How to be rid of old feelings?
-
if you really want to, you can tell him to F**k off and die..
then if he persists, tell him you're going to get a restraining order..
and if he still persists, get a restraining order..
if he still persists, he's going to jail...
problem solved...
-
Originally posted by jojobeach:
JD,
So why are you letting them milk your sex ?
He didn't stick a knife at your throat did he ?
He calls, you respond. And you go home feeling like a used doll. What's the point ?
Since you are not emotionally able to handle the fark buddy game, I suggest you don't play it.
Hi Jo,
To your first question, I've got no better answer to it than it being a sense of pleasure. I think people enjoy physical intimacy from time to time.
To say I feel physically used teeters on the highwire of extreme hurt. I don't think of it as hurt, more or less a hint of occasional glum.
-
drinking jack daniels will helps
-
Originally posted by Nata|ie:
Are you subconsciously thinking that he is there to fall back on in terms of companionship? And that when he comes back into your life, there's a tinge of familiarity or "i have so missed you..." that is holding you back?
I think if you want to really move on from this, u got to be hard on urself. Break off all contact. Or like what some of the forumners say, cook up an attached status story. Even though the sleepless nights might continue for awhile, at least, you know that there is some light at the end of the tunnel.
Transistion periods are the toughest. Is either u make it or break it.
All the best, girl
You're probably right in certain ways though I'm not counting on him for companionship. We are not in a relationship to begin with.
I have broken off contact several times and I continue trying though I don't think the sleepless nights will stop. Especially of late when he's been increasing contact since he left a few weeks ago. From now on, I won't be answering any more phone calls or messages.
-
Originally posted by mancha:
You know your problem. Start from there.
Your inner dialogue. Your thinking. Your mind is talking, try to identify who is actually talking, and give her a name. You will find your subconscious (or whatever name you gave it) elusive, and when you identified it, it will quieten down. Try it, and practice will lessen your dilemma. In the mean time, don't mind the guy, and don't date him. When he calls, just dismiss him, and watch you mind's dialogue.
And of course, you can't have a blank mind, think of other things. How to make life in the office easier. Increase you vocabulary, think of new words every day. Practice awareness of your surroundings, by listening out and seeing details. Solve a sudoku puzzle. Don't let you mind go on auto run.
This sounds like self practice sessions on schizoprenia.
-
Originally posted by xavier1979:
You're feeling this way maybe because he has made a definite impact in your life in the past. It is hard to forget such a person in our lives.
One way is not to make this person the centre of your universe. You can try focusing your attention elsewhere, like on your studies/job, or family, or a new love perhaps?
From the way you wrote, either he is a persistent fool deeply in
with you, or he is a
pervert-on-way-to-becoming-stalker. Stop giving him attention. Put
your hp on silent mode when you sleep at night. Don't pick up calls
whose numbers you don't recognize. Don't reply his SMSes. Ignore
him TOTALLY.It's tough, but you have to do something, ya? We're here for you.
I guess he's had an impact on my life in several ways. It doesn't consume me completely, but when I'm reminded of him when I see a message or a missed call, even if I do not return it and do not pick up, I could not help but wish this person was never part of my memory.
Other times I wonder if we were the same type of person. And whether it was all that wrong to cease contact.
-
Originally posted by the Bear:
if you really want to, you can tell him to F**k off and die..
then if he persists, tell him you're going to get a restraining order..
and if he still persists, get a restraining order..
if he still persists, he's going to jail...
problem solved...
Will keep that in mind.
Any more posts and I'm simply whining or using this place as means of recollection. A lot of melancholia here so this shall be my last post.
Thanks for the advice.
-
Originally posted by FBI:
drinking jack daniels will helps
Yes it does though not all the time. Back to it.
-
Originally posted by jackdaniels:
Jo, work keeps me busy. Time flies quickly. I date people from time to time. I have no future with Mr G.
Even for those I have no liking for, the way I see it some are more vacant than wistful. Others more wistful than vacant. People come and go in my life, I'm hardly in search of new grounds in the realm of romance.
I don't think it's the problem of finding a new man. The problem could lie with myself? I have no idea. I cannot pin.
I have been very forthright as a person with him. I told him this is headed nowhere. He asks me why. I tell him because he is this strange person who'll never be mine. He says he feels exactly the same way about me. I tell him it upsets me when he leaves. He informs me when he leaves and now makes it a point of telling me when he'll be back. But hey big fucking deal right? It feels as if he's now reminding me when he'll be back so I can clear my schedule in advance and make some space for him.
