Coming home really late..
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i think we get one chance with one woman/man once per life time.
so yep time to let her go.
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i think that when one decides to get married, he/she should already more or less have considered what responsibilities she/he will be expected of her/him. in this case, i feel that your wife is being irresponsible.
since she's having an affair with someone else, i think that it's time to let go. she didn't respect you enough even before the affair started. so i really don't think she's worth it.
however, if you feel that things have not hit a dead end yet, go consult a marriage counsellor before going for a divorce.
my two cents worth.
hope you'll find the best way to solve this.
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Originally posted by cApitaland:
sorry buddy. divorce is the only solution for your happiness.
not exactly happiness, but puting an end to continued humiliation.
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Originally posted by mancha:
not exactly happiness, but puting an end to continued humiliation.
Mancha,
It's not entirely his wife's fault lor. TS plays a part in driving his wife to another man's tender loving arms ok ?
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look like your problem is really a big one. here are some advise for u to consider.
firstly u need to ask yourself. does ur wife still love u? does she still care for u? will she willing to put in afford with u to make the married work again? if yes then are u willing to forgive her and give her a chance.
if it is a no to all the above then i think u might want to consider ending this relationship then hanging onto it.
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Jo,
Divorce is not about fault finding, it is about a marriage breaking down. TS is helpless, (sorry), against his wife. I don't think TS should continue in a marriage like that. His wife has no regard (respect) towards him. Her blatan in your face, - a 'that's the way I am', and involvement with another man, - a 'so what', says it all. It does not matter whose fault it is.
Its would be the same for a wife, to consider divorce when the husband shows no respect to her.
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Has it ever occur to you that TS may not really want to divorce her? I mean say what you would like here but I think he has his last choice and decision. In a r/s when such incidents occur let me say the fault isn't one sided. I believe as much as it takes 2 to tango, it also takes to to disagree and end up in a fight. So, let's just emphathize a bit here and let TS make up his mind and move on.
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Originally posted by aremeis:
Has it ever occur to you that TS may not really want to divorce her? I mean say what you would like here but I think he has his last choice and decision. In a r/s when such incidents occur let me say the fault isn't one sided. I believe as much as it takes 2 to tango, it also takes to to disagree and end up in a fight. So, let's just emphathize a bit here and let TS make up his mind and move on.
I think that is pretty obvious since TS has chosen to take it out on that guy rather than sorting it out with his wife. But i think he is fighting a losing war since, like what mancha said, his wife has utter disdegard for him. In any relationship, when there is lack of respect and this turns into disregard, it is a gone case. -
Since when are there nice words being said in a quarrel. And since when has a quarrel for one single time escalated to loud proportions - shouting to a point where the vocal chords and ear drums are about to burst.
Wouldn't you be taking it out on the culprit who has trespassed into your property? This is normal ok? I think in all r/s no one would really want to break up, especially when both parties have given in and up so much to be together. It is just saddening. So just let TS have our views and decide for himself. Just don't fuel up things which may lead to illogical conclusions and choices that one did not mean to begin with.
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Originally posted by aremeis:
Since when are there nice words being said in a quarrel. And since when has a quarrel for one single time escalated to loud proportions - shouting to a point where the vocal chords and ear drums are about to burst.
Wouldn't you be taking it out on the culprit who has trespassed into your property? This is normal ok? I think in all r/s no one would really want to break up, especially when both parties have given in and up so much to be together. It is just saddening. So just let TS have our views and decide for himself. Just don't fuel up things which may lead to illogical conclusions and choices that one did not mean to begin with.
A wife is NOT a property. A wife is a human, with own thinking and free will. She has her own judgement and decision to work on the marriage or not, or stray or not to stray. With free will, comes responsibility too. Even is it is that guy who courted/'seduced' her, she had the choice to reject him. But if one chooses to go along in an adultery, he/she should take up the responsibility of his/her action. Stop shirking responsibility by pushing all the blame to third parties. For all you know, many third parties in this world are victims too, cos alot of married people (man or woman) actually outrightly lie to others tat they are not married.
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If there is no spark will there be a flame. If you do not strike a match will there be fire. Yes, I agree that a wife is not a property - but isn't she an asset and an entity? So she has committed a mistake here, but is it so grave as to put a death sentence on the r/s? As I have said before, we do not really know what is actually happening in their marriage and I do believe that the husband is at fault too and if he can say that he is not at fault then all I can say that he failed to see the speck in his eye when he is trying to remove a splinter from another's eye. We are imperfect and we make mistakes.
You think it is so easy to stray? Just snap your fingers and your partner/ you will stray? We are no Houdini's and David Copperfields here ok?
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Originally posted by aremeis:
If there is no spark will there be a flame. If you do not strike a match will there be fire. Yes, I agree that a wife is not a property - but isn't she an asset and an entity? So she has committed a mistake here, but is it so grave as to put a death sentence on the r/s? As I have said before, we do not really know what is actually happening in their marriage and I do believe that the husband is at fault too and if he can say that he is not at fault then all I can say that he failed to see the speck in his eye when he is trying to remove a splinter from another's eye. We are imperfect and we make mistakes.
