How to build good relationship with colleagues

• rlsh07

  29 Jan 08, 23:24

  Originally posted by rainee:

  I have asked them before, they said yes, but thing is I feel like super extra during the lunch cos I was sitting in between two of them, and then both of them talked to each other over me, as if I was a piece of transparent glass like that. It just feels weird when everyone is talking to each other except me, it just makes me feel unwelcomed and uncomfortable to the point that I do not want to join them anymore :|

  oh like that ar? i guess it takes time though. hmm.. maybe they are not warm up to you yet. join them more often though. i guess we can't be forever staying in our comfort zone forever though

• Isis

  30 Jan 08, 00:42

  Originally posted by rainee:

  I have asked them before, they said yes, but thing is I feel like super extra during the lunch cos I was sitting in between two of them, and then both of them talked to each other over me, as if I was a piece of transparent glass like that. It just feels weird when everyone is talking to each other except me, it just makes me feel unwelcomed and uncomfortable to the point that I do not want to join them anymore :|

   

  hmm yeah it will feel kind of awkward. Sometime, it is very hard to break into an already form click. Thus perhaps, it could be better to look for others instead,

• rainee

  30 Jan 08, 21:14

  Originally posted by Isis:

   

  hmm yeah it will feel kind of awkward. Sometime, it is very hard to break into an already form click. Thus perhaps, it could be better to look for others instead,

  
  Yea, but I am sort of like the only new worker there...the rest have been there for years..and thus have all formed their own cliques...

• TCH05

  31 Jan 08, 16:42

  Colleagues are best remained as colleagues and that principle has served me well over the years.

   

  I dont see a need to pretend to be nice to one another.  

   

• caleb_chiang

  31 Jan 08, 16:56

  Try... Quiting...

• rlsh07

  31 Jan 08, 22:19

  Originally posted by TCH05:

  Colleagues are best remained as colleagues and that principle has served me well over the years.

   

  I dont see a need to pretend to be nice to one another.  

   

  sumtimes dun need to pretend though

• rlsh07

  31 Jan 08, 22:19

  Originally posted by rainee:

  
  Yea, but I am sort of like the only new worker there...the rest have been there for years..and thus have all formed their own cliques...

  so how's the situation now?

• rainee

  31 Jan 08, 22:30

  Originally posted by rlsh07:

  so how's the situation now?

  still like that lor, it won't change overnight, will it?

• rlsh07

  31 Jan 08, 22:31

  Originally posted by rainee:

  still like that lor, it won't change overnight, will it?

  but is it better or worse or stagnant though

• Wai Leng

  3 Feb 08, 00:11

  Originally posted by TCH05:

  Colleagues are best remained as colleagues and that principle has served me well over the years.

   

  I dont see a need to pretend to be nice to one another.  

   

  For me is, I dun see a need to pretend to be mature... most of my colleagues knew I look a lot younger than my actual age, I'm happy to be myself (the way I talk & the way I behave)... so far so good lah... they never do anything nasty to me... can't imagine/hopefully not also...

• phil30k

  3 Feb 08, 12:16

  It doesn't sound like office politics. That's when people don't concentrate on their job but concentrate on getting ahead in the company.

  Your problem sounds more like you have difficulty fitting into your work environment. The best advice I have for you is to leave. Your work environment has a culture that is reinforced or supported or dictated by policy. If you cannot accept the policy, leave. Look for another work environment where your mindset is similar. Certain mindsets dominate certain careers, which is why some people who studied a subject end up pursuing a different career.

  If you agree to the policy but find it hard to be assimilated then you need to first identify what the policy is. From your description it sounds like your office's policy is that you only have friends from within the company. So you can only go out with them, attend office functions, help hold/host office functions, side with office workers, always agree with each other's points of view, adopt a "us versus them" mentality, become xenophobic but on your office level, join in with them when they insult or criticize or complain and parrot those views. Praise each other irregardless of whether you think it is praise worthy or not. Always ask people what they think you should wear, eat, do, think and then follow the advice. Always follow the advice of the last highest ranking person you speak to and let everyone know that you are following that advice because that person said so.

  You should have no problems fitting in if you do those things. I hope I have helped you make a decision.

• Wai Leng

  3 Feb 08, 22:47

  Originally posted by rlsh07:

  i dun knoe abt office politics though. but i just feel that just do ur wrk well, do ur part. then can already lo

  I know a lot about office politics, like what iceFatboy said... the key is to have your own integrity and stay clear of any office games... plus what rish07 said... just do your work well, do your part... then can already... aiyah... a lot of problems at work one lah... I've been through it, I know...quitting is easy but is it the best solution??? wait go elsewhere also same problem, then how? quit again???

