV dramas anymore... Most of them seems so FAKE to me...?Originally posted by Prodigy:sounds like a TV drama from channel U....
yea, its called zhen qing -
watever....for my case,its a real thing...i oso didnt expect dis to happen!!
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relax....Originally posted by ApPlE_PiE:watever....for my case,its a real thing...i oso didnt expect dis to happen!!
i believe things will get better
ur bf n u juz hv to go thru this together....endureeeeeeee -
Just hope for the best okay
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i oso hope we'll be able to go through all these...its just so streesing for the both of us...but still,thanx pple,for all the help u all had provided...thank you so much!~Originally posted by FoRsAkEn:relax....
i believe things will get better
ur bf n u juz hv to go thru this together....endureeeeeeee
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actually no offence, but i feel his parents r abit paranoid..Originally posted by ApPlE_PiE:i oso hope we'll be able to go through all these...its just so streesing for the both of us...but still,thanx pple,for all the help u all had provided...thank you so much!~
till the extend of smsing u, email u, calling up ur workplace..
this is too much,
it mus be bery mentally stressin for u..
u could be enjoying urself.. one gd call or sms from them might as well spoil ur day
actually in the first place, how do they get all these no. ? -
Of coz its stressing!!Originally posted by ah_tee:actually no offence, but i feel his parents r abit paranoid..
till the extend of smsing u, email u, calling up ur workplace..
this is too much,
it mus be bery mentally stressin for u..
u could be enjoying urself.. one gd call or sms from them might as well spoil ur day
actually in the first place, how do they get all these no. ? my bf and i used to wrk at the same place, thus they got the no. of my wrkplace lor.but now,i had been transfer to another branch liao so they cun find me,or rather bother me at my wrkplace anymore!
As for my hp, its becoz last time i use my hp to call my bf at his hse mah,then they got caller-id so the mother go note down my hp no. lor...but about hw they got my hse no. i really duno..i asked my bf abt it, he said maybe they looked into his phonebk directory in his hp when hes in the toilet lor... horrible rite???!!
Anyway, now, my bf had lied to them that we had broke up liao, so they didnt cum and bother me liao..but its gona be hard on us,coz we couldnt mit up so often and when we go out, we have to be really vareful in case we bump into....u noe who!!
My bf wanted us to go ROM when hes 21...i didnt reply him..coz im not really sure if we can survive till then... -
haiz still early, it takes at least 1.5 yrs to see a person inside outOriginally posted by ApPlE_PiE:Of coz its stressing!! my bf and i used to wrk at the same place, thus they got the no. of my wrkplace lor.but now,i had been transfer to another branch liao so they cun find me,or rather bother me at my wrkplace anymore!
As for my hp, its becoz last time i use my hp to call my bf at his hse mah,then they got caller-id so the mother go note down my hp no. lor...but about hw they got my hse no. i really duno..i asked my bf abt it, he said maybe they looked into his phonebk directory in his hp when hes in the toilet lor... horrible rite???!!
Anyway, now, my bf had lied to them that we had broke up liao, so they didnt cum and bother me liao..but its gona be hard on us,coz we couldnt mit up so often and when we go out, we have to be really vareful in case we bump into....u noe who!!
My bf wanted us to go ROM when hes 21...i didnt reply him..coz im not really sure if we can survive till then...
sorry to say, i got one friend whos mum also like that, till the extend she opens her own son letters !!
n the thing is we find her abit screw loose -
I oso think his mum screw pai liao!till now,things r not going very smoothly for the both of us...i dun dare to hope much anymore...Originally posted by ah_tee:haiz still early, it takes at least 1.5 yrs to see a person inside out
sorry to say, i got one friend whos mum also like that, till the extend she opens her own son letters !!
n the thing is we find her abit screw loose -
I think you made a wrong move by making it seemed that you both have already broke up - seemed the easiest way by avoiding, but in the long run It is disadvantageous, because his parents will react even worst when this cover is blown, because lying made it seemed as if you are trying to hide or as if you are guilty over something. But I guess there is no turning back now... so just stick with it for the time being.
About your bf at 21 want to ROM - well, its your matter, but I think a guy at 21 is too early for marriage - marriage is not just about loving - it consist of far too many factors that has to be taken into consideration that he may, at that age, lack or never thought of.
Well, marriage is only a cert - if he really loves you - he should propose to you when he knows that at the point of time, he is able to bring you utmost happiness and security through marriage, and not at a chosen age/date/etc.
You know what's the shit facts about guys marrying too early? Not material aspect of life, but rather when he see that all of his guy friends are still single, enjoying life, lovey relation with their gf, while he has to undertake new responsible of a husband, for a family and for his wife. This will BOUND to affect him some ways - but its up to him to redirect this view into something positive or negative.
Nah... I am just being long-winded and living up to my title of an essay king... this is just my few cents of thoughts.
Cheers -
ApPlE_PiEÂ… from reading your threads,
- Bf parents hate me
- Quitted school
- Raymond Tan KNS
It seems to me that you might have an impulsive streak.
Take a bit more time to think about things before going ahead and do it, you might find life a lot easier.
Your BFÂ’s family has his interests at heart. You must prove to them through actions (may take a long time) that you are going to be a good mate to him.
You have something they do not haveÂ… youth. You 19, he 18, not even gone through NS.
Best of luck to you. If everything is destined to be, it will be. Que sera sera, what will be, will beÂ… -
Wow. the parents quite unreasonable .. but i can see they're protective.. i tink ur bf is dedicated.. although he faced alot of opposition from his parents.. i can see tt he still preserve and love u alot..
U shd too.. prove to his parents u aren't some gal from the streets.. u love their boy and prove to them tt single parent child ain't some cheap stuff either....
Since ur bf loves u so much.. i tink the best tt u can do..is not to give up.. and jiayou=D
Regards,
Stephanie