The cycle repeats. Whatever cycle it may be, on days like this I think of it as a vicious cycle. And him, as a devious person.
My dear young lady. What you're feeling is a sense of loss of attachment with your pride and dignity wounded.
After all you have been with this man for sometime and no matter what you said, you did invest your feelings into this relationship and did try on your part to make it work. After a certain period of time you realized the relationship was going no where whereby you were doing all the giving and not receiving anything back so being the smart logical person you are, you bailed, which is good. But do bear in mind you or rather most people are all emotional creatures and a part of us couldn't help but to feel 'cheated'. And even though you know you really don't want this relationship anymore you couldn't help feeling a sense of loss as though a part of your limb was suddenly severed from your body even though that limb was cancerous.
Take time out. Go overseas for a holiday to relax yourself. Get active. Do anything that will occupy yourself. Preferably switch off the phone if the need to be. That way you won't automatically reach for it when it ring. After a while you will be alright.
Also let me warn you about this. Even though you were the one initiated the breakup but if you do happen to see him on the street with another girl you will suddenly feel a flare of jealousy. Don't worry about it. It's a natural process of breaking up. The feeling will pass.
So don't go so hard on yourself. Good luck!
Ps : By the way my wife said you sounded like someone she knew. A lecturer are you?
-
tell him to go f a spider. No one should be a spare tyre or a float. You had long concluded the ending of the relationship with him. When you pick up his call, just hang it up if you think you will be moved by his sweet talks.
-
move on even though it takes some time lol
-
Originally posted by jackdaniels:
No future with this person no matter what happens. We're headed for very different places in life. I think the only window for a possible relationship/future was closed a long time ago. My only dilemma is my inability to let it go. I just would like some advice on how to let go of these old feelings which aren't doing me any good.
Dreams are great. Everyone has dreams.
Everyone at some point of our lives wished that we can do something we couldn’t do.
Chasing our dreams is something few of us would do though.
Most of us are happy just dreaming about something.
But you aren’t.
Life is too short for you to sit around wishing something will happen.
When you want something, you go after it and try to make it happen.
If we prefer to live in our dreams, they will only hold us back.
What you must have realized by now is that it is going to take a drastic change in your lifestyle and personality to live this dream of yours.
And after all these adjustments, your dream may not come true.
A lot still depends on what he actually wants.
I think there are two options open to you now.
For once, you need to make up your mind.
It’s one way or the other, no in-betweens.
The biggest weakness in you is your inability to make a clear cut decision
Your decision is either black or white. No elements of grey.
Chase your dream.
Go after what you dream about.
If it never could be, then so be it.
Do something rather than let this dream hold you back
Know when you have been defeated.
Fight for the possible, not for the impossible
Never forget that closed door.
It will make a nice memory.
But do not focus all of your attention to it
-
Originally posted by jackdaniels:
This sounds like self practice sessions on schizoprenia.
Schizoprenia only if you are totally consumed by another personality and you are not in control.
Here it is to tame your mind. Identifying the thoughts, recognising its characteristics, (giving it a lable helps to pinpoint it and subdue it). You can't stop you mind from wandering, but you can choose what you want to think about.
When you can't sleep, because thoughts of some person is hogging you mind, try out the identification tactic.
Let me know how it goes.
-
Originally posted by jackdaniels:
Hi Jo,
To your first question, I've got no better answer to it than it being a sense of pleasure. I think people enjoy physical intimacy from time to time.
To say I feel physically used teeters on the highwire of extreme hurt. I don't think of it as hurt, more or less a hint of occasional glum.
Well then JD, he is not THE ONLY guy with a d.ick is he ?
Or, is he really SOOOOOO good with you on the bed, that no other man can replace him ?
C'mon girl.. we all know how easy it is to bed any man.. all we need to do is ... just ask.
An occasional glum ? Dissapointed with something ? Well.. since you're not gonna get more than you've paid for.. why doncha just light a ciggy once you're done.. put on your clothes and give him a goodbye kiss at the door , head off out for a cuppa mornin coffee for some nice quiet time ?
-
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
Dreams are great. Everyone has dreams.
Everyone at some point of our lives wished that we can do something we couldn’t do.
Chasing our dreams is something few of us would do though.
Most of us are happy just dreaming about something.
But you aren’t.
Life is too short for you to sit around wishing something will happen.
When you want something, you go after it and try to make it happen.
If we prefer to live in our dreams, they will only hold us back.
What you must have realized by now is that it is going to take a drastic change in your lifestyle and personality to live this dream of yours.
