First love...........despair
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TS,
Do justice to your wife and daughter, be a man and stab yourself while flushing your worthless arse down the toilet, your family is better off without a lame ass like you. take care and all the best.......:)
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Originally posted by DivineDespair:
It was first love, so innocent and pure. The type you'd know that this was the ONE and you would sacifice anything, the time, the money even your life for it to flourish. 2.5 years of endless devotion, can to an abrupt end one day. She was kind to let me down easy, tried to explain it was her fault and even to "scold" her if i was unhappy. Being the teenage egoistic male filled with pride and never to "lose face" in a situation like this, i consented that it was ok. She even explained that if she wasn't the one i was intending to marry, it would have to end somewhere. I agreed and we parted.
Unknowing the her, i was totally devestated by this. My whole world from everything i knew, did and believed in was suddenly taken away. The life in me was drained, and there was this hugh "love" vacuum to be filled. I got attached again but this relationship had to be ended by me, as i finally realized that it was unfair of me to love somebody for the wrong reasons. I didn't know how to love again, the sameway i had always knew.I lived my life, more careful of my feelings, more reserved. Never being able to commit myself.
Time passes by and i live my life . Now and then the memories do resurface and haunt me. Sometimes, out of the blue, i dream of her, and it totally destabilizes the day for me. One such day happened 5 years ago, out of curiosity, i went to search ROM and to my "surprise" i found that she had registered about 2 years ago. I felt there was no point in waiting anymore. Deep inside i was hoping for something to happen despite not having contact for ~8 years. Within a month, i proposed to my current girlfriend and we got married the subsequent year.
Just yesterday (~15 years since), i stumbled upon her facebook entry. Being a private one, i could see her together with her daugher. Something deep inside starts to rekindle, some emotions that makes me feel uneasy. I've been off center for the last 24 hrs. I'm really happy for her and bear no grudges as i should have matured through all this time. But there is something deep inside me that has made me feel uneasy. Something i think i should have said on that fateful breakup day or sometime sooner. I know it sounds ridiculous to be hoping for anything now, and i'm not. I myself have a daughter and she means the world to me and i would never do anything to hurt her.
But there is something in my soul that needs addressing, something that i have to address before i depart from this planet. I just need to tell her (without any hope or agenda) that "I really loved you. I lied then about you not being the one not to marry, cos it was the exact opposite, you were my life and that was always in my mind for that to happen. Cos not letting you know for all this time has been killing me".
I feel that i have to seal this chapter in my life, which was never really closed for 15 years. But then again it sounds crazy to contact someone who you've not contacted for 15 years and say this. Now that our lives have moved on.
What should i do??
P.S. If any of you had watch "Love actually", i can truely relate to the character Mark that is secretly in love with Kiera knightley's character, but didn't have the courage to tell her, because as he says "its a self preservation thing". Not allowing himself to succumb to the despair of knowing that they can never be together. Kiera married his best friend.
So what if you blurt out the truth when the truth does not matter anymore? The courage that you can finally muster after 15 years are abit too late. If you were with her 15 years ago, you might not be as xin fu as u are now.
Open your heart and treasure what you have had now.
.
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Originally posted by DivineDespair:
It was first love, so innocent and pure. The type you'd know that this was the ONE and you would sacifice anything, the time, the money even your life for it to flourish. 2.5 years of endless devotion, can to an abrupt end one day. She was kind to let me down easy, tried to explain it was her fault and even to "scold" her if i was unhappy. Being the teenage egoistic male filled with pride and never to "lose face" in a situation like this, i consented that it was ok. She even explained that if she wasn't the one i was intending to marry, it would have to end somewhere. I agreed and we parted.
Unknowing the her, i was totally devestated by this. My whole world from everything i knew, did and believed in was suddenly taken away. The life in me was drained, and there was this hugh "love" vacuum to be filled. I got attached again but this relationship had to be ended by me, as i finally realized that it was unfair of me to love somebody for the wrong reasons. I didn't know how to love again, the sameway i had always knew.I lived my life, more careful of my feelings, more reserved. Never being able to commit myself.
Time passes by and i live my life . Now and then the memories do resurface and haunt me. Sometimes, out of the blue, i dream of her, and it totally destabilizes the day for me. One such day happened 5 years ago, out of curiosity, i went to search ROM and to my "surprise" i found that she had registered about 2 years ago. I felt there was no point in waiting anymore. Deep inside i was hoping for something to happen despite not having contact for ~8 years. Within a month, i proposed to my current girlfriend and we got married the subsequent year.
Just yesterday (~15 years since), i stumbled upon her facebook entry. Being a private one, i could see her together with her daugher. Something deep inside starts to rekindle, some emotions that makes me feel uneasy. I've been off center for the last 24 hrs. I'm really happy for her and bear no grudges as i should have matured through all this time. But there is something deep inside me that has made me feel uneasy. Something i think i should have said on that fateful breakup day or sometime sooner. I know it sounds ridiculous to be hoping for anything now, and i'm not. I myself have a daughter and she means the world to me and i would never do anything to hurt her.
But there is something in my soul that needs addressing, something that i have to address before i depart from this planet. I just need to tell her (without any hope or agenda) that "I really loved you. I lied then about you not being the one not to marry, cos it was the exact opposite, you were my life and that was always in my mind for that to happen. Cos not letting you know for all this time has been killing me".
I feel that i have to seal this chapter in my life, which was never really closed for 15 years. But then again it sounds crazy to contact someone who you've not contacted for 15 years and say this. Now that our lives have moved on.
What should i do??
P.S. If any of you had watch "Love actually", i can truely relate to the character Mark that is secretly in love with Kiera knightley's character, but didn't have the courage to tell her, because as he says "its a self preservation thing". Not allowing himself to succumb to the despair of knowing that they can never be together. Kiera married his best friend.
