need ur humble opinions for my relationship
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hi to all. need ur advises.
i haf a gf. all her past 10+ bfs' didnt work out for her. tt time she was an ah lian and anyhow have bf for the sake of having one. the last bf she had was the one she really loved as from what she told me. the guy apparently 'slept' with her as well so taking away her virginity. after breaking up, she was very very depressed. it took her 2 long years before getting into another relationship which is with ME! Many many guys went after her this 2 years but she chose me even though i did not chase her. i just liked her n i didnt even show it to her. we just hanged out together with my other frenz and it seems that she liked me as well so she kinda like 'forced' me to go after her. i m not the type who goes after gals as i m a car n bike fanatic. hehe.. so one day i told her i liked her and my love was reciprocated. i started sending her home but she won't let me be seen together with her in front of her neighbours etc as she say tt they are all very kaypoh and she didnt want her mum to find out. she said that she will tell her mum in due time. then one day she showed me to her mum and her mum also accepted me. then after that nowadays we hang out very intimately even in her neighbourhood. in fact she always holds my hands in public.i get along fine with her family very well except the father to whom i have not been introduced yet. this will be some time later, not now. she goes out with me ad holds my hands etc. sh even took a cab in the middle of the night to come over to my place when i was feeling very down. MY PROBLEM is that i always ask her this qn--> " what if ur mum rejects me one day?" then she will say that if her mum rejects me then she will leave me as well.. then she says her mum will not reject me lah blah blah. i dunno if she really love me or wat.. any ideaS?? but then rite, when we are together we are very intimate etc. she always sends me sms-es etc to show that she cares for me. we talk EVERYTHING out from head to tail when we have a problem. but i dunno why, when i am alone or sad etc i will ponder over the fact that she lost her virginity not to me. i feel so insecure knowing that so many guys are after her. she has assured me that she wont choose them.. else she would have done that long ago instead of choosing me. Engineers etc after her but she chose me, a poor guy. haha.. how ironic.
so i just wanna know does this gal really love me or wat? i feel she loves me really but then... i dunno why she says she can simply leave me if her mum objects?? if u love someone u can just let go like that is it??
thanks for reading and i hope non-nonsensical replies will be posted. thanks alot!!
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Erm when u said 'humble opinions' did u realy mean it?
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of course i mean it lah.. just speak ur minds... i m open to all suggestions...Originally posted by Unity:Erm when u said 'humble opinions' did u realy mean it? -
Don't mean to sound long winded but if our opinions are going to be humble, then dun think u'll get much out of us.
OKokOK, I noe u didn't mean it.
Anyway i think the situation presents itself rather clearly. She mentioned that if her mother could no longer accept u, then neither could she. Can there be love then?
Perhaps not at the moment...but judging from the apparent fact that she chose u over the other 'more qualified' candidates, perhaps she saw something in you which could blossom into something both of you could depend upon for a longer lasting and more stable relationship.
Also, it depends on how u feel about her. It seems u only went after her when nudged along, but it also shows that u CAN accept her and not like u totally detest her or what.
So in all, I'd say that this relationship CAN develop into something real if both of u hang on and if no other truer love comes along. -
u say that i went after her only after she nudged me. maybe i did not make myself clear. i am the shy type. i have never ever went after a gal or declared that i like her etc. anyway i didnt like anyone until i met this gal. i feared rejection thats why didnt go after her. scare wait she didnt like me. she gave me very obvious hints but still i didnt ask her coz i very scared to get rejected. some more we both study in same class. it will be very awkward. but i really hope that i can spend my life with her. she stays over at my house time to time. she also always liek to bring me to furniture stores and dream about our future house. hehe.. -
oh ya.. another thing is that she has stopped me from gambling etc. she has also sacrificed her love for karaoke etc. she knows i dislikes her to go out at night so she tries her best to stay at home. anyway i m very confused lah. i just wanna know what u ppl feel only. watever u all say rite, i will just take it in my stride but STILL CONTINUE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HEr coz what i feel at the moment is that she loves me as well..
my purpose in starting this thread is just to get all ur opinions. so no worries bro!! just keep them coming. i wont be angry or anythign. just wanna knwo all ur views!!
thanks!! -
why, in the first place, u ask her that question abt her mum rejecting u?
