A TEEN WHO IS AN OLD WOMAN INSIDE
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I am still a teenager.
But I feel like there is an old woman inside me. I'm beginning to get tired of this world. Everyday, I see more of people's faults and weaknesses instead of their good points.
I am constantly wary of the people around me. I don't know who I can or should trust. So, I often keep my feelings to myself and hardly can find anyone to confide in. I'm afraid that the moment I open my heart to someone, I may be betrayed one day.
I fear of people plotting against me. I'm so paranoid that I believe that some people are in fact, plotting against me, and trying to make life hell for me... to the extent that I myself have begun to plot against those people as defence.
I fear to love because I am afraid of getting hurt.
Somebody help me... -
did u undergo some kind of depressing incident recently?
maybe try talking to some tele consullor or what .... who u do not know ... and u can just tell them your probelms knowing that ur secret is save with them?
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Its not an old woman... its a fear of venturing into the unknown. You must have been through some trauma that contribute to this effect or maybe it is just your preception that is rooting you down.Originally posted by MooKu:I am still a teenager.
But I feel like there is an old woman inside me. I'm beginning to get tired of this world. Everyday, I see more of people's faults and weaknesses instead of their good points.
I am constantly wary of the people around me. I don't know who I can or should trust. So, I often keep my feelings to myself and hardly can find anyone to confide in. I'm afraid that the moment I open my heart to someone, I may be betrayed one day.
I fear of people plotting against me. I'm so paranoid that I believe that some people are in fact, plotting against me, and trying to make life hell for me... to the extent that I myself have begun to plot against those people as defence.
I fear to love because I am afraid of getting hurt.
Somebody help me...
Everyone fear being betrayed and being hurt - but majority ain't letting it bring them down. Being TOO wary over people is a fault because most of them ain't what you think they are to be - but you PONDER to such extend that 'Believing is proof' whereas in reality is nothing but the mirage of your imagination. You acted in self defence by trying to plot against them to find out eventually that you are actually plotting against innocents. People finds you vicious and would stay minimum contact with you.
You are what you believe... all these problems does exist in the world, but the thing is letting it pour all over you ESPECIALLY when you NEVER even been through like 1/2 of it - its like drowning in your own preception. You are choking yourself, putting yourself in a shoe of darkness, but in reality everyone is moving on, and you are left behind.
You know why you fear to love?
'You fear to love because love to you is a weakness. By revealing your own feelings and thoughts, you feel that you are subjected to the person's mercy. When he leaves you, you will be stun and totally lost - which confirm your original thoughts and that makes you never to fall in love again.'
All I can say is... those who never fail in relation are those who never tries. Yes, you can remain the stage you are now and reject every single potential and still be defensive. At the end of the day, you gain nothing. There is no such thing as the most secured relation where you feel totally protected emotionally, spiritually and physically - you want happiness, you have to take intellectual risk. Only go with someone who is serious about relationship and deep down inside you, you know that he is able to fix your insecurities and give you quiet happiness.
You have to learn to release yourself from your mental prison - because only you have to power to do so - nobody else can. My advice and others to come is like the key to the prison - you have to unlock it yourself.
Cheers
(Prediction skills in testing - Are you a scorpio or a taurus?) -
-_-`~Originally posted by Yunhaier:(Prediction skills in testing - Are you a scorpio or a taurus?) -
Try to get a SPECIALIST to help you... If not, you can write to me at [email protected] if you want to....Originally posted by MooKu:I am still a teenager.
But I feel like there is an old woman inside me. I'm beginning to get tired of this world. Everyday, I see more of people's faults and weaknesses instead of their good points.
I am constantly wary of the people around me. I don't know who I can or should trust. So, I often keep my feelings to myself and hardly can find anyone to confide in. I'm afraid that the moment I open my heart to someone, I may be betrayed one day.
I fear of people plotting against me. I'm so paranoid that I believe that some people are in fact, plotting against me, and trying to make life hell for me... to the extent that I myself have begun to plot against those people as defence.
