Help Ah Ma: Friend Problem
-
i gt 4 frens, 2 girls , 2 boys...all of us were frens for >5 yrs...
2 girls - F1, F2
2 boys - M1, M2
F1 and M1 are bf and gf in the past..M1 and M2 are very gd friends..
F2 like M2 but M2 like F1.
recenly, M2 start to chase F1 with M1(F1's ex) 's help.
M2 another close friend is me.
F1 another close friend is me.
M2 tell me things , i canot tel F1.
F1 tell me things, I canot tell M2
Recenly, M2 tells F1 his feelings for her...but was rejected by him..
M2 v sad, thinkin that F1 still have feelings for M1 and he loves her very much..but cant win her heart...
he come to me telling me his feelings after F1 rejected him....
I was quite sad..cos i nv realy see a guy cry till lidat.... i told him time will heel.....and he said he cannot take it....I also quite stunned dono what to do leh...then i keep telling him dn be sad..love canot be forced....remain as friends is good wat......then also .maybe one day the girl will be moved by his sincerity...time will heel....etc
then he say he thinkin of leaving singapore to escape....(tao bi) cos he canot face her....the more he see her, the more he sad..........
for F1's side, she mentioned she has no feelings for M1 (her ex)...and think that she has tried to be wit M2 but rely no feelings...then she also quite down cos M2 like treat her quite bad recently (after she reject him)...like ignore her...lidat lor...
i rather sianz...i don realy wish to see all of them end up lidat...nw the F1 also nv tok to M2...........then i cant tell the both of them how each ot them feels...haiz...dono wat to do.........can help me??? -
hmmmmmmm.got to go back to school to study my alzebra.... let nature takes its course..i think M2 someday will reloase that love dont not means got to have her.... seeing her being happy is already enough
-
tats wat he says earlier b4 she reject him...Originally posted by sugardaddy:hmmmmmmm.got to go back to school to study my alzebra.... let nature takes its course..i think M2 someday will reloase that love dont not means got to have her.... seeing her being happy is already enough
bt nw he like rely canot take it...he realy cried leh...aiiyo...
-
relac ah ma...nothing much you can do...
-
yah lor lan lan lor..tis kinda ting i as outsider...canot do much to help..is depend on both of thmOriginally posted by sugardaddy:relac ah ma...nothing much you can do... -
maybe you can recommend an F3 for M2
-
nt a bad ideaOriginally posted by Wild_Cow:maybe you can recommend an F3 for M2
bt hor tis M2 rarely fall in luv..tink oni 1 time b4 this...go wher find F3 -
what a wimp. cry because of this? c'mon. TA BOR KIA, just learn to take whatever which comes your way.Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:tats wat he says earlier b4 she reject him...
bt nw he like rely canot take it...he realy cried leh...aiiyo... 
-
Maybe u could reveal M2 feelings to F1.... to let F1 know how much
M2 love her? And maybe this could move F1..... To give M2 one more chance.. As if this carry on... they may not be frens anymore..... -
-
Firstly, all of them are friends for many years already - this is a critical point to this case. F1 and M1 were ex before, for some reasons, they went separate ways. M2 falls in love with F1 and with M1 help...Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:i gt 4 frens, 2 girls , 2 boys...all of us were frens for >5 yrs...
2 girls - F1, F2
2 boys - M1, M2
F1 and M1 are bf and gf in the past..M1 and M2 are very gd friends..
F2 like M2 but M2 like F1.
recenly, M2 start to chase F1 with M1(F1's ex) 's help.
M2 another close friend is me.
F1 another close friend is me.
M2 tell me things , i canot tel F1.
F1 tell me things, I canot tell M2
Recenly, M2 tells F1 his feelings for her...but was rejected by him..
M2 v sad, thinkin that F1 still have feelings for M1 and he loves her very much..but cant win her heart...
he come to me telling me his feelings after F1 rejected him....
I was quite sad..cos i nv realy see a guy cry till lidat.... i told him time will heel.....and he said he cannot take it....I also quite stunned dono what to do leh...then i keep telling him dn be sad..love canot be forced....remain as friends is good wat......then also .maybe one day the girl will be moved by his sincerity...time will heel....etc
then he say he thinkin of leaving singapore to escape....(tao bi) cos he canot face her....the more he see her, the more he sad..........
for F1's side, she mentioned she has no feelings for M1 (her ex)...and think that she has tried to be wit M2 but rely no feelings...then she also quite down cos M2 like treat her quite bad recently (after she reject him)...like ignore her...lidat lor...
i rather sianz...i don realy wish to see all of them end up lidat...nw the F1 also nv tok to M2...........then i cant tell the both of them how each ot them feels...haiz...dono wat to do.........can help me???