I guess she is a gal with her own thinking, hence she has chosen u over the better candidates... and hence, if her mum were to disagree, and if she still likes u, do u think she will abandon u?
Do try to find bone in an egg. Love her well.
Best regards
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u r marryin her nt her mum or her dad...
anyway since u 2 r goin on welll still worry for wat...nothin to worry dn find tings to worry it will oni worsen the relationship....treat like normal lidat can liao lor... -
u tink like mi...darlingOriginally posted by Xiao Long Nu:u r marryin her nt her mum or her dad...
anyway since u 2 r goin on welll still worry for wat...nothin to worry dn find tings to worry it will oni worsen the relationship....treat like normal lidat can liao lor... -
yah, why would her mum rejects you suddenly?
and, if you like her, you should accept her past. -
]Originally posted by sgboy2004:u tink like mi...darling
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hey boy. talk a look at your own posts and see all the things she had done and sacrificed for you.
AND YOU STILL DOUBT HER SINCERITY?!
what i reckon is that you cannot let go of the fact that she is not a virgin anymore and when any problems crops up this fact will come back and haunt you and you will generate many funny ideas and nonsensical reasonings.
cherish what you have dude! -
Kaoz. This kind of posts pisses ppl off. If our input is of absolutely of no consequence or effect( as u stated) then why seek our opinions? BTW believe it or not information influences behavior which leads to change in attitude.
kaoz. -
Originally posted by jeramy:
cherish her...yeah
hey boy. talk a look at your own posts and see all the things she had done and sacrificed for you.
[b]AND YOU STILL DOUBT HER SINCERITY?!
what i reckon is that you cannot let go of the fact that she is not a virgin anymore and when any problems crops up this fact will come back and haunt you and you will generate many funny ideas and nonsensical reasonings.
cherish what you have dude!
[/b]
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Erm... just to side track a little - next time if you want to post essay, remember to do it in paragraph... difficult to read in a chunk, but well, you still get your message across me.Originally posted by couch^potato:hi to all. need ur advises.
i haf a gf. all her past 10+ bfs' didnt work out for her. tt time she was an ah lian and anyhow have bf for the sake of having one. the last bf she had was the one she really loved as from what she told me. the guy apparently 'slept' with her as well so taking away her virginity. after breaking up, she was very very depressed. it took her 2 long years before getting into another relationship which is with ME! Many many guys went after her this 2 years but she chose me even though i did not chase her. i just liked her n i didnt even show it to her. we just hanged out together with my other frenz and it seems that she liked me as well so she kinda like 'forced' me to go after her. i m not the type who goes after gals as i m a car n bike fanatic. hehe.. so one day i told her i liked her and my love was reciprocated. i started sending her home but she won't let me be seen together with her in front of her neighbours etc as she say tt they are all very kaypoh and she didnt want her mum to find out. she said that she will tell her mum in due time. then one day she showed me to her mum and her mum also accepted me. then after that nowadays we hang out very intimately even in her neighbourhood. in fact she always holds my hands in public.i get along fine with her family very well except the father to whom i have not been introduced yet. this will be some time later, not now. she goes out with me ad holds my hands etc. sh even took a cab in the middle of the night to come over to my place when i was feeling very down. MY PROBLEM is that i always ask her this qn--> " what if ur mum rejects me one day?" then she will say that if her mum rejects me then she will leave me as well.. then she says her mum will not reject me lah blah blah. i dunno if she really love me or wat.. any ideaS?? but then rite, when we are together we are very intimate etc. she always sends me sms-es etc to show that she cares for me. we talk EVERYTHING out from head to tail when we have a problem. but i dunno why, when i am alone or sad etc i will ponder over the fact that she lost her virginity not to me. i feel so insecure knowing that so many guys are after her. she has assured me that she wont choose them.. else she would have done that long ago instead of choosing me. Engineers etc after her but she chose me, a poor guy. haha.. how ironic.
