Relationship woes...=(
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I'm currently in a relationship and lately, i've been feeling emotionally drained inside. I see my girlfriend everyday but i don't really get sick of her, i actually enjoy seeing her daily as i miss her alot when she isn't with me.
Due to her school work, recently she has become very irate. She would blow up at me for nothing and sometimes, i feel like i'm her punching bag. I admit, i'm not a boyfriend who gives her alot of freedom, but i'm very sure that i try to meet her every demand. I fetch her from school everyday so that she has someone to share her day's events with...
We're arguing almost everyday, and 80% of the time, i'm the one giving in and apologising to her, trying to make things right. Whenever she stomps away from me in the heat of an argument, i feel really hurt as she doesn't even turn her head to see if i'm behind.
Sometimes, i try to do what she does, not looking back and walking away. But i found myself unable to do it. No matter if it was her fault or mine, i would always want her to be on good terms with me and therefore, would always make it a point to make things better.
If i were to judge myself, in my own opinion, i would think that i'm the softer party in this relationship. I can't bear to see us arguing but sadly, i feel that she can be very hard-hearted at times.
It's confusing to me, as i feel that she really loves me. When we are on good terms and she is happy, she would make me promise her that we'll never argue again. But in the end, another argument would sprout out.
We've had countless arguments on the phone, when we're outside. The thing i disliked the most, is that sometimes she'll say "whatever...".
I still love my girlfriend, and i'm emotionally drained. The thought of breaking up is unthinkable as i can't imagine myself to be without her. She has told me before that she can't live without me too. I've been together with her for almost 8 months already.
To whoever is reading this, if you had been in my situation in your life, would you care to share your opinion and resolve? Much thanks to anyone who helps.
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Originally posted by shadez:
I'm currently in a relationship and lately, i've been feeling emotionally drained inside. I see my girlfriend everyday but i don't really get sick of her, i actually enjoy seeing her daily as i miss her alot when she isn't with me.
Due to her school work, recently she has become very irate. She would blow up at me for nothing and sometimes, i feel like i'm her punching bag. I admit, i'm not a boyfriend who gives her alot of freedom, but i'm very sure that i try to meet her every demand. I fetch her from school everyday so that she has someone to share her day's events with...
We're arguing almost everyday, and 80% of the time, i'm the one giving in and apologising to her, trying to make things right. Whenever she stomps away from me in the heat of an argument, i feel really hurt as she doesn't even turn her head to see if i'm behind.
Sometimes, i try to do what she does, not looking back and walking away. But i found myself unable to do it. No matter if it was her fault or mine, i would always want her to be on good terms with me and therefore, would always make it a point to make things better.
If i were to judge myself, in my own opinion, i would think that i'm the softer party in this relationship. I can't bear to see us arguing but sadly, i feel that she can be very hard-hearted at times.
It's confusing to me, as i feel that she really loves me. When we are on good terms and she is happy, she would make me promise her that we'll never argue again. But in the end, another argument would sprout out.
im almost like you until there. All u have to do is to just talk to her about this...maybe u both need to do something more exciting or new..like go to escape etc..how old is she anyway?
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Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
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We're both 18 by the way...
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Puppy love.
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i see..i advise u to just find a place to sit and talk to her about your problems,she is your girlfriend,the one who is closest to ur heart,just tell her what u think can liao
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u need to give each other some breathing space
no need meet everyday...
but when u meet, make sure is quality time...
if possible... plan nicely wat u going to do...
on days when no meet, can sms, msn, tok on fone, video call..... -
doubt telling her what he thinks will help much, his gf is the hot tempered type.
people like that don't often listen to reason and don't understand reason.
TS could try to talk to her, but i seriously doubt it will help.
sometimes we take things for granted.
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Originally posted by FireIce:
u need to give each other some breathing space
no need meet everyday...
but when u meet, make sure is quality time...
if possible... plan nicely wat u going to do...
on days when no meet, can sms, msn, tok on fone, video call.....
like i said, "absence makes the heart grow fonder".you there everyday, will she ever miss you at all.
when you miss someone, you will cherish him/her more.
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Originally posted by shadez:
We're both 18 by the way...
at 18 you both have a long long way to go till the day you say "i do". -
I see the problem.
Your girlfriend has already requested something from you, but you still fail to deliver.
No wonder she is frustrated.
80% argument is very high. That means you disagreed with her 80% of the time. It shows how INCOMPATIBLE both of you think. 80% !!!!!
You claim that you try to meet her demands. But are you REALLY meeting HER demand ? Or do you believe/think yourself that you are meeting her demand ? Two very different thing altogether. OK ?
Pretty soon, either of you will run out of steam and want to bail.
First you need to figure out , WHY an argument start.
Second you need to figure out , HOW to AVOID an argument.
Third, you need to understand PREVENTIVE is better than DAMAGE CONTROL.
Fourth.. you need to LEARN how to VALIDATE your woman. Especially when you think she's not being rational.
Fifth ....When a woman is IRATE, she's NOT interested in YOUR reasoning. Get this very very clear. Too many men make this common mistake, and they scratch their head after the damage is done. TIMING IS EVERYTHING !