The reason why M1 is doing that is because since its his ex and his good friend like her - as not to appear selfish and possessive and lame, he assisted - but who really knows what is going on behind the picture? I am *not* saying that he backstab M2, rather this assistance you people so *sure* it is helpful? - Many a times when it comes to chasing a woman, friends that intervene often creates hinder than help. Think about this: If you - XLN - were told by your ex that your Ex's good friend likes you. 97.35% you wouldn't have even thought of that idea of being together with his good friend, because your ex spoke to you not him.
*PLUS*: IMAGINE going out with her present bf and ex together... now thats suck. F1 rejected M2 on the basis on this point. Furthermore, think about this - if she has feeling for M2, she would have gone with him instead of M1 *OR* they would be together long ago and not wait until now.
XLN, you being the third party and if you wish to solve this problem - you need to let M2 *realise* - not just by saying - one thing: Many a times, friendship last longer than a relationship. If he wanna give up a proper friendship because he couldn't accept a rejection for F1 - then he would have lost more than he started with - a friendship. You need to convince him that and once he got hold of that thinking, plan a day when communication can take place between F1 and M2. The topic must involve him stating *strongly* that he rather be a good friend with her because the problem is that M2 is making things difficult and F1 cannot pei he. Since he started it - he must end it.
Forget about asking M1 to assist during this period. This is between the both of them F1 and M2 - asking a third party who is indirectly related to this situation will make matter worst.
Possible Complication Foresee: Never ask F2 to go for M2 at this period of time. M2 would likely to make her substitute if he accepted her. XLN, just tell him this phrase: 'When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but we often look so long at the close door that we failed to see the one that has been opened for us.' anything else that comes in the future, let nature takes it course.
Warning signs: M2 must not act strangely when F1 is around - instead he must learn to react normally like he would. If he needed time to cool down - this time taken he must Bu kan (zero view), bu ting (none of her voice), no jiang (zero speech). In short if he needed the break to crack open his confused mind, he shouldn't see her, shouldn't speak on the phone, shouldn't use irc/icq speak to her, etc for a period of time until when he feels that what he is doing is being silly - then he should get back to normal, followed by the communication plan to be taken from the above.
Cheers -
be adults, tell them to talk it out, no point avoiding, crying, feeling bad...Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:i gt 4 frens, 2 girls , 2 boys...all of us were frens for >5 yrs...
2 girls - F1, F2
2 boys - M1, M2
F1 and M1 are bf and gf in the past..M1 and M2 are very gd friends..
F2 like M2 but M2 like F1.
recenly, M2 start to chase F1 with M1(F1's ex) 's help.
M2 another close friend is me.
F1 another close friend is me.
M2 tell me things , i canot tel F1.
F1 tell me things, I canot tell M2
Recenly, M2 tells F1 his feelings for her...but was rejected by him..
M2 v sad, thinkin that F1 still have feelings for M1 and he loves her very much..but cant win her heart...
he come to me telling me his feelings after F1 rejected him....
I was quite sad..cos i nv realy see a guy cry till lidat.... i told him time will heel.....and he said he cannot take it....I also quite stunned dono what to do leh...then i keep telling him dn be sad..love canot be forced....remain as friends is good wat......then also .maybe one day the girl will be moved by his sincerity...time will heel....etc
then he say he thinkin of leaving singapore to escape....(tao bi) cos he canot face her....the more he see her, the more he sad..........
for F1's side, she mentioned she has no feelings for M1 (her ex)...and think that she has tried to be wit M2 but rely no feelings...then she also quite down cos M2 like treat her quite bad recently (after she reject him)...like ignore her...lidat lor...
i rather sianz...i don realy wish to see all of them end up lidat...nw the F1 also nv tok to M2...........then i cant tell the both of them how each ot them feels...haiz...dono wat to do.........can help me???
talk is the best
arrange a meeting for them, and leave them there.
if they're adults, something will resolve coz its not really that hard to settle between themselves. -
cannot chap lo.. tis kinda of syndrom wear will off soon.. with arrival of new F's ard him.. bless him!
-
HaizOriginally posted by Xiao Long Nu:i gt 4 frens, 2 girls , 2 boys...all of us were frens for >5 yrs...
2 girls - F1, F2
2 boys - M1, M2
F1 and M1 are bf and gf in the past..M1 and M2 are very gd friends..
F2 like M2 but M2 like F1.
recenly, M2 start to chase F1 with M1(F1's ex) 's help.
M2 another close friend is me.
F1 another close friend is me.