so i just wanna know does this gal really love me or wat? i feel she loves me really but then... i dunno why she says she can simply leave me if her mum objects?? if u love someone u can just let go like that is it??
thanks for reading and i hope non-nonsensical replies will be posted. thanks alot!! 
Who hasn't a past? You knew it deep inside that she 'WAS' a lian and lian knew little about love until they live out of it - not speaking from my preception, rather from friends that I knew. She discover nature of men and to make things worst, the company she has - bengs, people who approach her, etc, behind the mask they wear, she would see them like glass - their hidden motive. Since you knew that she was a lian, had such a past (your feelings and action continues) AND It didn't stop you from liking her, therefore you can't complain about her past because you CHOOSE to accept it subconsciously. She ask you out, you could reject her - but you didn't, therefore you wanted somewhere within yourself.
She chose you - because you are (or seemed) DIFFERENT from those who attempt to woo her, because if you feel the same, she wouldn't even fall for you. I assume that both of you weren't together yet - actions speaks louder than words: READ the sign.
By the way, Love don't cost a shit - so what if people has the money? The feeling you give to her is richer than money could subsitute.
Let me ask you one frank question for you to reflect: Are you hesistating because she is not a virgin and just using the mum non-existence problem to excuse yourself? If you are telling me that her mum strongly reject you being her bf, then thats another story - but has this fear surface? No!
Deep within you, you know she loves and the same for you. Your heart is subdued, just that your mind is experience equity problem -when you love someone - it goes beyond just what you will get *from* her, rather what you can *give* to her. You said if love someone can get her go - you are totally right, but the big question is that HAS she GIVEN YOU up for ANOTHER GUY? No!
You feel sad that she has lost her virginity - that is her past and you do not have any contact with her past - you can't do a thing - therefore you shouldn't even get bother. Think about this: if you were to met her prior before that jerk came into her life: things may be very much different.
Ask you another question: You love her? Or love that piece of membrane?
You can find another girl who is a virgin - you can never find another person who that same feeling. She has told you about her sad past: it is YOUR PRIVILEGE, not your right. Since it's a privilege and she trusted you to know: Do not mis-abuse this. Everyone has that lame past - but if they were to learn and grow from it, it may not be a bad thing. Think about this, if she hasn't gone through such situation, she most likely may not even like you and may still be with that other guy.
Love is to accept: if you can't - you forgo all the beautiful thing it could give to your life in exchange for your self-absorbed thoughts that will get you nowhere. You have a choice now: give it up and you could lose it forever. Hope I don't have to see another topic done by you about this issue.
Prays -
wow yunhaier.............
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thanks for all ur replies bros and sisters... learn to appreciate her even more after all ur postings...
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hi there! thanks for ur views man. it has been very encouraging and i appreciate that. i guess like wat u say, she gave me that privilege and i should not abuse it and instead be thankful that i did not find it out myself. hehe.. anyway i really love her alot. i doubt i will leave her just because of this issue anyway. thanks!!Originally posted by Yunhaier:Erm... just to side track a little - next time if you want to post essay, remember to do it in paragraph... difficult to read in a chunk, but well, you still get your message across me.
Who hasn't a past? You knew it deep inside that she 'WAS' a lian and lian knew little about love until they live out of it - not speaking from my preception, rather from friends that I knew. She discover nature of men and to make things worst, the company she has - bengs, people who approach her, etc, behind the mask they wear, she would see them like glass - their hidden motive. Since you knew that she was a lian, had such a past (your feelings and action continues) AND It didn't stop you from liking her, therefore you can't complain about her past because you CHOOSE to accept it subconsciously. She ask you out, you could reject her - but you didn't, therefore you wanted somewhere within yourself.
