Singaporeans dun talk their problems...
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my friend just had a relationship problem, but i think putting them here won't actually make it any better. besides, i think he can handle his own problems better himself. only, i 've become quite a busybody and analyse his situation. i realise most of the relationship problem comes from either party or both when they are unable to speak up. u know, typical singaporean way of not being brave enuff to talk things.
although they dun actually do anything wrong with their actions, when ppl dun talk about things or refuse to be open minded and talk about their issues, it can put the other party in doubts and in the darkness which isn't pleasant to say the least. its PSYCHOLOGICAL. they dun consider the psycholigical part of what they might do and the result of it which might hurt someone. they prefer to bottle up their issues (cuz they're not brave enuff) or leave the other party to dwell on it or figure it out, which is to me SELFISH and immature.
the problem with singaporeans today, they are not as open minded as westerners. as in, hugging one another is a weird thing to them. afraid to just tell the truth and guys watching romantic movies and crying over it is also not quite right. i dun see why i can't shed a single tear in a movie that might be very moving or sad. i'm only human. i have a heart. who can deny that? a single tear is not like i'm bawling like a baby or anything for crying out loud! just take a look at survivor, when things get very emotional, even the guys shed their tears. is it wrong or are singaporeans really that cold hearted?
usually i won't generalise these things on a group of ppl, cuz ppl are basically different. but in this case, it really is an exception. i have grown to accept that (from my unbiased experience) most singaporeans dun consider the psychlogical effects they give to others when they do things. they only base it on their actions. which is why i appreciate westen/hollywood movies more than anything cuz their conversation is more psychological and really in the head, which brings me to another issue.
the campaign they have on "speaking good english and not singlish" in singapore really means a lot to me. first they have to talk proper international english which isn't that hard with practice. then they have to rearrange their fat tongues in their mouths. only later will they finally get to realise AND appreciate the psychological part to the importance in speaking good english. then we as a community will have the best understanding we could ever have towards one another and none of us would ever have to live in misery and doubt if everyone can try to be open-minded about things... with good language. a life without problems if everybody are not afraid to speak up. we will benefit from it not only verbally, but psychologically as well. hell, we can understand one another better than aliens if ppl took the initiative to talk right.
that was how my friend end up "breaking up" with his gf. bcos the girl didn't dare to raise issues and is not open about it, leaving my friend like tha' hell is going on? see the psychological part here when u dun talk? no matter what reason she has behind it. i mean at least stand up if its your mistake or anything. i'll say it once and i'll say it again. this attitude is selfish and immature. in the end, the girl got away with it and although she didn't actually DO anything wrong, i still feel like its her responsibility to settle things and she just didn't.
psychological? is it really too much thinking on my part or not enuff consideration on yours?
i can't expect to change the world today, but there's always a start. maybe not a better today, but a better tomorrow. do not leave ppl or friends in the dark cuz u r not brave enuff to be open minded on certain issues and talk about it. think of the psychological implications it might have on that someone. its not healthy. we need to change this sorta attitude here. -
Originally posted by spy8reak:hey great! no one even replies to this thread! this means my topic has really live up to its word, huh?
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dun think so much....u have to face it...this is reality....nothing is perfect....Originally posted by spy8reak:my friend just had a relationship problem, but i think putting them here won't actually make it any better. besides, i think he can handle his own problems better himself. only, i 've become quite a busybody and analyse his situation. i realise most of the relationship problem comes from either party or both when they are unable to speak up. u know, typical singaporean way of not being brave enuff to talk things.
although they dun actually do anything wrong with their actions, when ppl dun talk about things or refuse to be open minded and talk about their issues, it can put the other party in doubts and in the darkness which isn't pleasant to say the least. its PSYCHOLOGICAL. they dun consider the psycholigical part of what they might do and the result of it which might hurt someone. they prefer to bottle up their issues (cuz they're not brave enuff) or leave the other party to dwell on it or figure it out, which is to me SELFISH and immature.