I find it extremely disturbing to hear
stories of how an individual would so absurdly delude their ideology of a
perfect love by equating it to a proposed fantasy figure, just simply because
the feelings were the most intensive and the 'I-know-she-is-the-one.' false
prophesy. This karmic relationship is nothing but fatuous love.
All this emotional misery is caused by the seemingly unbreakable attachment and bondage to this karmic relationship that is wholesomely one sided and narcissistic. In tarot, the Devil best represents the condition of such relationship.
There is so much self conjuration of melodrama - filled with narcissism and disillusionment. I think it's doleful to see people with perfectly nice marriages saying that their greatest failure in love is never having to marry or continue a relationship with ‘That One' till the very end. That loose equivalent of a soul mate, first love, best love, or whatever you termed it, gets mistaken for everything from infatuation to lust to an excuse for stalking, obsession, domestic violence and the what's not.
And the incredible thing is that people seek to find strength in corroborating this afflicted mindset through media, movies, music, books or simply taking selective perspective and biased conclusion whenever they listened to people’s stories and reaffirmed this one-sided view on their take of their own relationship.
I have seen first hand, people grouping together as they howled in pain by reminiscing and negatively strengthening their false love identity with their fantasy figure/s - even fate has blatantly revealed that he/she has no more greater plans in their lives.
This is crazy! How depressing would it be for your wife, who have given her heart to you through love and marriage, only to discover that she is but a second class citizen to another person, which time should have disintegrate her presence into the pages of history in your lifespan and shrine of memory.
This is not merely a commentary point of view because I walked through similar path and ate the same shit, albeit now it still affects me occasionally. The only difference between you and I is that I transformed this regret into perfecting my soul and cultivate deeper understanding in Love.
I took the spiritual path towards enlightenment in Love and pen down my discovery in my own book and gradually see myself grow from my own encounters.
I recalled writing this phenomenon in CloUdiSm under Ritual Closure – people who are unable to seal certain chapter in love, despite the passing of time, and seek to attempt some form of ‘ritual-like’ action or behavior to conclude episode/s. You reckoned that there is this need for you to go up to her and tell her that you really loved her back then and what you said fifteen years ago is nothing but a lie and all that stuff – this is your attempt at weaving the ‘ritual’ to process a closure for that chapter.
But what you are blinded to see is that her presence in your life has absolutely nothing to do with or without knowing that you truly loved her back then. The real gist of that entire scenario functions as an expedient means to reveal that one should treasure our love ones every single moment in life and that one must never fetter the purest form of self expression in love!
Fifteen years and that foolishness carried on without any attempt at clarification or enlightenment. True as I have wrote about seven years ago, ‘Love has absolutely nothing to do with our chronological age.’ In fact, our judgment in Love is often clouded, not by reasoning, but by the lack of wisdom to perceive our situation holistically in love and relationship, which fuels our misery and suffering.
There is no such thing as a perfect lover – only imperfect people attempting to forge a perfect relationship. As what I have told BaByBoy – you must learn to release yourself from this emotional imprisonment because this option is only available to you from within. Nobody or nothing can make you realise this other than yourself.
Cheers
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*Double posting*
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Originally posted by 16/f/lonely:
15 years????
Even my 2 years of NS seem freakin long.
You waterboy...
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actually what do you hope to achieve by just telling her that you really loved her back then? Would it have changed anything now?
It is all in the past. Both of you have a family now and you should be focusing on how to cherish your current wife and daughter better otherwise you will just end up regretting it one day later.
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It's fine to keep your memory & ur actions towards your "ex-gf" of 15yrs ago......Just keep it...
but i think it's best to keep your family...
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everytime i see yunhaier post an advice, it somewhat summarises every point and no longer gives anymore room for further discussions
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find a religion to fill the empty holes in your heart
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u have already left regret in one woman, dont do it for the second. i believe u have been trying all these years to let go, and now seeing her on facebook again just reminds u of the good old times. ur wife's love for you will not be any less, so dont let her down.
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Man, born with a habit of likening changes, new things, new life, new adventure and new love.
Good in creativity and excellencing themselve in life, but they may not be good in relationship such as love, as they seek new love and forego the old of no interest. One of the weakness point in them is, regret. They like to regret this and that, and ultimately, for love and relationship, they tend to regret their pass unsuccessful love relationship no matter how mature are in their life.
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so old liao and worst married liao still duno how to think properly. no wonder the divorce rate in SG is so high.
what's the point of creating such a thread and to whine and cry? if we forumers ask u to give up ur wife and go back to chasing the girl whom u will nv get cuz she already made it clear to u that both of ur are impossible, will u really divorce ur wife???
can u please please wake up and dun add to the no. of divorce cases again?!?!?!
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Originally posted by playboy_1985:
so old liao and worst married liao still duno how to think properly. no wonder the divorce rate in SG is so high.
what's the point of creating such a thread and to whine and cry? if we forumers ask u to give up ur wife and go back to chasing the girl whom u will nv get cuz she already made it clear to u that both of ur are impossible, will u really divorce ur wife???
can u please please wake up and dun add to the no. of divorce cases again?!?!?!
Yo! you as a playboy should encourage him to go for it, howcome you ask him to be a goodboy instead.??It is not merely a matter of increasing divorce cases, there also a tremedous increase in living separately that ultimately hurt the childrens.
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There are times, wrong things happen at the wrong time. Cherish what you have.
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I think i can understand how u feel, the only diff is that she marriage with a daughter and I am single still. But if u look back and see it this way, u are bless to ever know such a wonder lady and had share part of u life with such a wonder lady. And u are now more lucky to know another wonder lady that share the remaining part of u life together which I am not bless yet.