She chose you - because you are (or seemed) DIFFERENT from those who attempt to woo her, because if you feel the same, she wouldn't even fall for you. I assume that both of you weren't together yet - actions speaks louder than words: READ the sign.
By the way, Love don't cost a shit - so what if people has the money? The feeling you give to her is richer than money could subsitute.
Let me ask you one frank question for you to reflect: Are you hesistating because she is not a virgin and just using the mum non-existence problem to excuse yourself? If you are telling me that her mum strongly reject you being her bf, then thats another story - but has this fear surface? No!
Deep within you, you know she loves and the same for you. Your heart is subdued, just that your mind is experience equity problem -when you love someone - it goes beyond just what you will get *from* her, rather what you can *give* to her. You said if love someone can get her go - you are totally right, but the big question is that HAS she GIVEN YOU up for ANOTHER GUY? No!
You feel sad that she has lost her virginity - that is her past and you do not have any contact with her past - you can't do a thing - therefore you shouldn't even get bother. Think about this: if you were to met her prior before that jerk came into her life: things may be very much different.
Ask you another question: You love her? Or love that piece of membrane?
You can find another girl who is a virgin - you can never find another person who that same feeling. She has told you about her sad past: it is YOUR PRIVILEGE, not your right. Since it's a privilege and she trusted you to know: Do not mis-abuse this. Everyone has that lame past - but if they were to learn and grow from it, it may not be a bad thing. Think about this, if she hasn't gone through such situation, she most likely may not even like you and may still be with that other guy.
Love is to accept: if you can't - you forgo all the beautiful thing it could give to your life in exchange for your self-absorbed thoughts that will get you nowhere. You have a choice now: give it up and you could lose it forever. Hope I don't have to see another topic done by you about this issue.
Prays
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Sure mate...Originally posted by couch^potato:hi there! thanks for ur views man. it has been very encouraging and i appreciate that. i guess like wat u say, she gave me that privilege and i should not abuse it and instead be thankful that i did not find it out myself. hehe.. anyway i really love her alot. i doubt i will leave her just because of this issue anyway. thanks!! -
wow. mis-abuse? chim.Originally posted by Yunhaier:Do not mis-abuse this.
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hmm
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there are some girls who will screw u up, when they found someone better, and some girls who hang out with you cos they like to hang out with the friends u are with, and there are girls who like you for who u are...
how can u tell if she really love you? well if you found that solution, you'll be a genius... cos no one really knows what in a girls mind.. its too complex...
thats why we guys, got to simplify..
1) she like you (else she won't spend time with you, talk to you for nothing) got ppl chase her she still want u.. so (NO problem) 1-0 to you
2) Dont think about things like her ex, and how she has slept with other guys..thats will only screw up the nice thing u have (remember all this happen before she was with you which is in the past) its all in the past, so why do u want to question about the past? its over already, dont waste time arguing about things thta are int he past...
3) she says she leaves you if her mum disapprove you (but her mum already approve u) she says that to show u that Family alwasy comes first with her, altho not many girls these days gives a crap about their parent, this is a good sign... so one day if you get married (youll be her family) and family (thats means you) come first to anything else... good what..
dude.. i think this girl must be quite cheo... thats why u very worried she will leave you...
instead of screwing up everything and pissing her off with your insecurity and distrusting question, be nice to her, please her, buy flowers, losten to her, be considerate, be a gentleman when she is areound, never take advantage of her...and she will confirm be yours..
you see having a girl is a prvilage not a right... cos with out a girl.. life;s pretty crappy, got good bike also feel so sad and f**king lonely if no girl..
treasure what u have... give her 100%, have faith in love... if she leaves you then nvrmnd lah.. what to do.. suffer for 2 month, but you get the experience, try again with another girl...
be a man ...k. -
I am kind of confused coz u suddenly popped that WHAT IF YOUR MUM REJECTS ME!! U seen her and u said she accepted u.... the prob is her DAD whom u havent see mah??? *alamak* why u pick up pebbles and aim at your own head?????????