the problem with singaporeans today, they are not as open minded as westerners. as in, hugging one another is a weird thing to them. afraid to just tell the truth and guys watching romantic movies and crying over it is also not quite right. i dun see why i can't shed a single tear in a movie that might be very moving or sad. i'm only human. i have a heart. who can deny that? a single tear is not like i'm bawling like a baby or anything for crying out loud! just take a look at survivor, when things get very emotional, even the guys shed their tears. is it wrong or are singaporeans really that cold hearted?
usually i won't generalise these things on a group of ppl, cuz ppl are basically different. but in this case, it really is an exception. i have grown to accept that (from my unbiased experience) most singaporeans dun consider the psychlogical effects they give to others when they do things. they only base it on their actions. which is why i appreciate westen/hollywood movies more than anything cuz their conversation is more psychological and really in the head, which brings me to another issue.
the campaign they have on "speaking good english and not singlish" in singapore really means a lot to me. first they have to talk proper international english which isn't that hard with practice. then they have to rearrange their fat tongues in their mouths. only later will they finally get to realise AND appreciate the psychological part to the importance in speaking good english. then we as a community will have the best understanding we could ever have towards one another and none of us would ever have to live in misery and doubt if everyone can try to be open-minded about things... with good language. a life without problems if everybody are not afraid to speak up. we will benefit from it not only verbally, but psychologically as well. hell, we can understand one another better than aliens if ppl took the initiative to talk right.
that was how my friend end up "breaking up" with his gf. bcos the girl didn't dare to raise issues and is not open about it, leaving my friend like tha' hell is going on? see the psychological part here when u dun talk? no matter what reason she has behind it. i mean at least stand up if its your mistake or anything. i'll say it once and i'll say it again. this attitude is selfish and immature. in the end, the girl got away with it and although she didn't actually DO anything wrong, i still feel like its her responsibility to settle things and she just didn't.
psychological? is it really too much thinking on my part or not enuff consideration on yours?
i can't expect to change the world today, but there's always a start. maybe not a better today, but a better tomorrow. do not leave ppl or friends in the dark cuz u r not brave enuff to be open minded on certain issues and talk about it. think of the psychological implications it might have on that someone. its not healthy. we need to change this sorta attitude here.
hey great! no one even replies to this thread! this means my topic has really live up to its word, huh?
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Singapore is still an asian country BUT things are changing.
As we got influence more by the westerns here, I see more young gals, hugging and kissing each other. Is this a good sign? I don't know. Maybe.
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more often than not, people get turned off by long posts easily and tend to skip reading them
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I stress to my gfs two simple elements that must always be in a relationship, trust and communication.
i can go around chatting up with gals, flirting with them end of the day, my gf knows that she is still the one i love. (not that i do go flirting around, me a homely guy).
Same thing for her, she can go around out with guys, hugging holding hands, as long as we are both aware of what is going on.
If its going to happen it might as well happen now not later. -
hey great! no one even replies to this thread! this means my topic has really live up to its word, huh?[/b][/quote]
Not all Singaporean dun to talk about their problem may be we should say most of the Singaporean refuse to share with others their real feeling. Asian still not as openness as westerner as most Asian consider telling ppl how your feeling and your problem is awkward, it means you are in trouble. However as for partner, the other party might think you donÂ’t care, where conflict and misunderstanding lead to relationship break off just as your friend. I do face the same problem, where I have ended a 5 years
relationship with my guy coz he always keep his feeling in heart and refuse to share with me. I value open-communication and frankness, however, in eastern society we are still lack of such openness.
Whenever we admit to our feelings and tell ppl we care, we risk. It takes courage. Like most risk taking, there can be great rewards. Our loved ones need to be told. They want to be reassured. One fellow asked, “When is the best time to tell your wife that you lover her?” The answer is “Before someone else does.” WORDS ARE NOT SUBSTITUTE FOR ACTION. We call wanted to be told – OFTEN. -
what i wanna know is... where does this stigma of thinking that openness is a RISK come from in the first place? what is the source of it? some of us must be the problem here. is it because ppl here like to criticise, make cruel remarks or anything when they see ppl who are vulnerable by being open? or take advantage of ppl who are open to say the least?
why can't they stop defining whats reality and whats normal? if ppl dun want to learn, i guess by letting things be what they are now, of course its going to be normal to them. we need to upgrade ourselves right?