   

• rlsh07

  4 Feb 08, 01:04

  Originally posted by Wai Leng:

  I know a lot about office politics, like what iceFatboy said... the key is to have your own integrity and stay clear of any office games... plus what rish07 said... just do your work well, do your part... then can already... aiyah... a lot of problems at work one lah... I've been through it, I know...quitting is easy but is it the best solution??? wait go elsewhere also same problem, then how? quit again???

   

  yeah true everywhere is the same one.

• Isis

  5 Feb 08, 01:09

  One formula that works for all situation is respect bah. Respect is the foundation of all relationship. Try to socialise outside workplace other than having more lunch date. Anyway, i don't think it easy to find good friends in colleages cos probably due to circumstances which are not favourable for one to cross the threshold to being friends. The reasons are due to long and herectic working hours; and whether the person can your friend. Usually, one can get to know their colleages better through working in the same projects. You can try to offer food around.

  And oh yeah,I don't encourage gossiping in office. Can listen but don't be the one who actively spreading gossip. Contribute it at your own risk.

   

   

• the_fallen

  9 Feb 08, 15:24

  Originally posted by morningbell:

  Need some advice regarding handling relationships with colleagues at a new workplace.
  
  I have a busy social life outside work so I tend not hang out with my new colleagues. I hang out with them occasionally but I can't afford to hang out with them regularly. They like to organise last minutes outings before knocking off work which I find difficult to join in.
  
  I am the easy going type with others but I prefer to spend my time with old friends that I made during school days. I have good relationships with my colleagues in my previous workplace so I do not think I am the anti-social type.
  
  Some of my new colleagues ostracizing me or digging at me at work. I have tried to be friendly be they seemed to have a certain mindset about me and it is hard to change their perception after a few months of work.
  
  I do not wish to bring this up to my boss. Worst scenario is I can always quit and look for a new job but would prefer to be able to handle the situation. Any advice would be appreciated. thks.

  when you're new in the dept

  when somebody offers you to join them for lunch..NEVER SAY NO at least for the first few times

  only during lunch, can they relax and so can you get to know them better on their style of handling work and socializing with friends and colleagues.

  
  while old frens are good, but don't make it a mistake to stick only to ur old friends.

  the wider your social cycle, the more benefits you stand to gain in future.

  have a healthy balance between new and old friends and with family.

  old frens are understanding thus you can meet them lesser..a few times per month shld be enough..

  for me i only meet my old frens (secondary) frens once a year..it's a yearly gathering..at the bbq..which works out well..

  just remember..if old friends are friends that stay with you no matter what..

  even if you don't meet them often, they still will be there for you when you need help..or for company..

  just make sure u keep in contact with them..

• Miss Tiny

  9 Feb 08, 16:06

  I'm working as a temp staff at my company there for quite some time already but the thing is those perm staff ostracize temp staff like us.

  One obvious example is, a colleague is sending out invitations to everyone in our team including the newly recruited perm staff, except me because I'm the only temp staff there. -.-

  

• the_fallen

  9 Feb 08, 16:39

  Originally posted by Miss Tiny:

  I'm working as a temp staff at my company there for quite some time already but the thing is those perm staff ostracize temp staff like us.

  One obvious example is, a colleague is sending out invitations to everyone in our team including the newly recruited perm staff, except me because I'm the only temp staff there. -.-

  

  It will take a while before they accept you.

  If there's that particular person who ostracize you.

  Than why not work around other perm staff members?

  Perhaps they are better colleagues just that you didn't get the chance to talk to them.

  I previously was also left alone in the office since my job scope has got no relations with other departments just that they will come and use my computer for printing purposes.

  So shld there be any chance of you getting to talk to them.

  Than you should make the first move if you want to have a easier life out there.

  Since you're a lady, than if the other colleagues are ladies in their "auntie's" age range, than beware of how you dress to office.

  You don't wanna see the ladies having sour grapes do you, than you'll get a tough time iniside.

  one way is to ask them out for lunch or often go to the pantry when there's 1/2 person there.

  Find a chance to talk to them.

  Or during lunch time, when majority of the people are out, there will be either 1/2 person left in the office, so you can talk to them asking abt their lunch etc as your opening speech.