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i tink its ok dat she leaves u if her moms rejects u... coz u noe... filal piety... juz try 2 enjoy it while it lasts
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hey bro.. thanks for ur advises and strong encouraging words. today she sms me while working say that her gd fren msged her saying that relationship will sour after 2 yrs etc. then my gal msged me after hearing her fren's words and said that she is afraid that the same thing might happen to us. then after work i rush down to her place and talk to her lah. we had a chat and things turn out fine again. i dunno y but she keeps getting worried about whatever happens to her fren. worried that it might happen to her as well. anyway, we always haf a straightforward talk when we are sad or argue etc.Originally posted by visual:there are some girls who will screw u up, when they found someone better, and some girls who hang out with you cos they like to hang out with the friends u are with, and there are girls who like you for who u are...
how can u tell if she really love you? well if you found that solution, you'll be a genius... cos no one really knows what in a girls mind.. its too complex...
thats why we guys, got to simplify..
1) she like you (else she won't spend time with you, talk to you for nothing) got ppl chase her she still want u.. so (NO problem) 1-0 to you
2) Dont think about things like her ex, and how she has slept with other guys..thats will only screw up the nice thing u have (remember all this happen before she was with you which is in the past) its all in the past, so why do u want to question about the past? its over already, dont waste time arguing about things thta are int he past...
3) she says she leaves you if her mum disapprove you (but her mum already approve u) she says that to show u that Family alwasy comes first with her, altho not many girls these days gives a crap about their parent, this is a good sign... so one day if you get married (youll be her family) and family (thats means you) come first to anything else... good what..
dude.. i think this girl must be quite cheo... thats why u very worried she will leave you...
instead of screwing up everything and pissing her off with your insecurity and distrusting question, be nice to her, please her, buy flowers, losten to her, be considerate, be a gentleman when she is areound, never take advantage of her...and she will confirm be yours..
you see having a girl is a prvilage not a right... cos with out a girl.. life;s pretty crappy, got good bike also feel so sad and f**king lonely if no girl..
treasure what u have... give her 100%, have faith in love... if she leaves you then nvrmnd lah.. what to do.. suffer for 2 month, but you get the experience, try again with another girl...
be a man ...k.
so went down to her place and had a gd long chat with her lah. now i feel very gd after telling her all that i was pissed about her etc. stuff like she always wanna go disco etc which i dun like. so we came to a compromise that she wont go to disco and i wont mention abt betting nor have anythign to do with it.
btw.. i find her very pretty(coz she is my love u know!! hehe) but in other's eyes, she may not be the same as what i see her. in reality she does have her own shortcomings feature wise.. as in face got pimples lah etc. but then i duno y she attract guys like magnet. one thing true is that she dresses up very well i feel.
there was once i didnt even know if i should go after this gal. then my fren encouraged me u know!! he encourage and gave me lotsa hope so after 'get' her i actually brought them out for dinner one day to meet each other. GUess wat! my fren actually ask her y she choose me lah blah blah behind my back!! wtf man!!! then he kept mumbling nonsense when i around and start to turn hostile liek as if he wanna show his 'man-ness' to impress my gal. he so disrespectfully call the auntie to clean up the table lah blah blah. my gal n i were so pissed with his attitude! to think i took some points for that idiot when he beat the traffic light! wat an ingrate!
then everytime he calls me (which is rare nowadays except he needs help) he will always end of with this... " hey sumei and u still together huh?"
Really regret knowing this kinda ingrates man.
and yes i pamper my gal a lot. i give her many surprises which she likes. but she has a bad temper which might be the main problem. anyway once again thanking u for ur reply!