Ask yourself this , HOW often do you actually AGREE with your girlfriend ?
When a woman uses "whatever".. its's her way of INDIRECTLY DISAGREEING with you because she KNOWS you are TOO STUBBORN to listen/agree with her views/opinion anyway.
Good luck. And.... YOU CAN DO IT.
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when my mood no gd, u muznt make me dulan.
when i say wateber, u muz say sollie to me.
when i walk away, u muz chase after me.
when i angry, u muz coax me.
n we'll live happily eber after.
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talk to her about ur feelings more............tell her how unhappy it makes u when shes like that................or maybe just show her who's boss.lol
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From what you've described, it seems that you've always been compromising in the relationship, i.e. giving in to her most of the time.
should NEVER be a compromise.A high rate of argument could signal:
- incompatibility in character; and/or
- a lack of understanding of each other; and/or
- an unwillingness to work for the good of the relationship.Was it due to some innate differences (views/opinions/beliefs) that those arguments arose? Did those conflicts come about because both of you see things differently? These are some hard questions you got to ask yourself.
Perhaps one good step is to be frank to her about the emotions you're feeling in the relationship. Does she know of the inner struggles that you've been having all this while? Have you asked her about her feelings whenever an argument comes about? Have you so-called 'put yourself in her shoes'? Coming clean is the shortest way of removing the barbed fences that lay in this relationship.
Once you've known each other's true feelings, the next step would be to come to an agreement that both of you will work to grow the relationship stronger. However, if she's one who keeps pointing the finger outwards and saying, "It's all your fault", then perhaps it's time to re-examine the entire relationship. Are you still willing to continue the walk down the road together, knowing well that such conflicts are bound to occur again and again?
When two persons get into a relationship, it doesn't mean that the world should start spinning around each other. Both partners should still maintain their independence, i.e. she should still have her own social life, while you should still have yours. It's just that both of you have undertaken a higher committment to each other.
Give her some breathing space. Meeting all the time doesn't mean the relationship will be better. (I lost my 1st gf this way cos I didn't give her enough freedom.)
Again I quote,
should never be a compromise, losing your own sanity in the process, but to grow and flourish in character, in each other's .My 2 cents. Hope it helps.
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What are you complaining about?
That is the way it is for you, and that's the way it going to be in future.
Don't hope for dramatic changes, it won't happen. Unless she gets knocked in the head and her brain pattern is altered, for the better.
You know the situation. You have described it. It going to be like that all the time.
Can't live without her, then live with her, warts and all. Accept it. Its a situation you entered into with eyes open. So don't complain. Stay with it. Quarrel and make up. That's the cycle.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
I see the problem.
Your girlfriend has already requested something from you, but you still fail to deliver.
No wonder she is frustrated.
80% argument is very high. That means you disagreed with her 80% of the time. It shows how UNCOMPARABLE both of you think. 80% !!!!!
You claim that you try to meet her demands. But are you REALLY meeting HER demand ? Or do you believe/think yourself that you are meeting her demand ? Two very different thing altogether. OK ?
Pretty soon, either of you will run out of steam and want to bail.
First you need to figure out , WHY an argument start.
Second you need to figure out , HOW to AVOID an argument.
Third, you need to understand PREVENTIVE is better than DAMAGE CONTROL.
Fourth.. you need to LEARN how to VALIDATE your woman. Especially when you think she's not being rational.
Fifth ....When a woman is IRATE, she's NOT interested in YOUR reasoning. Get this very very clear. Too many men make this common mistake, and they scratch their head after the damage is done. TIMING IS EVERYTHING !
Ask yourself this , HOW often do you actually AGREE with your girlfriend ?
When a woman uses "whatever".. its's her way of INDIRECTLY DISAGREEING with you because she KNOWS you are TOO STUBBORN to listen/agree with her views/opinion anyway.
Good luck. And.... YOU CAN DO IT.
Hey hello! The way u advise like everything is TS fault in this r/s.. I seriously doubt so! -
Originally posted by CannyOng:
Hey hello! The way u advise like everything is TS fault in this r/s.. I seriously doubt so!Nobody says it's all TS fault ok ?
What's the point of engaging in direct conflict, then subsequently give in later ?
To solve the problem, TS must first understand the WHYs and HOWs first.
OK ? Good.
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breakup lah. so many gals around.
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Originally posted by Hello Kitty:
when my mood no gd, u muznt make me dulan.
when i say wateber, u muz say sollie to me.
when i walk away, u muz chase after me.
when i angry, u muz coax me.
n we'll live happily eber after.
LOL hello kitty, you so cute!
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Once in a while I will play with my cat.
He does irrational things that makes absolutely no sense to me. The crazy things he does drives me nuts.
Then I begin to realise the fundamental truth.
He is a cat.
He is not suspose to do things that make sense to me.
Once I realise the fundamental truth, we reached an agreement that he can continue doing strange and crazy things from time to time.
A clause in that agreement state that when he crosses a line, there will be consequences.
I stopped trying to figure out why he does things that are strange to me but common for him.
Me and my cat got along fine after the agreement is reached
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Originally posted by curiousOrange:
Once in a while I will play with my cat.