why can ppl just learn from ppl? why can't asians learn to be like westerners? (as in the good qualities that westerners have by being open) we learn most of the stuff from tv right? my question is what is actually stopping most of us from upholding an OPEN attitude that is beneficial to others around them as well? in terms of understanding.
cuz not being able to understand others well enough by itself sounds very degrading. -
You've got to understand that people can have very characteristics by nature... Just like what the Chinese would say... "One kind of grain can feed hundred kinds of people..." Not at all exaggerating... Some people might hold the idea of being more OPEN yet benefiting from it in a positive way.... While there're others who're just waiting for their chances to exploit such opportunties... Backstabbers, extremists, terrorist..? Be more FRANK and OPEN to them, see if they would not bomb a hole in your shell...?Originally posted by spy8reak:what i wanna know is... where does this stigma of thinking that openness is a RISK come from in the first place? what is the source of it? some of us must be the problem here. is it because ppl here like to criticise, make cruel remarks or anything when they see ppl who are vulnerable by being open? or take advantage of ppl who are open to say the least?
why can't they stop defining whats reality and whats normal? if ppl dun want to learn, i guess by letting things be what they are now, of course its going to be normal to them. we need to upgrade ourselves right?
why can ppl just learn from ppl? why can't asians learn to be like westerners? (as in the good qualities that westerners have by being open) we learn most of the stuff from tv right? my question is what is actually stopping most of us from upholding an OPEN attitude that is beneficial to others around them as well? in terms of understanding.
cuz not being able to understand others well enough by itself sounds very degrading.
Being OPEN can be a VERY POSITIVE thing... I can AGREE with that... But communication, appreciation & interactions are 2-way things... The RISK factor the majority would be concerned about here I guess would be TOO LATE... The modern society... Especially in a country like Singapore... Somehow shaping to be a 'jungle kingdom'.... Survival of the FITTEST...? OPEN yourself up means to give others a chance to salvage you and satisfy their HUNGER.... WESTERNERs (like the way you put it...) have a rather different cultural background... Their mentality much SHAPED for the appreciation of a certain level of CIVILISATION.... ARTS and such for them are NOT just for 'shows'.... Even then, times could be changing...? As CHAOS start to stir things a bit.... You SURE they won't wanna satisfy their HUNGER and THRIST too...? Well... I think it's very much a rather personal thing...? 
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sometimes problems r too sensitive to say out to the public....
..not everi1 is tt open to except it.... -
glad the devil knows what i mean. i can accept that ppl have a personal preference. but still, i feel my friend has been treated unfairly bcos of this issue.Originally posted by Devil1976:You've got to understand that people can have very characteristics by nature... Just like what the Chinese would say... "One kind of grain can feed hundred kinds of people..." Not at all exaggerating... Some people might hold the idea of being more OPEN yet benefiting from it in a positive way.... While there're others who're just waiting for their chances to exploit such opportunties... Backstabbers, extremists, terrorist..? Be more FRANK and OPEN to them, see if they would not bomb a hole in your shell...?
Being OPEN can be a VERY POSITIVE thing... I can AGREE with that... But communication, appreciation & interactions are 2-way things... The RISK factor the majority would be concerned about here I guess would be TOO LATE... The modern society... Especially in a country like Singapore... Somehow shaping to be a 'jungle kingdom'.... Survival of the FITTEST...? OPEN yourself up means to give others a chance to salvage you and satisfy their HUNGER.... WESTERNERs (like the way you put it...) have a rather different cultural background... Their mentality much SHAPED for the appreciation of a certain level of CIVILISATION.... ARTS and such for them are NOT just for 'shows'.... Even then, times could be changing...? As CHAOS start to stir things a bit.... You SURE they won't wanna satisfy their HUNGER and THRIST too...? Well... I think it's very much a rather personal thing...? -
It always at least take 2 hands to clap in any relationship... Just like you've mentioned that there's no defining norms in reality, what your friend (and perhaps the majority) would view as a 'cure' for the relationship might not be viewed as the same from his gf's point...?Originally posted by spy8reak:glad the devil knows what i mean. i can accept that ppl have a personal preference. but still, i feel my friend has been treated unfairly bcos of this issue.
It's never really that easy in relationships... Afterall, we're still all rather different people...?