I fear to love because I am afraid of getting hurt.
Somebody help me...
Don't always THINK.... SEE... The MANY beautiful things that you've missed out during this period of your Life.... If you find that your Life is surrounded with FAULTS and DISGUST, they're just blocking you from your view of the BIGGER EXISTING WORLD..... -
haha just like me in camp. Camp people especially some warrent officers damn lan jiao lang, nothing abit abit arrow u. hehe aiyah bear with it lah, if u r a girl, u're lucky enough not to go through this 2 years of real hell, if u're guy, then lan lan u will be trained...Originally posted by MooKu:I am still a teenager.
But I feel like there is an old woman inside me. I'm beginning to get tired of this world. Everyday, I see more of people's faults and weaknesses instead of their good points.
I am constantly wary of the people around me. I don't know who I can or should trust. So, I often keep my feelings to myself and hardly can find anyone to confide in. I'm afraid that the moment I open my heart to someone, I may be betrayed one day.
I fear of people plotting against me. I'm so paranoid that I believe that some people are in fact, plotting against me, and trying to make life hell for me... to the extent that I myself have begun to plot against those people as defence.
I fear to love because I am afraid of getting hurt.
Somebody help me... -
nt old woman is xin mou
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Ah. Thank you very much, Yunhaier. What an analysis. It really helped me understand what is wrong with me.
I guess you are right... I should open myself up more and see instead of think.
All my problems are giving me so much stress I can't concentrate well on my work.
Sigh. I hope that by the time school reopens I'll change for the better
Hey, by the way, I'm Aquarius -
I had 4 signs in my mind - Taurus, scorpio, Aquarius or Leo, but chose to post two of the fixed aspect signs.Originally posted by MooKu:Ah. Thank you very much, Yunhaier. What an analysis. It really helped me understand what is wrong with me.
I guess you are right... I should open myself up more and see instead of think.
All my problems are giving me so much stress I can't concentrate well on my work.
Sigh. I hope that by the time school reopens I'll change for the better
Hey, by the way, I'm Aquarius
Anyway... welcome -
Actually... when I said that I feel like an old woman inside... I don't know why but I just feel tired of this world. [NOTE: this isn't a suicidal sign
] I feel as if I've seen alot of the world... mostly the bad sides, the cruelty and selfishness of mankind.
I guess when you said that it's either that I had gone through some traumatic experience or it's simply my own perception, it's both.
And last night after reading your message, I thought hard about it. I realized that it is going to be extremely difficult for me to change the way I see things.
To me, the world is, well, only the fittest survive... It is hard for me to lower my caution towards people. I always feel very insecure. I remember when I was very very young, in Primary One only, I once brought this fanciful toy to school. I was playing with it during class. And then during recess, I saw a classmate with the same toy. I got suspicious and returned to class only to find my toy missing. At once, I realized that it had been stolen by my very own classmate. I panicked and cried. I tried to seek help from a prefect. When the prefect questioned the girl, the girl actually said that I was the one who stole her things and that the toy was her very own! I was totally shattered. I cried and cried and the prefect, instead of consoling me, told me rather fiercely to stop crying or else she would tell the principal about it.
And then some years later, in the same school, I was accused of stealing another classmate's wallet when it was found under my table. The teacher insisted that I admit to the crime or else my parents would have to be called to school. At that time, I didn't have much choice. I'm a person who doesn't like to bring trouble, so I admitted. Then I denied it again, because I thought it wasn't right. In the end my parents were called to school and eventually the misunderstanding was cleared up.
These are all scars that were left behind in my childhood. They will never be erased from my memory, or I do not know how to get over them.
I can hardly find anyone around me whom I trust. Alone, it is truly difficult for me to stand up again...