He does irrational things that makes absolutely no sense to me. The crazy things he does drives me nuts.
Then I begin to realise the fundamental truth.
He is a cat.
He is not suspose to do things that make sense to me.
Once I realise the fundamental truth, we reached an agreement that he can continue doing strange and crazy things from time to time.
A clause in that agreement state that when he crosses a line, there will be consequences.
I stopped trying to figure out why he does things that are strange to me but common for him.
Me and my cat got along fine after the agreement is reached
lolols..
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Spend some time apart.
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To TS:
Cheer up. I used to be in your shoes, but in a worse state. The gal and me were never officially together, but already like bf and gf. The moment when she ditched me, I was literally left in pieces and shreds. I did more stuff than what a suitor should do.
But, one thing that made sense is that you can do whatever and all you want for the gal. Still, she is the one who will ultimately decide if she wants to walk with you till old age or till that moment when death do the two of you apart. Try not to overdo stuff, cos' once she gets you too easily, expectations tend to be higher too and more difficult to fulfill.
You have to try to be emotionally stronger. At least (touch wood), if really suay and things don't work out, you won't be too emotionally devastated. Giving her some room to breath is important too.
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Originally posted by scribes78:
To TS:
Cheer up. I used to be in your shoes, but in a worse state. The gal and me were never officially together, but already like bf and gf. The moment when she ditched me, I was literally left in pieces and shreds. I did more stuff than what a suitor should do.
But, one thing that made sense is that you can do whatever and all you want for the gal. Still, she is the one who will ultimately decide if she wants to walk with you till old age or till that moment when death do the two of you apart. Try not to overdo stuff, cos' once she gets you too easily, expectations tend to be higher too and more difficult to fulfill.
You have to try to be emotionally stronger. At least (touch wood), if really suay and things don't work out, you won't be too emotionally devastated. Giving her some room to breath is important too.
Don't agree with that part! I don't know what stuff u did to yr gal. But what I know is don't take things from granted from both sides. I believe once u start something,it takes effort to maintain it.
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Originally posted by shadez:
I'm currently in a relationship and lately, i've been feeling emotionally drained inside. I see my girlfriend everyday but i don't really get sick of her, i actually enjoy seeing her daily as i miss her alot when she isn't with me.
Due to her school work, recently she has become very irate. She would blow up at me for nothing and sometimes, i feel like i'm her punching bag. I admit, i'm not a boyfriend who gives her alot of freedom, but i'm very sure that i try to meet her every demand. I fetch her from school everyday so that she has someone to share her day's events with...
We're arguing almost everyday, and 80% of the time, i'm the one giving in and apologising to her, trying to make things right. Whenever she stomps away from me in the heat of an argument, i feel really hurt as she doesn't even turn her head to see if i'm behind.
Sometimes, i try to do what she does, not looking back and walking away. But i found myself unable to do it. No matter if it was her fault or mine, i would always want her to be on good terms with me and therefore, would always make it a point to make things better.
If i were to judge myself, in my own opinion, i would think that i'm the softer party in this relationship. I can't bear to see us arguing but sadly, i feel that she can be very hard-hearted at times.
It's confusing to me, as i feel that she really loves me. When we are on good terms and she is happy, she would make me promise her that we'll never argue again. But in the end, another argument would sprout out.
We've had countless arguments on the phone, when we're outside. The thing i disliked the most, is that sometimes she'll say "whatever...".
I still love my girlfriend, and i'm emotionally drained. The thought of breaking up is unthinkable as i can't imagine myself to be without her. She has told me before that she can't live without me too. I've been together with her for almost 8 months already.
To whoever is reading this, if you had been in my situation in your life, would you care to share your opinion and resolve? Much thanks to anyone who helps.
Being in a relationship tells a lot about ourselves and often wondered why
are we leading 'certain' relationship we never understand. Well, that's because
you are trying to examine a problem within the structure of the relationship,
when the root of it all lies with the self.You have so much insecurity in you that could probably ping flood me out; you admitted that you are domineering and exercise control in her daily life - therefore, it's not really surprising to see frequent quarrels in your relationship because your insecurity is gnawing the life out of your Love.
You mentioned that you try to 'meet her every demand like fetch her from school everyday so that she got someone to share her day event with...'
Wait a second - doesn't it sound more like your demand?
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Originally posted by shadez:
I see my girlfriend everyday but i don't really get sick of her, i actually enjoy seeing her daily as i miss her alot when she isn't with me.
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Interesting how one would reposition their perception insofar of having the
ability to fit the claim so nicely and yet logical - this self justification of
what you think is good for the relationship is merely a product of your
unevolved perception. If your relationship suffers and not benefit from your
definition of what Love is to you, then you might have to review the entire
relationship from scratch again.The reason why you are always compromising on your part, even till the extend of lowering your dignity, is because you are afraid that one day she might just turn around and walk away forever. Your fear of leading life without her presence coerced you to accept any odds, regardless of how ridiculous or unreasonable it seemed.
Your behaviors are driven by fear, much less motivated by love.
The paradox in Love: the more you fear you will lose her, the more damage you will unconsciously deal to the relationship.
Cheers