My husband having affair with China woman!
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Originally posted by Elim20:
Its really sad and hurting...
The lawyer says most likely I will get custody of the kids, but i also worry about the outcome. Some of my friends have been telling me they will give 1 kid to each parent. I really worry....
Now the lawyer is giving me time to get the proof. But I really don't know how to go about it. Getting PI is far too ex. And there is no guarantee that they will get the evidence. And also i will need the $$ for my bb...
Why must he do this to me??? All this years of being together, I have never ask him to buy me any thing, not even branded stuff. But he himself is wearing branded!
He will spurge on things he likes, but never buys for me and the kid. I stick to him even thou I know he has no $. Going thru so much with him and yet he do this to me!
I think you may need a second opinion from another legal professional.
You married a irresponsible man. The mistress part is almost what is expected of irresponsibile men.
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After confronting him with what you know he still denies and does the Bill Clinton Shuffle on you?? Tell you what, when he is asleep just get a sledge hammer and slam it down hard on his crotch.See if he can deny that.
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so sad and hurting.
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Let the court decide on the custody of your children,your husband is making a terrible mistake and since money is no issue then you should get whatever you can out of this....Just like what Ivana Trump said ,'If you catch your husband cheating dont get angry just take all his money.
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Originally posted by Elim20:
After the confrontation, he just told me he wants custody of the 2 kids. Money is of no issue to him.
I don't think he has any intention to end the affair.
Sad to say, but if divorce is what you desire, then I advise you to seek legal counsel as soon as you can.
But for the sake of your kids, and if your husband is repentent, then seek marriage counselling.
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Originally posted by Elim20:
After the confrontation, he just told me he wants custody of the 2 kids. Money is of no issue to him.
I don't think he has any intention to end the affair.
This should be the easiest divorce to deal thru since his money is no issue.You just need a better lawyer lah.
You are female, you are more likely to get custodies and maintenance for the kids even if you filed for the divorce.
But if you do not wish to come to this end. And he has no intention to end the affair. Why seek so much heartache by reading too much of folks who dont have any legal knowledge?
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I have tried counselling.
I know I have tried my best already...
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The main reason for a divorce is often irreconcilable differences.
It's sad that you have to come to that stage. Do what you think is necessary, but with a rational mind, ya?
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Sigh....
Ok...here's a coupel of tips.
1) get a decent lawyer. You need, just pm me for my number and I will speak to you and advise you who can take you on. You need PI, I also have, though its not necessary to get a PI, you are afterall not challenging a divorce settlement that is in the millions of $$$.
2) I dont need to know your full story. But kindly do not lie to the lawyers & the PI or you may find yoruself in deeper shit.
3) You just need to take note of the following. You are Singaporean, he is Singaporean, both your kids are Singaporean and all of you are not Muslim. The date and time you have conversations with your hub and your understanding of that conversation, preferably with few choice quotes of him regarding those conversations that convey his intentions. Jot down those dates and times and quotes as much as possible and bring them to the Lawyer.
4) Receipts, who pay for what and when. Preferably some of his credit card statements to indicate when and how he was infidel are crucial to establish his infidelity of this marriage. Dont even need evidence of them in bed. (thats all hype by the drama series.)
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Originally posted by Elim20:
Ya, i going to make him pay dearly for it!
Shall see when the girl will leave him for someone richer! Now he is so obsessed with her, i really dun noe what to say! I really wonder what kind of charm they have! Can anyone tell me??
I have tried counselling, but i doubt he will go for it. He hardly has time for me and the kid, and now he has the woman, do you think he will go? I don't think so.
I know I have tried my best already...
Errr........looks like you wanted to basically kick him out and hopefully he will then try to come back and beg your forgiveness later.Its a fools dream actually. But hey....it might work.
How about working for a 3 years separation first, which gives both of you time to adjust to a new lifestyle or at least reconcile.
Then you can pursue divorce only if both of you really cannot make it back together again.
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Originally posted by Elim20:
It's such a torture. Having to end my marriage in such a way.
You have 2 beautiful children from that union. Treat it as a blessing instead that you gained the good and dump out the pests. -
Originally posted by Elim20:
Ya, i going to make him pay dearly for it!
Shall see when the girl will leave him for someone richer! Now he is so obsessed with her, i really dun noe what to say! I really wonder what kind of charm they have! Can anyone tell me??
I have tried counselling, but i doubt he will go for it. He hardly has time for me and the kid, and now he has the woman, do you think he will go? I don't think so.
I know I have tried my best already...
Elim,
Obviously, you have never read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray.
Your answer lies in the story "The Knight In Shining Armor".