I don't remember being loved by my parents. I can hardly remember being loved by anyone even though it's not like my parents disliked me or ignored me. My friends, my best friends... have even drifted away from me after we went to different schools. It is difficult to find another because of my caution towards everyone around me... -
you're not at the end of the queue. you can always cut queue. if you can't beat them, join them. i'm not corrupted, i dun define life, life doesn't define me. its just the way things are and how you should run them. nobody said this world you are born into is a perfect world. we can only make the best of it.Originally posted by MooKu:Actually... when I said that I feel like an old woman inside... I don't know why but I just feel tired of this world. [NOTE: this isn't a suicidal sign] I feel as if I've seen alot of the world... mostly the bad sides, the cruelty and selfishness of mankind.
I guess when you said that it's either that I had gone through some traumatic experience or it's simply my own perception, it's both.
And last night after reading your message, I thought hard about it. I realized that it is going to be extremely difficult for me to change the way I see things.
To me, the world is, well, only the fittest survive... It is hard for me to lower my caution towards people. I always feel very insecure. I remember when I was very very young, in Primary One only, I once brought this fanciful toy to school. I was playing with it during class. And then during recess, I saw a classmate with the same toy. I got suspicious and returned to class only to find my toy missing. At once, I realized that it had been stolen by my very own classmate. I panicked and cried. I tried to seek help from a prefect. When the prefect questioned the girl, the girl actually said that I was the one who stole her things and that the toy was her very own! I was totally shattered. I cried and cried and the prefect, instead of consoling me, told me rather fiercely to stop crying or else she would tell the principal about it.
And then some years later, in the same school, I was accused of stealing another classmate's wallet when it was found under my table. The teacher insisted that I admit to the crime or else my parents would have to be called to school. At that time, I didn't have much choice. I'm a person who doesn't like to bring trouble, so I admitted. Then I denied it again, because I thought it wasn't right. In the end my parents were called to school and eventually the misunderstanding was cleared up.
These are all scars that were left behind in my childhood. They will never be erased from my memory, or I do not know how to get over them.
I can hardly find anyone around me whom I trust. Alone, it is truly difficult for me to stand up again...
I don't remember being loved by my parents. I can hardly remember being loved by anyone even though it's not like my parents disliked me or ignored me. My friends, my best friends... have even drifted away from me after we went to different schools. It is difficult to find another because of my caution towards everyone around me...
everytime you think you're in a tough spot, just remember that we are living in an urban life. there are always ppl out there who are facing worse scenarios than us.
we dun haf problems. REAL problems that is. like Yunhaier pointed us, its just your "mental prison". its only "in your head". you can't let something like that run your emotios down. you have to stay strong. i wouldn't say "survival of the fittest" here cuz that again is really a metaphorical way of saying it. so the way i see it, things aren't that bad.
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You haven't seen much of the world... you only seen some negative side. Truthfully, if you have seen every single thing on Earth, you would have notice there are more positive aspect on Earth than negative ones.Originally posted by MooKu:Actually... when I said that I feel like an old woman inside... I don't know why but I just feel tired of this world. [NOTE: this isn't a suicidal sign] I feel as if I've seen alot of the world... mostly the bad sides, the cruelty and selfishness of mankind.
I guess when you said that it's either that I had gone through some traumatic experience or it's simply my own perception, it's both.
And last night after reading your message, I thought hard about it. I realized that it is going to be extremely difficult for me to change the way I see things.
To me, the world is, well, only the fittest survive... It is hard for me to lower my caution towards people. I always feel very insecure. I remember when I was very very young, in Primary One only, I once brought this fanciful toy to school. I was playing with it during class. And then during recess, I saw a classmate with the same toy. I got suspicious and returned to class only to find my toy missing. At once, I realized that it had been stolen by my very own classmate. I panicked and cried. I tried to seek help from a prefect. When the prefect questioned the girl, the girl actually said that I was the one who stole her things and that the toy was her very own! I was totally shattered. I cried and cried and the prefect, instead of consoling me, told me rather fiercely to stop crying or else she would tell the principal about it.
And then some years later, in the same school, I was accused of stealing another classmate's wallet when it was found under my table. The teacher insisted that I admit to the crime or else my parents would have to be called to school. At that time, I didn't have much choice. I'm a person who doesn't like to bring trouble, so I admitted. Then I denied it again, because I thought it wasn't right. In the end my parents were called to school and eventually the misunderstanding was cleared up.
