This love story, its not beautiful.
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Pick up your courage & go for it *marriage*
Believe your relationship will be stronger after going through all this
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follow your heart
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First of all, let me applaud your courage.
You remind me of myself, when I face great odds at proving my love for my wife in a PRC-biased family.
But I just wonder if you have thought about 10 years, 20 years down the road, and whether you see yourself standing by her.
An older woman with a younger guy has much more to lose. If you give her the promise, make sure you don't let her down, and stand by her for life.
Also, a woman reaching 30s probably ages faster than when she's in her 20s. Guys at 30s don't age that fast. You may end up looking much younger than her than the actual age difference.
If you are ok with the above, and willing to stand by her till the end of time, then do not worry about what is going on around you.
I was mentally prepared during my difficult times, that I will do my best to convince my parents that we love each other. But in the event they die die object, I will be an unfilial son, and bring my wife to another country to start life anew. Such is the absolute stance I have, that nothing can change my mind. -
You can help.Originally posted by NotADream:I am already bent on sticking together with her through thick and thin..
I just cant stand the looks, gossipings, and all other things from friends, relatives, family etc...
finance wise, we definitely can work something out. i would not let her suffer, just that i need a little more time, just a little bit more.
Because of all those talkings, she is pressured, stressed, confused, sad, everything! I cant bare seeing her like that, i feel how she feels too, but i cant help...
What she needs is you. That's all that matters. Love is just that simple. Just smile and give her that reassurance. That's what two persons in love is for. To reassure each other, so that two is much stronger than one
A strong relationship is one that goes thru fire and water, so if you two emerge out of this jubilant, I can tell you your bonding will be very very strong.
Good luck, mate. Treat it like any normal challenge, not an obstacle, and be determined to overcome the challenge -
Lets identify the various parties here!
1) Age gap between u and that girl too big..which means that the girl might feel insecure one day and find an older guy who will give her security in the future. FOr my opinion here, no one really knows the answer until she went through a crisis that you can provide her emotionally with.
2) Love can conquer everything! ok..here people tell you to be blind and let love lead the way. I doubt this works here..please..be aware of your decision and your future hangs on it. I guess if you're thinking 10 times, she have to think 100 times for she is like 10 years older..should this relationship fail, she have more to lose than you do.
I think..evaluate the current relationship first since it needs to 'talk' before going somewhere. But a few questions for the TS first. Have she been in a 'crisis' before and have you been able to sufficiently address her emotional needs? If yes and have been able to address her emotional needs and you need to rate yourself on what other crisis could you and her ride out in the future. This is required to address the question of her security/insecurity currently and in the future. How about your security with her? TS, a guy being younger, are you able to handle a crisis on your own without 'disturbing' her like her younger siblings do? you wouldn't want her to say that you're like her younger brother whining after you get married right?? haha..
Evaluate your relationship, what kind of love is in your relationship, due to the age gap and your age differences, she might love you differently from the way you love her. Ensure that the love that you have for each other is the same/on par so that if you get married, you won't suddenly find out that the love is different!
Find out that kind of family are you all really going to build, a traditional or a DINK or a modern age family. I guess that here, it is going to be difficult for different people have different expectations. For her with more experience, will you listen to her or would you try to exert your authority like the breadwinner in a normal family? i guess here, your relationship being the odd one out, you have to answer many questions before bringing the relationship to another level.
What kind of 'storms' have your relationship gone through? BIg fights, arguments over money arguments over where to go for honeymoon, arguments for who pay the bills in the future, etc. Do you think that you and her can handle BIGGER problems like... a third party in the relationship, loss of economic means, etc.
I do not buy the story, love can weather all problems etc. Each person is different on its own and the way they weather problems differently from one another..so well..if you know how to weather the problems, it will be better... =)) -
The society is never kind to people who do not conform. If you guys want to be together, expect alot of criticism and disapproving looks.Originally posted by NotADream:I am really in agony, i jumped into this knowing i would have to face this someday. I didnt know how to start, but here is it.
I can still clearly remember our first "official conversation" 3 years ago. I was in the school's library and she was very busy typing on her computer. I went over and sat down and said "You look really tired". She stopped typing, smiled at me and said, "For my post-grad research, i've got a student helper, but he went missing. I guess transcripting like this is not for everyone."