And after all these adjustments, your dream may not come true.
A lot still depends on what he actually wants.
curiousOrange,
Certain dreams are worth labouring, imagining and wishing for. From then till now, I never thought this encounter important enough as a dream to pursue. It's more like fragment of a memory, heightened when I hear from him.
Originally posted by curiousOrange:I think there are two options open to you now.
For once, you need to make up your mind.
It’s one way or the other, no in-betweens.
The biggest weakness in you is your inability to make a clear cut decision
Your decision is either black or white. No elements of grey.
Chase your dream.
Go after what you dream about.
If it never could be, then so be it.
Do something rather than let this dream hold you back
Know when you have been defeated.
Fight for the possible, not for the impossible
Never forget that closed door.
It will make a nice memory.
But do not focus all of your attention to it
I derive no joy and no real purpose from this, and vice versa. I'm not searching for love from him. But there's always the temptation to steal some time away, burrowed deep in the night somewhere. I try very hard to steer myself away from this habit, to do right from wrong. At times I manage, other times I can't.
Thanks for advice.
-
So, when he looks you up, the two of you have sex?
The relationship is just for carnal pleasure isn't it?
-
Do you love him in the 1st place?
-
Originally posted by jackdaniels:
Certain dreams are worth labouring, imagining and wishing for. From then till now, I never thought this encounter important enough as a dream to pursue. It's more like fragment of a memory, heightened when I hear from him.
I derive no joy and no real purpose from this, and vice versa. I'm not searching for love from him. But there's always the temptation to steal some time away, burrowed deep in the night somewhere. I try very hard to steer myself away from this habit, to do right from wrong. At times I manage, other times I can't.
Thanks for advice.
Haiz!
There is no problem at all.
You just don't know how to enjoy yourself.
Forget about steering yourself away from his habit, it is this that is causing the conflict, just enjoy yourself.
Just do it, enjoy yourself, good bye, see you next time. Men does it all the time. Is it a "Wham, bang, thank you mam" encounter, that getting you feeling used? Well get him to work on you. Get him to give you that multiple Os. Give him the "Well done, thank you, stud, see you around."
You think too much. You think you are the one that giving, when it is you that is getting what you want.
You know the score. You have no problems with your thoughts or feelings, it is just your perception that you are weak.
-
There is a saying: When you have suffered until you can't tahan (can't edure) anymore, you will naturally let go.
I supposed you are already reaching rock bottom. Do something else to divert your attention away. I'm sure he isn't everything in your life. So boring and waste of time if you constantly think about him and the stupid issue. Life is so short that you shouldn't be wasting on it. Do something useful, jog when you think of him and get a guy that you think have a future with. Feeling can't be get ridded like how you dump some rubbish. Feeling just dissolves by itself through time's weathering. Time is a cure. Just follow the natural rhythmn of life.
-
Originally posted by ^C ^:
There is a saying: When you have suffered until you can't tahan (can't edure) anymore, you will naturally let go.
Feeling can't be get ridded like how you dump some rubbish. Feeling just dissolves by itself through time's weathering. Time is a cure. Just follow the natural rhythmn of life.
I guess you're right. Just one of those things that won't belong to me no matter how hard I try. Thanks.
-
Originally posted by jackdaniels:
I write with feelings of confusion. I'm not quite close to agony, but my situation is enough to jostle a few sleepless nights now and then. Seeking advice from people here, what would you do if you were in my situation?
I tried breaking contact. I deleted his numbers. I changed my numbers. But no matter how hard I try, as always I'd end up revisiting the same old grounds going through the same old feelings. The phone rings while I’m fast asleep, I pick it up in a hurry and it turns out to be him. Either that or I do not recognize a new number and I wind up picking up the call. The cycle is getting tiring. And I have long concluded we’re headed nowhere.
A few weeks ago, he asked me why I never seem to call him or initiate contact even when he’s back home. I reflected asking him why should I? I’m searching for a person who can be around for my ups and downs. Not some kind of ninja (like a forumer once described) who appears and disappears at will. To pacify the situation he told me he’d be around when I need him. Even now when he makes the effort to make more contact while overseas, I view it as his latest attention-seeking ploy.Am I too cynical about this person or am I a dimwit, back up, spare tyre who keeps falling for the same old tricks?
Along with most of his other three worded sentences, I’m hardly a believer anymore but I'm finding it arduous to keep him out of my mind.
What I do not understand is why is that no matter how hard I try to be rid of this person in my life, he has to keep coming back. Why he isn’t getting the hint. Is it because he thinks I’m really this stupid?