M2 tell me things , i canot tel F1.
F1 tell me things, I canot tell M2
Recenly, M2 tells F1 his feelings for her...but was rejected by him..
M2 v sad, thinkin that F1 still have feelings for M1 and he loves her very much..but cant win her heart...
he come to me telling me his feelings after F1 rejected him....
I was quite sad..cos i nv realy see a guy cry till lidat.... i told him time will heel.....and he said he cannot take it....I also quite stunned dono what to do leh...then i keep telling him dn be sad..love canot be forced....remain as friends is good wat......then also .maybe one day the girl will be moved by his sincerity...time will heel....etc
then he say he thinkin of leaving singapore to escape....(tao bi) cos he canot face her....the more he see her, the more he sad..........
for F1's side, she mentioned she has no feelings for M1 (her ex)...and think that she has tried to be wit M2 but rely no feelings...then she also quite down cos M2 like treat her quite bad recently (after she reject him)...like ignore her...lidat lor...
i rather sianz...i don realy wish to see all of them end up lidat...nw the F1 also nv tok to M2...........then i cant tell the both of them how each ot them feels...haiz...dono wat to do.........can help me??? -
-
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Firstly, all of them are friends for many years already - this is a critical point to this case. F1 and M1 were ex before, for some reasons, they went separate ways. M2 falls in love with F1 and with M1 help...
yah..
The reason why M1 is doing that is because since its his ex and his good friend like her - as not to appear selfish and possessive and lame, he assisted - but who really knows what is going on behind the picture? I am *not* saying that he backstab M2, rather this assistance you people so *sure* it is helpful?
[b] actualy this M1 is v helpful guy...and he is also like flirting around sometimes..treats girls v nice...this F1 his ex used to be quite plumb...when they r together ...(and i wondered if its the reason y they broke as alot of friends was pointin and saying they r nt compatible and ppl sees M1 is only using F1 for her homework, studies and knowledge when we were in sch last time...i do suspect so due to M1 broke up with F1 after exams..)and they become friends back because of me keep asking them out etc.
After 1 yr plus...this F1 slim down alot...and look v pretty now...then last few months M1 then dated F1 out for movies...and most of the times with M2 together.. (i guess this is how M2 start to fall for F1)...Actualy i thought M1 wanted to be with F1 back but i was wrong when i know that its actualy M2 who wants to be with F1. but sometimes from the way i see...F1, i feel the one she like is still M1... (It might be becos of M1 she lost so much weight...she don like exercise....she dn eat...oni eat a meal a day..)...
- Many a times when it comes to chasing a woman, friends that intervene often creates hinder than help. Yesh...it does hinder...when M1 is around..can see that M2 don realy dare to action..and M2 did suspect F1 still like M1 and keep trying to test water like testing if she stil likes M1..this aso can see how M2's little confidence...
Think about this: If you - XLN - were told by your ex that your Ex's good friend likes you. 97.35% you wouldn't have even thought of that idea of being together with his good friend, because your ex spoke to you not him. yah.....nv thought of tis...
*PLUS*: IMAGINE going out with her present bf and ex together... now thats suck. F1 rejected M2 on the basis on this point. Furthermore, think about this - if she has feeling for M2, she would have gone with him instead of M1 *OR* they would be together long ago and not wait until now. mostly the 3 of them go out together...
XLN, you being the third party and if you wish to solve this problem - you need to let M2 *realise* - not just by saying - one thing: Many a times, friendship last longer than a relationship. If he wanna give up a proper friendship because he couldn't accept a rejection for F1 - then he would have lost more than he started with - a friendship. You need to convince him that and once he got hold of that thinking, plan a day when communication can take place between F1 and M2. i told him many times...friendship is longer than relationship...time will heel....bt he still v sad...n refuse to listen to me...sayin he canot do it.........
The topic must involve him stating *strongly* that he rather be a good friend with her because the problem is that M2 is making things difficult and F1 cannot pei he. Since he started it - he must end it.
Forget about asking M1 to assist during this period. This is between the both of them F1 and M2 - asking a third party who is indirectly related to this situation will make matter worst. i agree that M1 is a big hinder....but i find that M1 has a way to make F1 say more to him.....than what F1 told me.....he has a way with girls...i was thinkin if M1 really wan F1 to be with him again....M2 will be greatly hurt...as I sense that F1 still likes M1....
Possible Complication Foresee: Never ask F2 to go for M2 at this period of time. M2 would likely to make her substitute if he accepted her. XLN, just tell him this phrase: 'When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but we often look so long at the close door that we failed to see the one that has been opened for us.' anything else that comes in the future, let nature takes it course. i tink M2 wont go for F2 as substitute...as he oni likes F1 ...i did told him that in a jungle,, there r many trees....
