inferiority complex syndrome..?
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as above.
can somebody tell me whats it about?
sad to say, i think i have it.
am facing quite alot of shit now. i have a boyfriend of about 3months. recently we had a tiff.
i know im tiring him out as im always on his tail. whenever he's out or something, i'll keep asking him where is he and what is he doing exactly.
i had been 2-timed before by my ex of 2yrs, i am not very sure but i think this is where my problem is, i feel super insecure at ALL TIMES. its affecting me. plus, i have no confidence in myself, i have damn low self-esteem.
i keep thinking he'll be out with other girls or something, most probably always lying about everything. i am very worried if one day he goes to someone else prettier. i know it is pretty bad for me to be in a relationship like this, despite knowing that i feel so insecure easily.
i stopped myself from getting into a r/s for about 1.5yrs already. i guess and i thought im different, im changed already. unfortunately, nope. i dowanna drain him out, seriously. and i dont know why but i do not open up to people, not even boyfriends, becuz of tis problem, one of my r/s got affected so much, we broke up due to communication break down. that ex said i dont tell him anything and i drove him crazy. well... but this time, my current bf is different, he told me he don wanna be like my exes and just left me to my own problem, he wants to be my man and stay with me to help me open up and work things together.
so it is bugging me now, that i am bugging him always. i feel like i dont trust any boyfriends anymore. irks me alot whenever hes not with me and then his calls and smses are hours away, i always think about what he does in between those hours. i know it is not healthy.
but i cannot help it. dear sgforumners, help me out please? am i really sick? i'm so scared....
i don want to hurt him.. -
i advise u to cool down. if u continue u might lose him. think carefully. is it worth to lose yr current bf cos of yr possessiveness cos of yr past?
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Originally posted by bryanw:
i advise u to cool down. if u continue u might lose him. think carefully. is it worth to lose yr current bf cos of yr possessiveness cos of yr past?
hey there, thanks for ur reply.anyway yes.. yes.. i know i should cool down and let him breathe, let him have his space.
but i cannot. i feel so listless and i dont have the mood to do anything when i know he is out with his friends plus his smses are so slow.
i understand that i'm quite annoying in this sense, he did ask me to be more understanding before, i apologized and i tried to cease my nonsensical behaviour but i just cannot help it.
hai. i feel so bad now.
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why u feel insecure. shldnt bf gif a sense of security? you have to learn to trust but dont be too trusting.
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Originally posted by cApitaland:
why u feel insecure. shldnt bf gif a sense of security? you have to learn to trust but dont be too trusting.
no idea.. well i believe he is honest to me but still i can and i will imagine those "really-s?" and "what if-s".. then all the more i get worried. i just cannnot stop myself from thinking.. thinking about all the negative stuff. -
Originally posted by 15963:
no idea.. well i believe he is honest to me but still i can and i will imagine those "really-s?" and "what if-s".. then all the more i get worried. i just cannnot stop myself from thinking.. thinking about all the negative stuff.Why don't you do this....
Tell yourself... if he wants to cheat.. he can do it anytime.. and there's really nothing I can do to stop him.
If the worst wants to happen.. it will... so just mentally be prepared for it.
If it doesn't,, BONUS points. You got a gift, so count your blessings.
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men eat finish meal out side le.. will go back home one.. dun worry =D
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me too..
im a guy yet i get insecure easily.
keep pestering my gf on wad she's doing/ where's she.
and jus recently she couldnt take it and told me
"i need space"
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You have to tell yourself that there's no point worrying so much about your bf with what he's doing outside behind your back. If you don't even have the basics of trust, then it's really difficult for this relationship to last long.
I think you should give your bf a breather, don't hold a tight leash on him. You'll strangle and suffocate him one day, even though he may say he don't mind now.
So yea, don't think too much ok? Think positive for everything. Don't be too paranoid.
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This relationship is unhealthy. Doubt will simply erode the affection.
Unless you can put your trust in your partner again, I advise against going into a relationship.
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Originally posted by 15963:
but this time, my current bf is different, he told me he don wanna be like my exes and just left me to my own problem, he wants to be my man and stay with me to help me open up and work things together.
ur bf so good to you.. u cannot like that dun trust him la.. there are many reasons why he cant attend to ur smses and calls all the time mah.. he has his work/studies to do too..
in the past u were so trusting in ur ex-boyfriends and suddenly u find them two-timing u and u couldn't take it.. true, the trauma is there, but how far ur current r/s can go will be dependent on how fast and how well u can release urself from ur fears..
you are going to lose him faster than you know if you carry on what you doing.. and u said it urself, u dun open up! u must be vocal and voice out! if not how the hell are ur loved ones going to know what u feel? the chicken rice stall uncle is not going to know u want to buy chicken rice just because you are standing there rite..?
if u have difficulty speaking out to ur bf, write to him.. in ur freetime, write ur thots out about ur relationship(or basically anything u wanna speak but din have the way/courage to) in a letter and pass it to him.. let the other person noe what u are thinking..
lastly, u MUST be trusting.. you trust the driver to stop at the zebra crossing for you so that u can cross.. if not, u will nv get to the other side because u fear every car will want to bang into u.. ur boyfriend did not do anything wrong that justifies your mistrust, so y seal his fate?
i hope u can get over ur insecurities asap.. no amt of our advice will help if you cant reason it in urself to do the right thing.. best wishes..
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To begin with, you are not having inferiority complex. I think you need to recognize that what you are having is a sense of insecurity. You seem to have lost your confidence in r/s and this has something to do with your past r/s failure. Unknown to you it has now affected your judgement and confidence in people especially the very people whom you care so much. Now, your fear of failure and loosing this person has overtaken your logic and behaviour towards your love one.
I hope you will need to understand your condition and with this it will make it easier for you to manage your condition. In the 1st place, you need to know that there is nothing to loose in a r/s - it either works out or it doesn't. If it doesn't the fault may not solely lies within you. It could be due to your partner and / or most of the time both parties a.k.a incompatibility. All r/s will need to go through several trials and errors before we can become successful. That is why finding the right person in our life is so difficult and there is no exception and that includes people like your present partner, you and me. So just don't take everything so seriously and pessimistic.
Your problem is also aggravated by your lack of support from your b/f and you are partly to be blamed here. You see in any r/s communication is the most important ingredient that cannot be overlooked and the lack of it will cause more barriers to surface between the both of you - as evident in your previous r/s. You failed to disclose and he failed to know what it is all about. Then came your present, now it seems you want to know everything about the other party but you are unwilling to share about yourself. Worse now, you are not trusting what is being communicated.
I hope that you will give this new r/s a chance to start anew and yourself a new lease of life. Just take it easy and 1 step at a time. No need to rush and most importantly learn to trust your partner and yourself. Let the past be history and remind yourself that your days ahead will always be better.
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no matter what happened before, it's time for a new lease of life. Relieve yourself of the past and start learning to trust.
all the best for your r/s, cheers