Feel free to be harsh.
So we are back to square one; I checked my
database and recalled replying to your post 290507, 310507 & 300607.
Perhaps the difference now and then is that your earlier awareness confirms
your need to sever this intensive karmic bond, yet you have no idea why you
never succeed.Yes you are right in saying that a dubious relationship with this man is meaningless and aimless. However, if you take him out of the picture and relook at your life holistically, it doesn't actually change much. What you are facing is the lack of strong conviction to remove him because in the first place his presence doesn't consciously change the existing structure of your love life, albeit in essence, it does affect you emotionally negatively. It is as empty as a shell.
Are you in love with someone else? No.
Are you exclusively dating with someone else? No.
Because your love life is almost defunctive, even if a jerk was to creep in and take shelter, it doesn't really matter because the real dude has not arrive to steal your focus away from this ridiculous relationship you had with him.
To worsen your plight, it seemed to me that you have a very passive attitude towards changing your situation. You want to cut contact, yet you questioned yourself why didn't he get the hint and leave you alone. The problem lies not with him leaving you alone, but rather how much determination you have to tear away from this bondage. Logically, why should he initiate to leave since he can continue to milk sex from you? Hinting him to get out of your life? Oh dear, he is probably anxious that this uncommitted free sex is about to expire: better make more calls and shower more attention to ensure that it continues.
My dear, you can't stop him from trying to contact you, but you have a choice on whether you are contactable by him.
Until the day this conviction is clear, you will never walk out of this.
Your emotions and mind is probably jaded. You might subconsciously tell yourself 'what the hack... what's the difference between having sex with him for the 65th times since we did it 64 times already.'
It's no longer about the sex or the relationship you have with him.
It's about you being severely encumbered by this scenario, decapitating you and robbing your ability to see interest in anyone else.
Unless you change status quo, you will remain in status quo.
Cheers
-
Originally posted by Yunhaier: So we are back
to square one; I checked my database and recalled replying to your
post 290507, 310507 & 300607. Perhaps the difference now
and then is that your earlier awareness confirms your need to sever
this intensive karmic bond, yet you have no idea why you never
succeed.
Yes you are right in saying that a dubious relationship with this man is meaningless and aimless. However, if you take him out of the picture and relook at your life holistically, it doesn't actually change much. What you are facing is the lack of strong conviction to remove him because in the first place his presence doesn't consciously change the existing structure of your love life, albeit in essence, it does affect you emotionally negatively. It is as empty as a shell.
Are you in love with someone else? No.
Are you exclusively dating with someone else? No.
Yunn, thanks for your thoughtful post.
Why is it an intensive karmic bond? In physical aspects, I try my best to do right from wrong. Whether it comes to him or any other options, I avoid veering towards temptation. Sometimes I manage, other times I don't.
I quit picking up his phonecalls neither do I make contact. I avoid contact. By some twisted chance he keeps coming back into my life. Is it my subconsciousness at work?
I've been in serious relationships but never been in love. Haven't dated anybody exclusively for a long time now. Your post brings one question to mind, something that's been nagging me from time to time, am I normal? What do I do from now on to turn things around?
Originally posted by Yunhaier:Because your love life is almost defunctive, even if a jerk was to creep in and take shelter, it doesn't really matter because the real dude has not arrive to steal your focus away from this ridiculous relationship you had with him.
To worsen your plight, it seemed to me that you have a very passive attitude towards changing your situation. You want to cut contact, yet you questioned yourself why didn't he get the hint and leave you alone. The problem lies not with him leaving you alone, but rather how much determination you have to tear away from this bondage. Logically, why should he initiate to leave since he can continue to milk sex from you? Hinting him to get out of your life? Oh dear, he is probably anxious that this uncommitted free sex is about to expire: better make more calls and shower more attention to ensure that it continues.
My dear, you can't stop him from trying to contact you, but you have a choice on whether you are contactable by him.
Until the day this conviction is clear, you will never walk out of this.
Your emotions and mind is probably jaded. You might subconsciously tell yourself 'what the hack... what's the difference between having sex with him for the 65th times since we did it 64 times already.'
It's no longer about the sex or the relationship you have with him.
It's about you being severely encumbered by this scenario, decapitating you and robbing your ability to see interest in anyone else.
Unless you change status quo, you will remain in status quo.