I said something and went off for lunch. After lunch, i bought coffee and headed over to the library. I gave her the coffee and i could see that she was really happy, then i handed her my thumb drive. She was reluctant at first, but in the end, she still accepted my offer to help with her transcripting. That was when i got her cell phone number and MSN, in case i encountered problems with the transcripting...
That was how we started everything. I was then 18, finishing my A levels, and enlisting. She was then, 27, an attractive teacher and post graduate in my school doing research and teaching.
We got pretty close, and tease each other alot. I didnt give it much thought at first, i just liked her company, and she didnt mind too.
With my help, she finished her research on time, and she wanted to pay me for the job done, but i declined. I jokingly said i wanted a meal, and that is what she did. We had our first dinner together at a small, inexpensive restaurant, and the start of many more to come.
Months later, i was enlisted. She accompanied me alot before enlistment, even more then my parents. Every night, i would exchange sms with her, she would brighten up my night. Once, i am able to book out for a day due to public holiday, and i dreaded the long journey home. I called her, and she agreed letting my stay over for the night at her place in pasiris since she lives in a rented apartment alone. That was the start of my staying over at her place during weekend breaks or holiday breaks. She would help wash my laundry, cook, watch television together and sometimes even massage my back for me.
I knew we were not just purely friends since then.
now i am 21, she's 30. I am having a steady job and doing my degree at SIM at the same time. She now teaches in a certain institution. We are an item.
Few weeks back, we had a chat.. She felt that we should make known our relationship... I am fine with that... and her mother objects to our relationship very very strongly...
She loves me, and i loves her. Now, we are facing pressure from family, friends and even when we are out, shop assistants/owners addresses us as siblings and such. Are we really not suitable? Why cant we be together? -
I'm now at her place, and we spoke about it. The things you nice people brought up here.
What kind of love are we having? i asked her, she said she dont know, but she loves me. I dont know the love i am having for her too.. But its love.
What exactly is causing her so much agony? Its because of me. She felt that its not fair for me, but she's bent on sticking with me. She felt that i might be overwhelmed by the external events and happenings, even more then her, and that is one of the main concern. What i would say is that, its the precise same thing that is on my mind.
Just with looks alone, we dont look like an item. To me, she looks young, and beautiful, and her personality is what attracts me most. I dont know about her, but, i've been told that i'm a pretty looking guy. I guess, we would look more like siblings, but if it affects me so much, i wouldnt jump into it in the first place, got myself caught by her attraction.
I know money is a tough one. She is good financially, and through out the years, i've never spent her money. I am good financially too. Although i am earning much lesser, i dont care and things would improve. I dont have such a huge ego, i dont depend on her, and when we are married, money should not be a mentality or ego problem... or i hope so.
I am pretty quiet, and definitely is not a domineering person. I trust myself that i would not throw my weight around, and i wont see myself as the head of the family.
I am ready, i think. She thinks she is ready, but we need to be much more then ready.
She is 30, and once the decision is made, its tough for her to have a second path in relationship should anything goes wrong. I am fully aware of that, so i have to be fully committed to her. I would never want to let her down.
Although i still have that kid in me, she told me, maturity doesnt come with age. We both learn, and this is the best time to learn, with all the things thrown at us. -
when are you planning to get married? and how long are you going to make that woman wait?
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we will get married, and i wont make her wait for long...Originally posted by Gasfene:when are you planning to get married? and how long are you going to make that woman wait?
But we cant, for now. We have to pacify her mother and my parents. -
Well coming to this stage, maybe you would want to arrange a meeting for both side's seniors. If they can come to a conclusion and agree to this marriage, then both of you do your part to concrete everything.Originally posted by NotADream:we will get married, and i wont make her wait for long...
But we cant, for now. We have to pacify her mother and my parents. -
although i know it would be the best for them to meet, but i am afraid they might "join forces".Originally posted by mmooi:Well coming to this stage, maybe you would want to arrange a meeting for both side's seniors. If they can come to a conclusion and agree to this marriage, then both of you do your part to concrete everything. -
Based on ur replies, i think.. you are quite a sensible and mature for u age.
Have u found out what are the concerns for the gf's mum ?
