Not knowing what to do is the worst kind of suffering.
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Hi, well, how should I start with my story? Well I've known this girl for a while but we never started talking till she went back to Korea and then she recently came here to visit and lived with me for 10 days, during which I told her how I felt and she said she would think about it but then said cuz she is going back she won't commit. But once she went back she would flirt with me and every now and then would drop hints and would call me to say something nice, but everynow and then she would run into some personal troubles and then push me aside. Overall she promised to come back and she did, but before then said she didn't have any room in her heart for me but when she came back she said she feels really positive about our relationship and will live with me till sept as well as transfer schools here. During that time I was quite happy, and well because I wasn't her boyfriend yet we decided we wouldn't sleep together and all but that was fine tooo, generally I know lots of guys like her as she always gets ppl giving their numbers to her and I don't mind that either for I was quite certain she liked me. But with all these things I wanted to get closer and stuff but she would push me away and depending on her mood tell me to get lost. During our one month separation it was torture but I still tried to keep positive and mailed her stuff and when she is here in the morning I try to be sweet without putting pressure by writing her funny notes and making breakfast before I have school. I thought i found someone good, and both of us are free spenders so that's always comfortable as we never really worry about money, only where to spend it. Well she has been back for 8 days and has slept here for only 3, the rest of the time with her friends. On the third day of her being here we got into a silly argument she has gone drinking and I waited up for her till 5 am, which she seemd quite happy about as she sometimes tells me I can't sleep till she is back or so on. I didn't mind that but in the afternoon at about 2 I woke her up and she got really mad at me and ignored me, not that we talk a lot but that is fine too. Well she was busy on msn and some guy was flirting with her which really annoyed me so I just left the house without saying goodbye, but as usual I felt guilty and my anger trip became a trip to do something for her as she needed a sim card. I come home cuz I forgot my ID and I asked her if she really wanted it now then I would go back and get the sim card and so like 2 hours later I come back and she totally ignores me again, and finally says she is going to dinner and I ask if she wants me to come but she ignores me. At dinner I wanted her to spend time with me instead later that night but so I ask her if she can get her friend to bring her the phone he has for her and she gets pissy and tells me she wants to go out with them. So I get pissy and don't say a word but I still try to be as nice as possible though obviously with an annoyed look, on the way home she is like if you want me to forgive you, and you look pissed then obviously you still have a reason to be mad, and that she hates ppl that get mad. Still at home I ask her I'm just scared lately that there is a reason we don't talk and so on but we make up and all is fine. Then she goes out drinking again but this time she came back at 2 am and I was sitting on the bay window waiting till then but she still had my cell and I was too lazy to find a pay phone to call, but as I hadn't been sleeping well for like a month I decided to take some sedatives to sleep. But she didn't know how to open the door even though she had keys and couldn't get in as I was asleep, and had to go back to her friend's place which she said was my fault and that I didn't care but damn I skipped class to run back home to make sure that the door was proper this time as I didn't remember if I locked the reverse lock. But ok she comes home later that day and doesn't say a word to me and doesn't even give me her new cell number and so we get into another argument as she is about to go out again, about how she keeps pushing me away but this time I let it all out and I ask her why and she said she is scared and threatens to pack her bags and leave, I hold her and tell her not to and she asks me to give her a reason which I say something and she stops, then I say goodbye when she goes out again. Yea she goes out a lot but probably cuz I've been making things uncomfortable too. But she doesn't come home, and when she does the next day her attitude is like I murdered her family and says it's my fault and she is leaving, so I say this might be the last time we get to see each other then and so you sure u want it to be like this and she is like yeaaa. But she leaves her luggage her, but she still smses me everyday. Even though I've been ignoring her she still expects me to drop everything for her cuz on thursday she forgot her keys and asked me to run back to open the door for her and to buy her a pair of shoes cuz her feels broke, I ignored both as I had class and well I'm no saint. When we get back she is like I'm cold, where are u going, I want to go shopping but I just say you want to get your stuff right? Then back home she gets all pissy on me and leaves without saying anything and once again leaves her luggage. Since then everyday I come home expecting everything to be gone but it is always here, though she isn't. Yesterday I left the city for a day as I needed to get away from all this but I sms her in the morning and she calls me and things seem sweet as she was calm and she promised to come home today, but it's been 10 hours.
My friend's have been so uber kind to me after knowing how this has been bothering me as they know I barely get any sleep or eat more than a meal a day so they keep asking me out to eat and in group work stuff they allow me to do stuff for later in the semester, but this is making law school even more difficult than it is. I don't want to burden them with more stuff as I have been complaining for so long and they all tell me to ignore her, but that is easier said than done of course, I feel like I'm in a divorce but I have never been her boyfriend.
Yea I things happen fast with me and it's partly my fault for forcing her as I know she is slow to love, but I only react when she gives me signals and she pulls away, so it get even more insecure when she does that, that's also when jealousy seeps in. I keep going between wanting her to leave and trying to ask her to stay but she is out everynight and I barely see her. I don't know if she is trying to make things go back to normal and when I don't react she gets mad or is she trying to piss me off till I tell her to get lost so she can feel less guilty. I have no idea what to do, though the reaction from all my friends is that she is a bitch and tell her to get lost.
What to do? I try to tell her she can stay at my place for as long as she wants but she tells me she has plenty of friends now though at the same time she will say if I don't have a place I will. Sometimes I feel so pathetic....but I also know that she never says sorry to anyone and the best she can do is be nice as an apology.
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tts one long story.. it just turns me away from reading. i guess most ppl also dun bother to read. so just wait for one kind person who haf a lot of spare time in their hands to reply.
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Indeed, but generally the shorter it is the easier it is to solve.