You think it is so easy to stray? Just snap your fingers and your partner/ you will stray? We are no Houdini's and David Copperfields here ok?
If you are telling me it is a difficult task to stray, i seriously urge you to argue no more but quickly check out the statistics of divorcing cases due to straying partners. The world is full of temptations, my dear.
I am not fault finding. But i believe in taking up responsibilities of one's action. If there is no problem in TS' marriage, could the 3rd party have 'penetrated' into it? Therefore i urge TS to stop blaming others but re-examine his marriage first. What good would it do to TS' marriage to 'confront' the 3rd party?
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Reject on what grounds? Look in the 1st place you need to recognize the fact that breakdowns are actually bottled up frustrations, lack of attention, and many other factors. C'mon we are all grown ups, I don't think that at any point of time the 3rd party isn't aware at all. I think you have not seen 3rd parties who are downright despicable and the lack of it. As I have already mentioned and I don't have at any point of time pushed the blame onto the 3rd party. So please be a little discerning here.
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blu sky, I think you have misread. My lines are to TS and his partner and it is not 3rd party related and / or has anything to do with it.
Also, I did persuade TS not to waste his efforts looking for the 3rd party. Are you missing out on me here?
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double post
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Originally posted by aremeis:
blu sky, I think you have misread. My lines are to TS and his partner and it is not 3rd party related and / or has anything to do with it.
Also, I did persuade TS not to waste his efforts looking for the 3rd party. Are you missing out on me here?
i was replying to the below:
Originally posted by aremeis:Wouldn't you be taking it out on the culprit who has trespassed into your property? This is normal ok?
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I think that is pretty obvious since TS has chosen to take it out on that guy rather than sorting it out with his wife. {As quoted by blu sky}
And I was reply to this context you have brought up. I mean who wouldn't, right? It is a norm and most of the time useless - as I have mentioned in my previous post.
Anyway, just let TS decide what to do for his marriage as I am sure he is really at the most trying time of his life here.
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Originally posted by aremeis:
I think that is pretty obvious since TS has chosen to take it out on that guy rather than sorting it out with his wife. {As quoted by blu sky}
And I was reply to this context you have brought up. I mean who wouldn't, right? It is a norm and most of the time useless - as I have mentioned in my previous post.
I wouldn't, and i know of many who wouldn't.
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Why some1 ended up straying with another partner?
Its becuz they simply let other partner to flirt with them and play around. Its not bout what problem that occurs in a r/s. Its all about how they think and solve any problem in r/s.
TS's wife to me are just not worth for TS to be with any longer. She did it once. and she will do it again. History will just repeat itself to some ppl
TS should just know its not the problem with the 3rd Party, its only her wife herself doin this stuff. Could any man flirt her if she is hard-hearted and loyal ? Cmon...
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Originally posted by thinking too much:
Any1 married here tat wakes up in the morning & doesn't know where ur other half is or who he/she has spent the nite with..? 5/6 times a mth.. & u dunno who 2 call or where 2 go 2 find out..
I really felt like a fool here..This kind of situation should happen only once, not to be repeated, and certainly not repeatedly. Each occurance is a humiliation on the husband by the wife. No party to a marriage should be subjected to this. I see no end to this. The wife as already said so. TS can only drink. Divorce better. For both sides.
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Originally posted by blu_sky:
I wouldn't, and i know of many who wouldn't.
Ok la, let you win. Just don' t want to stray from the topic. Just don't be too fast with your conclusions next time ok?
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Originally posted by aremeis:
Ok la, let you win. Just don' t want to stray from the topic. Just don't be too fast with your conclusions next time ok?
lol! perhaps you should tell yourself not to jump into conclusion
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perhaps i should tell u both to stfu and save some space here for more serious talk ? huh ?
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Originally posted by aremeis:
I think it is still not late to make her realize how important she is to you if you still want this marriage to work. Since you have held out for so long, no point not trying another effort convincing your feelings you have for her.
No point wasting your effort in confronting the other guy, when what you care is your wife. You should let her know that what the both of you here is sealed and concrete and that you would want to spend the rest of your life with her. Forget about the past mistakes that the both of you might have, but try and make her realize that she would be sorry if she wants to call it quits on you. Remember it is her that you want.
I don't know how your feelings and situation is for her and the r/s. But if the both of you would still want to continue then you should step up and consult some professional counselling. Start off anew.
Otherwise, let go if it for the better of the both of you.
blu sky - didn't u see this earlier? lol, so who's concluding?
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Originally posted by Zarks:
perhaps i should tell u both to stfu and save some space here for more serious talk ? huh ?
hey there's plenty of space here so what's the bother? i don't see this to be any serious talk from your end.
speaking up is one thing but clearing up is another so please have a heart Zarks for some Zeus sake.