Is it because she worried for your financial capability or your maturity ?
Anyway if there is an online petition, i gladly sign up for u.
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All the best for you. From your replies..you seemed that you have thought alot about it and you are def not one of those kind that believe that love will conquer everything. No matter what happens in the future is unknown but should try to think of what could possibly happen and try to make means to avoid them. No matter what do not let her down..for a girl at her age(30) to go with a guy so much younger, it is a BIG sacrifice for her. Do not let her down. =)) all the best..should u all get married, maybe u can invite some sgforumites down. haha..
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This love story, it's not beautiful....
It's wonderful.
Nothing to add currently, but good luck from me.
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i dun mind as long as not older den me i can accept..Originally posted by Lin Yu:just like news that ever happened...if one day your 21 years old son came home and tell you he intended to marry a 60 years old lady, would you have agreed to that too?
just a hypotetical question -
MC@~!@~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!Originally posted by M©+square:Hello. Not really back. Just popping in to this unique case.
very busy with work.
Cheers -
So you're screwing your teacher?
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this, is loveOriginally posted by NotADream:I'm now at her place, and we spoke about it. The things you nice people brought up here.
What kind of love are we having? i asked her, she said she dont know, but she loves me. I dont know the love i am having for her too.. But its love.
What exactly is causing her so much agony? Its because of me. She felt that its not fair for me, but she's bent on sticking with me. She felt that i might be overwhelmed by the external events and happenings, even more then her, and that is one of the main concern. What i would say is that, its the precise same thing that is on my mind.
Just with looks alone, we dont look like an item. To me, she looks young, and beautiful, and her personality is what attracts me most. I dont know about her, but, i've been told that i'm a pretty looking guy. I guess, we would look more like siblings, but if it affects me so much, i wouldnt jump into it in the first place, got myself caught by her attraction.
I know money is a tough one. She is good financially, and through out the years, i've never spent her money. I am good financially too. Although i am earning much lesser, i dont care and things would improve. I dont have such a huge ego, i dont depend on her, and when we are married, money should not be a mentality or ego problem... or i hope so.
I am pretty quiet, and definitely is not a domineering person. I trust myself that i would not throw my weight around, and i wont see myself as the head of the family.
I am ready, i think. She thinks she is ready, but we need to be much more then ready.
She is 30, and once the decision is made, its tough for her to have a second path in relationship should anything goes wrong. I am fully aware of that, so i have to be fully committed to her. I would never want to let her down.
Although i still have that kid in me, she told me, maturity doesnt come with age. We both learn, and this is the best time to learn, with all the things thrown at us.
very very sweet love, not like that kind of fake romance that those kids have
parents don't really have much to say in the end la, really
they can't do anything also -
go for it man, don care abt the age gap or wat.
Fight for your love..
ajar ajar, fighting! -
Hello to everybody. We have decided to get married on 2008 Feburary 14th.
We would not have an extravagant wedding and will get small one held at YMCA hotel with just a few tables for close friends and families. I have a saving of 20K and she has around 10 k more then me. We plan to spend about 15K on the wedding, but really depends on the hotel. She wanted to do it at other places, but i would not want her to miss out on what every woman deserves.
The rest of the money would be used for our house downpayment's, and hopefully we would be able to convince the owner of her rented apartment to sell it to us, as it is a beautiful place with great memories.
I would be graduating in 2 years time, and meanwhile, i would still be working full time and studying part time and she would still get on with her career.
We figured that financially, it would hopefully not be a problem. At the most, i take on more jobs during free time.
Now, its just about convincing both parents, and friends.
Thanks everybody here, the advices and questions you guys posted helped alot, and yes, we would definitely be smiling as we walk down the aisle. -
i will pray for happiness for the both of u. congrats.
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This love story, its beautiful. -
You have my every support. Go for it! Peservere! Love comes with a price!
Love should never be determined by age, money, or race yet sadly humanity is based on that..
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Finally, our beloved TS has make a move to show the world that he is determined to get what they are supposed to end up with. Good job! Not every one has the chance and guts to pursue something that is beyond their expectation.
You will have my and I believed the support from our fellow SGF readers. All the best to you! NotADream = DreamComeTrue! -
Both of you have my blessing. Hope you can have the blessing of both your parent too.