These are all scars that were left behind in my childhood. They will never be erased from my memory, or I do not know how to get over them.
I can hardly find anyone around me whom I trust. Alone, it is truly difficult for me to stand up again...
I don't remember being loved by my parents. I can hardly remember being loved by anyone even though it's not like my parents disliked me or ignored me. My friends, my best friends... have even drifted away from me after we went to different schools. It is difficult to find another because of my caution towards everyone around me...
The first thirteen years of your life is crucial in shaping that kind of character and thinking that you will have for the rest of your life. These are what you call scars... sure it will be difficult to change that kind of preception, but it is DEFINITELY possible. Nobody says it is going to be easy.
Astrologically, the fixed aspect in your sign limits and hinder your initiative to change - but that does not mean that you can't. Best/good friends are not easy to find - you realise, and of course when you find them - treasure it. Don't seek friendship because you desire someone to depend on. Friendship is like love - the more you crave, the more it wouldn't come to you. You have to lead a better life than this paranoid belief that is fused within you - then only people will see you as more positive and will, at the very least, speak, approach and communicate with you. Who would want to befriend someone who is suspicious of everyone, ever-so negative, plotting or even grouchy? Isn't it contridicting what you wanted - finding good true friendship/love/etc?
So what does this tells you?
For your case, don't look at the situation as in people drifting away from you... ponder why this is happening - Self reflect.
You have to learn to release yourself - the best way is to occupy your mind with something else. Go work, learn something new, hang out, etc. Because your mind has nothing to occupy and will keep thinking of such mundane issues.
*One positive aspect I going to point out - you post your problems, people advice... see? There are good things around - it is just that you are too blinded with your self thoughts that you failed to noticed them. Even next time when you have problems you could post it or private message me or anyone, I am quite sure people would advice you the best it seemed for you*
Cheers -
Me aquarius too, how come so diff.... But despite all those things which happened in my life. I still chose to trust.Originally posted by MooKu:Ah. Thank you very much, Yunhaier. What an analysis. It really helped me understand what is wrong with me.
I guess you are right... I should open myself up more and see instead of think.
All my problems are giving me so much stress I can't concentrate well on my work.
Sigh. I hope that by the time school reopens I'll change for the better
Hey, by the way, I'm Aquarius
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Moonku: if you're interested in chatting in IRC. Go to #sgforums look for DarkAngel.
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Sheesh Square... I thought you meant that YOU were DarkAngel (or rather AngelDark ) when you asked me to go to #sgforums and look for him. So paiseh.
However, thank you... because I did get to chat with AngelDark... and it helped a great deal.
Yunhaier... thanks alot too. I guess I was just going through another moody period. I think I'm okay actually... Just that I tend to think too much about things that aren't important. It's time to move on in life!
Thank you... thank you... -
Lucky for you. I'm an overseas student and whenever I fly back to singapore, my friends are always having exams. Basically I sit at home and do nothing all day for months.
"Life at home was like a VCR. It plays .....rewinds..... plays...rewinds....plays ...... rewinds ....." -
Why not pick up some course?
I'd wanted to learn something new during the holidays... like tap-dancing or yoga. But then somehow I don't know why I didn't sign up for anything.
Hey you could pick up some culinary skills In that way when you're overseas, you could whip up some nice dishes instead of eating out or cooking pasta (like most of my friends overseas). Maybe you'll learn how to cook CHAR KUAY TEOW. 
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nah actually I'm kinda like a total disaster in the kitchen. this once my rice was so cooked it was as hard as rock. I decided maybe pizza for the night may be a good idea. haha.
But hey .. its kinda hectic during certain days.. usually quite exhausted after a day's lecture. Plus I have laundry, dishes to wash, good thing I hook up with the cleaning service companies and the ladies usually does pretty good job at keeping the apartment clean. Too busy on flight trainings during weekends too.