TOUGH LOVE
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actually i could understand how u feel. IS like U treat him gd but he nvr do anything for u? Then when he is gd to u, maybe u are thinking to have the feeling of being care for. like how ur bf had been feeling cos of u treating her gd??
Just relax. Love is equal
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Originally posted by lhuiling:i just told him "we break up"
it is so painful.................
Just when I was about to go sleep and I have to come across this topic.
I will try to reply another day, but just want to note you saying that you are not alone.
/me pat pat.
Cheers -
Ok. I have a quick question for you guys. How many of you have a relationship with no problems? And how many of you only see one side of the problem when you do have one...your side that is. ihuiling, ask yourself...why do you love this guy so much that you find it so hard to let go? Is it because he isn't as bad as it seems? Are you paying his way because he asks you to? Or did you volunteer to do so? Also, if you are paying his way, you must have a steady job. and I don't think you are a dumb person. You seem like a relatively intelligent person. Are your expectations high? Or are they just too soon?
I agree with you that the things you went through, the car, the night over etc were unjustified. But you hung on. Why? Was there a good reason? I am sure there was. There must have been one. Only you would know. Like they say, 'nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors'. Including myself and the other good people in the forum. You only know the answer. And you have to find that answer within yourself.
You say that he has been really nice to you lately, sending you to work and all. Maybe it is the only way he can 'afford' to express his love and care to you. He was upfront to tell you that he needs 2 years to make his money. He could have not said anything at all. Maybe he is buying time or maybe he really is trying. However I agree with the guys in the forum that you should NOT pay his way for him. However IF he is NOT leeching on you, and asking you to only be patient with him because he cannot afford to give you the lifestyle you want, that is a different story.
I'm saying all this from my perspective. Here's why I symphatise for 'R'. I was broke for 3 years. My wife and I lived hand to mouth. We got married, had a kid, but still no money in the bank. No savings/investments etc. Now my wife didn't pay my way, but she did rough it out with me. Don't get it wrong, my wife has a good paying job. Just not enough to pay for 2. All this happened in 2003. It's 2008 now. My financial situation has improved. But it would not have been possible without her 'support'. Sure, she complained a lot along the way. But she hung on. Because she loved me. And she knew I loved her. Put it this way, Not all of us have the luxury of financial freedom. But as long as you try to get there, shouldn't you be given some credit for it? I say again, AS LONG AS YOU TRY. I am also not saying that you do not support him. Sure, you have been paying his way...Way more than anyone here in the forum can afford to do I believe. But you guys have been only been going out for a little more than a year......don't you think it is a lil too much commitment on your part...or maybe way too early for something like that?
All this said, you have already told him that it is over. I just hope that the next relationship you find, you will find happiness. And please....please...do not rush into so much commitment so quickly. Enjoy your partner's company. Enjoy the relationship. Be monogamous of course. But don't start sharing the bills (Or taking over the bills in your case) so quickly.
If however, this relationship does work out, you have to put your terms down. on the flipside, you'd have to hear out what his terms are too. And if his terms is to give him time, you'd have to give him time...not $$.
As for the ex girlfriend thing, I know how you feel. I'd flip too if those things were done to me. But if I hung on to a relationship that went through all that, I'd ask myself 'why'. Like they say ' Love knows no boundaries'. If you guys make it through this, 'R' is one helluva lucky guy. -
im not asking u to leave him bcos of the financial burden..
but it seems that it's too tiring for u to go on any further..
do u think u can drag on for another 2 years?
will u feel happier with him and the emotional and financial distress or without him? -
If you love this guy enough, let him know. But also let him know that you cannot afford to pay his way. Guide him.
you guys have gone through a lot in the past year. the only way this would work is IF you guys started afresh. That is IF you still want the relationship. But if you cannot forget the past, and it keeps haunting you, it will be impossible for this to work, and it would be better for you to move on. Otherwise, the problem will come up in the future my friend. -
just dump him and go look for another guy.
In singapore, besides beggarchief, there are still alot of good looking, romantic, humourous and responsible men.
this relationship is destined to be a failed relationship and the longer you cling on, the longer you suffer. No compromise.
beggarchief has some beggar kias can introduce to you. -
hey girl, picture yourself 5 years down the road:
The IR has been built. China is getting stronger. Every thing is unlike 2008.
Will you be holding his hand , look into his eyes and smile? Not to mention vice versa.
If you will, good for you as 5 years can indeed change someone. If you can't , it's better to let go now.
I advise you to do it before the new year. -
Hahaha. yup a lot of good looking guys in singapore. so many of them are so romantic that they spend their quality time in a forum.
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hope u find a better guy
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Huh! u paid for him, please lah, sister, dun let us gal down lah, i much younger than u also can think this is a bullcrap man. Forget it, love is not like this one lah, u think by marrying will settle all issue, think thrice ya, it is because alot of couples think that all problems will be settle once married is going to make a big big mistake, that why divorce is increasing. At 29yo, i understand u r a bit desparate, but be cool ya, even desparate also must desparate for the right one. I will rather remain single than to love such a man that needs gf to pay for car and his expenses and yet hurt her.
If no money, why buy car, sell lah and support his own study lah, another playboy, must be. But if u are too blind to fall in love with him, it your decision, but i can tell u that if u go with him, yr thinking in love is poor, u cannot even compare with a 19yo gal here. Open your eyes hor. -
/oo\ -
U will have a better r/s in future, trust me u will be wiser in yr next r/s and yr partner will love u even better... *pat,pat* We all will support u!Originally posted by lhuiling:thanks tier and all...............
i will be strong