It seems you have ceased to be the princess in distress, and he has found the woman who lives in the village.
" Remembering that within every man is a knight in shining armor.... Although a man may appreciate caring and assistance sometimes, too much of it will lessen his confidence or turn him off."
I am not saying it is your fault, if fundamentally a man is unfaithful, he will commit unfaithful acts no matter what you do.
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And hmmmm......
The Surrendered Wife.
I still have that book. You want to loan it for a read?
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Dear Elim20.
I'm sorry to hear of the developments in your life.
As pointed out by jojo, save for negative factors that you may not have revealed, I would not worry too much about custody issues.
Further, as mentioned by viciouskitty, there is NO requirement that you show evidence of him making out with the girl in bed. I have not encountered a single case (of the few I had been engaged with) where proof of sexual activities as they occured were ever presented before the court. I am confident that photos of them being intimate in public, or entering-exiting a motel is sufficient. Fact is, if your claim is not rebutted in the AEIC (although I would suspect that a competent defendant and/or his counsel would would you to the burden of proof), such may be more than sufficient.
By virtue that you are represented by counsel, I would not give heed to any of my above legal comments nor would I bother with those provided by others. I would, however, be very cautious of what I post on the forum if I were in your position.
Originally posted by Elim20:Thanks for all your advises. I really appreciate it.
It'ts really touching to know there are people who cares... :)
I trusted him a lot. Maybe I was too naive and stupid. Thinking that he will change for the better for me and the kid. Before marriage, he wasn't like that. Or maybe its due to that time he did not have $, so he could not do anything funny. But now the situation is different. He is loaded with $$$!! Do all man fool around when they have $$$?
Yes, I have the support from my family. But none of my friends know what I am going thru now. I find it shameful to tell them, altough it was my husband who did me wrong first.
I really want a divorce now. But having diffculty gathering evidence.
My lawyer says she will fight for monthly maintenance of 2k for me and the kid. For the housing, most likely i will get 70%. I going to make him pay more! Since he told me $ is of no issue to him!
Now i have to find out more about the PI and custody of my kids. I hope the judge won't separate us!!!
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Originally posted by xavier1979:
The main reason for a divorce is often irreconcilable differences.
It's sad that you have to come to that stage. Do what you think is necessary, but with a rational mind, ya?
Greetings, Xavier1979.Pursuant to your claim that "The main reason for a divorce is often irreconcilable differences" [emphasis, yours], it has to be mentioned that in Sinapore, there is only ONE Ground for divorce - Irretrievable breakdown of marriage. And for which, any of the following 5 factors may be used to support the ground / reason for divorce:
(a) that the defendant has committed adultery and the plaintiff finds it intolerable to live with the defendant;
(b) that the defendant has behaved in such a way that the plaintiff cannot reasonably be expected to live with the defendant;
(c) that the defendant has deserted the plaintiff for a continuous period of at least 2 years immediately preceding the filing of the writ;
(d) that the parties to the marriage have lived apart for a continuous period of at least 3 years immediately preceding the filing of the writ and the defendant consents to a judgment being granted;
(e) that the parties to the marriage have lived apart for a continuous period of at least 4 years immediately preceding the filing of the writ.I hope the above helps.
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Get a PI to collect evidence. All the best!
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tks for your advise and support
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tks for your advise and support
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Originally posted by Elim20:
Yes, i think want i need to do now is to get a PI.
I will get it done soon.
Thanks!
ya do watever u think is rite for u & the kids
we r always behind u giving u moral support
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This is the reason why i hate PRC so much, Period. Anyway as long u got the ability to support yourself and your kids .. U will get them. Piority goes to the mother. This will be a hard battle and i realli hope u will win this battle. Your husband will come back and cry to u .. So i hope u dun get soft hearted..
Good luck and pls take care of yourself.. U got your kids depending on u too..
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Thank you all. I will be strong, for myself and the kids. They are still very young. But life will be tough ahead. -
jerk. seek help from a lawyer.
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Originally posted by bleuwhale:
Thanks for the details! I'm sure it'll help the TS.
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you will almost certainly have the kids.....sg law is like that...a case last year had this judge saying to a man "your ex-wife is for sure a lousy wife, given her adultery but that doesn't mean she's a bad mother..." the kids went to the mother because she's been the primary care giver..... so long as you can show that you are the one taking care of the kids more than your husband, then you will keep them...women's charter very powerful, sometimes too powerful..... i don't believe in reincarnation, don't think that you owe him or whatever, look forward, especially since you still have an unborn child....when this is done and settled, maybe you can create a blog to shame him...that'll be the pay back....