Warning signs: M2 must not act strangely when F1 is around - instead he must learn to react normally like he would. If he needed time to cool down - this time taken he must Bu kan (zero view), bu ting (none of her voice), no jiang (zero speech). In short if he needed the break to crack open his confused mind, he shouldn't see her, shouldn't speak on the phone, shouldn't use irc/icq speak to her, etc for a period of time until when he feels that what he is doing is being silly - then he should get back to normal, followed by the communication plan to be taken from the above. M2 very weird....he totally ignore F1 ....after she reject him.....i dono leh....issit really v hard to face her....i think he jus canot take it lor...haiz.....then he these few days torturing himself...dn wana eat...jus keep himself in room....i scolded him lor...say wats the use...haiz. 
Cheers[/b][/quote]
Wow rely thanks alot for your reply.. 
-
1st of all m2 is nt willing to face the truth he nt willing to admit his defeat. . .
i guess the best tin is to ask F1 go tell him honest hw she feel & tell him she dun hv feeling 4 herx. if not tis m2 will hv tis mindset dat he actually lose to m1.
erm ah ma it always like dat when it cum to luv. . .dat nutin u can do but only to let tin slowly heal back. . .time is the best medic. . .
they can save back tis frenship when only m2 is willing to face the truth n accept it. but it tk time.
meanwhile u muz ask ur fren F1 nt to misled him -
F3 is that chopper weilding ah maOriginally posted by Xiao Long Nu:nt a bad idea
bt hor tis M2 rarely fall in luv..tink oni 1 time b4 this...go wher find F3
i better start running -
Some rather contradictory points made by your friend M2....if he intends to move the girl by his sincereity and what not, and now the gal F1 says that he treats her quite badly......it seems to me more of a chase of inflatuation and sour grapes rather than true love.Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:i gt 4 frens, 2 girls , 2 boys...all of us were frens for >5 yrs...
2 girls - F1, F2
2 boys - M1, M2
F1 and M1 are bf and gf in the past..M1 and M2 are very gd friends..
F2 like M2 but M2 like F1.
recenly, M2 start to chase F1 with M1(F1's ex) 's help.
M2 another close friend is me.
F1 another close friend is me.
M2 tell me things , i canot tel F1.
F1 tell me things, I canot tell M2
Recenly, M2 tells F1 his feelings for her...but was rejected by him..
M2 v sad, thinkin that F1 still have feelings for M1 and he loves her very much..but cant win her heart...
he come to me telling me his feelings after F1 rejected him....
I was quite sad..cos i nv realy see a guy cry till lidat.... i told him time will heel.....and he said he cannot take it....I also quite stunned dono what to do leh...then i keep telling him dn be sad..love canot be forced....remain as friends is good wat......then also .maybe one day the girl will be moved by his sincerity...time will heel....etc
then he say he thinkin of leaving singapore to escape....(tao bi) cos he canot face her....the more he see her, the more he sad..........
for F1's side, she mentioned she has no feelings for M1 (her ex)...and think that she has tried to be wit M2 but rely no feelings...then she also quite down cos M2 like treat her quite bad recently (after she reject him)...like ignore her...lidat lor...
Let him be at his own devices. No pint letting yourself wore down by emotional parasites. He does not love her truly anyway.
{BTW it is a wrong assumption to make that guys can't cry easily...some are oscar winners in such stuff} -
i think that M2 is very sad and stuborn ...
he should have continued the friendship with F1 even though they can't be in a relationship..
if he thinks that what he's doing right now is correct by ignoring her, he will make f1 sad also.. -
i do nothing...........lor.........dono hw to help aso..watever i do may cause more trouble aso
-
Just dun do anything, else u might make things worse.
Nature is veri fair...it will work things out eventually. 
-
some updates..i guess M2 is ok nw...cos these few days he gt ask me out for bowling sessions / dinner / movies........shows tat he's ok liaoz...bt i no time leh..haven met him for any yet...
-
c, nature takes its course...Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:some updates..i guess M2 is ok nw...cos these few days he gt ask me out for bowling sessions / dinner / movies........shows tat he's ok liaoz...bt i no time leh..haven met him for any yet... 
-
ahahahahahaha ask u out so many times not even go with him once ahahahahahahaOriginally posted by Xiao Long Nu:some updates..i guess M2 is ok nw...cos these few days he gt ask me out for bowling sessions / dinner / movies........shows tat he's ok liaoz...bt i no time leh..haven met him for any yet... maybe he wants someone to talk to in person