Cheers
At times I veer off course and consider whether it's necessary for me to take a step forward. Be nice. Go for dinner. Give it a try. Do this and do that. Respond a little, pay him a visit, give him a phone call. Is it all connected? Are things the way they are today because I lack the ability to show this person, or any other person, any kind of affection? Or is this just the way it's supposed to be. And it's best for me to just leave things as they are because he's just a jerk to begin with.
Did he severely encumber me, or was it my own doing? Who was wrong about it? I stagger along these two ideas, unable to decide.
Originally posted by Yunhaier:Your emotions and mind is probably jaded. You might subconsciously tell yourself 'what the hack... what's the difference between having sex with him for the 65th times since we did it 64 times already.'
It's no longer about the sex or the relationship you have with him.
It's about you being severely encumbered by this scenario, decapitating you and robbing your ability to see interest in anyone else.
Unless you change status quo, you will remain in status quo.
Cheers
I know you're no step by step guide out of any problems, but what would you do if you were in my shoes? I don't think the problem lies in this person. The problem lies with myself. If I were him, I wouldn't want me. So why should he? Or anybody else?
Anyhow life goes on and I have many questions but never enough answers.
Will take things as they come for now and keep myself busy enough with work and stuff.
-
Originally posted by jackdaniels:
. I try very hard to steer myself away from this habit, to do right from wrong. At times I manage, other times I can't.
I don’t think it’s merely a habit.
You are trying to steer away from a desire, not a habit.
You want something other than what you are currently experiencing in your life.
That is the root of your desire.
That’s the reason why those memories kept coming back.
That’s the reason why you couldn’t get away from him.
To put it bluntly, he is still around because you couldn’t eliminate your desire.
Maybe that something which triggers your desire isn’t affection.
It probably isn’t a physical connection with him either.
From your previous posts about Mr G, there are already some hints of what the trigger really is.
'The problem lies with myself. If I were him, I wouldn't want me. So why should he? Or anybody else?'
'I've been in serious relationships but never been in love. Haven't dated anybody exclusively for a long time now. Your post brings one question to mind, something that's been nagging me from time to time, am I normal?'
'But there's always the temptation to steal some time away, burrowed deep in the night somewhere.'
'Am I too cynical about this person or am I a dimwit, back up, spare tyre who keeps falling for the same old tricks?'
What you wrote have a common theme. These are merely my speculations.
A sense of emptiness.
Unsure about where you are heading in your life.
Looking for validation and hoping to win back some self respect back from him.
What I would suggest to you is to take a more proactive approach in managing your own life.
Address the underlying issues you have.
If you can remove the triggers, you can eliminate your desire. He will not have a hold over you anymore.
You will be much more focused on your present situation and how to improve it.
-
JD,
May I remind you this.
If he is the kind that will milk you for sex.
He's probably milking other women for sex too.
Given his status, he doesn't have to settle with just you.
I suggest you go get your blood tested just to be sure.
Think about your own health first.
-
In between harsh opinions, frisky taunts and well-meaning words, just want to say I really appreciate those who’ve been giving me advice.
curiousOrange,
Everyone yearns to experience something out of the ordinary. I’d like to reinstate the fact that I am not referring to carnal pleasures. In my humble opinion, memories are always well worth it, whether good or bad. Even though there are certain extremes in the past I do wish to erase, memories on extremes of make and break, of life and death. This person had come into my life as part of that memory, an old phase of my life where most of it today has gone.
I haven’t been able to relate all of what happened, and not that there is much point to it but I bear no anger towards the situation. No resentment towards him. It came clear a year ago that this was headed for nowhere but funny how I still don’t think of Mr G as some wayward evil jerk. More like a person no different from myself, in search of what he believes in to fill in a void. Be it life, passion, love or simply casual intimacy. It could be naivety or plain foolishness. I have no idea. Probably too young to tell. Probably need to be more clever. I probably need a little bit more anger.
Apart from the realm of romance and love I believe in other possibilities. Sometimes it feels like things are moving on the right track. Other times it feels as though I let slip many things whilst in pursuit fervently. Mostly it feels like I’ve achieved very little over so long a time and in the end, conquests are all for nothing. Perhaps that is the emptiness you’re talking about.
Someone mentioned feelings dissolve in the natural rhythm of time. It does, except when you think it can only get better, a thought strikes and the heart rips once again even with my foot firmly lodged. And over the past few months, even in conversation and even when I'd thought emotions had faded away, it still feels weird. I find myself still thinking about the conversation. Maybe it's impossible to put certain things away with a reason.Right now I find myself in need of fixing perceptions. Maybe some time away will do me good. Or maybe there’ll be no end to fixing these things.